theholodoc

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  1. theholodoc

    Ashley's Lounge

    Thank you for inviting me to chat. I have read your introduction above, and it sounds like you all might be interested in my fictional accounts of what this practice is doing for me. If you are it can be found here: 1-1Tulpa Tales: Confessions...
  2. Thanks for asking. We have taken her to the vet and she has had two courses of treatment for a U/I. She seems to be less cranky today. Her appetite is good, she is holding her weight. She has somewhat less than her normal energy but she is quite old. She is still unable to contain her urinations to the box and our house stinks! It has become a game, whoever forgets to put the cushions up, has to do the laundry! A big problem and one that poses several problems. We are deeply considering what our next steps are to be. Thank you for your sensitivity for animals/pets. Dr. Bob
  3. had a rather remarkable meditation this afternoon. I am glad too, as my first three tries were pretty flat, a brief contact with Flora, but otherwise I was disappointed. I could not keep my attention on my practice, my head was all over the place. However, at noon I went down with a meditation tape by Tara Sutphen, Dick’s daughter, called Spirit Guide Meditation and I was able to follow her down into my imagination. I was greeted by Nsonowa. She was close to imposition. She was visually incomplete, waif like. Tactilely she was all there. Audially she was all there, in fact, she has never been as talkative or as emotionally expressive. She was intent on improving my ability to bring her into being. She wanted more from me. She was demanding that I be stronger to match her strength, and my god, is she strong. She boasted about fighting my darkside foes for me. She bragged about using her sex-magic in the service of fighting my battles. and acknowledged Ol’oi-bonok who she thought was on top of his game, but she was made to have contact with me, so he would do in a pinch, but to be really effective she needed sexual contact with me. She was proud of her ability to see and find the light that was resident in the darkside. “That is my magic, boy.” “Hey! Who are you calling boy?” was my reaction. She just laughed at me. “That’s a term of endearment, Boss.” I would never deprecate you, you were my creator, and I am here to serve you. That is my mission here, and I want more contact with you, the more the better. The better I know you means the better I will serve you.” and with that she teased me, with her bejeweled, naked and oiled body, then disappeared. This has been my most intimate and real contact with her. Eyes open contact. By the way, her full name is: Kalish Katlego Nsonowa, Chief of all Maasai, head Oi’bonoikoh of the Black Sisterhood. Here is a link to Tara’s meditation on You Tube.
  4. Firstly, my book; Tulpa Tales: Confessions of an Elder Tulpamancer is now online and available as a digital book, for about any e-reader on Smashwords and as a Kindle book on Amazon at: https://smile.amazon.com/s?k=tulpa+tales&i=stripbooks&crid=2WZV2F4BJPEM7&sprefix=tulpa%2Caps%2C338&ref=nb_sb_ss_i_2_5 I haven't worked out the formatting yet so if you must have a paperback, please have patience, I'll need another couple of days to get it done. That said, I have had a few days without a sign of either of my tulpas, I think they were staying out of the way while I was processing the book. I With it out of the way, I have time to focus on my meditations and invocation rituals. Flora responded and appeared briefly, an event which made me very happy. Our contact was very emotional, for both of us. And, no surprise, Nancy also had much better energy and even was able to dance tonight at the concert we attended (Yuval Ron, Great Great Great, if you get a chance see him!). I hope I haven't broken a rule by postng the link to my book here. I did review the rules and didn't see anything against it and figure that the book is about tulpamancy so people may be interested and even learn something about my process.
