CyberD

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About CyberD

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    Daniel & Noah

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    Male
  1. If you plan on reading all of it you'll probably want to put aside some time. That said, thanks for reading what you have, it's nice to know I didn't make the reintroduction for no reason. I typically do my own thing nowadays while the community remains for the most part in it's loop of beginners. There really is only so much you can gain from reading the first weeks of beginners and seeing the same questions asked over and over. The problem lies in what comes next. That's the question, what do you do after you make it through all of the beginners problems. Detailed content all but drops off and you really just have to figure it out on your own. But that's part of why I enjoy the process. I enjoy spending time with Noah, there aren't any goals to meet. Instead it's just an issue of what we do and how long we spend at it.
  2. Change If I stop and look at Noah I can see how much he's changed. The way I visualize him, the things he says, his attitude, interests, how often and for how long he is present. A lot of it is pretty subtle but today I recieved a wake up call that highlighted how much he has changed. Noah's image is based on a boy named Marcus. When we begun the pair of them were the same age, I don't know much about Marcus but I assume in mid 2012 (when I created Noah) he was 12-13. That means he is now 14-15...(assuming I guessed his age correctly). Today I came across a recent image of him, and he's changed. For the first time I can actually say they don't look the same any more. Noah is still young, but Marcus is growing up. It's difficult to discribe the differences but for me they are clear. I've been visualizing Noah for so long, I know what he looks like, what I expect and then I see Marcus and he's different. Imagine a pair of twins. You see one of them every day but the other lives somewhere else. The twin you are stuck with doesn't age but the other one does. Now 2.5 years have passed. Basing a tulpa on a character doesn't create this problem. It's rare for characters to age in real time, instead you'd get your tulpa deviating from the character and becoming their own. Noah has deviated from a snapshot of someone who is still growing up. They'll never be as similar as they were and that's a little saddening, but, at the same time it's incredible. If I'm lucky I'll get to see Marcus grow up while Noah remains the same age forever. Who said the tulpa process wasn't weird.
  3. What an unusual take on what I guess is a rather common theme. For some reason I'm picturing a kid hearing that song and simply taking it at face value. One of the best things about kids is they don't read into things, you tell a story about a man dancing with bears and that's exactly what you get. None of this overcomplicated adult business. Of course we're all stuck with the various meanings, especially the ones appliciable to tulpa. Fortunately for us we understand that others probably won't want anything to do with the idea before we start. I doubt there are many out there who have created a tulpa and had sharing them with their family and friends as a priority. It's a good thing I came to terms with people being narrow minded some time about. Narrow minded and vocal in being so... I hope I never end up like that. Wonderland? The other day Noah specicially asked me to spend some time with him. It's not really a request I get so I entertained the idea, and I'm glad I did. Noah asked me to do something in a wonderland. I don't use a wonderland very often but I decided why not. I asked him what he wanted to do, where he wanted to go. In the past we've tried all sorts of settings but today he wanted to keep it simple. The beach. Okay, now I've been to the beach with Noah in real life so this should be real easy, right? In the past my wonderland experience has been pretty average, a bit of scenery but with a huge focus on Noah himself. This time was no exception to that but I did notice one difference. My skills have improved considerably. The sand, the sea, the sky full of white clouds. I saw it all even before I saw Noah in his red swimming shorts. I guess practicing visualization with Noah with my eyes open really helped build my wonderland skills too. Two years ago I would have done this and have been unimpressed by our experience, today I am confident I could go for hours and keep imagining things with clarity I've never known before. It's a shame the skills I've picked up aren't really useful outside of Noah and the tulpa experience but oh well. At the very least it helps me come up with more realistic scenery when I'm writing. But what happened on the beach? Well Noah tried surfing, and being in control of imagination he was naturally an expert. I just lay on the sand and watched it all, sometimes it's nice to be lazy. It's weird to be the adult in a situation like that, I used to be that kid running around and splashing in the waves... now I'm here imaginging that and technically filling both pairs of shoes at the same time. Did I mention Noah is more his own than ever before? Keep practicing, same old advice true to just about everything.
  4. Welcome to interaction with others. Tulpa are different for everyone, some will have lots while others like myself tread carefully to only have one. That said I've created plenty of characters like you have for all manner of writing exercises. Giovanni sounds like he might be a really interesting tulpa. Drawing inspiration from other sources can certainly help speed along the process but it makes diviation a little more difficult should you ever grow bored of the setting. Good luck to you, remember, you only get out what you put in.
