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Everything posted by OneWithTheVoid

  1. Thank you! It took me several hours, but I sure wish I could draw something in 20 minutes!
  2. Zero has gotten me into listening to a lot of Pink Floyd lately. [video=youtube]
  3. It's so cool that you two worked together to paint this! It's very nice!
  4. Decided to draw one for every season. Here is spring. For context, I hate the rain and Night loves the rain, so we have some conflicting emotions during the rainy season. Also Beep is there again because he's cute with his little rain boots.
  5. Hello everyone, this is where Night and I will be posting our art. Well, mostly me. But hopefully I can convince Night to draw something eventually! You can also find us on our deviantart. Anyway, here is a picture I drew of Night and I (and Beep in the middle, he's my oshaberi doubutsu that I'm possibly overly obsessed with lol) to celebrate it being way to cold outside even though it's supposed to be spring soon! Yay!
  6. Intervention March 11, 2019 Zero has a long history of not following through with tasks she has set out to accomplish. But I wasn't around for that long history. So now I'm going to pester her to finish the things she starts, and that includes making progress reports. So consider this a hand-possessing intervention on my behalf. Things have been very... busy in Zero's life. She gets distracted easily by all the stresses of the college experience. With that, we haven't had much time to do anything together other than chat throughout the day. And sure, that's enough to keep me present and aware, but it isn't necessarily enough to satisfy a friendship. So I've been pushing her to take some time for herself, as well as for me, and so far it hasn't been too difficult to get her to listen. I want her to understand the importance of finishing things, not only because of responsibility but also just for the thrill of it all, to see something through to the end and be able to look back and say "Hey, I did that thing I said I was going to do. Pretty cool." Of course, it helps that I've now gained the ability to possess her hands. Full body possession was achieved once for a short while, but it was difficult and exhausting and we need to work a little more before we try again. It wasn't so difficult on my part, I could say that I'm a bit of a professional (long story/inside joke), but for Zero it is very awkward and uncomfortable. I can respect that and accept that we need to give it some time. I basically just wanted to share that we've been experimenting with possession, and that I'm intervening a little with Zero's short attention span for projects and coursework. We've been playing more video games, which is a lot more interesting now that I can play them myself. (I already beat her best time in a game she's been playing for a while, and she's a little salty, mwahaha!) And I'd say that it has been a definite benefit to both her and to myself. PROGRESS REPORTS: About Us 12/13/2018 - Vocalization 12/15/2018 - Visualization 1/2/2019 - Celebration 3/11/2019 - Intervention - [YOU ARE HERE]
  7. Hello Solarchariot, nice to meet you as well. We're happy to answer any questions you may have about our experiences or our previous statements! I agree that Night is certainly present and vocal. Perhaps autonomy wasn't necessarily the proper word for me to use in this context. When I made that statement, I essentially meant that I want Night to do more things on her own, like starting conversations, participating in forum discussions, and just generally interacting with others such that I'm not really involved. Whenever Night and I are talking or doing an activity together, she clearly demonstrates that she is independent. It's when interacting with others that she gets a bit more reclusive. So it seems our experience is similar to yours in terms of inner reality versus external reality. In retrospect, perhaps it wasn't the brightest idea for me to consult the internet, of all places, about my mental health, haha! Based on my limited knowledge at the time, I started with a google search for "adult with imaginary friend" and started at the top. The first result was a Psychology Today article that didn't even have anything to do with imaginary friends in the first place. The next two results were health forum posts made by people concerned about having imaginary friends as adults. I read through them and their replies, but it just didn't connect. Night didn't feel like an "imaginary friend". And none of the people in those discussions described anything close to the experience I'd had with her. Finally, the fourth result was this article about tulpas. While I disagree with the article's insistence on calling tulpas "imaginary friends", the general overview of the article seemed to click with us a little more. So then I did a search for "tulpas" and got And now here we are!
