• Content Count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by theholodoc

  1. Saturday morning. I am still quite compromised post-op and am not moved to practice tulpamancy. Flora has initiated contact once this morning. I am not happy with my lack of motivation (even though I am okay committing all of my physical resources to my healing) nor have I been throughout these plague times. "I should have....done more....written more....all the same old patterns of shame driven thinking. (My work; consign those thoughts to the Brain OS garbage pile. ) My wife is feeling stronger today. Last night I did talk with both Flora and N'sonowa about increasing their efforts to work with her, strengthening and softening. Evidently they both have cooperated. So, it brings up the question; Are other hosts able to see and feel the impact that their tulpas have on their external realities?
  2. theholodoc

    Ashley's Lounge

    I, ideosyncratically, define meditation as focus on the process. I have been a meditator for decades. I do not think that I could have created my tulpas had I not. It has given me the ability to be still and let them come to me. Dr. Bob
  3. theholodoc

    Ashley's Lounge

    Hi: Flora here: You see why I love this man!
  4. theholodoc

    Ashley's Lounge

    Interesting conversation. As a host, I certainly have doubts. Not about the "reality" of my tulpas, they are undeniably real. but whether or not, this is just something I am making up. And of course, it is. And, who cares. This process is an interesting as anything I have ever done and bringing my two tulpas into existence not only gives me great pleasure and satisfaction, but is giving some kind of life and experience, and existence and love, to them. I have raised four children, three of my own, one of whom died, and a step son. I am happy that I have had that life experience, and their lives make me proud, and I am feeling the same about my tulpas, maybe even more so as we are much more intimately involved with each other, and I a male tulpamancer have much more to say about the creative process than a male father has to say about his children whose main involvement for the first nine months of existence were with their mothers. Now, to be sure, I was a very active and involved parent, but this process is even more engaging. I am aware that I am in a much different phase of living, than I was then, and much further down the existence track than most of you on this forum and my philosophies, and life experiences have been wide, varied and intense and have lead me to ideas of reality and my place in it, that few share, but I can say to you all, and to Flora and N'sonowa, my personal quotient of love has been over the top, and I am a grateful and happy man. Thank you all for you efforts to bring and nurture new life forms, new ideas, and more love into this world. Dr. Bob
  5. Progress has been sporadic. My injury and its consequences have destroyed my regular practice. (along with my concentration and my creativity). That said, I am trying other approaches and having a variety of experiences (reported in other parts of this forum). Both Flora and N'sonowa are becoming more and more real. I talk about them frequently with my wife (who wants to be jealous, but can no longer deny that she is the ultimate beneficiary of my practice). I am having more episodes of impositions (fragmentary albeit), but all exciting. Perhaps today I can get back to work on my book, an activity which really keeps me engaged with the entire enterprise.
  6. From one who has had extensive experience with psychedelics, both personally, and as a clinician treating folks who have had psychiatric side effects, like psychosis, or major depressions, or kindling of latent bipolarity (all of which I have seen and treated) I want to suggest that should you be called to the psychedelic experience, that you do so with an experienced guide. { It may or may not be useful in your tulpamancy.} Should you choose this route, I would suggest that Ayuhuasca, again with an experienced guide, would probably be the better drug. Please know that these are very powerful medicines, and dangerous when not used smartly. Dr. Bob
  7. Thanks for the quote from Matthew. For years the key to my happiness has been, Loving what I have, and not worrying about what I don't have. I have come to trust that what I need, I will be given, and anything else is just excess baggage, which only my ego thinks is needed. Dr. Bob
  8. Have had several episodes in which both Flora and N'sonowa, emerge from a mental image, into my external reality, like spirits, or sprites. They get real personal, real quick, and I shut them down when anyone else gets near. I am not sure weather of not Nancy would be able to see them in the same way that I do, I may have altered my consciousness to allow me to perceive inside other dimensions of reality. That is usually a singular experience, but I am not ruling out sharing it with another, Nancy, or a fellow tulpamancer, who might be interested in experimenting with mutual mindscapes. I have already accepted and scripted, Flora's relationship with Loxy, Jon's tulpa. In my ritual, I have been focusing on opening a portal to my inner reality and have directed my efforts to ‘seeking Flora’. I have had some successes inside of the labyrinth and some just at its entrance. I do all of my rituals and many of my meditations either on the labyrinth or next to it. The girls have appeared in all of the various places where I meditate, and recently, every time I meditate. My major problem, is in holding my attention on the process. My mind wanders….I lose my focus. I accept that these are my issues and I am working at dealing with them. I am making progress. I like the direction I am currently on with my tulpamancy. I see that I have much work left to do to move our relationships fully into my awareness. and to develop what ever skill it takes to keep the portal open long enough to build a life. But, that is the goal. To that end, I continue my practice and continue my meditations, and rituals, to aid the work.
