Xarbern

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About Xarbern

  • Rank
    Local Smile Dealer

Converted

  • Sex
    Male
  • Location
    Sweden
  • Bio
    Hello. I'm Xar. Our early journey's in our PR if you even want to look at that mess.
    https://community.tulpa.info/thread-xarmatsi-system-s-journey

    Short summarized story
    I am the first host of this wonderful system, starting out with wanting to have a tulpa after finding out about it, because of desperation for something not even I knew. There were dark times and I lived in a delusion pretty much all life. Till Matsuri gave me a new perspective. She told me after a few days or weeks I got into tulpamancy to do something. And now I'm in a much better place being plural.

    Matsuri: https://community.tulpa.info/user-matsuri

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  1. Pineapple pizza was maybe one of the first pizzas I had in my whole life and always had it as my all time favorite
  2. It depends. I don't think it has hindered more than it has helped, but it has been a lot of ups and downs. Now we have our love of our life outside the system because of my headmates, and that's thanks to Matsi. Even if it started from this community, it still happens outside. Headmates have slightly different dynamics, and that seem to be easily distinguishable in social life outside the community. Friends seem to respect Kuri as more mature and patient, meanwhile I think Matsi is usually going in more with emotions and that makes her more vulnerable to feel hurt around people (Matsi: I'm working on it). I don't think I'm that good with being social, but I do things that are practical if fronting. To summarize; they help in many ways on the social aspects. Even if some periods have made us withdraw from social things, I don't think we can blame it all on headmates. They worked more as support during those times and those downs had more with trauma to do in general.
  3. I don't think it has anything to do with tulpamancy working or not. You can choose not to associate with the body and associate with something else, or have everyone associate with the body or everyone be associated with both body and form.. really it's all about associations is what I'm saying
  4. Is that someone I should know?
  5. I'm always lurking no matter what you think
  6. Developing or reinforcing counterproductive mindsets and perceptions of life, being dependent on the tulpa, feelings of inadequacy and becoming more distant from people. That's all I can say. Now I'm going to sleep.
  7. Quick roundup of stuff that has happened since last update. New visualization technique: We can now have one of us, mainly Matsuri, visualized in more circumstances by popping up like a heads-up display from a video game. Better co-fronting: Now, we can basically cooperate like a single unit because of more freedom after we moved out. Conflicts do occur every now often but that just builds personality for us both. Example: I want to buy food out but Matsuri doesn't want that, so the one who has the best reason wins. This case maybe Matsuri wins because there's no reason to buy food out, except laziness. Dreams: We are both present in the dreams either as separate beings or spectators. Sometimes we dream like how it is in real life; one body two observers. [hidden] Life is going on pretty good now. We now live alone and we have much more time together. [/hidden] Live good, everyone! I'll be checking in as often as I can. See ya'll!
  8. Visualization is something that gets better by time the more you do it. Visualizing a place you feel familiar with is usually much easier than something completely original you yourself made up. Try using familiarity as an advantage and keep visualizing every now and then. You'll get better every day as long as you keep doing it.
  9. New PR update because of new stuff going on. Let's start by updating about the past incident in the last PR updates we wrote. Everything worked out in the end. No meds or therapy was needed but the incident left some marks. An example is that it's still a bit chaotic sometimes with flashbacks and other intrusive thoughts, but it's much easier to handle. Everything was good, till lately. I've been interacting with friends more lately and it just recently feels like we've hit a wall. It's been hard to include Matsuri because of friends and it almost feels like we're going backwards. I've been reading posts on the forums just to end doubt but it doesn't seem like doubt is really the real problem, ish. We will take it easy until further notice. Thanks everyone for being so supportive in this community.
  10. Ptsd and everything that happens in life at the moment is doing stuff to me lately. Getting symptoms of some form of psychosis. [hidden] I'm getting a lot of hints of something coming up lately. Thoughts are randomly getting overwritten with other thoughts, conversations with random thoughtforms based on people close to me is popping up no matter what. Meditation is literally impossible lately and is getting harder and harder by time. Let's not forget self-deception which has started to happen automatically more often than ever. (just writing this was like a fight over brain) Matsuri is really trying to help which means a freakin' lot. I'm honestly scared and excited at the same time. For whatever is happening. [/hidden] We'll definitely try some stuff if it gets worse, like.. I don't know, Matsuri can maybe write better atm. Oh no no no. We share brain and I'm sure it's not better on my part. Gosh the brain is sooo advanced! Writing something without losing focus is impossible. Being imposed feels much better than fronting. Head feels bleh. We'll definitely have to take a break from this if it gets worse. There was a big tic tac thingy imposed from nowhere and it changed to the Nordea logo. Now it's back to tic tac.. At least there's no really negative effects going on yet. Stock market graphs is right above us which is oddly creepy. Anyway, break time!
  11. We're wondering if anyone have some knowledge, theories, experiences, or anything to share about tulpa and psychosis. This subject is something that seems to be pretty unknown in tulpamancy. I'll try to update if I find something about it. [hidden] I'm getting a lot of hints of something coming up lately. Thought are randomly getting overwritten with other thoughts, conversations with random thoughtforms based on people close to me is popping up no matter what. Meditation is literally impossible lately and is getting harder and harder by time. Let's not forget self-deception which has started to happen automatically more often than ever. Matsuri is really trying to help which means a freakin' lot. I'm honestly scared and excited at the same time. For whatever is happening. [/hidden]
  12. So today I mark the day Matsuri just got fully vocal. Bye bye handicaps. Hello, next step; forming her voice so she sounds more "appropriate". Don't worry, I'm not making her change it against her will. Matsuri agrees that her voice should sound more feminine. She sounds like a guy now, one of my friends to be specific. Advice is highly welcomed because we both don't really know where to go from here. We can surely just listen to someone talk or sing till Matsuri gets the gist of it but it feels like it's not going somewhere right now. Any advice is highly appreciated. Oh hey! It's different in English. Maybe that's where we had the problem before? We didn't really think about the lingual part. Dunno but the Swedish voice is kinda mixing up with my normal English voice sometimes. What do? EDIT: I should probably write about how it happened. Basically, I used my brain for once to use a skill I've been pretty scared to use before which is like editing memories. More precisely, lying to myself so it becomes believable. But instead of editing a memory, I did it with, well, me and/or Matsuri. It's hard to explain but I did my best.
  13. So some things have changed. One thing is Matsuri's form is different. It's definitely nothing I can remember seeing before so I'd say she made it herself. It's still pretty blurry because she didn't really give me any sorce to go from. Kinda like a original look she just made, still based of her old form. I'd say Matsuri is experimenting, maybe in some kind of puberty. She have now changed a bit again while writing. She now wears some kind of black sailor outfit. Can't say more than that because she's still window shopping. She still wants to be seen as her old form from Sola on here so don't worry about that.
  14. https://www.safka.co.nz/media/com_hikashop/upload/tupla-protein-salmiac.jpg[/img]Chocolate + Licorice Sperlari
  15. Oh yes, The Dawning. Wonder how Destiny 2 is going to do it. Sparrow Racing League like in D1?