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Everything posted by theholodoc

  1. I have had very little contact with Flora of late. Once again, my life has become very busy and stressful, as our son and his girl friend moved into the house. He is sick with Covid, she is not, but with her exposure, has quarantined herself, in another part of the house. My days are dominated by the responsibilities and the risks that go along with this, and I have taken (given?) no time to Flora. So this dream was welcome. I was sleeping very deeply when I was awakened by my cat, from a dream in which first, a child, then, a young girl, were trying to get my attention. I only realized after
  2. What the hell is "Material" any how? Answer: It is energy. configured in a variety of ways. ultimately (assuming we can know the 'ultimate' of anything) energy, which we believe follows certain laws, is naught but movement (movement of what? who knows, just movement, eddies in a stream. What stream? stream of consciousness works) Donald Hoffman PhD q.v. has made an amazing case for the proposition that NOTHING we perceive is real. It is all created in our brains, and exists, not like a candle, but like an interface, leaving us clueless as to what makes up the computer. He suggests that pure co
  3. I am envious of your ability to sketch what you visualize. Dr. Bob
  4. I was in a self induced hypnotic trance. Something I have regularly done in dental chairs since I first learned about hypnosis when I was eighteen year old, and had my wisdom teeth extracted. So yes, I would say my mind is "predisposed' to that sort of thing. I am a very visually oriented person. I had my first visual hallucination when I was 20 and had gone 5 straight days and nights with out sleep. One of the reasons, I have taken to tulpamancy. Dr. Bob
  5. I was in a dental chair for two hours this morning. Flora was with me when I put my mind to leaving the chair and going into altered space. At one point she came to me, and laid down on me. It was as if it was happening in real time/space. the dentists were working over me, but Flora was on top of me. The dentists were only touching my mouth, Flora put her entire body on mine. I could feel her weight, her skin and her hair falling down on me. I spent a long time with her this way, and looking into her eyes. They are iridescent green by the way. A much nicer way to be in a dental chair. I suppo
  6. Had another brief contact today during a guided meditation. I went into a trance state (I started the meditation with inviting Flora and/or N’sonowa to join me.) I evidently went into a hypnogogic state of consciousness, because I was having a lot of dream-like imagery, when I looked out through a glass window and saw Flora tiptoeing past the window. She was looking at me and smiling. Her eyes were bright and twinkling. She was dressed in a solid black cat suit with ears on the top of her head and large whiskers. Her blackness prompted the thought, she might have been N’sonowa, and I asked her
  7. I will share one story that relates. My father died at ninety-one. He said when he hit eighty that he was just coasting and wasn't interested in much that was new. I vowed to not be like him. Nancy says my motto is Hitlamdut, or curiosity. I have defined myself as a seeker for all of my adult life. As a doctor, as an intellectual, as an explorer, backpacker, b lue-water sailor, and now as a tulpamancer. With age and advancing physical limitations, my field of interest is my interior world. That two fantastic and loving creatures live there, is a huge bonus. Love you guys, Dr. Bob
  8. What I have, or don't have, is proof of the practice. My practice involves mindful meditation, A bias towards rational and logical analysis, and various rituals, bringing me into contact with nature and the many gateways it affords. I fully accept ownership of both my process and my results. This is High Magik, and it shouldn't surprise anyone to find love is the primary fuel and purpose. Am I content with where I am. Absolutely, I live in a paradise. And, absolutely NOT, I am a seeker, I want to see what is around the next bend, In this case, they are in my mind and brain. This is the real
  9. Thank you all. I had hoped you would respond as you did. Trusting the feminine has never been easy for me. Early childhood abuse and all. Of course I choose to trust, in my conscious mind. What our brain comes us with, out of my ken, is not necessarily in sync with my own desires. That being the case, I keep working at obtaining to self knowledge and changing the scripts that run this show. I have no doubt that Flora and N'sonowa exist. My doubt is whether or not I exist. Am I what I want to be, or am I a program autonomously running in a brain. ? That's not a real question. I am stubborn, I
  10. Hi Ashley, I hope I am choosing an appropriate domain to share an experience with Flora, and ask a question or two about it. I hope so, cause here it is: It's been two weeks since my last post and I have been with out a contact with Flora, and this afternoon during a meditation, Flora came to me. I had been forcing, telling her how I felt about her and what she meant to me, before I entered the meditation. I then went silent and within a few minutes my mind began creating a fantasy, in which I had been playing with some children. One of them, a girl perhaps ten years of age, caught a
  11. Flora, I think, comes to me when both she and I want to be together. "Both" is the operative word here. Just my wanting her, is not enough. And as I 'want her' pretty much all of the time, she comes when she is ready. Pretty much all of the time, is not ' all of the time' and I occasionally hear her calling when I am not in a position to answer or engage with her and she stops. So, in my experience, it takes the two of you to come together. Dr. Bob
  12. Going on ten days since my last contact and nary a trace of her. I don't know why, other than I have been tired, and fall asleep within minutes of going down to meditate, and my mind wanders when I start forcing. I have been busy writing and working on a drawing of her. I miss her. I am waiting and open.