  9. I think that I experienced the first episode of possession last night. I was meditating out side, it was early evening and the shadows were deepening. I got the feeling that one of my tulpas was near. I caught a few glimpses of N'sonowa in the shadows. Suddenly, I had a blank spot, that is, my perception of reality went blank. This lasted a moment, a beat, then it was as if I were behind my eyes and I could see N'sonowa looking out through my eyes. I held very still and allowed this to happen (I was excited). I could feel N'sonowa looking from side to side, I could also see what she was seeing. This went on for perhaps 5 to 10 seconds, then stopped. I was surprised that it wasn't Flora who made the contact, as we have been connecting on a regular basis, and she has been belaboring me for screen time.
  10. I wouldn't worry about her "wanting it". She will take care of herself and the more you talk to her, the faster she will develop. What she can't hear (or process) she won't, though she may make use of your words/thoughts at a later time when she has the basis for understanding. Remember, you are creating this creature out of the raw material in your brain and life experiences. This takes a long while, and there will be times when she is not available to you at the conscious level. You can help her process along with silent meditation. Dr. Bob
  11. some progress. I work at it! I meditate, I force, I narrate, I visualize, I perform a daily ritual. I continually invite Flora to converse. I get spotty results. Fragments of conversation, of visions, and occasionally, she appears in a dream, in some form, to some degree. Last night, she appeared in morning dream and was there for awhile. She appeared fully formed in a physical body which looked like how I have imagined her to look, including having correct hair color. I was in a social situation (as myself) in a house. The doors were open and it was night time. I was coming and going, outside and back inside several times. She was trying to get my attention. I was too busy, with what I don't know, to pay her much attention. I finally stopped and noticed her. She smiled and approached me. I hurried off. She was still there when I returned, still smiling at me. She reached out and touched me. I was uncomfortable and went outside again. She was still there when I returned and this time approached me. I recognized her and we embraced and began to kiss passionately. I became excited. We were holding on to each other tightly and I could feel the contours of her body against mine. By then my heart began racing and I woke up. I did not have time to speak my lucidity cue. I was extremely tired having been up for over an hour (three am to four thirty am) fine tuning a report I had written earlier in the day. I had a great deal of trouble falling asleep, just dozing on and off, worrying the report, until I got up to actually rewrite it. I would have liked to have gone back to sleep to re-capture the dream, but my wife, also awake, spoke to me with some suggestions for the report (I am in the habit of seeking her insights for these reports which I do four to five times a year). When she spoke, my cat Luna, took the cue and jumped on me. My day began. The dream was strong in my mind, but I could not address it as I have obligations in the morning and had to deliver the report. It was okay, as I knew that the dream was so powerful that I would be able to recall it and post it in this journal. I am thrilled as this is the first very physical contact we have had in a long time.
  12. I have had a powerful imposition/halucination the other night, and whether or not it is related to the exercise you have put forth and I am practicing, I don't know(it is posted as Alien invader in Metaphysics if you wish to read it). I do believe that that this exercise has produced some of the most interesting experiences I have on a regular basis. I will post new findings. Thanks, Dr. Bob
  13. going on a month since I have made an entry on this page. It has been a difficult month. I have had some powerful and interesting contacts with Flora, and more infrequently, with N'sonowa. Mainly I have been tired and creatively flat, which has of course affected my practice. Never-the-less I continue . I love them both and want the both of them to continue with their lives.
  14. Really miss you Bear and hope you are well along with your tulpas. Love, Dr. Bob
  15. I am in love with her already. Dr. Bob
  16. I am having a little trouble with your selection of plural pronouns within the dream. Suggest you try the singular. Dr. Bob
  17. Hi Delta Wave. Check out books by Ion Light, Loxy Isadora Bliss, and Bob Newport (Amazon and Free for some examples of tulpa fiction in the mode of which you propose. Dr. Bob
