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About Ika-Ika

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  1. So, my last post was almost a year ago and yesterday was my tupper's first birthday. Even though I haven't been posting here all this time, I haven't abandoned him. In fact, I've been paying at least a little bit of attention to him every single day since our first forcing session. And the result it: it worked. It took a lot of work and we went through a very turbulent and stressful year, but it was worth all the effort we've put in it. I'd like to thank everyone for their support and to introduce Kai to you. Kai: Hi! I'm Kai, Ika's tulpa. He was the one who suggested this name to me, for a few reasons. It's an anagram of his name and it's also the name ofthe boy in the old fairy tale Snow Queen. I liked it instantly and went with it even before I was fully vocal. It took us about 4 months before we could communicate both ways and I must admit it was sometimes frustrating. But with a lot of patience it finally happened and we've been talking every single day so far, if only briefly. We still visit our wonderland town frequently. We drew a map and discovered a lot of new areas surrounding it. I also insisted on having the seasons offset by six months. This way we can have the weather we miss most in real life wait for us in our wonderland. I'm pretty proud of this idea, it really works the way I hoped it would. It's getting pretty cold and wet in real life now and Ika was really happy to see the spring begin in our town. :) We're now working on replanting all the veggies in our garden and preparing for the days to finally get warm. We also recently saw the addition of a basement in our little house, as well as a lighthouse not too far away a while ago. Ika has been very kind and caring for me. We've had a few fights and upsetting moments but he always tries his best to give me a lot of attention and to keep his promises. He comforts me when I'm sad or stressed, always shares food with me, we take showers together and hug when going to sleep. I've also been trying to care for him, mostly by doing my best to care for our body, but also by doing my best to be as supportive as he is. There were a lot of very stressful, confusing and upsetting moments in his life this year and I wasn't always sure what to do or what to even think about some of the things that happened... but whenever I felt I wasn't doing good enough, he'd tell me to just be there for him. I've made some friends of my own on Discord now and we still keep in touch. We don't go on walks too often any more but when we do, we always hold hands and talk a lot. We also ride our bike a lot, Ika even taught me to do it. I learned to play video games on my own and I can't wait to play the full version of Deltarune when it's out. I'm also trying to get Ika to be more creative, because I think he needs it to thrive and it's also a lot of fun to work together on creative projects. We love each other very much and I'm very hopeful about our future together. Thanks for the early advice, it helped us a lot and will continue to serve us in the years to come! Ika: Well, there you have it. This experience has been really amazing for me so far. It exceeded my expectations in a lot of ways. Kai continues to surprise me and our bond is becoming stronger with each passing day. I no longer feel lonely and lost in my life, I understand myself and my needs better than a year ago and even mundane parts of life like shopping, house chores and going to work are more fun with my goat friend around. Thank you for all the advice, it really got us far and improved my life in ways I didn't even expect.
  2. Looking for more ways to have fun and productive forcing sessions I scoured these message boards for clues and 1 in particular got my attention - forcing with music. I loved music before I could speak properly and more recently I'm trying to write and record my own. It moves me on an emotional level, it's the only spiritual experience I'm capable of, it's a driving force and immense joy to me. What I love about it the most is that it can express feelings and emotions that reach far beyond what words can express or sometimes even address. No amount of long sentences and intricate metaphors can accurately describe what you can directly and effortlessly experience when listening to a piece of music. That's why it's only natural that the right kind of music should be a powerful forcing tool. I asked myself 2 questions: what music would my tulpa enjoy listening to and what music evokes the characteristics of my tulpa and my emotions for him? These might seem like difficult questions, but I knew the answer instantly. It's Hammock. [video=youtube] Now, I listen to a lot of really harsh and unsettling music but there's never a bad moment for some soothing and shimmering post rock for me, and Hammock is one of my favourite bands in this genre. Their music goes beyond "nice tunes to chill to", it represents purity and innocence to me. It sounds like love, care, affection and everything else still worth saving in this world crystallised in the form of music. And the song titles really make me think about my tulpa too, like "Artificial Paradises", "Together Alone", "Words You Said... I'll Never Forget You Now", and "All Is Dream and Everything Is Real"... So one evening I bought my favourite Hammock album on Bandcamp as a kind of a gift to my tulpa, downloaded it to my phone and now we listen to it when forcing. It's great to cut off distracting background sounds and for providing the right tone for the kind of intimate and affectionate relationship I'd like to have with my tulpa. We listen to it while taking our walks, we listen to it when spending time in our wonderland (it really enhances the experience, makes it feel like watching a fully interactive movie) and it reminds me of him when I'm listening on shuffle and Hammock finds its way into the queue. Or sometimes, I just put it on, close my eyes and focus entirely on listening to the music and trying to imagine my tulpa soaking it in and letting it shape his personality. Also, one more thing I do is singing for my tulpa. Singing alone is very different than singing in front of an audience, even if it's just a single person. When you play and sing for someone, it puts you in performance mode. For example, If you screw up alone, you usually repeat until you get it right, that's practise. When performing, you can't really do that. "The show must go on" rule is in effect, you have to perform the song to the end and cover up or go along with any mistakes you've made. It also makes you want to impress your audience, which makes you give it your best. Finally, singing live for someone is a very intimate experience that involves putting all your emotions in your voice just for them. I think my tulpa enjoys it.