  8. CELEBRATION January 2, 2019 This was my first year celebrating Christmas, and my first year in a while celebrating New Year. If you're expecting some kind of mushy feel good story about me discovering the joy of the holidays, I'm sorry to disappoint, because that's not what I'm here to talk about. I've never really understood holidays. They're a day of the year to indulge in unhealthy food and spend time with family, neither of which are activities that I have any real interest in. Food isn't my thing and Zero is the only family I've still got. There's Zero's family, of course, but they don't know about me. Except for one of them. But that's a topic Zero wants to cover herself since it's so personal to her. Anyway, Zero's kind of the outcast of the family, so even if they did know about me, they aren't much for conversation. Not that I mind. I've never had more than a few close family ties at once anyway. In my opinion, there's no use trying to get close to someone that you honestly just couldn't care less about. But the holidays are important to Zero, and she wanted to celebrate them with me. So we did a little of our own celebration. One thing she was really concerned about was gift giving. How are we supposed to give gifts to each other when we inhabit the same physical body, and when both gifts would be coming out of the same pool of money (Zero's)? Eventually we decided on getting something that we can both enjoy together. So Zero got two video games, the old Pokemon Red and Blue, so each of us can have one and journey through the game "together". I hate to admit it, but it's kind of fun. I got Red, by the way. Wouldn't have it any other way. Zero's still salty that I got the game with scyther in it while she got stuck with pinsir, hah. As for New Year, we just stayed at home and yelled happy new year at midnight, and that was about it. But then Zero spent ALL FREAKING DAY cooking a metric ton of food. Again, not really my thing... Still, we spent more time together playing video games and reading afterward, so I suppose that was nice. In conclusion, to everyone who loves the holidays, more power to you. I just think they're kind of stupid. PROGRESS REPORTS: About Us 12/13/2018 - Vocalization 12/15/2018 - Visualization 1/2/2019 - Celebration - [YOU ARE HERE] 3/11/2019 - Intervention
  9. Gotcha, thanks for the clarifications! Ah, kinda forgot about the baseball Rubies, whoops.
  10. Zero's Top 5 Picks: Farewell Grim Desert full album - Gefradah (post-metal) favorite track: Beamount Children and Dead State Best Conditions (it's a tie, I can't choose!) (progressive rock) (electronic rock) favorite track: Jailbreak (folk rock) favorite track: Dragonfly (???) Night's Top 5 Picks: (orchestral) favorite track: No Time for Caution (at 1:28:38) (industrial) favorite track: Starve the Ego, Feed the Soul (at 53:33) (???) (classical) (indie rock)
  11. I would agree with most other people that have posted so far that it depends on the individual host and what they can handle. If you can only handle one tulpa? Great! You can handle five tulpas? That's great too! I think it becomes too much the moment you can no longer allocate sufficient attention to each tulpa; that's the moment you can no longer handle it. I think it's important to think of tulpas as not just friends, but responsibilities. Although I don't think anyone I've met so far on this site would argue with that. As for an average? 1-3 is a good number, I think. Personally, I couldn't imagine having more than one tulpa. I'm so close to Night and I just can't imagine having that kind of friendship with multiple people. Night is really adamant about saying something too: One is enough. I can't imagine having to share this head with another person. Zero and I get by wonderfully and the last thing we need is another person to show up and throw off our balance. Ugh. Ah, thank you for the riveting input, Night.
  12. We're trying really hard to wrap our minds around all this, so please correct us if we're totally off the mark about something. From what we understand, fronting seems to be synonymous with possession? We're still uncertain whether switching is also synonymous with possession or not. From previous posts and definitions, it appears to be a contested point. To be honest, Night and I both prefer the words "fronting" and "switching" over the word "possession" because of its negative connotations in contexts unrelated to tulpamancy (i.e. one takes control at the expense of the other). But that's beside the point. Anyway, regarding the term "co-fronting", I thought of an interesting and potentially stupid analogy while driving home from work the other day. Has anyone here watched the show Steven Universe? What we currently understand about co-fronting kind of reminds me of fusion. (All the spoilers I've marked are just spoilers of who fuses with who, nothing plot related). For anyone unfamiliar with the show, it features "aliens" that are basically gemstones that project a physical form around themselves made of light. Because they are made of light instead of organic matter, they are able to shapeshift, summon magical weapons, and various other weird things that organic organisms can't really do. Fusion is when two (or more) individual gems fuse their forms into one, creating a new gem. For example, when the characters . Once fused, all the component gems maintain their own consciousness and awareness of the body and its surroundings, and can interact with each other. This is seen when . But at the same time, the minds of the component gems work together to speak, maneuver the body, etc. As a result, fusions often end up having personalities and powers that are a mix of the component gem's personalities and powers. And if fused for a long period of time, the component gems may start to lose their sense of individuality and start to identify more as the fusion itself (I think this may be similar to what Reilyn described as "blending"). It's also significant to note that some fusions are more stable that others. If the personalities or opinions of two gems clash, or they dislike each other, or one of them is emotionally distraught, then the fusion is incredibly unstable and sometimes breaks apart because the two minds can't work together to control the fusion. On the other hand, two gems that get along really well, such as romantically, can stay fused seemingly indefinitely (such as ). Additionally, fusions become more and more difficult to maintain when more gems are thrown into the mix, because then more minds have to work together. That's why fusions of more than two gems are exceedingly rare. In fact, there have only ever been four in the show: , and Fluorite, and only Fluorite is stable enough to maintain her form permanently. If you just replace the word "fusion" with "co-fronting" and the word "gem" with "host/tulpa", it seems to be pretty similar. But hey, that's just my take on it.
