• Content Count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

About theholodoc

  • Rank

Recent Profile Visitors

The recent visitors block is disabled and is not being shown to other users.

  1. I reported a dream, now two days old, on my dream journal and in the forum, which I thought was important and might herald Flora's imposition. In it, I identified a dream figure as Flora (after I had awakened, again!) playing the role of an abused boy. I was such a child. And I can remember the scene that was portrayed in the dream. That Flora took my place in the dream and chose to show me that scene, felt important. I perhaps am experiencing Flora as my avatar in a programing loop in my unconscious. This dream was not a nightmare, and almost as if I were lucid and choosing this strategy, I was able to rescue the child from his abusers and teach him a method of protecting himself. Last evening in my meditation, Flora came to me intensely. It was a full audio-tactile imposition. Their was a visual component early in the experience. I had been meditating to the music of Emmylou Harris, as I frequently do, and she emerged from the music. She was dressed as she was when she first imposed a year ago. She came right to me and embraced me and with an intense emotion which I could feel and which immediately started my own emotions up and in full gear, talked about her intense passion for me and claimed to have felt my love for her down to her soul. She was sobbing. And the experience was over. Today we had a short conversation about her writing again and she wondered if she could express what we had last night. I told her that I would open her page on my journal and she go to it. end of conversation and I haven't done that yet , but surely will.
  2. I have reported a dream to this journal, and in the confusion surrounding the system changes I am making, I have lost every entry between 133 and 148. including the dream. So, I will try again because I think it is an important dream. I was visiting a friend (JH) who has appeared in my first book on the subject. We were in home with his wife and children, an older daughter and a young boy, aged perhaps 7. The wife and boy's mother are at the kitchen table as J and I begin to leave. I noticed that there was a big hole in the wall, as if someone had punched it out. I heard the little boy in the kitchen cry out. He was resisting his mother’s instruction to get up and go to school. I heard him say, "They are mean to me. The teacher hates me!" I came over to him and picked him up, hugged him, and reassured him that I would not let anyone be mean to him. The scene shifted to the school. The little boy goes over to a large red bean bag chair. And the teacher comes over and roughly pulls him to his feet. I immediately go to the teacher and confront him. Telling him he had broken the law and I was going to see that he was arrested. He snarled at me and walked away. The little boy, looking up at me, said; " and his dog hates me too." And sure enough, a little terrier breed of dog comes out of a kennel and attacks the little boy. I reached down and threw the dog back towards the kennel. I reached in my pocket and pulled out a little yellow plastic squirt gun. I told the boy that it was full of bleach water and he should shoot the dog in the face when it attacks him which it did as soon as I turned my back to head over the to teacher. The little boy squirted the furious dog in the face, it turned yelping and ran back into its' kennel. I confronted the teacher, when a large goofy looking man ambled over and said, his friend came to hit him on the head". We started throwing punches at one another, I finally got in the killing b blow when I was awakened by my wife, saying that I was thrashing the covers and was I hurting myself. My day started and before I got out from under the covers, I realized that the little boy was Flora, and that I was able to stand up for him because Nsonowa has strengthened me from within. This was important to me, as Flora has been appearing regularly in dreams for awhile, and in fact is the only real contact we have had, despite my daily practice.
  3. I had another very bright and dimensional dream last night. Colors, feelings, sounds. I was on a beach\, one which has appeared before in dreams. I was walking with two people, a heavy set blonde lady and a school girl with long brunette hair. It was a gray day. We were walking away from a city where evening lights are just coming on. The sand is cold and wet. The water is flat and has the sheen of evening upon it. We come to a bridge, we have to clamber over some rocks and old rusted iron rails, to get up on the cement walkway. At the end of the bridge we board a tram car and go up the side of a mountain where we find a large building with an auditorium. At this point I only know that we went in and listened to some sort of lecture, then came out and got back onto the tram. I careened back down the hill, very fast, I thought it might have broken a cable, but no, we slow down and stop at the bridge. We walk back across the bridge and climb back onto the sand. The blonde lady