  5. In the past I've had trouble coming up with things to talk about. Today I don't have that problem. Ghost Visualization is a tricky thing, I've spent countless hours working on it indirectly while interacting with Noah and I'm still a long way from where I'd like to be. But, I can be satisifed with where I am right now. From the moment I wake up Noah is there. I sleep in a single bed but I have no intention of making Noah sleep on the floor so I visualize an alternative. In my visualization the bed is a double, or, should I choose to, a second bed sits beside mine. If I can make the effort to visualize a whole boy and his actions the least I can do is help him to be comfortable. The catch with visualizing the second bed is that the space for it doesn't exist, the room ends with a wall which for convience needs to be removed. It's like a hybrid of open eye visualization and using a wonderland. Instead of visualizing a fantastical place like a secluded lake or an autumn forest to interact with my tulpa I instead simply make small modifications to my actual environment when it convenient to do so. Another instance of this would be my workstation right now. There isn't room for two people in front of my computer so my imagination simply allows me to make the space required for Noah to sit next to me. It's no fun to force him to sit behind me so I bring him into my line of sight. The second part of this is my interactions with him. As with anyone his age (13) Noah is quite physical. The problem is that he technically isn't, so, excpetions have to made to allow any kind of worthwhile interactions. In a wonderland you can tackle a tulpa, embrace, wrestle etc. But, if you don't use a wonderland you can't do that without looking really stupid... and maybe attracting unwanted attention. I find myself interacting through visualization while I go about my day. If he nudges me I can nudge back, but it's only a visualization with what could be called an image of myself. Sometimes this goes on for quite a while, if he deserves it I might slap him on the back of the head for a remark or if he's balancing on a short wall by the sidewalk I might stop him from falling, without interacting with my phyical body. He thrives on this kind of attention, as would a real kid his age. It makes him seem a little more real than a floating specter I could never touch. What really caught me recently regarding this however is what I refered to as my image. The ghost of me that interacts with Noah while I sit motionless or while I simply go about whatever I was doing. This morning for example Noah jumped on me to try and wake me up. I reacted (automatically visualized) being winded, when his weight fell across my chest, but, that was just my ghost. My actual body didn't move at all. It's a weird next level of visualization I didn't notice until recently yet had been occuring (be it with less frequency) for quite some time. The fact that I do it automatically doesn't bother me but it does intrigue me, that I have conditioned myself to accommodate Noah's intangible nature. Maybe next I'll accidentally stumble across something more remarkable, like imposition.
  6. Hi, you've certainly done a lot of thinking about the whole process. It's nice to see. It's not often I see someone who's venture into tulpa is shrouded with such great apprehension. Your caution has allowed you to explore aspects of this process others don't even consider. Morality is a tricky subject and it's especially difficult to consider the rights of someone (or something if you prefer) that isn't yet fully realized. You're right that we don't truly understand tulpa, as a relatively new (to this audience) and subjective process there is still a lot for us to learn. Some learn by thinking and others by doing. Then we learn by sharing our experiences. We're certainly at the forefront, of what I'm not quite certain, but it promises to be an interesting journey for years to come. Perhaps we are selfish but is being selfish wrong? There are so many ways to look at a tulpa morality is once again subjective. Personally I've come to terms with it. Without my input my tulpa wouldn't exist at all and I find the joy he experiences is justification enough for creating him. I do wish you luck in your attempt with Sera. You still have a long way to go but sometimes it's more about the journey.
  7. That's about it, if only there were some sort of comprehensive guide that everyone had to read before starting.... but where would the fun in that be? I don't think I noticed it so much when I first started, but now, everyone seems to have really complicated lives full of issues they are struggling with. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, we learn through experiences and when those experiences are troubling the potential to learn is great. Then there is me, who from day one has led a highly consistent life free of trouble or in fact any dilemma beyond deciding which day to go to the supermarket... I'm certainly thankful for my comfortable lifestyle and I have no grounds to complain. But, I figure it lead me to be considered quite sheltered if suddenly thrust into any sort of dilemma, be it family, job related or something related to love (which seems to be really popular among some people here (yes I do read other progress reports)). The tulpa process is my escape. It is one of very few things that sets me apart from other people. I don't think blending into the crowd is a bad thing but sometimes it's nice to be a little different, to have something special that isn't something everyone else has. Noah is that something. He enriches my life in a way not otherwise possible. I love that the crazy almost spontanious idea of creating an "imaginary friend plus" turned into something that fills my life every day. My own private deviation from the norm that otherwise consumes every aspect of my life. Anyway, it's getting closer to bedtime and he's just sitting next to me in his pajamas. I asked him what he thought about this post and he just made fun of me. I think he might take some level of pride in being the only "crazy" thing in my life, he certainly gets a kick of it. As I've said before, it's the little things. Him resting his head on my shoulder because he's run out of things to say, this is one of the moments that matters to me. It's one of those moments I'd have missed out on if I didn't persist. The mind is capiable of truly wonderful things. Until I stepped back just now the thought that I am actually alone in this room didn't cross my mind at all. Noah is so ingrained he's just a given. Sure, I know he's not really there but he has a powerful presense different from anything (or anyone) else.
