Ember.Vesper

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About Ember.Vesper

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    And Iris

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  1. Ember: Government-supported academic surveillance of uncontacted peoples not only advances anthropology, but helps to protect them against poachers, smugglers, pirates, loggers, prospectors and others who might stand to profit from areas outside of the active control of modern governments. Uncontacted peoples are overwhelmingly in the Amazon basin or on New Guinea, set back from coastlines and navigable rivers, and often in rugged terrain. Small islands are just too accessible, though sufficient hostility seems to have worked once, in combination with government support. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uncontacted_peoples Vesper: It only took me a few weeks before fatigue from staying switched in stopped being a problem. But I don't think I've ever remained switched in more than six hours at a stretch.
  2. There's no royal road to visualization. It takes time and self-discipline. But there's no rush. If you're exhausted in fifteen minutes, you're probably trying too hard. Try to keep from tensing up your muscles. Some of this community's top people for visualization frequently used to recommend spending at least twenty minutes a day, every day, on it, to keep improving. They also recommended making sure to have fun while doing it, so that you will want to keep going. Anything you can do to add story and emotional engagement to the visualization is helpful. You can improve noticeably month to month, and dramatically after a year, with no more than that. Forcing doesn't require visualization. though. Part of the time, you can just talk in your mind. You can do that anywhere and while doing other things, giving the effort only as much attention as you can spare. -Ember
  3. Vesper: I agree. I no longer question the authenticity of my identity when switched in, but I'm still deeply bothered that the body doesn't look like me. I avoid mirrors while switched in. The desktop monitors are non-reflective on their own, but we had to secure an anti-reflection film for the laptop. It helps that we visualize our forms superimposed over the body when switched in. It helps more when I do things that are very distinctly me and very distinctly not my headmates, especially when doing them with out-system people. Ember: At Iris' request, we played the boardgame "Castles of Burgundy" together on Christmas, switching every turn. The game has 25 turns per player, so that comes to 75 switches. It was epic, seeing all the different strategies and approaches from the inside instead of being distracted from what other players are doing by your own moves. Vesper and I playfully trash talked for much of it. Most of our switches are to talk to out-system people. In the roleplaying game where Iris and I are the players, we often switch back and forth from one sentence to the next, to talk to either one another or to the GM's characters out loud. That's the only occasion for which we regularly switch dozens of times in a few hours. It's also how switching became instant and effortless for us. Vesper: We may switch several times to write a single post, since we don't do much hand/arm possession and never proxy. Switching is on such a hair trigger that full body possession is a difficult balancing act. If Ember proofreads something I wrote and catches a typo or an error in grammar or logic, I'll switch in to fix it, even for as little as a single letter. Grabbing control myself is easier than dealing with her asking repeatedly, 'Are you sure this is the change you want to make?'
  4. Within twelve hours our second (unintentional) switch, we woke up three hours after going to bed, very badly blended and disoriented, with no sense of identity at all. That was the first of thirteen nights of very bad insomnia. I've never associated it with the switch itself before; just that we had been doing something like fifty hours of forcing in the past three days since stumbling across tulpamancy. On waking up in the middle of the night or in the morning, who wakes up switched in correlates well with who has spent a lot of time switched in the previous day, but poorly with who was switched in going to bed. Vesper and Iris are only willing to stay switched in if there is something they specifically want to do, so they will immediately switch out if they wake up switched in. Who is switched in is very clear though; the disorientation happened just the once. Your system's lack of switching during sleep might readily be attributable to switching at intervals of weeks instead of from several times to a hundred times a day, as we do. -Ember
  5. What does it feel like for you? -Vesper
  6. "Sweat like a pig" doesn't refer to swine. It refers to pig iron, which will form water condensation on its surface when it becomes cool enough. -Ember
  7. Personality simulation I know. When running a roleplaying game, I may have several important long-established NPCs in a scene, so I try to load all of their personalities into working memory at once so that they can all act as authentically as possible. It's a strain, but I can do three much better now than I could do two four years ago. When thinking about our merges, it is very easy to think very vividly of what they might say if they were present. It is very easy to fall into simulating them accidentally if thinking about them. We've spoken on several previous occasions about ingrained habits and beliefs feeling like the host or expressing attitudes like the host when the host is actually switched out and possibly dormant. That is more of an automated process, unlike the person-driven personality simulation in the previous two examples. I can't relate to spewing out talking points without thinking them through. I learned very early in life to think carefully before I speak. I don't need to speak as much or as quickly as someone else if I invest every word with power. Unlike thinking about a merge or character, thinking about a headmate doesn't result in a stream of thought that is like them but from me. Thinking about a headmate rouses the headmate, and then they may respond however they like without me having any influence over their thoughts or any ability to predict what they will do. As likely than not, they'll change the subject entirely if they weren't involved before. Regarding asmask -- "inner narrator" just means a person's verbalized thought stream. (I think it's a terrible name for that.) Simultaneity includes activity that is entirely outside the perceptions of the fronter. So neither seems particularly relevant to fronter-driven personality simulation. -Ember