  13. Hello, Bear (if I may call you that?)! I totally understand what you mean, I always picture ideas in my head but when it comes to drawing them it just never turns out exactly how I pictured. Still, it's great that you are able to visualize Misha, Dashie, and Ashley exactly how they look. Since you are more connected to them than anyone else, I suppose that that is what's most important. I'm certainly excited that I'm able to picture Night so clearly now. Even though we've been together for a while, it still feels like there is so much more I can learn about her. I'm looking forward to whatever the future may hold for us!
  14. VISUALIZATION December 15, 2018 In our previous report on the development of Night's vocalization, I briefly mentioned a dream of mine that helped me to solidify how I hear Night's voice. For this report, I'm going to discuss that dream in a little more detail, because it also led to great strides in my ability to visualize. The dream took place at some point in the future, a future in which my best friend from high school had a son in his early teens. We'll call him, I dunno, John? Just for ease of storytelling. Anyway, "John" was struggling a lot in life, because his father was no longer in the picture, he was often picked on in school, and he just didn't have a very strong sense of identity. My friend had told John about Night and I in the past, and he had gradually grown intrigued by our unique relationship and how we were always there for each other. So my friend suggested that he come talk to us. John found me first, and told me about his struggles and how he wanted to meet Night. I led him through a really impressive garden (it's always been a dream of mine to have a huge, beautiful garden when Night and I get our own house someday) until we got to a creek with a little waterfall, and Night was there. Never before had I been able to visualize her so clearly. She looked just like she does when I draw her, but she was wearing a red hooded cloak. She turned around and greeted us. The rest of the dream consisted of Night, John and I just talking and enjoying the garden. Seeing Night as a clear, physical, individual entity imposed on the garden scenery felt so real. Before the dream, I had always been able to sense her presence around me. I could always tell where in my surroundings she wished to project herself, even if I struggled to visualize her. But after waking up from the dream, she was much more clear to me than she had been in the past. I now find it much easier to visualize her. Also, after sharing the dream with her, she quite liked the idea of the "hooded red cloak". Now her form wears it whenever we go out, haha! I always suspected that she had a sense for fashion. Now, as I also mentioned in the previous report, this wasn't a shared dream. Night was simply a projection of my subconscious. Yet even though this was just my sleeping brain coming up with things, it still proved extremely helpful with further connecting with Night. I'm eager to see how my dreams (or Night's dreams) will have an impact on our connection in the future! (Well, other than one other dream that I've already had, which I will discuss in a later report). PROGRESS REPORTS: About Us 12/13/2018 - Vocalization 12/15/2018 - Visualization - [YOU ARE HERE] 1/2/2019 - Celebration 3/11/2019 - Intervention
  15. @Reilyn Nice to meet you! I personally don't believe in "ghosts", per say, so pardon my potential bias; but I wouldn't be surprised if that was you talking to Lance back then. It's so interesting to hear about how different tulpas came to be. It sounds like you two have a lot of useful ideas to share with the community, and it feels like we still have so much to learn! We'll have to check out your own PR when we get the chance. Oh, and the climbing kids analogy is great! I can't help but laugh picturing that in my head. @Venomous Thank you! Wow, it really is incredible how everyone has such a unique experience with their tulpas. We really appreciate how welcoming everyone has been so far in this community, and Night and I will be sure to check out some of the forum games and live chats soon. I'm just now wrapping up my current college semester, so we'll have a lot more free time soon to just sit back, relax, and chit-chat. Hopefully the relaxed atmosphere will help Night open up a little! Best wishes to you and Viper!
