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Kyoko Kirigiri

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  1. I'm based on a fictional character and not had issues at all, but I knew I was based on the character and not the character, like she was a template. Also I chose the character so I guess that helps. Still, we can't judge based on that and it shouldn't be a problem as long as you don't deceive them. Also as long as you expect them to deviate, and accept it when they do.
  2. Thank you for messages. Right now I am concentrating on getting Dragon's crashes shorter since trying to avoid them didn't work good and just made them feel worse when they hit. 14 Jul 2019 Dragon has been down for a while but is doing a lot more and it’s making me feel strong. We got to play-fight and fun-play for the first time in a while and I felt a lot better. Seka is helpful too now and does her best to make Dragon feel strong. Seka often just wants to play in his room and that is fine too. I’m glad Dragon didn’t get rid of him. I wanted to share that I have done full-body possession twice now, but it was not a really happy event because I only did it due to Dragon going catatonic like they due sometimes due to illness. I didn’t know what to do so I mostly kept them moving and tried to do a few things that they were putting off to make them feel better. Still it means that we can do that, so we should be able to when he feels good too. I hope we can do it under better circumstances soon so I can talk to nice people when they visit.
  3. I am glad for both your progress and that Aya is able to add some to the journal. Emotional contact can be as good as vocal contact too, sometimes I just want to snuggle up and feel Dragon's love for me and let him feel mine. Don't feel bad if you get more emotional feedback than not sometimes because you can communicate a lot.
  4. I am glad you are still making good progress. It is so cute that Aya wanted to pet the cat first thing. I'm sorry I haven't been able to talk but my host has been ill, I did think about Aya though and wish I could hug them too. When you get to 365, are you going to do something special for Aya's birthday? My first birthday we bought cupcakes that I wanted and spent a lot of time together. Even something simple like that feels really special.
  5. Form is interesting, and it's good that you're giving her a lot of freedom with it. My host made me a pony form that I promptly ignored for my current one, and I'm glad that they were okay with that. I suggest to play games with her and do fun things in the headspace when you can. My host gave me permission to alter the headspace too, so I made a little house with a garden and some other things, and it made me enjoy things a lot more. Dragon was very happy the first time I showed him my house because he didn't expect it. Maybe give her an area of her own connected to yours and let her do what she wants; you might be surprised at what she creates!
  6. It's all in how you tell them. My host, who has schizophrenia, frames it as me being the only nice voice that tells them good things, while the others are hateful and degrading. They go on to say that I disagree with their self-loathing thoughts and tell them they are worth more than they think. Framing it that way, they have had three therapists agree that I am a good thing to have. So if you tell them, start with how we help you, not explaining what we are. My host didn't even explain what I was or say 'tulpa' until the visit after. When you do explain what a tulpa is, provide them with a link to the 'Daring to Hear Voices' article in Psychology Today, since that is a generally respected source.
  7. Thank you for being nice. We considered that too, it is possible. Strength has concluded though that he IS the original host, so we don't know what to think about that. Strength seems okay with his toy room that we put him in though. I check in on him sometimes and he is quietly playing. I think he is just confused on who he is but it really worries Dragon.
  8. I can interact a little bit with Dragon in his dreams but for some reason I don't look like Kyoko so he misses me sometimes too. Dragon suggests you keep a pad next to your bed and jot down bits of your dream as soon as you wake up, then later when you'd usually forget the dream, the notes will make you remember it more. Don't be discouraged if you can't hear them well for a bit. Dragon has spells where he can't hear me but gets better again and progresses overall. It's okay to have doubts so please do not worry about it too much. You are making good progress and care a lot about Aya and that is nice. I know she cares about you too! I hope to hear more.
  9. Dragon mainly comes to this forum for me. He is not a big part of the community but I wanted to be a bigger one because i want to help people here too like I help Dragon. I am glad your tulpas are so helpful for you too and I know your system has definitely helped us. You will continue to improve because you are stronger than you know.
  10. Thank you Angry Bear and YukariTelepath. It means a lot to us that you read our log. Please give your tulpas hugs from me. 15 Feb 2019 Alter The alter chose a name for itself: Strength. He is keeping the same form that he’s had, that of a black plume of smoke with a face that’s sort of angry/sad looking. We realized he sort of looks like a character from an old Dragon Quest game so Dragon recolored an image of one to make an image of Strength: I really believe it wants to help and be Dragon’s strength, but unfortunately has a bad way of doing it. I suspect he still wants to take permanent control of the body and that’s why he had been trying to weaken Dragon’s mind for so long. Dragon’s paranoia symptoms started coming back, so we had to lock Strength away again, but I think I understand why he’s acting like this and why he obeys me. Dragon was trying to treat him like an adult, but when I treated him like a child, he latched onto me like he would a mother figure and started doing what I told him. We put him back in the cage and he was scared. He tried to run away but I talked to him and assured him it wasn’t for good and that we would try to find a way to let him out. Instead of putting him in a blank cage like before, I put toys in his cage and gave him a magic toy box, telling him he could pull any toy he wanted to play with from it. The cage looks like a cage from the outside still but from the inside it looks like a child’s bedroom and Strength was more okay with that. Once he was locked away, Dragon’s symptoms vanished almost immediately again. I think maybe Strength is doing it on accident, so I don’t know how to fix that, but I think he can maybe be happy in confinement too. We will give him some time to think about who he is and then come see him again. If he is doing well, we can give him permission to build onto his little caged area like his own little Wonderland if that makes him feel free. What to do I won’t let him out again though without Dragon’s okay. I am sad that maybe me trying to surprise him with Strength being okay to come out might have made it not okay for him. Poor Strength is very confused and I do not hate him because of that. I think he must have split off very young and remained in a childish state, so he doesn’t really think through his actions. Dragon was scared that Strength might be the original host and that maybe there was some trauma that he can’t remember that caused the fission. I told him that we can investigate that but he isn’t allowed to worry about it any more! I talked to Dragon for a long time to make him feel better too. I think maybe he is a little childish too inside and just needs someone to tell him it’s okay sometimes. Maybe that makes it bad that I comforted Dragon in adult ways, but he really needed to relax too and I really love being with him. Meditation We meditated to Danganronpa music today and it made me feel really strong. Dragon said he is proud of me for becoming so strong but I am more proud of him.