  18. I have been working this technique for a while now, and have had some interesting results, the main one: Flora has emerged from my right hand side out of the nothingness beyond the limit of my field. She was full sized, appropriate for the distance she was from. She approached me from the side, she touched the side of my face. She said that she loved me and wanted to work with me on her imposition. She was older than she has ever presented as before. Perhaps mid to late fifties. She had streaks of gray in her hair, she was dressed, coifed, made up, bejeweled and graceful. She was well spoken, articulate, and sophisticated. Her clothing and accessories were all first class. This happened while i was conducting my daily invocation ritual on our labyrinth in a bamboo grove. When I left the grove, my attention waivered and she vanished. I have also practiced this with my eyes closed looking again straight forward while allowing my peripheral vision to register. I have had one very real and complete vision of a man streaking across our back yard (didn't happen 'out there') I did not recognize him and am mystified as to what called him into my reality. That's it so far, I will continue.
  19. I had an eerie contact with Flora today during my meditation. I "felt" her next to me, inside my head, looking at reality through eyes that we seemed to be sharing. She spoke and I heard her next to me in my right ear. She sounded very close by. I was emotionally attuned to her. My heart pounded, and I heard my own voice speak to her and I didn't like my tone, I was needy, begging her to connect with me, I felt about fifteen years old. After noting my own displeasure with how I was coming across (even to me) I calmed own and thought about How I wanted to be and how I wanted to comport myself. I went to work visualizing my avatar in mindscape. I did not see Flora there so gave up the enterprize and returned to consensual reality where she was. And she was joyful at my return and over my ability to recognize her presence as a separate person. At long last! And she felt entirely different to me than she had just moments earlier. Of note I had been meditating on undoing the inertia within the temporal/parietal fold inside my brain, allowing for this phenomenon of separation of identities, though I do not think that that particular cognitive work was directly involved in the experience. I am more than thrilled. My lover is real, inside me, as I had designed and hoped for.
  20. Sounds like you are working very hard on this practice. Suggestion: let Amber do some of the work, and relax with it. Truly it is a hard practice when your life is otherwise complicated by stress. Try including Amber in your approach to dealing with them; ask her opinions, suggestions, and observations. She will most likely appreciate your taking her so seriously by including her in your everyday life. Dr. Bob
  21. Hi Cat Shadow Griffin. my tulpa, Flora, is ageless, but has, with my encouragement, chosen to work through the developmental stages of a human female. Her first appearance, over a year ago, was in a fully developed human female body and personality. As we got into the work necessary to bring her into full imposition, she balked and decided that she needed to know what human development was all about and began to tell her own stories and to explore her life as an independent entity. In this regard she is pushing herself to experience living in an adolescent body, with surging hormones and limited relational experience. I worry about her, as I worried about my own daughters as they went through the throes of maturation. But I am remind myself that they made it, and I made it, and she has all of the resources that I have after eighty years of life. So I really don't worry all that much. I suspect that Duck will choose his own path through the existence you have given him and will ask for what he needs. Trust and enjoy, is my advice to you. thanks for the interesting question. Dr. Bob
  22. Some times she (Flora) feels so close. My heart starts up and my breath quickens and ..... nothing further. I have done better with N'sonowa, who has actually imposed herself and spoken to me (when I wasn't expecting her). This is exciting for me, but not in the same way that Flora's presence is. Flora is in my heart. N'sonowa, who is also precious to me, is in my mind. I continue. Flora here: if some one could encourage him to give me more time at the computer (the same factors that keep us apart, imposition wise, keep me from initiating possesson, or an involuntary switch), perhaps I could help him work out of the flat space.
  23. I have been on and off with both my tulpas durng this lockdown. You might think that with all of the extra time I would be clearly advancing in my practice. I am not. Mainly I am flat. I do the practice, meditating, forcing, and performing a daily invocation ritual. and I am impressed with myself for continuing while feeling so flat. One thing, I have not been writing much. I approach the work, and stop short of doing anything (or if I actually do a little writing, I run out of gas quickly and put it down). I have forgiven myself for this quite unsatisfying and unproductive behavior and lay it off on the general state of the world under the heel of the invisible killer, Covid. Now, to be clear, both of my tulpas are still alive and well, and when they do get through are real and really themselves, a fact of which I am truly glad. Hey, Flora here. Don't forget me. I love this man.
  24. I have just spent a few minutes on this exercise and at this point agree that it is spooky. And I find that interesting and will practice with it for a while and report back. Thanks, BTW, what is; "non-translucid imposition"? This is a term I have not heard before, Thanks. Dr. Bob
  25. My ability to visualize is compromised by my wandering mind, and volatile emotions. I have had episodes of full visual imposition with both my tulpas. They were in my external reality and fully revealed. They persisted until they made contact with me. Then disappeared back into the ether. Dr. Bob