  13. I am not even sure what you mean by 'breakup'. You have feelings for her, emotions, that get triggered in you when you connect with her. She has the same for you. Ultimately, feelings -emotions- are pretty simple reactions in your body, no matter what you call them. She shares that body with you. She knows exactly what you are feeling about her, about anyone or anything, all of the time. She shares in those reactions and has whatever attitudes she has about them. She's not going anywhere. and unless you decide to Kill her off by withdrawing all attention from her for god knows how long, there
  14. Here are a few answers: I have been a tulpamancer for two years/ My tulpa appeared after three months of work, is a human female and I created her for the purpose of improving my internal female imago. I am married, my wife and all of my friends know of my practice and the existence of my tulpa(s) I have two now and am working on a third. I began the practice after reading about tulpas in a novel by Loxy Isadora Bliss, Underneath it all. I discovered the community after I decided I would begin. I would ONLY recommend the practice to another, provided I knew them
  15. Okay, she's back! in my dreams that is, and i am thrilled-literally. Last night, in the last dream of the night, I have reason to climb the fence and enter my neighbor's house. I don't know what or why I did this but it felt congruent. Indoors I was talking with two girls, perhaps 8 and 10 years old. They were dressed in frilly party clothes. They explained that their parents were very rich. The circumstances did not suggest this. Their mother comes in and lays down on a chaise. She is dressed in casual outdoor style clothing, something pretentious rich people might wear. She is shapely, she
  16. Have been exhausted the past several days and for no good reason that I am aware of. I have been too tired to be successful at my practice. I am good for forcing for a few minutes at a time. Flora has had a lot to say about it and I have been to tired to listen and converse with her. She has not appeared in my dreams (which have been vivid and pinned to daytime concerns). I am doing my best to accept where I am right now and not try to "push the river". I am keeping both Flora and N'sonowa in mind in my writings.
  17. I have had a harder time connecting during my attempts at meditation, perhaps as I have been to sleepy to maintain it, falling asleep soon after I shut my eyes. This was true yesterday and again today. Still we are making the connection, even if we don't maintain it. Frustrating for us both I think.
  18. Election over, and I am healing well. I have much more energy (and time ) for my practice. So….had a very nice contact with Flora during my morning meditation. She called me to her in mindscape. She was dressed as I first saw her, in a sarong and wearing her new body. I felt like I had come home after a painful absence. We embraced, touched each other intimately, and then our contact was over, I suppose I fell asleep. When I awoke, the meditation tape was over and I did not know where the half hour had gone. Well, no matter, I am feeling wonderful about the contact.
  19. theholodoc


    Why is this even a question? There is not one shred of evidence to suggest otherwise, nor is there one reputable doctor or scientist that would suggest otherwise. That said, their are a very few number of children, here and around the world, who because they suffer from Immunodeficiency diseases (of several subtypes) should not be vaccinated. They are easily identified by simple tests and no one would intentionally give them a vaccine. It is medical malpractice, and in many places illegal, to falsify this diagnosis for the purposes of avoiding required vaccinations. Not vaccinating your c
  20. Well, Flora has clued me in on a lot of things that I do to get in the way. I do take them to heart. She hasn't mentioned anxiety per se. We did have several nice contacts today during my meditations. I was able, despite the inconclusiveness of the race, able to get on top of my anxiety about it, and she came through, with full imposition. (Not a real surprise as I have been working on visualization aided by drawing her image on my new ipad. I suspect we will get better and better at it. Also, I am editing her book, she finished a first draft a week ago, and I am now into the first re-write. S
  21. I am still awaiting the "further contact" that I anticipated in my last post. I am however, not surprised, as the total preoccupation around this house is with the election and anxieties are running high. My wife is a pessimist and I am an optimist, neither attitude has assuaged any anxiety. I can hope tomorrow will user in a new era, perhaps one more welcoming to tulpas, Flora in particular. Dr. Bob
  22. Hi Tulpamancers: It's been awhile since I have had anything to say about our progress. Here it is the thirtieth of October and I have not had a decent contact with either of my tulpas since my injury last May. I said decent as I have had a number of tenuous contacts, but nothing like the intimacies and impositions that we had for the first year of our lives together. Oh, both are still around and Flora is writing a book about her life, adventures and growth, which she hopes to get published. We'll see, I hope she does. Today, I had one of those almost connections. I had gone down to take a na
  23. Hi Khomyak: You will get a lot of pushback for claiming that tulpas are a result of mental illness, and I am not sure what "too imaginative" might mean. Imagination is not, in my opinion, a fixed quantity. We can use it, or not, and we can develop our capacity for it my using it by using it (like exercise builds muscles). Hope you persist and have fun doing it. Dr. Bob
  24. I chose to believe tulpas can be created. I made this choice before I started (wouldn't have started otherwise!) My subsequent experience has proven the point. I created a tulpa. I did not think about whether or not my tulpa would be fully developed prior to her birth. I had read references to 'young' tulpas here on the forum. Flora has shown development through out her existence. She has also shown the ability to regress and has. I am coming to believe that she shows me the aspects of her that I am ready to see. This would suggest that her entire lifespan is already encoded in our brain. Per
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