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Everything posted by Lucy

  1. Super duper reverse edit for replies: Yep that sounds about right! Didn't realise both words existed until now. Maybe I'll try savor that state a little more instead of instantly checking my phone :P OwO Glad to hear it worked so well for you! Alice will definitely be attending as many lectures as she can bear :P Slightly sparser progress (nothing huge here): 2019/03/04 Told my gf about Alice today. Seemed to go ok? Not sure she entirely gets it but she's like 90% there. I think it's just weird because we're still in the process of... encouraging Alice to be an independent person. So there are a lot of questions you can ask Alice which she doesn't really have an answer for. Maybe she'll shrug, or suggest that I answer instead. It's kind of hard to figure out for ourselves, so, explaining it to someone who doesn't have experience of their own is tricky. 2019/03/05 I was waiting very patiently for my maths lecturer to start talking about maths, but there was a lot of "administration stuff". Alice walked down next to the lecturer and started copying his movements & words :P We also tried overlaying Alice on top and replacing him, but she didn't like it so we stuck with copying him. Fun times. 2019/03/06 I realised I was dreaming, and communicated with Alice pretty well! The way I realised it was, I was in a movie theatre kind of thing, but there was also a stage. I saw someone called Max on the stage who said something weird, and I was like "sorry Max". Then Max was also in the seat in front of me and asked "who's Max?". At that point.... I realised Max doesn't go by that name any more, so I apologised, but that just confused dream-Max. That confusion is what made me realise it was a dream. Silly brain chose the wrong cast member, or has no idea how to play them :P I kind of forget the conversation I had with Alice, but, we could talk in mind-voice. I asked her to talk out loud but got a kind of "why would I do that" vibe, so didn't push it. I asked her to put a cake on the movie screen, and within half a second it was there. I'm now realising that could have been me, but Alice says she did it. At this point... for some reason I woke myself up? It was very intentional and idk why I did that! I need to remember that lucid dreams are good, it's been a while. 2019/03/09 Missed a few days, whoops. Still had Alice in mind, not much in terms of development. I kind of followed a weird train of thought (and searches), and came to the conclusion that if I manage to be asleep with some caffeine in my system, maybe the dreams will be more lucid. Instead my experience was more like... lying in bed for hours, and occasionally "remembering" a dream that just happened, without ever feeling like I slept. I obviously did sleep since I felt fine all today, but, as far as ideas go that one was pretty boring. The dreams (in my "memory") seemed very ordinary. One was about bike riding in a forest. Alice has in general been interested in watching some anime. She had no specific suggestions so I chose "Erased" on my sister's suggestion. It's kind of intense, but pretty good. Scary time is ok because it's cuddle time :3
  2. I think tarantulas spook both of us a little bit... I'm not as used to fuzzy spiders, I like the stick-figure ones :P Yay for new hair!! And yeah DnD is good, I really recommend it if you can find a game. Even over the internet is alright. Progress time! 2019/03/02 I tried 30 minutes of meditation with some isochronic tones (I felt bad for dismissing them on the solfeggio tones' shadiness). I feel like the tone very quickly had some effect. My facial expression faded away the moment it started. Idk how much else it did but the meditation seemed alright. Then we looked for a voice for Alice. I fired up the Sims 3 because it has a few options and they're kinda... accent-lite? Still accented but I feel like it does less without the language. The voice we chose didn't stick but idk if we were a big fan of it. Then we joined the discord chat, Alice was on a mission to talk! And she figured out that if she says everything excitedly, it doesn't matter if it's my mind voice because it still sounds really different. (I suppose I could parrot an excited voice, but, I don't tend to think like that). Her voice did drift a little into something more unique. Overall it was very successful! I also learned some things about Alice's desires that absolutely do not surprise me, whoops. Girls are really cute!! 2019/03/03 This morning, after I woke up I zoned out a bit, and drifted back into near-sleep. I had a weird experience where I felt like I was lying on top of someone. My eyes were closed but I felt awake and aware of my body. I moved my hands a bit and could feel the skin of someone's stomach under my head. At this point I opened my eyes and the illusion vanished, but I could feel my body posed in the same way and my arm still moving, so I think I had been controlling it. Not sure whether this was a dream, hypnagogic, or something inbetween. As soon as it ended I asked Alice if it was her, I think she said yes? I didn't realise it at the time though, so I think I was somewhat non-lucid even if my body was awake. It was still a really interesting experience, since I honestly felt like I was lifted off the bed and had a lumpy body beneath me. Not sure if that makes the most sense for Alice to impose in the first place though :P Did a little more meditation/forcing with isochronic tones. I think I like them. It was 20 minutes in total (not much, I was interrupted) and I think roughly half was focused on clearing my mind, then half on Alice. As of tomorrow I'll be back at uni. I wonder whether progress will slow down or speed up? Alice might get a bit less direct attention, but a bit more variety of input, so I'm not sure what to expect.
