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Fastdash

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  1. 2/18/2020 Sorry for not updating this for a while. Not too much has happened over the past month sinc emy last post, but I want to get down the few things that have been going on. WIgglytuff and I began trying a different kind of meditation last month. Instead of just focusing on him and doing any random activities we think of, we've instead been creating various scenes that we relax and talk in. During these sessions, I try to imagine details to make it more vivid, like how the ground feels beneath me or what kind of sounds and smells I'd notice if I was actually in that place. We've done this in scenes such as a bamboo forest, a rocky beach, a temple in the mountains, and a forest clearing. I'm hoping learning to focus on just the stimuli around me will help with possession in the future. So far, it's been working pretty well. It was helping me focus for a while and there weren't many issues. However, now I keep getting intrusive thoughts and they just won't leave. I've had this issue before, but now it makes it difficult to get anything done without some kind of preparation period where I watch or listen to something relaxing with Wigglytuff, and even then they eventually crop up. These thoughts are usually visual and tend to get in the way of the scene, and no matter what I try, I cannot get them away. I've tried to cover them up, push them out, or even just ignore them, but they don't stop. Then the're usually followed up by random phrases and other "auditory" thoughts that drag my attention away from what I'm trying to focus on.These make meditation pretty much impossible. If you have any advice for me about how to silence my mind or anything else, please let me know. I'd really appreiciate it.
  2. 1/16/2020 Things have been normal since the incident mentioned in my last post. It's not even something that's really on my mind anymore. Yesterday, Wigglytuff and I started trying to work on possession. It was something that I thought about a decent amount, but we never got around to trying. So, instead of doing our meditation/wonderland forcing, we sat down and tried that. It actually went pretty well. I could feel my fingers twitching along with some tingling in my body. He even managed to raise my right arm at one point. We were both really excited about this as you may expect. It didn't feel like completely alien movements, but there was something so different about them. Slow, shaky, and overall like he was putting lots of effort into moving my body. Even after we stopped, I could still feel my fingers twitching, although less so. We tried it again while I had some free time at work, in privacy, of course. The movements were still slow and shaky, but he raised both of my pointer fingers, and even my wrists and hands at some point. I clearly remember him dragging my hand off my leg very slowly until it dangled from my side. This time, however, he couldn't raise my arm. It also seemed like he'd at some point drop any part he was controlling and told me he lost focus. It's pretty hard to practice, though. Usually soon after starting, my body feels uncomfortable. I'm not sure how to describe the feeling. In a way, it's tense, but I wouldn't say I was feeling like that. Maybe it had something to do with the tingling I felt. There's been some pretty promising results so far. I can't wait to see where this leads.
  3. 1/7/2020 Something weird happened yesterday when I was active forcing. I was talking with Wigglytuff about stuff that waa on my mind, when I noticed he ends up saying something I was planning to say. He said "You're welcome" right after saying "Thank you." This is something that I knew was happening before, so I asked him why he kept doing it. He said he didn't know. I began to get worried my mind voice was coming up with responses automatically to our conversation instead of Wigglytuff. Wigglytuff seemed to break after this. He just kept repeating, "It's okay." and "I'm fine." every time he responded to me. His form had his face in his hands, and I knew he was upset despite the tone of voice remaining the same as usual. I'm worried by anxieties and doubt are getting to Wigglytuff. Granted, he seems fine right now, but that moment from yesterday still has me concerned. I don't want to end up hurting him with these thoughts that don't seem to want to go away. If you have any advice about what could be happening and how to stop it, please let me know.
  4. I'm not sure what ger credentials are. Maybe I should ask her if I remember to do so.
  5. 1/2/2020 A new decade for me and Wigglytuff's first time entering a new year. Other than some fund adventures with him in the wonderland and watching the ball drop with him, there's been something that has happened today I cannot stop thinking about and I feel that I need to inform everyone about. Today, I finally told my therapist about WIgglytuff. It was a nerve wracking as you could guess, but she reacted way better than I could of expected. She seemed quite interested in him, in a good way, and asked me plenty of questions relating to tulpas. Stuff like about what they could do and what were the good things Wigglytuff was bringing to my life. It was an amazing experience, and she totally understood my concerns about thinking she would believe having Wigglytuff was a bad thing. I knew she was accepting, but holy crap, Wigglytuff and I felt like she understood us. She even suggested some ideas for things to try, like trying to paint with Wigglytuff, taking a few minutes to active force and then painting for a few more while passively forcing. I'm not sure how effective that would be at strengtheing our bond, but I'm just so happy she took that into consideration. Wigglytuff: [It was awesome! I trult felt like she understood us and it was so cool! I'm happy to know her!] It seems like she's gotten the same spark I had when I first heard about tulpas. I've even directed her to tulpa.info so she could learn more about them. I'm sure there will be lots of interesting things to discuss next session, perhaps about ways WIgglytuff and I could continue to help each other. Today was a great day! I can't wait to see where this leads.