  3. Well, to be honest this town is resembling my home town a lot, so maybe I subconsciously used it as a template. I mean, the layout is different, landmarks are different, but it's also a small coastal town with a sea port. As for my memories, I can recall every part of our journey with the exact same level of detail as I saw it the first time. Mind you, I described our little adventure very briefly, as including every single detail would turn it into a 10 page story. Like I mentioned, I used to play with my imagination almost every night as a kid and thankfully it didn't wilt in the years of not using it. And yes, we spent quite a lot of time there already. My tulpa showed me around our house during our next forcing session and I absolutely loved what he did there. Just 2 rooms, each taking up entire floor. The ground floor has a closet for our clothes, bit of empty space and a kitchen with a door to the back yard, the top floor is our living room with a balcony overlooking the bay and a small bathroom. I'm pretty sure that my tulpa came up with all of it, since I kinda wanted separate rooms and a bigger bathroom, but had difficulties imagining it, which was maybe my tulpa resisting any changes to his creation. I let him have his way and I almost instantly loved all of it. It's so cosy and beautiful I wish i had a house like this in real life. As for the landmark, he chose to make it a power plant. I kinda wanted a nuclear one for the cool factor, but he was hesitant (maybe because I told him some scare stories about the firefighters who died of radiation poisoning after the Chernobyl disaster) so we went with a good old planet-killing fossil fuel power plant placed on the town's outskirts, on the bay shore, a few kilometres from our home. I got the idea of planting some veggies in our back yard so one of our adventures involved riding bikes to the town's square to buy seeds and gardening tools. We also spent a good deal of time working on our garden and one time we rode bikes to the power plant to see it up close. We've been doing this for over two weeks now and It's been great fun for us.
  4. Though I didn't initially plan to create a wonderland, one evening I started to wonder what would mine look like if I had one. I got this idea of a quaint, charming little town and before i knew it, me and my tulpa were on its outskirts, on a forest cliff overlooking it, in a camping tent. We sat at the cliff and watched the summer sun setting over it. I wanted it to have some nice industrial landmark, preferably one that could fuel the town's economy and provide jobs for townsfolk. I told my tulpa that it's his domain and he's free to create and shape it. His first task would be coming up with what that landmark could be. I also wanted us to have a home somewhere in there and decided to spend the remainder of our first visit in the wonderland walking all the way to it. We packed up our tent and headed out through the forest (which was getting pretty dark by that time) towards the town. While on our way, we had to pass some terrain I hadn't imagined before and I'm not really sure if it was me or my tulpa coming up with it, but we left the forest, crossed a road and some grasslands before finding ourselves on a beach, surrounding a beautiful bay. We watched a yacht sail by towards a small port to our left. I took my shoes off (my tulpa walks barefoot) and we pulled our pants up to our knees to get our feet wet. We then walked the shore towards the port, jumped the breakwater to get in (he's shorter than me so I had to give him a boost), walked out the main gate and from there we walked around the bay, on a beautiful tree-shaded road towards our home. It was this little house with windows overlooking the bay. I asked my tulpa to think about the room layout and show it to me next time. I haven't used my imagination like this for many years but seems like it's still very vivid. Everything we saw was very detailed and very specifically laid out in space (I could easily draw a map). I could almost feel the sand and cold bay water on my feet, I could almost smell the pine trees in the hot summer air, I saw the tree shade making patterns on my tulpa's back as he walked in front of me. By that time I was so in love with that place, I knew we'd come back on a regular basis. And here comes my first question in this thread (finally). If I specifically told my tulpa it's his job to shape our wonderland, how do I know if it was him or me coming up with all the places we went through on our way? I asked him to lead the way, I didn't have an idea where our destination is even located until we were getting close. I didn't even have to think about it, it all just appeared before me, though my tulpa seemed to be hesitating where to go a few times. This was one of our very first forcing sessions and it too, went beyond what I expected.