  8. The tulpas with the greatest longevity tend to be those whose lives are not completely dependent on the host setting aside time for active forcing, because the time available for active forcing varies through life as various other responsibilities, activities, and relationships pull on a host. Some tulpas claim to be self-forcing and to stay active inside without the attention or knowledge of the host. But it's one of those things where, if you don't know how, there's no guide to get there. And many who don't experience that don't believe it's possible. More tulpas have hobbies and external relationships of their own choice and making that they can participate in either alongside the host or instead of the host, via proxying, possession, switching, and co-fronting. And so the tulpa's activity becomes enmeshed in the regular habits of the body's life. If you have trouble remembering to think about your tulpa, create a reminder. Some hosts wear rings or pendants symbolic of their tulpas; some post a note on the edge of their computer monitor, set an appropriate computer wallpaper, or hang a picture on the wall. Being reminded of your tulpa hundreds of times a day develops passive forcing ability, where your tulpa can be present and commenting while most of your attention is on other things. There are tulpas, soulbonds, and alters who sleep for years and re-emerge fresh as a daisy, so neglect does not always mean fading. Disused mental pathways tend not to go away entirely; they merely need to be rediscovered. Revival involves concentrating on as much as you can remember of their name, their form, their mindfeel, their mindvoice, and their sense of presence. Taking a tulpa apart entirely and assembling a new one from the parts is new to me. The closest other example I can think of is Sunny's effort to rebuild herself on a better foundation, whic did not lead to a long-term break in identity: https://community.tulpa.info/topic/14907-evgco-syslog-archive/?do=findComment&comment=243580 -Ember
  9. I would be disinclined to tell someone in a position of power over me about my headmates. But at 39, I have a great deal of autonomy. Within about six months of stumbling across tulpamancy, I told everyone in my life in whom I would confide anything else of importance and everyone with whom I gladly socialize one on one -- about a dozen people altogether. Since I have soulbonds instead of tulpas, I don't even mention tulpas until the end, with an offhanded, "And some people do this on purpose." I lead off talking about how authors often mention their most compelling characters speaking to them, presenting this as very normal, expected, and harmless. I explain my immersive roleplaying process and how a couple of my characters started speaking to me outside of games. Basically, I became them for long enough that my brain learned how to be them without me. Since my friends are roleplayers, writers, or had DID, they get it pretty quickly. The other roleplayers I've spoken to have had characters speak to them, often vividly and insistently, even though their characters don't live with them. Both my mother and my then-wife could tell I was often speaking to someone from the vivid expressions I made despite my unfocused gaze. My mother just casually brought up my "imaginary friend" as an established fact before I explained anything. My wife was relieved that my frequent preoccupation didn't mean I wasn't horribly bored with her and quickly became close friends with Vesper. -Ember
  10. Or as a slight variant on Lumi's perspective, the only part of the mind that is actually the host is the part that is just like a tulpa. The rest is impersonal subsystems that any system member can interact with on an equal basis. I haven't read Eagleman and can't address his work. I may need to, but not today. But there is nothing he could say that could invalidate our subjective perspective of all being of the same type and kind. I’m no more an imaginary friend than my host is, and no less. I have no more or different connections to the unconscious or preconscious regions of the mind than she does. -Vesper
  11. Ember: If we believe something, we're bold enough to say it, even if we expect pushback or condemnation. So there's not much we can say that we haven't said before. But I'll highlight a few opinions that are worth repeating: 1. Plurality, including non-traumagenic plurality, is very common in the general population and is not horribly weird or exotic. 2. Parallel processing is an experience, not an explanation. And some systems take that experience to an incredibly advanced level. 3. Lots of systems have held back their most remarkable experiences or left the community altogether because they feel that their experiences will not be believed or accepted. This is a major problem. Even though I reject metaphysical explanations of tulpamancy, I want them to talk about their extreme and inexplicable experiences so as to promote wider attainment and better understanding of extreme experiences. 4. In-system conversation on the forum is harmless and doesn’t need to be restrained. 5. So far, as a user, I don't like Invision at all and find it worse in every particular than MyBB. 6. Despite everything, this is still the best plural community on the internet. Vesper: 1. I hate being called a tulpa, especially by people who know I hate being called a tulpa. 2. Creating an intelligent being without providing them with a body is not a compassionate act. So I'm generally opposed to the intentional creation of tulpas. 3. I hate hearing systems say that they pretend to be just one person in public, and frequently even among family and friends. I'm always as much myself as I can possibly be. It is high time for the public stigma against plurality to be broken down by open and vocal activism.