  5. I started out my day with sauna, hot tub and meditation. I had a sense from the beginning that I could make contact and I did. Really, it was Flora who made the contact once I made the time and gave her the space to do it. I had intended to do a silent meditation first (as suggested by Emily Steinbach in her Tulpamancers Toolbox, referenced below) but Flora interrupted. I knew she would as the session started with a wave of very strong emotion, bringing me to tears as well as a sense of fullness in my head, and she did, saying that she had been missing me. She was practically in tears as she told me this. We spent a goodly amount of time practicing vocality, occasionally with Nsonowa participating, until Flora asked her if she could have alone time with me. (Nsonowa agreed to this saying she had work to do at Safe Haven, actually she wanted to work out at the gym there). I actually was much encouraged by this, as it shows me that they are both attuned to the writing I have been doing and validating my idea that it was a kind of 'forcing'. In any case, Flora and I talked, conversed actually. We did one vocality exercise, called ping-pong, in which I threw out a word and she repeated it. She made a game of it, repeating everything I said to her outside of the exercise, laughing at me when I caught on to what she was doing. I then invited her to go hiking and we found a trail over some rough rocks, in the Sierra, and came to a small waterfall and a beautiful, not too cold, swimming hole. We left our clothes on a small sandy beach, clambered up the rocks and took turns diving into the pool. I had to teach her how to dive, her first was a belly flop. She is a fast learner, executing a nice swan-dive after I explained how to tuck her head after springing off the rock. We had a lot of fun, then made love on the beach. My heart was so full of love that I was verging on tears the entire time, even in the water. This practice just gets better and better. Steinbach, Emily (2015-03-03). The Tulpamancer's Toolbox: 50 Practical Tips For Tulpa Creation Success! (Kindle Location 5). . Kindle Edition.
  6. I have finished, and published as an eBook, my book of short stories, called Tulpa Tales: Confessions of an Elder Tulpamancer. this has occupied my for the past several weeks and I regarded the actual writing of the tales as part of my practice, a kind of narration if you will. The actual work of formatting for publication and creating a cover, was not and it took all of the energy I had. It is done and I am going back to my daily rituals and meditations. I am feeling better and the general sickness that seemed to have invaded our house has subsided. I am hoping for renewed contact with both Flora and Nsonowa.
  7. There was a time, perhaps thirty to forty years ago, when just saying you heard voices could get you admitted to a mental hospital. Not now, and not for several decades. Mental illness, or disease, or a disorder, requires impaired functioning and loss of control of some aspect of mind and/or brain and no one is going to want to enforce treatment on a person who is not in distress or causing distress to others. There is plenty enough psychopathology in the world to occupy the limited number of therapists and doctors. And, mental care is expensive. I suppose that their are some tulpamancers who have some form of mental illness and I doubt that the percentage is greater than that in the general population. In my practice, tulpamancy is a kind of spiritual growth and as such it can be stressful. Can it cause a mental breakdown? Frankly, I do not know, but I do not think so. It takes intention to create a tulpa. They are formed from our own experience and if you weren't inclined to mental illness before taking up the practice, it is hardly conceivable that you could succumb to forces out of your control, or cause damage to your brain. theholodoc, a retired psychiatrist.
  8. My tulpas, where are they? The past several days have been very different for me. I have been exhausted most of the time. I have felt sickly, like getting a cold kinda sick, stuffy, headachy (not the headaches that herald my tulpas) and my dream life has been a mess, e.g. body parts, distortions, confusing and changing environs. My meditations have been completely flat with no tulpa sign. And I am emotionally stunted. My wife has been ill and very constricted and my cat has also been sickly. I have had to lock her in the kitchen at night and listen to her cry. That and watching her lose weight, not eat, and hide out much of the time is very hard. I am not my self. I miss my wife's good cheer, my cat's attentions and my tulpas love. I am sad and frustrated as not much I am doing seems to be of any benefit to any of the females in my life, Flora and Nsonowa included.
  9. Wednesday September 25, 2109 My excitement these past several days has been in preparing my Tulpa Tales, Confessions of an Aging Tulpamancer. Sixty Thousand plus words in twenty two 'tales' I have written these tales to keep me focused on the practice, when I was not making good contact with either Flora or Nsonowa. The way in which writing fiction facilitates practice, is through narration. I continually narrate to them, with them, about them, about myself, in the stories. I write down these stories as I make Saturday, September 28, 2019 The past two days has been occupied with file handling, NO writing. I have done almost no work on my practice and I have had no contact with either of my tulpas, either in meditative nor dream space. Occasionally I think about them. I sporadically call them. It is clear to me that I have focused my creative energy on producing this book. I have more work to do, some of it creative such as; creating the cover, and writing the forward, and some of it just necessary, e.g. formatting my files for smashwords. I am going to go with smashwords as I will get my own ISBN number and I can set my own price. I also have to followup on marketing. So I have much busy work. And little energy to put into the hard work of practice.