  6. 12/20/2019 I thank everyone for all the advice I was given yesterday on the forums and in the Discord server. Here's what happened: Near the end of our session, the two of us began talking about psychology beyond what's going on with me. It was mainly about meditation and mindfulness. Thinking now would be a good time to bring up tulpas, I asked her if she knew about them. Apparently, she actually did. Now, it wasn't a perfect understanding. While she admitted her introduction was through Supernatural, (a show I know nothing about, but I suspect portrayed tulpas poorly), she understood they weren't a negative thing. She also said that they were thinking and focusing on something until it becomes real, which I don't think it quite an accurate description. Other than that, she had a fairly positive outlook on the subject or at least some kind of interest in it. She even asked me if I was considering making one. (Way ahead of her on that.) I have yet to tell her about Wigglytuff, not sure I should drop that information right then and there. However, I'm planning to tell her during my next session, whenever that will be, and perhaps teach her more about tulpas. A lot of my worry has turned into excitement. I already get really happy whenever a session is coming up, but now I can't wait for it even more. Hopefully, it'll be soon. Perhaps it'll lead to new ideas about how to quell my anxiety, especially since Wigglytuff has already helped with that at least somewhat in the past. What will come out of this? Who knows? However, I feel like this will lead in a good direction.
  7. 12/19/2019 I'm typing this out real quick because I need to go to work in a few minutes. To put it simply, I've been going to a therapist recently and will go to my third appointment today. It's mainly to help with anxiety issues and things like that. Anyways, I've been wondering if I should tell her about my tulpa, Wigglytuff. That might be something good for her to know, and maybe it'll lead to better treatment for me. However, I'm worried she might that Wigglytuff is an issue or there's something wrong with me. Do you have any advice? I was thinking I could introduce her to the concept of tulpas this session and then mention Wigglytuff later, but I don't know. She seemed open to the idea about meditation helping my anxiety, which gives me a little bit more confidence. Please, shoot some ideas below. I'll be able to check the forums after work before I need to go to my appointment.
  8. 12/1/2019 So, there's one major issue the two of us need to solve. Wigglytuff seems to continually make repetitive motions or does the same thing over and over again, seemingly without control over himself, or just acting on impulse. For example, he often tries to jump and can't seem to stop leaping around the room, or he leans from side to side, alternating feet, without end unless I stop him. Some solutions I have tried was playing Simon Says with him. If he was acting on impulse, playing a game about needing to control yourself and follow directions might have been helpful. However, it doesn't seem to be working at all. I've also tried going through simple exercises with him to make sure he can control himself, such as raising his arm and putting it back down. However, it seems any progress I've made from yesterday has vanished. I'm not entirely sure what is causing this, whether it's an impulse or just not being able to properly control himself. I've tried being sterner with him, but it doesn't seem to be working and I'm afraid it might make him more bitter towards me if he really can't control it. It's also been a distraction for my active forcing sessions as well, so it needs to stop. Has anyone else been in this situation before? What could I do to help him? Please leave any advice you have.
  9. 11/27/2019 Kept you waiting, huh? A lot of things have changed over the past few months. Some good, some bad. Mostly good on Wigglytuff's end. A few months ago, after seeking help from the tulpa Discord server, I was contacted by anon, who seems to be decently known around the community. Wigglytuff was still stagnant at this point, not progressing very much, if at all. I was worried about him, as well as questioning if it was a good decision to bring him into this world. He recommended me to try meditating on the thought of his form. After a while, I was able to get the hang of it, visualizing him and watching him doing things in a black void. Then as time passed, I created a simple wonderland. It wasn't much, we just brought whatever we needed into it. This turned out to work really well. Wigglytuff began to talk more and seemed more active in the wonderland. Our adventures and activities seemed more lively. Even outside of it, the two of us seemed to be able to communicate better, and it was absolutely fantastic. At this point, I was meditating for about 40 minutes a day, with one 15 minute session in the afternoon, and a 25 minute one before bed. I discovered Wigglytuff has an interest in painting. He has already made a few paintings and they're hung up in an art gallery in our wonderland. This is a huge step in the right direction, and I believe only good things can come from this. I'm really thankful for anon's input, as he gave me a method that worked. I'd probably be still lost without him intervening. But sadly, I began slacking, and we haven't done much in a while. Even though I'm still trying to think of new things to do, the two of us don't have any ideas. I've gotten distracted with other things, but thankfully he hasn't regressed. However, he hasn't had any inspiration in a while to paint, and that troubles me. We were making such good progress before. It doesn't help I've got more stuff on my plate such as a new job and worrying about stuff for the future. This needs to change. I need to help Wigglytuff develop more and become even closer to him. I've got a method, and I have no excuse to procrastinate. From what I can tell, Wigglytuff and I can become the best of friends, I just need to put in more effort and spend more time with him. I'm not sure how much I'll keep updating this progress report, but I'll see if I can stay on top of it. If you have any advice for me and Wigglytuff, please let us know. It's time for Wigglytuff to become who he wants to be.