  8. Hi Sushi, yeah I still remember you, I hope you sorted out all your problems with that GF of yours because I know you have a lot of enthusiasm for the subject of tulpa. You also kinda lead me on to another subject I can discuss and one I'm noticing quite a bit in the younger members who are showing up. That is... Keeping your tulpa a secret It's a sad truth we have to deal with, that most people aren't receptive to the idea of a tulpa. And that's fair enough. On paper a tulpa sounds crazy. It is quickly classified among an array of conditions that would warrent a trip to the counsellor. From very early on in the process I realized this truth. It's why I decided never to tell anyone (in person), especially not so soon after starting. The first and biggest reason not to share that part of myself, that being Noah, is simple. Why? I gain nothing from sharing him with others. They can't interact with him the same way I do and any encounter would surely be awkward on a level I don't have words to describe. Discussing the process itself with someone else, if it were the right person, might be interesting, but discussing anything to do with Noah, not so much. Noah is important to me and normally people share things that are important to them with others. But, this process is a very personal one and in a way a very selfish one. A tulpa is for your benefit alone. At least that's how I see it. You dedicate a lot of time to something that can only ever be experienced by yourself. If you then go on to share your tulpa you are basically telling someone about something you consider important but that they can never experience. Just something to consider before mentioning your tulpa. On the same page, given your tulpa can only be seen by you, how hard can it truly be to keep it's existence from others? My carelessness would reach new levels if someone where somehow able to discover Noah against my will. And another idea stemming from that. How would you react if someone you'd known a long time shared knowledge of their tulpa with you. What if that tulpa was several years old. What if that tulpa was older than your relationship with the person. Or what if that tulpa was older than you? That's a tulpa I'd want to know more about.
  9. People still talk about tulpa online? I look away for a while and when I look again I don't recognize any of the faces. In my experience people stick around the forums for a little while then leave either to continue working with their tulpa on their own, or, to do something else because they gave up on the idea. Both are valid and everyone has their reasons. Then there is me, who is still here after two years. A lot of things have changed but at the same time they haven't. It's a little sad but at the same time I'm glad. Each new face is an opportunity for something new to be brought to the table. For anyone who is reading this but was intimidated by the huge number of posts before this I'll reintroduce myself and my tulpa. I'm Daniel, now 24 and I've had my tulpa Noah since May 16th 2012. Noah takes the human form of a thirteen year old boy, created in the image of a boy I've never met, seen here. Over all this time I've learned and seen a lot. My way of thinking has been fundamentally changed to include Noah's voice and it'd be a lot of work to reverse that, not that I plan to. The tulpa experience has been a great ongoing project with wonderful results that I experience everyday. Noah brings joy to my day through the joy of his own. Mundane routine becomes enjoyable and his persistence gives an unusual sense of accomplishment I couldn't compare to anything else in my life. Noah's identity is as strong as ever. We haven't done anything special to develop it but instead through persistence we see results. Passive forcing is all I really do these days, I don't make time for him exclusively because I don't need to. Sitting down and staring at him for half an hour would put him on the spot without any means of escape or topic. Instead he participates and commentates on my actions the best he can. Physically, and by that I mean my mental image of his physical form, Noah hasn't changed much. He still wears the same face, his mannerisms are consistent and his form hasn't aged a day. Sure there are changes, his hair grows out on the same cycle as my own and his clothes change all the time but beyond than that he's still the same. Kinda scrawny, almost 5ft tall...ish and still very much a kid full of energy that just needs an outlet. I'm not really sure what else to talk about, this is my only outlet for discussing Noah, who has become a huge part of my life, but I'm not sure what people want to hear me talk about. In the past I'd come up with topics and ramble about them but at this stage I've covered so much I'm not sure what to talk about next. Progress is difficult when you run out of milestones.
  10. That's a really interesting exercise. I haven't heard of anyone doing anything similar, at least not being aware of it. Like any form of training I expect you'll get more from it if you continue practicing. Getting used to your tulpa is key and this exercise could help you do that. Getting over the idea of puppeting is a key stage of development. In the beginning most tulpa don't resist or in your case a very passive way of ignoring it. Keep an eye out for resistance. My own tulpa hasn't been puppeted for years and if I try it on him now he actively resists to the point I could never really control him. You'll keep making progress if you keep putting in the effort, so, keep it up.