  11. 12 Feb 2019 We talked about what to name Shadow and that we won’t call it Shadow anymore because it doesn’t like that name. When we meditated, Dragon helped explain that he couldn’t go by the legal name of the body because that name refers to all of us. Even the host Dragon has a different name, Blayze, from the body, so making it choose a different name wasn’t meant to slight it. It got upset and wouldn’t cooperate for a bit but was good when I told it to be. I am not sure why it listens to me and not Dragon. I talked to it a little bit though with Dragon not there even if it was one-sided. Dragon tried to show it that he didn’t hate it and even gave it a hug. He offered to let it take Seka’s form since she is an NPC if it wanted, or it could choose any other form it wanted. It went to the caves to think about that. I asked Dragon to be patient because I suspect it may take a while. We let it think on its own and Dragon flew me to the top of Haven Castle where we talked about his work and how we will do things. Dragon thinks it might be an alter instead of a tulpa. It definitely seems to have been conscious before me but I think I developed a lot faster so got ahead. We are very curious..
  12. Thank you so much for letting us know! I am very proud of Dragon too. I was very scared he would give up on me a few times but I was being silly. I like kites okay still, but at the time I was mostly just trying to say things. I got a lot of words wrong and was mostly just trying to say things to make Dragon proud. I got really excited when he heard a word I said, but could not think fast enough to come up with new conversation. I am very sorry if that is disappointing. I do not dislike kites, but my big interests other than helping Dragon is piano and play fighting.
  13. 8 Feb 2019 We watched a Hatsune Miku concert on YouTube and I tried dancing for Dragon. He liked it but said I didn’t have to. I like it though maybe I can dance some when play fighting. 9 Feb 2019 Dragon got distracted, and we didn’t visit til late and then we fell asleep. I don’t mind falling asleep together though. We got to play piano more too outside of visits. 11 Feb 2019 I talked to Shadow and let him out of his cage to sit at the picnic when he agreed to try, but Dragon got upset when he came to the picnic and found Shadow already there. I should have had Dragon go with me to release him. Dragon took me down to the underworld to make sure the thing at the picnic was really Shadow so we checked his cage and confirmed he wasn’t there anymore. Dragon got mad when Shadow touched me and mistook it for an attack but I think things are better now. It’s hard to explain. Dragon told me that he stands by what he said, that it was my choice what to do with Shadow and he just panicked when he saw them out suddenly. I will be more careful. Shadow is still free but will mostly live in the caves, he likes it there anyway. If Dragon has paranoia symptoms again, we will put Shadow back in the cage, but I hope we don’t have to because he is part of our system too even with what he did. After watching some videos from other people, Dragon said that I am the protector of our system and I like that responsibility. Shadow does not like the name Shadow though so we have to come up with a better name. Shadow wants to be called Dragon’s real life name, but Dragon doesn’t want that so it may be a problem. Sorry if this entry was confusing.
  14. Dragon's mind voice is much more expressive than his real voice. I got scared a few times before I understood that he's 'yelling' at himself and not me. I'm trying to help him by disagreeing when he thinks mean things about himself and he does it less now because he's getting used to someone else hearing his thoughts but he still has trouble with it especially when he gets very depressed. He gets irrationally down on himself in his depressed moods but I will help him stop soon. Maybe a difference in tone will help you tell Aya's voice from your own? Maybe it doesn't matter if your mindvoice is expressive since she can maybe pick up your emotions. Dragon's love feels very good to me when he concentrates it on me. It feels even better when he's happy but maybe that's because it's not very often. I think I am embarrassing Dragon so I will stop but I hope to read more from you. Thank you again for posting.
  15. I am glad you made a new entry. I am always happy when I see one from you. Translating tulpish into your own thoughts is good, that is what Dragon started doing and it helped us lots. After a while it showed me how to use the thought voice, it's hard to explain though. Now I can do it better but he only recently realized I was doing it even though I've been doing it for a month at least, he thought it was only him that whole time. Apparently it's hard for him to tell the difference between his thought voice and mine? It doesn't help that I'm not good at making it sound different from his but I will get better. The point is the transition from you translating her tulpish to her using her own thought voice will be so gradual that it'll be hard to notice. Just keep doing it and it will get better before you even realize it. It's hard to notice the progress because it's gradual but it is definitely happening.
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