exsanguination

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About exsanguination

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  1. Yeah, I remember when .info was more active (Elsa and I have been in the whole tulpa community on and off for years), it’s sad to see a forum start to die off. Hopefully it’s just a lull.
  2. I've always wondered about this myself. 1. What is your sexuality? I am bisexual. 2. What is your gender? Male? Or at least that's what I tell myself, because the possibility of being non-binary is too difficult for me to process and accept. All I know is that being forced to pretend I'm a woman irl is extremely painful but I have to do it for my safetey, and sometimes I wish I could just not exist so I didn't have to deal with the gender question. Not to be whiny or anything. 3. Is your sexuality/ gender important to you? Being trans and not-straight has been a huge part of my identity ever since I found out. Like it or not (and I don't like it), being LGBT (especially the trans part) has affected just about everything else that happens in my life. Pretty much all of my friends are also LGBT, so I feel like I'm a big part of the ~community~ or whatever. 4. Are any of your tulpas LGBT+? Elsa is bi. Sylvia doesn't even know her sexuality yet.
  3. I've been lurking in this thread for a couple days now and been too shy to post in it. Somehow I'm not surprised at the length of time that people have been talking about grammar in regards to affect vs. effect.
  4. We're slowly getting back to the point we were at before the lapse in communication. Elsa and Sylvia are able to make themselves present in my mind when I'm not actively thinking about them, we're able to separate our streams of consciousness, and my ability to picture both of them, particularly Sylvia, has gotten much better (I'm even able to see their faces now, after years and years of Elsa's just being a blur). We're going to pick back up on possession sometime soon, and possibly attempt real imposition (I can sort of "impose" them on the environment in my mind's eye but have yet to attempt the real thing. I'm not entirely sure if it's possible, but I'm trying to keep an open mind as I would really like it to work). But, honestly, there's been some awkwardness between the three of us. It's the first conflict we've had that I'm not sure how to solve. Elsa seems to have somewhat of a romantic interest in me...the problem is that I already have a girlfriend, who I've been with for quite a while, and have no interest in anyone else. It's been pretty awkward between us since that confession, but today I said something stupid that really hurt her feelings, and she's been kind of hiding from me since. I can feel how hurt and upset she is. I have no idea how to even solve a problem like this, and I can't exactly ask for advice from my friends that don't live in my head. Sylvia, who's more immature and dependent on Elsa and me, doesn't really know what to do with herself either. I don't know, I'm still trying to think of what to do.
  5. Hey what’s up, it’s been half a year since I logged in but I thought I’d post an update. Elsa and Sylvia continue to disappear for lengthy periods of time when I’m feeling depressed. Since I’ve started doing better these past few weeks, they’ve been around all the time again. It’s interesting how my isolation goes so deep that my brain kind of...turns them off. Also, the three of us continue to be able to read each other’s thoughts and feelings. And often slide back into speaking tulpish instead of vocalizing, because it’s quicker and easier. I don’t know if that’s backwards progress or not. But I have made a breakthrough in being able to visualize distinct faces for the two of them, after Elsa being a complete blur for so many years! Elsa and I have been debating lately whether she and Sylvia are “real” or if they’re simply imaginary friends that I use to cope. That they’re simply fulfilling some need of mine and that’s why they fade in and out. I like to point out that her ability to even have that opinion is proof that she’s her own person - but it’s still an interesting point of view. Also, we’re going to start university soon. I had to take a couple years off after high school to get my shit together (we probably would’ve ended up dead if I didn’t). The three of us are SO excited for this next stage of our lives. Or my life, as Elsa would insist on me saying. Our bond is tight, and I’m excited for the future. It’s much less scary now, especially with them by my side, along with my flesh friends and gf. I’m really looking forward to it. Anyway, hope you all have been well.
  6. Oh, I'd never heard of that game, but it sounds like a lot of fun and something we should try sometime. I was just thinking of a few years ago when Elsa surprised me with a goat puppet on Christmas (I'm very fond of goats, I used to show them and have done a lot of research in the hopes of raising a small herd someday).
  7. As a practice with trying to surprise each other, Elsa, Sylvia, and I will be giving each other Christmas gifts without trying to let each other know what they are (they're only objects shared in our mindscape, of course). It'll be a fun bonding exercise at the very least.
  8. Hey everyone, it's been quite a while since I've been active on here. It's been a long couple months for us, including putting Keith into stasis, Sylvia and Elsa's voices fading in and out, and recently, a semi-lengthy psychiatric hospitalization due to a suicide attempt. Elsa was very angry at me for a few days - after all, I endangered not only myself but the two of them - and they both had been staying away for a while because I was in a really bad place and I didn't want them around. But now that I'm doing better, I've been talking to them every day again. Interestingly, Elsa's thoughts are still very loud to me and I can almost always tell how she's feeling, what she's thinking, and what she's about to say before she says it. Even though Sylvia is much younger, she's able to hide those things much more easily from me, and surprise me with what she says a lot more often. Of course, they can both still read my mind. I have to practice that more because it's pretty annoying. I've become much better at visualization, and discovered that when I'm anxious or my mind is racing too much to relax, closing my eyes and picturing every single detail of Sylvia or Elsa, down to each strand of hair and the threads in their clothing, not only increases my visualization skills but brings us closer together and reeeeally calms me down. Still have no idea how to visualize their faces, though. Also, it's been so long since Sylvia and I practiced possession, we're basically going to have to start all over again. I recently picked up my bass guitar again, so I thought an interesting possession practice might be teaching her how to play. And that's about it. Nice to see everyone again.
  9. I've had an interesting experience with Sylvia as she's matured. When she became vocal, she spoke, acted, and looked like a child about 8 or 9 years old. In the months since, she's "aged" rapidly, from 8 or 9 to 12, to 15. Now she's 16-ish, and I've definitely noticed that she acts like a 16 year old. I find it interesting that she chose to represent her maturation process by portraying herself as a literal child. I imagine that within the next month or two she'll finally have "grown up" to be the same age as the rest of us (19). Elsa, too, has matured a lot over the years, though I created her when I was 14/15 so she's sort of grown up with me. My suggestion for improving C's vocality is to just keep forcing with him, I'm sure that he'll eventually speak with a more adult vocabulary as he progresses.
  10. "One of the reasons we left the 'community a couple years back was because of the use of the word 'tulpa.' We use it when we're online, but don't refer to ourselves as such properly. We like "headmates," but it seems like that word is used mostly by the DID community, so maybe something else would be appropriate." - Elsa
  11. Sylvia loves New Leaf. Interesting note: I suspect she's a leftie, even though I'm right-handed. When she plays she holds the stylus left-handed.
  12. Hi, it's Sylvia! Ex wanted me to post this progress report, because he wants me to make more progress with possession & talking to people. We've reached the point where I can control his head and arms, with minimal amounts of him taking control from me. I got a little bit of practice last night by doing things like having me proxy for him on Discord (my, my, how the turntables) and letting me pick YouTube videos to watch by actually clicking on them myself. Next he wants me to practice real-world things. We're curious to see if I'll be able to write, or if I'll have to learn, and if my handwriting will be different from his.
  13. They're like....big, big pits in the ground where cranberries grow. They look like this when they're dry: And this during a wet harvest: