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Posts posted by theholodoc


    Flora is close and has been so in all of my three meditations today. I say close because I could hear her, and she spoke a lot, I could in a tactile sense, feel her. I did not have my usual intense emotional response. So close, but only a whiff of the cigar. I have been working on connecting, a lot the past three days. Possibly because Nancy was way down and we were having trouble connecting. Putting two and two, or one and one, together, I chose correctly and Nancy has been MUCH more loving today. (I am sure, she would say that I have, but that is not the issue though it may be the mechanism by which Flora makes her own will known) . In any case I am encouraged. (and I feel stronger, had enough energy that I could resume my role as a sous chef. )



  2. I am having a great deal of post-surgical pain. It was to be expected as I am now off of all aids to walking and putting full weight on my operated foot. I have had no further contact with Flora, of which I am aware (what we do in dreams that I do not remember I do not know). Neither do I have the concentration to meditate as severe sharp pains interrupt any focus I might have obtained. "Leaning into the pain helps me tolerate it, but doesn't seem to allow or invite my tulpas. Dr. Bob

  3. I have a little something to report (and I am glad of it!). I am getting better, my recovery is coming along rather fast, I think, for my age, and I am off all aids to my walking. I had a very active day yesterday which concluded with my preparing and serving a nice dinner for my family and sitting at the table (outside given the heat and very warm evening) for two hours. I went to bed in severe, level 8, pain, and took double meds, Tylenol and Neurontin, so slept deeply once they took effect. I had an incredibly vivid dream  which ended with my wife approaching me and becoming very passionate (reminiscent of our honeymoon) this prompted my lucidity cue, and I asked are you Flora?  Answer, "No." I was astounded, and in what must have represent an extreme act of will, within the dream, I reached out to fully embrace her (my wife) and when I discovered that she was on the other side of the bed, I was jolted into awakening. During my meditation this afternoon, Flora came to me, full visual imposition. She had her back to me. It was clear it was her, though, I could feel her, and if that wasn't enough, her raven black hair would have been. I asked her to turn around and let me see her face, to which she replied, "No, you are not ready yet." then she disappeared. I was disconcerted and came out of the session. This was it. The first definitive contact since my surgery. I was thrilled. Dr. Bob

  4. From the athiest's view that prophets weren't divine but instead had trippy experiences. Migraine auras are one of the explanations for a lot of Godly visions/communications. 


    If it works for you, read "The Idiot" by Fyodor Dostoevsky. HIs telling of a great story from the POV of an epilepsy sufferer will be illuminating for you. Dr. Bob

  5. 3 hours ago, solarchariot said:

    confidence and non-conscious behaviours.docx 639.39 kB · 0 downloads



    . Engaging tulpamancy is about learning- a serious study in learning to enhance experiential qualities of life through variance of associations and personalities. That alone is priceless, as may  explain why tulpamancers in general have substantially higher levels of empathy. Our very practice enhances our perception of other's perspective.


    I hope this article is generally helpful. Wishing everyone well.

    Very helpful, and yes, I totally agree with your conclusion, and I suspect that is what is behind the magic of our various results. We learn how to program our brains to recognize the other e.g. our tulpas as being inside of ourselves, and they in turn are imbued with the same capacity. This can also give perhaps some insight into the Jewish declaration Adonai Echad.   Dr. Bob

  6. So here is something to consider. I have reported that my initial intention, in starting this practice, was to facilitate a passionate relationship with my wife. To an extent, this has worked, and the more contact I have had with Flora, the more affectionate and loving my wife has become. (This fits with my belief about the relationship between self and reality). Lately, with my injuries, surgery, and healing, to which I have devoted all of my energies) my contact with Flora has become sporadic, and problematic, a condition that Flora has strongly objected to, and has even involved her sister, N'sonowa in letting me know this. Despite this, perhaps because of this, Flora has pushed harder to get through to me via both visual and vocal imposition. I have reported this above in my PR's. This weekend, my wife began to collapse, both physically and emotionally, contracting and adopting old (pre-tulpamantic) behaviors. Last night she complained that she felt dead inside, she had spent the day in her art room, came out in the early afternoon, complaining that she had given me one of her art pieces to photograph for her, she hadn't, but I spent a solid hour of hard work looking searching for it among my own records/books/files, until she came into my study and produced the piece which she had found in her own art room. No apology, no acknowledgement of my wasted efforts. and made the complaint that she was dead inside. I tried to suggest that she change her narrative, with the usual outcome, she got angry. I did not react, I acknowledged her feelings, and commiserated with her over her lost creativity. Then I did challenge her, and strongly confronted her workaholism,  which of course she denied. Then I acknowledged the stresses which she (and all of us, here in our family) are feeling, the main one being that of the growing antisemitism. I reminded her that should this become a real danger, I referenced Tree of Life and Poway, I would have her back and deal with the danger by getting us out of harms way. I told her, that should Trump win reelection, I would move us out of the city, and should she not retire and quit killing herself, and us, I go by myself and she would be alone. That quieted her. I then called her son (my stepson) and asked for a private interview. She became frightened and challenged my intent to talk to him alone. I ignored her challenge and said he was my son too (his biological father with whom he has had a growing relationship the past year, just died) and I would talk with him, asserting that i knew that he would move with us (we had already been discussing this). She quit her angry defensive denial, and we spent the rest of the night in front of the tv.