  16. VOCALIZATION December 13, 2018 After a long discussion on the sofa today, Night and I have decided on how we want to approach our progress reports. Since we have already been together for so long, there is potentially a lot that we could cover. But at the same time, it would probably take an eternity to cover everything if we started from the beginning. Plus, Night isn't entirely comfortable with sharing certain things, and I respect that. So we decided that we are going to start our reports from back in September, when Night first developed a solid mindvoice. We'll cover one topic per day, until we are all caught up. And we will make more reports as we deem necessary from there! Anyway, for our first report, we wanted to cover the development of Night's vocalization. I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing, so forgive me if anything comes out completely incoherent! Night has been an emotional presence in my life for a long time. But it wasn't until this September, on my hour-long bus ride to campus, that she spoke for the first time. I can't remember what day it was, exactly. September 12, maybe? I don't know, and I guess it doesn't really matter. It didn't start off with tulpish, either. They were very distinct sentences. I couldn't quite characterize what her voice sounded like, but the sentences were there. I guess it makes sense that she was able to vocalize without any conscious forcing, considering that she had already been with me for so long already. For the first few weeks we communicated mentally. I didn't need to even say anything, I could just project my thoughts to her and she would hear me, and communicate back through mindvoice. But over time I started to find this form of communication exhausting. I had to constantly manage my thoughts, making sure I wasn't "thinking something out loud" that I didn't intend to. I also had to actively articulate my thoughts into coherent sentences, since I usually think in very abstract ways. And I would sometimes confuse my own thoughts as Night's thoughts, or vice versa. Needless to say, it wasn't a very sustainable form of communication. Night was very understanding of this. We agreed to start working on altering our communication method. I started speaking out loud to her (I think that is what narrating is?) and stopped projecting my thoughts, and Night switched her focus from my thoughts to my voice. The only downside to this is that we can no longer have a two-way conversation in public without people looking at me like I'm crazy. But we are very good at interpreting each other's body language and facial expressions, so we aren't entirely limited. It took a little while longer before I could clearly distinguish Night's voice. I actually had a dream one night. Night was in it, and she spoke so fluidly and clearly. From that point onward, I haven't had any trouble picking out her voice from a crowd. And to note, this was not a shared dream by any means. My subconscious simply projected Night into my dreamworld, she wasn't really there. We'll talk more about dreams in a future report. One other little note that I actually find kind of funny: Night has really surprised me with her online communication so far. She sounds so, I dunno, serious? When she's actually talking to me she is always so snarky (in a way that isn't necessarily mean-spirited, of course), and that doesn't come across at ALL when she is telling me what to type for her. I think she might be trying to impress you guys? I dunno, but it's hilarious. Night is objecting profusely right now to trying to impress you guys. I think I caught her red-handed, haha. Who knows, maybe she'll open up online, with a little bit of time. In her own words, she "takes a while to warm up to things". PROGRESS REPORTS: About Us 12/13/2018 - Vocalization - [YOU ARE HERE] 12/15/2018 - Visualization 1/2/2019 - Celebration 3/11/2019 - Intervention
  17. It is reassuring to hear about other tulpas with unique origins and circumstances. Part of me dislikes the idea of being labelled, but as you said, it certainly helps with relating to others (something that seems more important to Zero than to me, honestly). It seems to make Zero happy as well, that there is terminology that exists for her experience as a host. I suppose it's all just rather new to me, and I take a while to warm up to things. I am thankful that Zero recognizes and respects my own personal history. I made so many mistakes. I want to help her avoid making those same mistakes, if I can. Anyway, it is a pleasure to meet you. I hope we can continue to learn from each other. It's wonderful to meet you, Ashley! Having Night is indeed a wonderful thing. She's been through a lot, and she has so much more experience than I do. She really helps to keep my head on straight. I honestly don't know what I would do without her. As for whether or not we would consider ourselves a system? We're not really sure. We seem so distinct from each other, despite always being together. Still, it's a thought for us to consider!