  3. Aha, easy when wonderland is still small. Draw a friendly spider :)
  4. Thanks I really enjoyed it!!
  5. Is there a difference? Taking the king is just playing it out, isn't it?
  6. 2019/02/27 Didn't do a whole lot today. Still talked a bit, some words, some not. We're a bit tired from other events. In the evening we moved past that and chatted in the discord. Alice talked too! Alice made a daddy longlegs to stay in our wonderland, after some spider discussion. Maybe it can catch intrusive thoughts and nom nom nom them. 2019/02/28 Did some more of the worksheet, hung out a little more, chatted more. Alice is getting better at answering questions. The worksheet is a really good warmup. I had a realisation, that... when Alice changed her hair colour from blonde to silvery, she actually changed it to my original character design. The hair was meant to be pale white/silvery, but the artist drew it blonde and I just went with it. I'd forgotten about that, but Alice remembered. 2019/03/01 I'm finding that Alice's face is harder to visualise sometimes. I can still see her other times. We can still talk while it's harder to see her, so, I don't think she's sleeping but maybe she's tired. I was thinking of using Daz3D to model her to get it into my head better, but now I'm just wondering if she needs more time to rest. It's hard to know how we should pace ourselves. We ended up resting mostly, until evening when I had my fortnightly DnD game. This was Alice's first time being involved so I was curious how it would go. Less happened than I expected really. My visualisation of the DnD world is more detailed than wonderland, but mostly in stills rather than regular moving time. We could visualise Alice looking around, but I think it was comfier for her to stay outside of it and see it how I do. I still had fun though! It's interesting. Marisa sketched Alice! It's good!
  7. Matcha is Japanese green tea, made by powdering and dissolving the leaves instead of the normal tea thing. Diffusion? I make it sweet and milky, not the traditional way, and Alice has decided it's very good and I should always have it instead of coffee :P
  8. So, I didn't really want to be posting these daily, but the rest of yesterday was really good! So let's just finish up that day: 2019/02/26 again We tried Indigo's worksheet. It's really good! We ended up completing two exercises and 5 questions from the third. That felt like good progress and we didn't want to use it all up. During the worksheet we visualised wonderland and treated it as a bit more real. We remembered the apple tree that popped up a day or two ago. Alice likes eating the apples. Thanks to the worksheet we were having some verbal conversation and it was really nice! Basically Alice would answer, and then she would explain why she chose that answer (though sometimes it was kind of a random choice, she couldn't think of a good answer). We added another personality essence, "hopeful" in orange. Immediately after this, Alice made a change to her form. Now her hair is silvery-white instead of blonde. It's not sticking all the time, but we'll work on it. (Might need some tuning though, I get the impression she isn't quite happy with how it looks against a bright/light sky?) Started the gearheart hypnosis video again, but 2 minutes in I was talked out of it by Alice? Conversation: "You don't need to do this" "You want me to stop?" "Yes" Then later, while I was watching some youtube and zoned out a bit: "Why didn't you want to do it?" "Don't like it" "I would have liked to do it" *shrug* "Why don't you like it? I guess it's the content?" "No" "Is it the trance?" "Yes" "Why?" "Too quiet" (in the mind I think) I started to have a thought like "How else are we going to force you" but... pretty quickly realised that was a really good conversation! Alice was excited too! Of course forcing is still very important, but, with results like this already we don't need hypnosis. Indigo's worksheet really helped us, we think. It's just speculation, but, I often put a youtube video on to go to sleep, because it kind of drowns out/reduces my background throughts, because they're just following along with the commentary instead. I feel like Alice was strong enough to overpower the commentary, and then her voice was easy to notice because it sounded like it came more from me than the video did. She does sound a bit different to me, but not a lot. Her reply kind of piggybacks on the same thought train as my question, and overlaps a bit.