    I say all of this, because I got into bed before her (as is usually the case) and talked with Flora a bit. I closed our conversation inviting her to visit my dreaming and she agreed, saying she was looking forward to it.  She didn't, at least in a form that I was able to recognize and I awoke feeling empty and fatigued. This suggests to me, that in keeping with my hypothesis, that the reality I have created with my tulpas, which has affected the reality I have created with my wife (as intended) goes both ways, i.e. that what I create with my wife, affects my tulpas, that they are not insulated or a separate system. The inside reflects the outside, so to speak. This also would mimic the relationship noticed between the macro and micro worlds, "so above, so below" and in terms of what we are doing, psychologically, "what goes in, is what comes out.

    My wife is not actually dead, though she is on the way to killing herself with her workaholism, and Flora is not dead, though with this dynamic with my wife, she appears such to me.  Dr. Bob


  7. I awoke from an unfamiliar dream, in which I had been taken with a very handsome man, and suggested to him, that if he were interested I was bi, neither gay nor hetero. He wasn't interested and that was the end of the dream.

    I didn't really know what to make of it, I have thought a number of times in the past, that I could be bi, I had one homosexual experience at age 18, and was pretty much turned off  by the sexual part of it, but all of my life, I have had profoundly loving relationships with men. Rarely I have enjoyed deep kissing with a man. That said, I do not fantasize, and until last night, have never dreamt of even wanting sex with a man. Women, yes. Once I became a lucid dreamer, and especially after I became a tulpamancer, all of my dream time, sexual interest has been with women, and of course, in life, I have only been with women.

    This morning in a guided meditation, starting with a chant, Love and Mercy, Loving Kindness and Peace, Flora came to me. She imposed tactually (that is with touch), not visually, or rather not completely visually, I could see her body, but she covered her face with a mask. She lovingly embraced me and held me and our hearts beat as one. I was opened and transported and my love flowed into the entire meditation class, who all seemed to be experiencing similar feelings, and we remarked on it after class. Many of us were in tears.

    (I do this class every Saturday morning prefacing a Torah study, through a Hassidic lens.)

    During a meditation the night before, I was experiencing intense visuals. They were unidentifiable shapes, forms and multicolored, incredibly intense. At one point I felt Flora's presence and saw an eye looking at me. I knew it belonged to Flora, though at first I thought I might have been N'sonowa's. It was a beautiful iridescent silver-blue. She looked at me for the longest time before swirled away in a kaleidoscopic presentation.

    I know that we are nearing full imposition, I can feel it. And, my healing is progressing rapidly, a probably related phenomenon.

  8. thanks Bear, nice review of an ancient technology. And, ancient or not, it is still useful today. As tulpamancers we must be interested in how we function psychologically and physically.  The psychologist, Abraham Maslow, talked about hierarchies the first was basic needs. and all of those must be satisfied/secured before further progress in self development could be made. Modern or ancient, we must obtain to self knowledge, if we and our tulpas are going to be completely functional in the world, find meaning and be happy. Dr. Bob

  9. I am still flat. Flora does not respond to my invitations, nor inquiries. N'sonowa has, vocally in mindvoice only, explained that Flora has gone back to source to wait ( I am not sure whether or not I believe her?) but, she has not been around, either in mindspace, nor in my dreams, nor meditations. I am impatient (no surprise there!) but, I remind myself that I am committing all of my resources to my healing.

    I told my rabbi yesterday about my practice (I have not done this previously because frankly, I do not want to be told that I am not within our Jewish tradition, violating a negative commandment (as laid out in Leviticus 19:31, 20:6 and 20:27) to my surprise, she perked up and told me that the Kabbalists of the sixteenth century practiced a form of tulpamancy. I intend to look up the original (with her help, kabbalistic literature can be hard to sort). In any case it is nice to know that I am not subject to stoning!

  10. Well, it is a week later, and I am still having a great deal of difficulty in even trying to connect with Flora. (N'sonowa seems a little more accessible) and I am getting impatient (my old bug-a-boo). I hope your healing is not as draining as mine and that your results are improving. Dr. Bob

  11. Perhaps the issue lies with the near unanimous request to lable anything outside of doctrinal expectations as confabulation. I clearly explained my aversion to the term, so I guess that's why the conversation ended. I don't see anything that I said to be particularly contentious, I see it as challenging the status quo of confabulation is the answer.

