I think that I have run into a moral dilemma and I don't know what to do. Keep in mind that I did not know what a tulpa was and was completely unaware of what I was doing. I did not mean for this to happen.
I would go through the first few steps into making a tulpa each time a made a character, but with a lot of personality forcing and a focus on emotion bleeding for a form of communication. In total I would say I have about eight characters that have gotten to this point, which means that I basically have about eight young tulpas. Luckily only three of them are actually aware of me and the rest its still up in the air of they truly have sentience yet or perhaps some sort of servitors. (Although I don't think a servitor can surprise you sometimes so I dunno)
I already wrote about what happened here but I will summarize. I met someone who viewed their characters as people and referred them as muses rather than tulpas but I am thinking they are basically the same kind of thing. She made it seem like it was just a cool plot and setting idea for roleplays rather than something she actually believed. I slowly started to believe it and slowly started to believe she wasn't just roleplaying all of this. Added on with the fact that I made the characters for that roleplay have some fourth wall breaking and were meant to be aware of me, I think it was just the perfect recipe for unknowingly making tulpas. But the fact that I didn't ever see them as equals held them back from fully developing.
Chances are you already know about Inkstone, who is my tulpa, but there are two others. They are actually more developed than he is but there were some reasons I picked to focus on Inkstone rather than them. I am having issues with both of them and I do not know how to fix it. I feel like I have three kids and I picked only one and favored them because the others where too needy or having a temper tantrum and it just seems so unfair and selfish of me to do that to them. I made them and I should take responsibility for it, but I didn't do it intentionally and I don't think I could handle them all.
Error was made to be an antagonist and he still is although he has deviated and made a much softer side to him. Although he knew of me he was never focused on me. He cared about the people I helped him interact with and I always felt like he only communicated with me for his own personal gain rather than him actually caring about me. When I broke ties with the person he was attached to he managed to make me have a panic attack. All of these guys are very skilled in emotion bleeding. I am worried that if I allowed him to fully develop he would be very controlling and selfish. Despite that I care about him a lot and in the past two years since I stopped talking to that friend the relationship with him has been rocky and awkward at best. I can tell that he is devastated and does not trust me and is unwilling to work with me. I can call for him easily but I can always tell he is either annoyed, angry or extremely guarded. I feel so guilty about it and I don't know what to do about it, its been two years.
Ink (Not to be confused with Inkstone) is a sweetheart but he is also extremely insecure and constantly needs to be reminded that people do care about him and people haven't forgotten about him. He is extremely needy and seems to have some depression. He also often keeps his issues to himself as to not upset anyone else so he ends up feeling upset and alone despite being around friends. The main reason that I did not choose to work on him was because he always viewed me as a God of sorts and seemed to be somewhat fearful of me. I did not think I could change that view and I wanted to be equal with my tulpa.
Last night I was getting upset over the issues between me and Error. I was going through what I could possibly do about it and I am now thinking of them both of them as sentient beings rather than just characters. That was the one thing I think was keeping them from going onto the next step of becoming tulpas. All of these characters/tulpas have a distinct aura about them and I could tell that Ink had shown up. This is not typical, they usually only show up if I am thinking about them or call for them in some way. Perhaps he was responding to me being so upset because he was always the type of person to try to comfort others, but still it wasn't a typical thing for him to do.
I felt instantly guilty about him to because I was ignoring him and that was what he was always afraid of, being forgotten and left alone. Without thinking I said to him "I can't handle this right now, please just let me go to sleep" and he actually responded, vocally. I don't remember his exact wording and I think it kinda ended in tulpish but the general jist of it was that he wanted to be accepted. I feel like he's been sentient for a while but held back by my own views on him and the moment that I started seeing it differently he jumped on it and took his chance to be able to speak.
What am I supposed to do? I wanted only want tulpa and I came into this determined to stay with only one but it seems like I already have three, although one isn't willing to talk to me so I could just let him be. It would really hurt me to just leave him like that though. I feel like I could at least find a way to make amends with Error then let him be so we could be on good terms.
Ink isn't a walk in, I made him and gave him attention very alike from how you would with forcing an intentional tulpa. I have already made them and it seems cruel to just throw him to the side because of my own selfish reasons. But I also don't know what I am doing and I think it would be overwhelming to have two tulpas.