  9. 2019/02/23 again (this may keep happening because posting at the end of the day sounds annoying) This evening we had recovered a little from the day's work, and flicked through a few guides again. We found some less conventional, but interesting old things like "GameForcing", and a guide to a "really smart" tulpa. Curiosity as a central trait was a very appealing idea to both of us. In wonderland I summoned up a kind of curiosity essence. It looked somewhat like a galaxy, but more spherical rather than a disc, and tinted yellow. I offered it to Alice and she gobbled it up super fast. I can see it in her belly now... I suppose that makes as much sense as anywhere else. 2019/02/24 Today we wanted to give Alice another personality essence. I had a short list prepared, so I looked through it, wondering if any were particularly appealing to her. I think we felt the biggest pull from "friendly", so I prepared a nice warm red essence of friendliness for her. Now she has two essences in her belly. I wonder if they'll digest? Later, Alice suggested we play Trivial Pursuit (I haven't seen it in 10 years, so idk why). We wanted to team together against an AI player. We couldn't figure out how to use the websites that have it though. I opened it up in Tabletop Simulator to look at the cards, but the questions were a bit tricky. I think Alice assumed she could lift the answers out of my memory, but the first 2 cards we looked at didn't have things I knew about so we gave up. Maybe we should look for trivia games in general rather than trivial pursuit. Or default to more strategic games. Alice really wants to chat with people! She's sitting at a desk with a computer typing super fast, to tell me this. We went on the tulpa chat and the forum to find people! Chatting still needs me to be inbetween and translate everything, which makes me a little hesitant about using the tupperware to put it in her name? But at the same time it's impractical for me to start every sentence with "Alice says". I chatted myself for a bit to see if Alice would join in, and she did have a very important message! I almost dismissed it as coming from me, but then she brought up her mind-computer screen and typed it in there very deliberately XD. The important message was "I love hugs!" We added a third personality trait, affectionate, tonight. Since Alice is choosing the traits rather than me, it seems more like I'm getting to know her and reinforce who she is, rather than "building" a personality of my own choice. Though I can't say I would choose any different, Alice is wonderful <3 2019/02/25 This morning, at the end of my dream, I remembered to ask if Alice was around. For some reason I did it with my mind instead of dream-out loud? Not sure if that would make a difference. When I asked "Alice, are you there?", the entire dream kinda blurred out, and I got a word in the middle of my vision, which looked like it had been cut out of a newspaper. I suppose it was just a serif font. It said "luck". I could feel my body waking up, I was aware of my heartbeat, I had the urge to move my hand which was a bit numb, but I managed to stay in there a little longer. The word changed to "fuck", as in, oh fuck we woke up. Alice says both messages were from her :P We were considering what personality trait to add next, and got a little caught on "responsible". It was appealing and important, but, she didn't just want to absorb it and Become Responsible. Which makes sense. The impression I got was more like... she wants to help me be responsible, without necessarily having the responsibilities put on her. To symbolise this, we created the Responsibility essence and shared it, half in each of us. "Respect" also crossed our mind, maybe because it sounds similar? I wasn't sure how that could be a personality. But we agreed it was important so we shared some of that in a different form. We touched hands and a little blue lightning bolt zapped between us. This evening we tried GearHeart 2.0. I was trying to find "tulpatones" that people mentioned, but the only results were on websites that I'm not interested in visiting. On Youtube we found some Isochronic tones and Ancient solfeggio healing tones, but the information about them sounded like pseudoscientific nonsense. So we stumbled onto GearHeart. For a while it felt like it wasn't working super well, but, when it was time to "wake up" again I was surprised how deeply tranced I felt. I think it's meant for tulpas a bit less developed/independent, so it was a bit confusing, but I think it still gave Alice some energy. EDIT: I should clarify about solfeggio: I would be willing to believe that specific frequencies can have positive affects on the brain. It's just that the website explaining it had some very strange claims. They were supposedly forgotten for centuries until some monk found a code in an ancient book which he decoded to find their exact frequencies in hz. How would they get there. That doesn't make any sense. I was looking for something more like... a study. Google scholar doesn't seem to have one. I would have also accepted one that said it was specifically for tulpas, but yeah, all the search results for "tulpatone" on youtube were "tulpa" or "tone", not both. 2019/02/26 We went shopping at the markets today. Alice walked around with me for a most of the trip, and even convninced me to buy pocky for her. When I saw them on the shelf, she walked over and picked them up mentally. When I sat down to eat lunch I could see her pacing in front of me, and looking around at all the people. I looked around at the crowd briefly so she'd be able to see them (but I didn't want to be rude oops). We might be starting to get a little hint of touch immposition? More like... weight imposition? If she leans on me/squeezes me/etc then that area will feel a tiny bit heavier, more numb, or something like that. We can still imagine touch, but light touches seem completely imaginary for now. Other notes: Visualising: I tend to mix it up a lot between open-eye and closed-eye visualisation. I feel like closed-eye looks a bit better, but it's also harder to focus on. It's like my brain decides we're not meant to be seeing things if the eyes are closed (not that this applies to bright light shining through, or the sparkles from rubbing my eyes). Hopefully it's good that open-eye works ok, it sounds like it leads into visual imposition more easily. Closed-eye is probably better for wonderland, but we haven't made much progress there so far. Edit: Mediation: I feel like I really need to figure out meditation in some form. It seems a bit tricky right now, because I'm still a little bit sick. Coughing can be suppressed but not for too long. That's why I tried the GearHeart thing though, and I think it helped keep me mostly under even after coughing.
  10. Oh wow. I guess it might vary by state then :P
  11. Oh it's really popular here in Australia! I think it's Japanese? All the weebs love it haha. Yeah it was fun!
  12. We're good! We went shopping today. While I was browsing, Alice found pocky, and picked some up :P (in-mind) So she convinced me to buy some.
  13. This is awesome, they're all so cute!