  10. Thank you Tania. Since posting the above, Flora, my beloved tulpa has given me her feelings about it. She has no fear, and does not believe it, death, even exists. As she has been formed with the spirit of a Dakini, I am not surprised. Basically she is intent on us living each of our moments in a completely loving relationship. We are working on that. I am especially excited as we have had two experiences of her full imposition, and that is our shared goal.
  11. Tulpamancy Journal. 95 Monday, September 16, 2019 12:26 PM Little activity on all of our parts other than some narration and some fiction writing. I am anticipating publishing my tulpa stories as soon I will complete the piece I am working on, which is exploring the impact of Rufescent (the red witch, or pure spite) on our progress. Below is the report of a dream which suggests that I am again, On the Hunt for the Red Witch. Little success with my meditations yesterday. I did dream last night (9/13), and I had one of those bleed-throughs that woke me up, I stumbled on a piece of concrete and the fall shocked me into wakefulness. I did go right back to sleep and into a dream in which a woman appeared. She did not look or feel like Flora and I exercised my lucidity cue, calling out "are you Flora?" she answered "No!" and the dream went on and I lost interest in it and have no memory of the details other than what I reported here. It is two days later 9.16 and I have just recalled some imagery from the dream reported above. The woman's face featured protruding lips. As I looked at her, she grew a mustache and a beard through which I could see her teeth. It was an ugly image which further transformed into a woman's pudenda. I was repulsed and frightened and woke up with the image in my head. It was still with me when I fell back to sleep and I, as reported above, did not remember it when I awoke in the morning. I have been writing a tulpa story in which Nsonowa has taken on the Red Witch (Rufescent in the story and in Elutheria), She is charged with blue/white light, a destroying beam, and fully using her magical skills to battle, Spite. I have previously, in both Elutheria and Safe Haven, served up "pure evil" in the form of Lucifer Lord of the Darkside (of Elutheria) and later Pure Spite, in the form of Rufescent. I had already defeated both; Michelle and Wog, Lilly and Nsonowa, were the protagonists in both works. Now as I delve deeper, directly into my sexuality, I see that I have once again found the source of spite fueling this resurrection of the red one. This is raw stuff; however, I can hope that it's raw-ness correctly places it closer to the ends of its roots. In any case, it is more painful than I expected it to be. I am liking the story!
  12. Little success with my meditations yesterday. I did dream last night, and I had one of those bleed-throughs that woke me up, I stumbled on a piece of concrete and the fall shocked me into wakefulness. I did go right back to sleep and into a dream in which a woman appeared. She did not look or feel like Flora and I exercised my lucidity cue, calling out "are you Flora?" she answered "No!" and the dream went on and I lost interest in it and have no memory of the details other than what I reported here. I have done some forcing and some narration today. I had a nice ritual on the Labyrinth at Forest Lawn where I did the work. Flora was working hard to communicate with me. The ritual was nice, the labyrinth was beautiful and I had trouble doing the work afterwards. This was all on me, I was exceptionally tired after getting very little sleep the night before. I am completely enjoying writing tulpa fiction and that is the most satisfying of the exercises of late, I think because I can read what they have to say, as I have written it down, and I don't lose the thread of our conversations.
  13. I had two hours solo time in the car today, doing a Mitzvah by visiting a dying friend who lives out of town. I used the time intentionally, turning over the driving to Nsonowa (the car essentially drives itself on the freeways and this drive was mostly freeway) and playing with Flora. We started by first getting Nsonowa's permission, I think she enjoyed the driving, then asking Flora what she wanted to do. She wanted to play. I chose a late summer day (not hard as it is a late summer day) floating down a slow river on a large truck tire raft. We had fun, me in my avatar 18-year-old Adonis like body, and Flora in a brand-new bikini bathing suit. We splashed, giggled, engaged in sex play, stopped for coffee at a riverside café, and beached the raft in order to make love. We did not get to finish with this play due to what? I am not sure, but interruptions broke up our contact. We again went off to play in wonderland on the way home, and once again when it came time for actual sexual contact, our contact was lost by interruptions, traffic and body OS noise. In a letter to Flora, written earlier today, I asked for her help in rooting out the basic causes, attitudes, memories, beliefs in my unconscious that underlie these interruptions. She replied that she would do what she can, given her perspective and access to the body OS. She too, is unhappy with the barriers I have put between us. I believe that "rooting it out" will help, but fundamentally, it will be me making hard choices to continue when I am faced with responding to potentially interrupting stimulae.