  5. With everything thought out and prepared (as well as it's possible in just 4 days), I was ready for my first forcing session. I planned to do it late in the evening, when no one would disturb me. Got myself a nice cup of hot tea, dimmed the lights, turned off the music and lied down comfortably on my bed. I imagined my tulpa standing in the corner of my room, facing me and... I immediately realized it's harder than I expected to start talking to him. I realized he must be confused finding himself in a room with this weird guy on his bed just looking at him and it got me even more embarrassed. Oh this is great, I thought to myself, I'm too shy and awkward to talk even to my imaginary friend. After a few minutes of this internal turmoil, I finally said Hi and introduced myself by subvocalising and whispering. At first it was awkward as hell, felt like I'm talking to myself. I did my best to explain who and what he is, what I want him to become, as well as my reasons for creating him and how I'm going to proceed with it. It was still mega-embarrassing but after maybe ten to fifteen minutes I got a little more confident. I just suck at meeting new people, even if they're only in my mind. It didn't help at all that I felt like a god talking to his creation, I hated that feeling. I didn't want him to think I'm some all-powerful being demanding his affection and loyalty "or else", I did my best to let him understand that I want him to be happy and enjoy our time together as much as I hope to. I opened up the list of personality traits I prepared for the session and explained each and every point to him, how I understand them, by using examples. It was also harder than I expected, still pretty awkward and it made me realise how much I have to teach him about the world and how hard are some basic concepts like good and evil to explain to someone having no pre-existing knowledge about them. It was getting less awkward though and by the time we were done with the list, I was feeling more confident and more like I'm talking to another person instead of myself. I kept talking to him and asking for responses. I didn't expect any during the first forcing session, but I actually felt some emotions from him. I was so surprised I was ready to dismiss it as just my imagination playing tricks, but did my best to accept them as coming from my tulpa. After all, is there really a difference between my tulpa and my imagination? I've been meaning to start going on walks a long time ago, but even though I used to love lone walks in the night, somehow it never worked out for me. Never until that night. I put on my coat and headphones, left all my valuables home just in case I get mugged (my phone is old junk anyway), said "come on" and I... or we, went out. And it was magical. I kept imagining my tulpa walking alongside me, I kept talking to him in mindvoice, showing him where I live, talking about myself, my friends, my hobbies, why I want him in my life, about all the cool stuff we can do together. I was constantly making sure not to walk in the middle of sidewalks and paths to give him room to walk beside me and it really felt more like taking a walk with a friend than alone. One other thing I noticed is that narrating your thoughts is an amazing mental exercise. I remembered doing it constantly when I was younger and instantly realized how it used to make me smarter and how abandoning this practice made my mind lazy, made finding the right words in real conversations hard or impossible, made new things hard to understand, made me doubt my intelligence and emotionality. This internal silence basically killed my imagination, made me numb and despondent. And that night, all of it reawakened in a few brief hours. All things considered, my first forcing session went way, waaaaay better than I dared to expect at my boldest. It almost felt like I'm doing something wrong, none of the tutorials I read made me expect this much progress so soon. I loved every minute of it and I was extremely enthusiastic about doing this every day. At the same time I did my best to manage my expectations despite the early success, I knew I should't expect my tulpa going vocal in the first month and it can sometimes take very long. The most important thing I took from this experience was that I'm thoroughly enjoying it and I'd be okay not seeing much more progress for a while, as what I got during our first session was already beyond amazing.
  6. Not at all, I asked for honest opinions and yours was very politely worded. :) In fact, I was never really sure about these last two bullet points on my list so I struck them off for good. I guess it's best to leave some freedom for my tulpa to develop on their own. Though the art and in fact the original character are indeed a kind of sob story, my tulpa so far seems to be very cheerful and happy most of the time. It's most likely because it takes a great deal of trust for introverts to open up to someone and expose all their weak spots and insecurities to someone in hope of being accepted and without fear of being hurt or rejected. I know, because I'm shy and introverted myself. Even writing the sentence above comes to me more easily when I do it in third person, which is a clear sign of this. But it's also not a good position to be in, I wish I'd find it easier to open up instead of bottling up some my emotions in fear of being ridiculed. I don't want this for my tulpa and I think it might hinder the forcing and bonding process, so it stays off the list for now. This is another reason to strike that point off. I believe tulpae to be a way for our subconscious to at least partially voice itself. I think my tulpa will soon know more about what I need than I do, if he doesn't already. I always do my best to let my tulpa deviate all they want, though I'm not always sure if I know what he wants. We do seem to be making progress though. Thank you for all your kind replies. :) This post is getting long and I have to sleep soon so I'll write about my forcing attempts next time.