  10. 7/18/2019 I think I needed to make something clear from my last post. I'm not being motivated to continue this through guilt, I truly still love and appreciate Wigglytuff's company. It's just for some reason I'm getting distracted from him even though I don't want to. So, the two of us are okay not worrying too much about us doing things. For the past few days, we've been just been using the vocalization worksheet created by Indigo and running through some of the exercises as well as the usual stuff we do, all while not stressing out about spending the entire day together. Hopefully small amounts of practice every day will eventually lead him to become more developed. Along with that, the wonderland has become more interesting. Our home is now a castle with modern amenities installed. Wigglytuff is also king, which makes me realize that he seems to really like having positions of power. First commander, and now king. We are also working on designing the castle together, and so far we've made a dining room, kitchen, throne room, and a small bedroom. Some other things I didn't mention before was that we are working on an on and off Pokemon Platinum playthrough. It's been pretty fun so far, and we have three gym badges so we're making decent progress. Things are looking up already, and I hope things continue on the path they're on now.
  11. 7/14/2019 Nothing much has happened with Wigglytuff and me. I've been getting distracted from him for a while, so progress has been slower. He still talks in short sentences but has added some more to his speech. We've been looking into possession a little bit. The two of us read some guides and want to try it sometime if we ever get around to it. I'm not sure what else to say. I've lost a lot of interest in this progress report and I don't have much else to write about our activities. At this point, I'm worried I'm not giving enough attention to Wigglytuff as well. Active forcing is not a priority and I never get around to doing stuff with him other than play video games and watch Youtube sparsely throughout the day. This is in combination with not being as interested in learning about the tulpa phenomenon as before. The two of us don't talk about much. I don't know what to talk about and he usually responds with phrases without really expressing thoughts beyond what he thinks is good, bad, cool, or uninteresting. I don't know what to do at this point. Part of the reason I was trying to make a tulpa was to give me something more than watching Youtube and doing nothing with my life. it was working for a while, but now I'm back to this state and Wigglytuff isn't a major focus anymore. Maybe things will get better as he develops more. Perhaps a few more months and we can be having deep conversations, learn more about history and science, or just goof around playing video games like one of those couch gaming Youtube channels. That's the dream I hope to make a reality, but it seems so far off. The two of us could help improve each other and we could make something of our lives. I feel like giving up, but I can't and I will resist that urge. If I give up now, I'd be failing both myself and Wigglytuff. Have any of you been through a similar situation? If you have, how did you and your tulpa get through it? Any kind of advice is appreciated.
  12. 6/4/2019 So... it's been a while. I haven't really had anything to make updates for. Here is a list of events that have occurred while I wasn't updating. -I graduated from high school and Wigglytuff was able to watch the whole thing. -I introduced him to Left 4 Dead 2. Since he could handle XCOM, I thought he could handle that. Turns out I was right, and he actually liked it a lot. He said that he thought he was watching me play even if I wasn't thinking about him too. -We've gone on a few more adventures in the wonderland, and at one point carried me on his back while I was in a riolu form. Things have been pretty normal. Wigglytuff is starting to use more phrases, such as "I think so" and "That sounds good", but it's still pretty simple and he doesn't really go into detail about why he likes or doesn't like certain things. I don't really know what to do with him now though. Many of our adventures in the wonderland are short, and while our conversations are nice, we haven't really discussed many things in detail though, I also still find it hard to distinguish my own responses to questions and his, and I can't even talk in my mind voice since that muddies things even further. Still, Wigglytuff is happy to be here, and I'm happy he is as well. I think the best way at this point to discover more about what he's like is through possession and switching. Perhaps seeing his actions will help me both understand him more, and could even help with hearing him better by quelling any remaining doubts I may have. He also deserves to be able to play the games I do. While I have been stressed over college stuff and what I want to do in the future, I've still been trying to make time for Wigglytuff. Even just randomly forcing him at times makes me feel like I'm at least doing something with him on a daily basis. If any of you have any thoughts or advice about what to do next, please let me know. I'm not exactly certain how things will go from here.