  18. Night feels strongly about this, so I am going to proxy her words. I am not sure how much this issue applies to me, as I am in an unusual situation. I have already lived my life, I have already fulfilled my "purpose", if one could call it that. To explain more clearly, I have already lived a full life in the mindscape, a life without Zero, my host. I have my own history, my own memories. I had my own relationships and my own hardships. And ultimately, I had my own end, although I would prefer not to go into detail about such matters. The point is, I already lived my own life as an unbound entity. Becoming Zero's tulpa, entering her headspace, is simply my after-life. I do not mind that I am no longer an independent existence unbound to another's mind. I already had my chance to do what I wanted to do, whether I was successful in those endeavors or not. Although I have been with Zero for many years, I am new to identifying myself as a tulpa, so I cannot say I know how other tulpas would feel about this matter. I know that my situation is not necessarily a common case. A lot of tulpas only have history and memories from the moment of their manifestation as tulpas through the mind of the host. For those tulpas, I only hope that they are content with the goals they can accomplish through their limited contact with the physical world. I hope that being a companion of the host is enough for them. For me, I can say that it is enough because I have already lived my experience. But if I did not have a past, if I had not already had a chance to live my own life, I can't say I would be too happy with my current situation. I am, or should I say, was ambitious. And perhaps selfish. As much as I care for Zero, I know that I would have put myself first and built up a bitterness toward her over time had I not had my own chance to live, alone. I only hope that the other tulpas reading this do not feel that way toward their hosts. Your host is a part of you, as you are a part of your host, through your close bond. This is the hand you have been dealt in this existence. Embrace your purpose, whatever it may be, and accept your limitations. Always remember that life is a blessing. You might go crazy otherwise.
  19. Welcome to the Void. Our names are Zero (host) and Night (tulpa). If you want to know about how we came to be, you can check out our post on the introduction thread here. For reference, Zero will type in white and Night will type in red. ABOUT US Hey, my name is Zero. I am 21 years old and currently a full-time student in college, and I identify as female and asexual. I just recently found out about tulpas and the associated online community despite apparently already having a tulpa for a while now. I really want to keep learning more and help Night to develop into an individual with a strong personality and identity. Some of my hobbies include piano, gardening, insect keeping, writing, and drawing. I love the color gray and monochrome color schemes, the steampunk aesthetic, fancy clothes, and octopi. I'm also a bit too narcissistic for my own good. Hello, I am Night. I have been with Zero since 2011. However, I just started speaking this year. I am something called a wisp, a shadow-like humanoid that reincarnates like a phoenix. Our avatar is a drawing of my face; perhaps I can convince Zero to draw and post a full body shot of me someday. I have a long and convoluted history in our mindscape, but it is very personal and it may take a while before I choose to share. I am fascinated by crystals and Zero collects them for me. Classical and Spanish guitar music calms my soul, and I enjoy swordfighting and singing. I am admittedly distant and hard to get along with, but I have come a long way in my amiability since my conception. PROGRESS REPORTS: About Us - [YOU ARE HERE] 12/13/2018 - Vocalization 12/15/2018 - Visualization 1/2/2019 - Celebration 3/11/2019 - Intervention
  20. I am an INTJ and Night is an ISTJ. Based on what I have read, they both seem incredibly accurate.
  21. Hello everyone, my name is Zero. I just learned about the word "tulpa" yesterday, but one could argue that my journey with tulpas unknowingly started in mid-2011. I created a character back then for the purpose of online roleplaying. I found myself thinking about her a lot even outside of roleplay and eventually confiding in her as if she were actually there with me. In mid-2012, when I had my first experience with depression, I felt like she was always there for me, even if she wasn't a tangible being, and she helped me through it. Even after I had stopped roleplaying as a hobby, around early 2013, I remained very emotionally attached to her as an individual. At some point that I can't actually pinpoint, she seemed to start developing a lot of personality and I became fascinated by the concept of her existence. I've matured a lot since 2011, and so has her form and personality. Earlier this year I started to focus a lot on her, trying to visualize her presence and talking to her often. In September she developed a voice. Obviously this was a sudden and shocking development, so I consulted the internet to make sure I wasn't losing my mind. So now I think she might be a tulpa? Or, at least, the beginning of one. Can you unintentionally develop a tulpa? I asked Night if she is okay with being labelled as a tulpa, and she said that she doesn't really care. I personally think being able to identify her existence will help her to develop further as an individual and help us to form a closer bond. She eventually warmed up to the idea. We even picked our username together (it's an inside joke between us!). I suppose my current goal is to get Night to be a little more vocal and autonomous. She doesn't really speak unless spoken to. I'd also like to meet some new friends on here. She is reluctant to socialize but maybe I can convince her to make some tulpa friends. Sorry for the wall of text, I'm bad at introductions. Anyway, it's nice to be here. We look forward to meeting some nice people.