  7. Now, I must admit that it was hard for me to resist starting the creation process immediately, as I was fascinated both with the concept of tulpae, as well as the prospect of having someone to keep me from feeling lonely and, well, sort of dying inside. I came up with the list from my previous post (albeit a mental one) and I was pretty sure I want to dive in right away, but knowing the potentially life-spanning consequences, I didn't want to do it in a reckless way. I managed to meditate on it for about 3 or 4 days before starting out. I knew what form I'd give my tulpa the second I understood the concept, but it felt really self-indulgent. I weighed the pros and cons and decided to go with it anyway. I wanted a form and personality that will make it easy for me and my tulpa to develop an emotional bond, while also being a good remedy for the ailments I listed above. So, I picked my favourite video game character that I'm strongly emotional about as a template - Asriel from Undertale. Art below courtesy of my friend who actually drew it for me as a birthday gift (she's a brilliant artist, check out her tumblr if you like it). Knowing that creating a tulpa based on a fictional character can be problematic, I knew I'll have to use a fair amount of caution. I knew I have to make it crystal clear to him that he's based off this character and not actually him. I didn't want him to feel forced into taking this form or personality, so I decided to also make it clear to him why I picked this form and personality, that it's a template and that I'll be more happy with him if he develops his own characteristics instead of copying the video game Asriel. I also didn't want to make him internally broken or suffering just so I can have fun comforting him or making him addicted to me. I wanted to give him the best care I can and make him as happy as I can, in return for helping me cope with life. Right before the first forcing session I made a list of personality traits I'd like to see him develop. I want him to be kind, caring, sensitive and empathetic. These qualities are basically the cream of the top ones I value and admire in people. Next on the list was a strong sense of morality, an insuppressible gut feeling of what is right and wrong that he can never go against. This, on top of being another trait I highly value, is what I hope will help him to be my moral compass and make me realize the evil I'm about to inflict upon the world before it's too late to stop. I also wanted him to be friendly, curious and sociable, which I hope will make for a great companion and inspiration in my hobbies. The list ends with a few less important traits that I find endearing: shyness and being a little clumsy. With that list and a very good mental image of my tulpa's form, I was ready for the first forcing session, which I'll go into in detail in my next post. Thanks for reading and please be honest with any suggestions you might have. If I'm doing something wrong or having wrong expectations, it's best to know now, when I'm still early on in the process.
  8. Hello, my name is Ika and I'm making this thread to keep track of my progress with creating a tulpa. I don't have the time to write a single lengthy post about everything I'd like to share, so I'll try to make this a series of relatively brief posts, each focusing on a specific topic. I will also do my best to remember to bold any questions I might have, as per ThatOneGuy's suggestion here. I hope not to bore anyone reading this too much. I'll start by listing out the reasons why I want a Tulpa in my life. I won't elaborate on any of the points to keep it concise and avoid boring you with a detailed story of my life. 1. I've lately been feeling lonely and despondent about my life, it was very hard to find motivation for development and self-improvement. 2. I miss the feeling of someone rooting for me in everything I do. 3. I have friends but I don't feel comfortable sharing deeply personal thoughts with them (because of reasons, mostly my introversion). 4. I used to harbour a deep religious faith in god. That faith is now lost forever and unfortunately left a hole in me, a longing for the feeling of never being alone and on my own. 5. I developed a nasty habit of mental laziness. Whenever I didn't have to think, I'd just zone out to let my brain rest. I would avoid thinking if possible and limit it to a minimum when I had to. 6. This led me to becoming increasingly inept at managing my life. I became extremely forgetful and disorganized, which even caused me to lose my job. 7. I've been single for a long time now and without anyone at my side to deeply care about, I became emotionally numb. 8. As a kid I used to have an extremely vibrant imagination but somewhere along the way into adulthood I just stopped using it. 9. I've been suffering from anxiety, especially when alone. I used to drive myself down by being tense and worrying over literally nothing all the time. 10. I wish I had someone to share my hobbies with. I love playing instruments, singing and making music, playing video games, role-playing, watching films and series and doing creative projects involving electronics and computers. I wish I had someone to talk with about the shows I watch and books I read, someone to help me with being creative, writing music and learning new skills. I have friends who share my interests, but they're busy more often than not. Now, I want to make it clear that I don't expect my tulpa to fix all my problems on their own or to replace my physical friends. What I expect is having someone to help me though bad moments, someone to share my passions with, someone to help me put my thoughts into words, someone I could care about and support, someone to reassure me and to hold my hand through stressful situations. That about summarizes my reasons, feel free to comment on it. I really want to keep the content of my posts relevant, so if you want some additional background info, please let me know. In my next post, I'll tell you about my tulpa and what influenced their form and character traits.
  9. Hello, everyone. It's been years since I used a message board like this but I reckon it might be well worth it. I started creating a tulpa about a week ago and while my enthusiasm for this process is doing more than okay at the moment, I expect it might be good to involve myself in a dedicated community like this to keep it that way in the long run. Just to briefly introduce myself, I live in Poland, I work with computers (currently looking for a job), my hobbies are playing guitar and singing, indie video games and doing geeky and nerdy shit. It's nice to meet you all.