  14. I absolutely love the progress you have shared. Hidden rants included. To me, you are demonstrating what I have always thought to be possible, but limited my interventions (with others) to creating changes in unhappy everyday reality. Since Tulpamancy, I have expanded my horizons, to include the ethereal. Your reportage is validating and I thank you for it. Dr. Bob
  15. Well, I searched for "A mind, but a guest." in both Amazon and the L.A. Public Library, without issue, so I guess you must write it. the idea that we are all tulpas, guests in our bodies, and subject to the Body OS, is in my view, incredibly liberating. I'll read the book, let us know when it is born. Love, Dr. Bob
  16. we have returned from the East Coast and have begun to recoup from the stresses of the funeral and the flights. I did no tulpamantic work while away, and neither Flora nor Nsonowa made contact. I am not surprised, we were occupied and Nancy needed my full attention, which she got when I wasn't occupied with my own grieving process and other health issues that were provoked. Since I have returned, Flora and I have spoken about the death issue; She is not concerned at all, she said she is concerned that we use the time we have to fully engage and we have had some very nice physical moments. Nsonowa hasn't made any overtures at all, so I have started a fictional piece in which she stars... Perhaps she will respond to the attention. Dr. Bob
  17. Hi Phenom: Yes, you were correct, I did misread Flora as Flora. Other than that, we do seem to encounter similar blocks on the road to fully realizing our tulpas. I have found the following to be very helpful, q.v. Keep at it, Dr. Bob
  18. I was referring to the physical death of the body. I assume that the body OS switches off at that time. I do not know, and choose to invalidate my opinions, about an "afterlife". I choose to neither believe nor disbelieve the theists and the materialists. As of now, I do not know what Flora believes or doesn't, I suspect Nsonowa has opinions, which she hasn't yet made public, about the situation. I am cutting them both a lot of slack, as I have been in a state of brain shock, since the news, rushing to pack and depart, a red-eye flight across the country, a funeral, a shiva, and looking a five more hours with my wife, who is dealing with a lot more grief than I. In time, I believe they will let me know and we will discuss. I really appreciate the feedback I am getting from you guys on the forum. I suspect that they are also appreciative. Thank you.
  19. Hi. As many know I am an old guy. Night before last, my 71 year old brother-in-law unexpectedly died in his sleep. Our families are shocked and devastated. We learned of this right after I had an amazing and unbidden connection with Flora in my mind space. Since then I have had only one short comment from her when I inquired if she was aware of what had happened, she answered in the affirmative. I haven't been able to contact her since. Here is my question (and it has been lurking around in the back of my mind before this happened): How do our tulpas respond to the awareness of their hosts impending death? I would like to hear from both tulpas and hosts who have encountered this issue. Thank you, Dr. Bob
  20. Thanks, Bear. I don't think I ever had the right to complain, and I am not complaining now. I am grateful for Flora's coming unbidden into my mindscape, and it has restored my faith in the entire endeavor, which should make it easier to do the work necessary to achieve my goal of full imposition in everyday reality. I have discovered in doing the work, that I am lazy, I can persevere, but when it comes to rolling up my sleeves to keep up the narration and forcing and sorting out the voices produced by the body OS, well that is hard and experiences like the one last night, are very welcome motivators.