  12. Ember: Last night, while dreaming I was in a house, I noticed a section of wall that didn't look to me quite as I felt it should. I announced my grievances to nearby dream characters, pointing to the offending sections, left to right, "This should be the door to the bathroom, this should be a closet door, and this should be the door to the basement." I glanced back to the door or absence of door to the alleged bathroom and noticed that it looked radically different than it had a few seconds earlier. I decided I must be dreaming, though I didn't remember to do a dream check. I opened the intermittent door on the left and found, somewhat to my surprise, that there was indeed a bathroom behind it. I went in and realized that I could somewhat benefit from using one. I considered briefly, thinking that the wonderful powers of lucid dreaming ought to allow me to contrive something where I could take care of that without waking up. I then remembered wanting to switch with Vesper in a lucid dream and contacted her. Vesper: The switch was slow and awkward. It felt muddy and for a moment the fronter was wondering if they were pretending to be me. Then my presence and control clarified. Since we have never once seen my actual appearance in a dream, I decided to start by manifesting it properly. After all, I was already in the loo standing in front of a mirror. I noticed I was wearing a white cap on my head, so I pulled it off. There was an identical cap underneath it. I pulled it off and found a brown one under it. I pulled that off to find an identical cap. Dreams are annoying. I closed my eyes at some point, which was worrisome. I knew from Ember's experience that opening eyes in a dream could result in opening eyes in the physical world. So I focussed and took my time, opening them gently after about thirty seconds. I continued to struggle to control the image in the mirror. I managed to get multi-coloured pastel hair for a few seconds, which was close enough that I might have stuck with it. But twice the image mutated into tall handsome male forms and I outright repudiated them. The images stopped copying my movements, gave cheeky waves, and walked off in the mirror out of view. People do this for fun? I tried to visualize myself in the mind's eye and found that very muddy and difficult. After a second fight with caps, I gave up on my appearance, left the loo for a now very large space outside it, and casually lifted my feet off the ground. Mirrors are hard. Flying is easy. Ember apparently had a form present, a brunette. I resumed mindvoice conversation with her, scooped her up in my arms, and noticed that she wasn't quite right. She had no weight, and in a moment, no legs, though she had just been standing on a pair. I shifted one arm under invisible and intangible knees, throwing my defiance against the dream. I asked her what her experience of the dream was and she said she was experiencing it entirely through my senses. I asked her if she wanted to try to shift her form toward her actual albino sylph appearance, but she expressed diffidence toward it. In retrospect, even though she identified as Ember, felt and sounded like Ember in mindvoice, and accurately recalled things from the waking world, enough behaviours and attitudes were wrong that she must have been either much less lucid than I was or altogether a dream character. When I tried to discuss dream experiments with her, she said that which experiments we should do depended on whether or not fairies were present. I set Ember down on her again visible legs, kissed her in a rather disappointing fashion, and woke up. After a few seconds, I switched out in as muddy a fashion as I had switched in, and without consciously intending to, manifesting my form spooned against Ember, just as when we had fallen asleep. The sensation of switching out was slightly akin to feeling a dream character's mind and presence unravel on waking, though slower, making me wonder how effective of a switch we had actually done. But everything attributed to me in the dream still feels like me in retrospect. Ember: It was our second switch in a dream. The morning of December 29th, I dreamed I was at a version of my parents' house that my father had greatly expanded. Walking into what should have been my bedroom closet, I found a gym-like space with mirrors at one end. Becoming lucid, I toyed with my form for a bit before remembering to contact Vesper. We switched cleanly and quickly that time. Vesper: At which point I immediately lost lucidity to a false awakening. I didn't switch out immediately, as I normally would when waking up in control. I got out of bed, talked to Ember and Iris, then woke up embarrassed.
  13. I don't see any from you, Ranger. And navigating to "Talk to Staff" directly, I see "There are no topics in this forum yet". What I see among new posts is this: -Ember
  14. Someone else's "Talk to Staff" post appears in my customized activity stream, with a preview in expanded view, though the post/thread itself isn't accessible and properly delivers an error message. It appears in the general "Unread Content" stream as well. -Ember
  15. If you want to know more about "typical", check out Kopase's article "An Analysis of the Methods and Patterns Associated with Initial Tulpa Responses": https://drive.google.com/file/d/1vyqQ3LV_-YHKWL-4A821G3gTXGGXQ_a_/view With the development of improved methods, median time to first response has fallen from about three weeks to less than two. Two days is still very fast, suggesting that you may have a high affinity for plurality. But progress is often fitful and there may be a lot of interaction needed between first response and fluent vocality. I feel that a tulpa should be fluently vocal before their host encourages them to work on possession or switching. If the tulpa communicates dissatisfaction with a disembodied life, go ahead, but I feel better companion practices to early vocality work are visualization and mindscape activity. Also, consider whether you want a lifestyle where someone else with different interests, opinions, and values sometimes controls what used to be just your body. Switching isn't always difficult to learn and it doesn't exactly "feel" like anything, but it is still a profound act of love and trust. -Ember