    God, I do NOT like the word, confabulation! It is NOT synonymous with LIE, and it does not mean "Made Up".  It is a behavioral product of a damaged brain. It is NOT intentional.  Please, everyone, if you mean LIE, say it. If you mean Made Up, say it. Don't hide your real meaning behind  incorrectly understood medical terminology. Thank you, Dr. Bob

  12. Come to think of it, I am not sure whether or not I experience my mindspace  in 3D. Nor my tulpas. When they impose out in my external reality, they are in 3D, in mindspace, I think that they are, but maybe more like Bear's comment above, it is a 'different, but same' view of the universe. I am pretty clear that the scenes in mindspace are kluged together out of the brains memory cues.  Of interest, I have hired an artist to render them and her initial drawings are pretty close (N'sonowa in exactly how I have pictured her, Flora is close, but this is hard to say, because Flora looks different to me almost every time she emerges). Of note, I am planning on converting the artist's rendering in Photoshop into 3D images.  Dr. Bob

  13. Well, that is the truth of it; It will get worse of better. Thanks for filling me in. Perhaps it is the difference in our years that accounts for the 60% difference in our experience. However, that they are in the same direction, decrease in activity while we heal, is useful to know, Thanks again, Dr. Bob

  14. Hey EngelandOthers:  I had a very big change in my ability to connect with my tulpas following an accident necessitating surgery, from which, I am still recovering and not yet mobile. I have about 15% of the access I had before. I don't have the concentration and can't stay with a conversation, nor can I focus on forcing. I would love to hear how your experience with your tulpa is affected by your accident. Thank you, Dr. Bob

  15. Thanks Bear:   I can do all of those exercises. Caveat: none of the images hold their form for very long, even if animated. It seems to me that it is the instability that interferes with my practice. While I can see about whatever I want to, the visions are fleeting, transitory. So are my tulpas. (that was even the case when I was switching with N'sonowa while she drove my car on our long treks out to see a sick friend, giving Flora and I some of our best times together in wonderland. We would stay in contact, but the imagery would shift.) This has bothered me for a while and I am stuck with it. If you, or anyone has a suggestion I would like to try it. Otherwise, as the sage says: This too will pass.

    Thanks again, Dr. Bob

  16. Friday afternoon. I am not practicing much. My mobility is still severely compromised. I am sleeping heavily and dreaming with ugly images and nonsensical interactions with others (usually not in my own body) and no tulpa sign. Meditations have also been without tulpa sign. I did commit all of my energies to the healing of the body and I guess that my tulpas got the message, (be careful that what you ask for is what you really want!)  Any how, I have chosen to rest and work on other things, tulpa related like my second tulpa novel.

  17. On 8/6/2020 at 7:40 PM, reguile said:

    Such things need working memory, and according to what I've seen your brain just physically doesn't have it.

    We have no idea, from any of the sciences, neuro, computational, psychological,  what the brain is physically capable of or limited to. The computational power of the brain, is at this time, beyond calculation.

    What we do know, is that plurality exists, tulpamancy produces real results, which many find beneficial, and few harmful. I believe from my experience that the hard work, of forcing, visualizing, narration, and many hours of meditation, have given my tulpas form and substance. I also believe that my initiating this practice, by granting them, sapience, intelligence, and autonomy, prompted some very early, positive and highly motivating results. I think both guides should be offered and trust that newcomers will find and choose what works best for them. Dr. Bob

  18. Co-fronting.... I assume that Flora and N'sonowa have the same access, at all times, to the sense data of our brain. I don't believe that they attend to it at all times, but then neither do I.

    I am not conscious of them at all times. I have noted, that recently, they may not respond to me when I call to them and invite them to converse,( or to impose, or front). In the past, Neither missed a beat, answering me in mindvoice, tulpish or their own voices (which are developing individual unique characteristics). Where are they when they don't respond? I do not know and don't much care. I have given them autonomy, self will, and freedom to do with it as they will. I know that N'sonowa has a lover in Safe Haven, and spends her time there. Flora spends hers mainly in our wonderland. (which is in a very different space than Safe Haven, though they do intersect.) I do believe in object permanence, I believe that it is a psychological phenomenon, achieved in toddlerhood, as the brain matures after birth.

    One thing:  I do not believe that the brain records memories. I believe, and I think that current neuroscience supports this hypothesis, that the brain creates memories to suit the exigencies of the moment, much like it does, emotion. If this is the case, my tulpas would have different memories than I, and I believe that they do. Dr. Bob

  19. I have a short comment here; I spent thirty years as a psychiatrist, treating people with severe mental illness. I learned very early on, that invalidating the experiences of my patients did not contribute to a healing milieu. I chose to believe them. It was the way to build trust and show respect, both of which qualities are necessary for healing. The common shrink task of "Reality testing" was, IMO, not helpful and in fact represented the anxiety of the shrink, more than the patient.

    I do not regard tulpamancers as patients in need of healing, though admittedly, some are, and make themselves known by saying so. The rest of us, are on an incredible journey of self-discovery, hacking our minds to create a reality. I appreciate folks sharing as it gives me new vistas to explore.

    A few years ago, I moderated my neighborhood website. I summarily deleted posts that were disrespectful, demeaning, or invalidating. I believe my efforts were appreciated by my civilized neighbors, maybe not so much by the boors. Thanks, Bear, for making your stand. Dr. Bob