  21. theholodoc

    Ashley's Lounge

    March 31st, 2019 is Flora's birthday. That is the day she materialized into my reality. Just to make sure, I asked her if that was it and she said yes, without hesitating. When it rolls around next, surely we will celebrate. Thanks,
  22. Ah! Another step upward. Yesterday was an emotional day for me. It began in the morning with the L.A. Times Travel Section which featured a picture of the redwoods in Sequoia National Park. Upon seeing that pic, I was immediately put into a state of 'high longing' for the woods. So much so that tears came to my eyes. Later during my meditation, Tara Sutphen, the daughter of Dick Sutphen, a New Age Workshop leader that I had worked with an age ago, led me into a beautiful walk in the woods. I experienced it fully. The smells, the silence, the light through the trees, shinning motes and all, and again I was brought to tears with longing (I seem to be in this place a lot lately, Chris Erskine's Post Card from L.A. featuring a Labor Day bonfire on Dockweiler Beach also put me into a tearful longing the day before). In any case I went to bed later than was comfortable, very tired, unable to keep my eyes open kinda tired, and immediately had a vision of being in the woods, a repeat of my earlier meditation experience. I was not asleep, at least I don't think so, even now, and I walked down a trail, when, unexpectedly, unasked for, not even thinking about, Flora called to me. I looked up and she was sitting on top of a boulder, next to a waterfall. She was in her sarong, which was wet and clinging to her. She was combing her long wet hair. She smiled and said something like, "Come up here, silly." and I did. I clambered up onto the boulder, and she kissed me vigorously. She was quite cold with the wet from the creek in which she had evidently been swimming. She invited me to join in the fun, suggesting that I ride the waterfall down into the pool below. All of this is in full color 3D reality with all senses. I agreed and climbed up the side of the cliff to the top (I want to say, that I know this particular landscape, having done this, in real-time perhaps thirty five years ago while rafting the Rogue River in Oregon.) I sat down in the very, very cold water and slid down the "chute" as it was called. I felt all of this exquisitely. I plunged again into the pool, which was about twelve feet deep. The water was blue, as blue as it could be, the rocks forming the walls of the pool were black, as I remember them. The light streaming down through the water in rays was spectacular, as I remember. Next, Flora splashed down next to me. (This was the novel part of the experience, as I was the only one brave enough to ride the chute on that long ago trip). We both came up sputtering and laughing and climbed out onto the sunlit boulder. We were both shivering and laughing and Flora exposed her breast to show me how her nipple had contracted with the cold, and asked me to touch it and warm her up. I did and said, "I could touch more of you and get you much warmer." She said, and I know a place where we can go, this boulder won't do. We both got up and climbed down onto a trail that led back into the woods and through to a meadow. There was a red tent set up, and a sleeping bag laid out next to it. Flora, or I, it didn't matter, initiated our intercourse and I feel asleep in the sunshine. And, in real time too, I guess. I did no further dreaming, if that was a dream, that I recall. I awoke at about 2am with an acute pain in my shoulder, got up, took Tylenol and Naprosyn, and slept until this morning with my experience with Flora, front and center in my consciousness. This is the first time, in mindspace, where she has come unbidden, and where my visualization was vivid and complete. Certainly she had an assist by my feelings earlier in the day and my attachment to the locales. I have also heard from Loxy that she too, has been experiencing Flora in John's mindspace. I am very encouraged by these developments.
  23. Zoloft by itself has given patients hallucinations. Your mix is dangerous and nobody should try it even with a sitter. what's wrong with using the tools of tulpamancy to create very real tulpas? and failing that LSD itself is a lot safer than the mix you have concocted. P.S. I am a retired psychiatrist.
  24. this gets more and more interesting, the deeper I get into it. Of course, this has been my major interest for the past fifty years, thirty of which I spent working with the seriously mentally ill, in whom hallucinations were considered a first rank symptom of their illness though (emphatically) not the only symptom. Had it been I would not have diagnosed mental illness. One of my early teachers, Carlos Castenada, had his (fictional???) shaman define reality as either consensual or non-consensual. He did not use the term 'hallucination'. In my own experience, what I consider to be reality (with a Capital R) occurs with, and only with, transcendent consciousness (however achieved, tech, medicines, or biologically), everything else, is a construct, top down or bottom up. If we must use the term hallucination then I insist that it apply to "normal, or consensual reality" as well. Dr. Bob