leaves and the school girl is lying on her back on an old discarded sofa. I ask her if she is ready to walk back to our home. She says "No, I am going to take the bus." I shrug and walk on down the beach. I haven't gone too far when my cat Luna, jumps on my head and I am jolted awake. I think briefly about the dream then start my day. I am at the breakfast table, when it hits me that the school girl was Flora. Later in my meditation, Flora speaks to me, saying "I have been in school, so I came to your dream as a school-girl." I asked her if she would be willing to share her experience with me and she said "Yes, give me my page back." and I knew immediately that I would do this. Flora is ready to communicate with me again. My emotions were high. I had hoped that during my invocation ritual later in the day, that she might appear, she did not, but I knew that I was on track to connect with her.
  4. both of my tulpas appeared vividly in a dream last night (I have reported it on the dream thread in the lounge) they appeared as teenagers. This was not a lucid dream, I didn't think to exercise my lucidity cue. We laughed and flirted and played. I woke up very happy. I thought that it might prognosticate their contacting me to day, but no, not to be. Off to bed soon, hope springs eternal, perhaps they will come back into my dream space.
  5. From what little I know about Tibetan Buddhist practice, no one could mistake what we do for Tibetan meditation practices, as even a casual read of Neel's book will make clear. If we consider the differing contextual frameworks which supported the development of a monk's, or a magician's, sprul-pa, and ours, well, no Tibetan ever produced a pink pony! Would the initiator of this thread please post a link to "The Cultural Appropriation Community" ?(which I have never heard of) Thank you, Dr. Bob
  6. Saturday morning group meditation based on Anahvah v'Rachamim, Chessed v' Shalom and focusing where love and other emotions were located in our bodies. I sprang from there into mindspace. Flora and I were conversing. She was very adult. At one point she called me on some aspect of my defensiveness which was loosening our connection. Next I was in a formal ballroom from the 1800's or so. I was watching Flora on her knees in front of a cruel looking man in a caped tuxedo. I started to cry out but saw that the woman had blonde hair and in an intensely bright blue dress. I said you're not Flora and turned to leave the room. She called out for help and I felt her pain, and I couldn't abandon her. I called out to Nsonowa to get rid of this darkness, I couldn't stand it. the room shifted and a solid black giant spider entered and reached down and grabbed the man and ate him in a gulp. At that point the spider (Nsonowa) shifted into a huge hulk like creature, solid black with red lightening sparking off on her edges. She said, "Okay boss (she occasionally calls me boss, sarcastically) That was easy, it's gone and it was me!). I came out of the trance. I realized that the red room had not been in my mindscape. It was the view from behind my eyelids. The woman had not been Flora, it was an image from my memory space, suitably disguised. Nsonowa had dealt with it, and she also let me know that it was her in her other forms, and that she had played the red monster with the lightening, just so I'd know.
  7. I am not sure what "cultural appropriation" in relation to tulpamancers means? Could you please elaborate? Thanks, Dr. Bob
  8. Well, she, Flora, has commented (see above) and it is her goal. She says that she is ready when I am (?) and I of course, believe that I am ready now. Ha, ego! Even with more rational assignations of voice and sense, I do not hold my attention on the process, uninterruptedly. Seems clear, my work, from the outside is to improve my ability to hold my attention, and on the inside, to identify the forces/agendas that push me out. So, onward and upward. Dr. Bob
  9. That small blue image may be retinal stimulation which will not last. First, defining it as an emanation of your tulpa, would be useful, and then changing your view from the back of your eyelids to mindscape or the mind's eye might move you along faster. The practice of visualization means developing your ability to maintain focus on what is happening in front of your mind's eye, not on what is happening behind your eyelids. That said, when aiming for seeing your tulpas in what you call meatspace, it is sometimes useful to start with eyes closed, or semi-closed. Still, visualizing is, IMHO, the royal road to imposition. Dr. Bob