  13. 5/3/2019 This is a small update, but I felt like it was significant enough to record. Today was a huge day for both of us. We went to the Festival of Nations in St. Paul on a class trip. In short, it's a huge gathering meant to display and educate people about different cultures around the world. Not only was this a good way to show Wigglytuff the different cultures around the world, but it was also the first time he's been outside the small town we live in. During the bus ride to and from St. Paul, I imagined him sitting next to me like I normally do, even when I didn't know what to talk about. I also forced him while reading the cultural exhibits, eating the food, and watching traditional dances. I tried to talk with him as much as I could, even if I was just asking or saying the same things I did before. Overall, it was a great time for both of us. Hopefully, all of the forcing and learning will assist Wigglytuff in his development.
  14. 4/28/2019 Today was the day, and it came so much sooner than I imagined it. We beat XCOM: Enemy Within on Classic difficulty with ironman mode enabled. I don't know how we did it, but we somehow managed to do it. I never even got close to that point on Classic difficulty before. Even though Wigglytuff didn't do much commanding himself, I feel like he somehow did something to make this campaign go right. I don't know what it could have been, but he had to have done something. Perhaps he's just a luckier guy than me and his luck counter-acted my bad luck. Earth's heroes. After such an amazing victory, I hugged Wigglytuff by visualizing him in front of me, blabbering about how we actually did it. Of course, I followed it up with a high five. Moving on from that, I visualized the wonderland once again with Wigglytuff. During this short session, I decided to test out the abilities Wigglytuff had within the wonderland. He was not only able to successfully use mind fray against a dummy muton I created, but he also made a large, translucent, purple colored pillar in the middle of mission control. While yes, I understand these abilities do not exist in real life, the symbolic power has me interested. Perhaps it could be used to help him develop more and possibly even learn possession and switching. The potential for this has yet to be truly seen. Now, a few questions. 1. Would it have been possible that Wigglytuff's presence was somehow influencing my performance or my luck in XCOM? 2. How should I experiment more with the possible potential of the psionic symbolism? 3. What do you think of what has occurred so far? Are we on a good path, or not? Have others had experiences like this or has this been out of the ordinary? Any other comments are appreciated. Thank you.
  15. 4/27/2019 So... Wigglytuff just got psychic powers. To explain in more detail, we were exploring the XCOM wonderland again today, and I decided to create the gallop chamber. A brief spoiler-free explanation is that it's a room that is built in the late-game which houses a powerful psionic artifact. Wigglytuff had the bright idea of walking over and touching the big flowing purple ball on the pedestal. I wasn't sure what it would do, so I tried to stop him, but he didn't listen to me. Nothing happened at first, as I remembered that the artifact only reacts to those who have powerful psionic energy. As a brief explanation, psionics is the ability to influence other people's minds. (making them panic, inspiring them, or even mind controlling them, ) or to will things into existence (only really seen in XCOM 2 and includes pillars that can be used as cover and massive lances that can pierce multiple enemies.) I didn't think Wigglytuff was capable of using this power, so I thought we'd be fine. ...Then he started casting purple psionic energy onto the orb. I then saw purple tendrils coming off of the orb. Hoping that this was just an intrusive thought coming from me and that it would go away, we quickly left the room and tried to move on from that. The tendrils followed us to the door but were stopped when it shut behind us. We decided to watch TV in the rec room. It was once again on ADVENT propaganda before we changed it to the weird image we saw a while ago with a person, probably a man, in a cave. During this time, we tried to figure out whether it was a movie or not, only to get jump scared by a face from the TV which seemed to pop out at us. I jumped back a little IRL, whether it was a forced reaction or not. When I asked Wigglytuff if he was okay, he said he was but stuttered when he spoke. I have no idea if this was just an intrusive thought from not meditating properly or it has some connection to the psionic artifact. However, I'm curious about what is going to happen in our wonderland in the future. I'm also planning to test out Wigglytuff's newfound abilities that he now has in our little world. Things are getting really interesting now. Edit: I don't believe he has powers IRL. He only has these abilities in the wonderland. Anything outside of it is just symbolism. I wanted to make sure that was clear.
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