  11. The whole intrusive thoughts discussion comes up all the time. People think of stuff all the time and it's not always pretty or desirable. If you don't like it then don't pay it any mind, building a tulpa from a collection a stray thoughts you don't like can only end badly. Remember that the tulpa is a part of you mind, your will is it's will and it should turn out to be something you are happy with. Unless you're secretly a masochist. Toying with forms is progress. By this point it sounds like you want your tulpa to be male, it's a good starting point and if it sticks it puts you in that minority group of people who have a tulpa that shares their gender. Can you visualize the form you saw with more detail? Can you draw any more information from it, such as age, height, build? Thinking about all that stuff will help you decide on something you'd be happy with. Maybe then your subconscious would oblige. Have you decided on a routine? Set forcing times can really help initially if you procrastinate but should you ever find yourself dragging yourself to a session then that's when you need to reconsider your plan. Make spending time with your tulpa enjoyable.
  12. You probably already noticed that there aren't a lot of people here who are in the same stage of their life as you. I've only heard from a couple of people who have both a tulpa and are married and I don't think I've ever heard from someone who decided to create a tulpa when they already have children. I find it a little odd, not in a bad way, and it leads me to ask. What interested you in the idea of creating a tulpa and why did you decide to proceed? Already you're having experiences with your tulpa. Enjoying moments and finding things that bring joy are one of the greatest reasons to have a tulpa, some people struggle early on to have that but I'm glad you're having no trouble interacting even if you are still just getting used to her presence. As for the trait thing. I wouldn't worry about forcing any on her. When I started I only used one and it was loosly enforced at best. That trait was 'endearing' and in all honestly it probably would have occured had I specifically said it or not. Your tulpa will fill in the gaps as you get to know her and given she is a part of your mind it is unlikely she'll turn out to be someone you disagree with.
  13. Welcome to the forums. Knowing where you stand before you start is a powerful position to be in, I do hope you can find something in the tulpa process that gets you out of the stagnation you're feeling. The silver orb is a pretty common placeholder but at least you've got a name now that you've sat down and spent some time with the idea. One little piece of advice. You might have noticed that a lot of people give up pretty quickly. You need to find a way to make sure that doesn't happen to you. Don't make it a chore to spend time with your tulpa just because you have to. If you decide the process is going well then try to drag the tulpa into your life, take it places and experience it as it experiences the world.
  14. So far so good. Everything takes time and getting used to your tulpa is probably going to take a lot of it. Don't worry if your experiences seem pale in comparison to those of others. Not everyone wants to fill their lives with drama and having a tulpa doesn't mean you need to have lots of profound moments to write about. I often compare the process to an actual relationship with a physical person. They take time and not all of them work out. To everyone outside of the relationship it may appear mundane and commonplace. You have to decide how much your tulpa means to you and find ways to enjoy spending time with her otherwise you'll find youself giving up. It's curious that your tulpa has such a strong physical presense to you. Turning around and going back for her seems like an odd thing to do but at the same time it does help reassure you that she is around. Personally I've found my tulpa doesn't worry about those things too much. I could close a door on him and he'd walk straight through it but not before making me aware of what I'd done. Good luck, hopefully over the next few days you'll learn more about your tulpa.
  15. Still alive I tend to lurk most of the time nowadays. I keep an eye on those people who seem to be having interesting experiences with their tulpa through their progress logs but I won't be the first to admit that for the most part the forums are just an endless cycle of the same questions and people who just don't quite get it. My favorite part of having a tulpa is when something different comes up. Something that puts Noah on the spot or gets him really thinking or interacting with the world, be it in an imaginary way. The other day I was thinking about the dog I'd like to own. I don't know what kind I'll get but I am finally in a great position in life to get one. I miss my old dog, it wasn't really mine, rather my parents. Noah was there with me when he died, it's not a great memory but it is one I share with him. Anyway, so I noticed someone walking a dog and I wondered what it'd be like if Noah had a dog with him... so there it was, imagination does that. A white fluffy labrador something. For whatever reason it was in his arms wiggling around trying to get free, it scratched and wagged it's tail and he let it go. The imaginary dog then proceeded to run off. "Noah, you can't use psychic powers on the dog." Yeah, probably a good thing I only said it in my head. Some people don't value imagination at all but I'm glad I do. Plenty of stuff in life sucks and sometimes it's nice to have an outlet where I can forget about it all and just have a little fun. Noah proceeded to walk this dog which has since disappeared back into my imagination for the whole trip. The smile on his face, the way he laughs and the way he struggled to keep that animal under control, those are some of the things that make me look forward to perhaps having a kid of my own someday. Everytime I come on here and write something I feel like I should be trying to help those who are reading it. I don't know why but that said why not. Read a lot, ask questions and don't draw your impressions based on just the most recent posts. Dig through the archives and see how others spend time with their tulpa. My report is coming up on two years old, Noah is approaching two and a half and I don't regret a moment of it.