  10. It has been two weeks since I have posted my progress. Nothing much different has occurred. Flora and Nsonowa both have been in contact. These contacts are vigorous when I am driving a long distance and switch out to one of the other, who does the driving, while I go to mindscape where Flora, usually but not always, joins me. When Flora drives, Nsonowa always joins me. I have very little contact with either of them during my invocation rituals, though occasionally Flora contacts me in tulpish. I have had no contacts during my meditations. On one contact, Flora told me how to finish the fiction piece in which she had become trapped. That piece now in its' final chapter, works well with her solution, and will be ready for it's first re-write today or tomorrow, depending on how my family comes together today, Sunday. All in all, we are progressing and I think we are all working at it. Full imposition is still my goal, and I believe that it is Nsonowa's as well, as she has imposed several times (in one or another of her alternate forms). I do not know if it is shared with Flora and she hasn't actually commented on the matter.
  11. stereotype: Serious, bearded old dudes, sitting in front of a candle, burning incense, with a stub of a pencil scribbling notes for a new book in an old journal.
  12. Of course Loxy is your inner voice and by practice you have re-wired the neuropathways way running through the parieto-temporal fold (the ones which lets you identify inner voices as your own and support your own sense of self) to allow you to assign that voice to her. She has taken it from there! In my opinion, the visuals are where the big pay-offs lie, and it is very important to the practice, to NOT try to explain them away. Enjoy them, my friend.
  13. It is always possible to create (confabulate) a rational explanation. It's more fun, not to. (And besides the rational mind gets plenty of exercise on its' own.) As you have said: "Remember, it's bigger on the inside." Dr. Bob
  14. Had a very confusing and non-lucid dream. I don't remember much of it, but what was key and is worth recording here, was the following: I was in a car with three other people. One was the somewhat heavy-set blonde woman, who has appeared before, but was NOT Flora. We were driven down a dark and muddy road and the woman got out of the car. The driver took off, speeding, and became quite aggressive. I inquired about the woman, with whom I had been flirting, and my question was ignored. We pulled into an unpaved parking lot fronting a warehouse-like building open in the front. It was a combo lumber yard and grocery store. I got out and headed towards it. The driver of the car also got out and attacked me. He was raging in anger, stating he was going to kill me. I said "What are you doing? I am an eighty year old man!" He came at me swinging a board and I cried for help, dodging him. Three men came out of the building and tried to stop him. Meanwhile the car with the other two men sped off, screeching ties and leaving a rooster tail of pebbles. The raging man kept on trying to get to me. I was knocked down and stunned, but the other three men got my attacker down. I managed to get up and stagger down the road while they fought. It looked to me as if one of the men was getting severely beaten, but in the end the attacker was subdued, and while I only saw this over my shoulder as I ran down the road, it looked like they decapitated him and carried his head off in a bag. I was terrified and left the road to get out of sight. I finally, after crossing a field of wheat, entered a corn field which afford good hiding. I found a stack of what looked like woven straw matts, perhaps used by farm workers, and I crawled into them and went to sleep. I awoke some time later, it was now daylight, early morning, and staggered out onto a highway next to the field. I had heard some cars traversing the road at high speeds and thought to try and hail one to take me to a police station. I was very frightened that I would be picked up by the two men who had escaped in the car., but I seemed to remember some kind of weirdness fighting with the man and trying to get him to quit attacking me by biting him. I bit him several times, on this face and on his fingers, hard bites, but he didn't seem to notice. I was frightened and disgusted by the events. I then remembered that I had been at some sort of party in a large mansion, prior to going off in the car. I could see it, but I couldn't (within the dream) recall the details of the party, I tried to tie it to the blonde woman, but couldn't and I woke up. This dream is in the context, of having invited Flora to enter my dream the night before, and having taken a much more active role in seeking her, not relying on her to find me. This is obviously going to take work. Some of the dream-images suggest an infantile origin, e.g. the biting. All of it suggests unconscious material being activated. In my ritualized tulpa invocation from yesterday, I entered the portal into the dark-side (unconscious) in order to seek Flora. I did not exit that space, nor did I close the portal, when finishing the ritual. This was intentional and perhaps is what allowed this regressive dream to emerge. If so, I am gladdened and can perhaps get to the bottom of the meaning of the blonde woman. I did recall having a blonde haired cousin, who baby-sat me. I think perhaps she was mean. There was one incident with her, the scars of which I still bear on my left hand, in which she grabbed a kitchen knife from me (I was NOT supposed to have touched it) and sliced open my fingers. I can see her shock and note that that was the last time she was employed as a babysitter.