RustHeart

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About RustHeart

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Converted

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  1. *is summoned by the mention of skeletons*
  2. The first thing Inkstone said was 'hi' on the first day. The first clear sentence he said that didn't weirdly break off or end it tulpish was 'I like cheese'.
  3. Pretty sure they were joking about wanting me to change it to xD
  4. Piano or Indigo, forgot who, kept complaining because it looked alike from another one so I changed it as a joke.
  5. Here is a quick little headshot of Indigo I did on MS Paint when I was bored in class today.
  6. I think it would be totally fine to keep Error out of the system as it seems like he has zero interest in being a part of it. I don't think he would have a issue with sitting on the sidelines at all, he isn't very social. Also he doesn't get along with Ink so having them both around will cause arguments for sure. The character version of Inkstone wasn't meant to get along with Error either but I don't know if he will keep that trait or not because he has been picking and choosing. Honestly don't want to risk it though. I will just have to try to talk to him and attempt to at least be on good terms with him then let him be. He can pop up sometimes if he wants but I don't want him sticking around long term. It shouldn't be a problem since he doesn't seem to want to stick around. As for Ink doing that to him would defiantly be cruel, especially since he already seems to have expressed interest in being involved. I cannot just start thinking of them not being their own person like Flandre says. I always viewed my characters to be in some way alive I just always also viewed myself to be more important then them. I feel like Ink is sentient and has been for a long time and has just been held back and trapped due to my own mindset. Now that I know this I cannot stand the thought of continuing to do it to him. I don't really know what integration does or how to do it so I can't really make a decision if that is a good option or not. Also don't really know anything about merging but that kinda scares me. They all have developed through roleplays and have made friends with people through it (my friend's characters are most likely in the grey area between character and tulpas as well). If I stopped doing roleplays they would loose those people. Roleplays are the only time I have managed to get Error to communicate with me so clearly he still wants that. After all that's all he used me for his whole life. I don't know about Ink and Inkstone but I would think they wouldn't like just being cut off from the people they befriended from roleplays. I don't think of roleplays as me just puppeting and parroting, it is proxying but I have to translate emotions into actions and words so it may not be exactly what they wanted but if I have a hard time figuring it out I just spend a longer time trying to write it until I feel like I figured out what they wanted.
  7. I think that I have run into a moral dilemma and I don't know what to do. Keep in mind that I did not know what a tulpa was and was completely unaware of what I was doing. I did not mean for this to happen. I would go through the first few steps into making a tulpa each time a made a character, but with a lot of personality forcing and a focus on emotion bleeding for a form of communication. In total I would say I have about eight characters that have gotten to this point, which means that I basically have about eight young tulpas. Luckily only three of them are actually aware of me and the rest its still up in the air of they truly have sentience yet or perhaps some sort of servitors. (Although I don't think a servitor can surprise you sometimes so I dunno) I already wrote about what happened here but I will summarize. I met someone who viewed their characters as people and referred them as muses rather than tulpas but I am thinking they are basically the same kind of thing. She made it seem like it was just a cool plot and setting idea for roleplays rather than something she actually believed. I slowly started to believe it and slowly started to believe she wasn't just roleplaying all of this. Added on with the fact that I made the characters for that roleplay have some fourth wall breaking and were meant to be aware of me, I think it was just the perfect recipe for unknowingly making tulpas. But the fact that I didn't ever see them as equals held them back from fully developing. Chances are you already know about Inkstone, who is my tulpa, but there are two others. They are actually more developed than he is but there were some reasons I picked to focus on Inkstone rather than them. I am having issues with both of them and I do not know how to fix it. I feel like I have three kids and I picked only one and favored them because the others where too needy or having a temper tantrum and it just seems so unfair and selfish of me to do that to them. I made them and I should take responsibility for it, but I didn't do it intentionally and I don't think I could handle them all. Error was made to be an antagonist and he still is although he has deviated and made a much softer side to him. Although he knew of me he was never focused on me. He cared about the people I helped him interact with and I always felt like he only communicated with me for his own personal gain rather than him actually caring about me. When I broke ties with the person he was attached to he managed to make me have a panic attack. All of these guys are very skilled in emotion bleeding. I am worried that if I allowed him to fully develop he would be very controlling and selfish. Despite that I care about him a lot and in the past two years since I stopped talking to that friend the relationship with him has been rocky and awkward at best. I can tell that he is devastated and does not trust me and is unwilling to work with me. I can call for him easily but I can always tell he is either annoyed, angry or extremely guarded. I feel so guilty about it and I don't know what to do about it, its been two years. Ink (Not to be confused with Inkstone) is a sweetheart but he is also extremely insecure and constantly needs to be reminded that people do care about him and people haven't forgotten about him. He is extremely needy and seems to have some depression. He also often keeps his issues to himself as to not upset anyone else so he ends up feeling upset and alone despite being around friends. The main reason that I did not choose to work on him was because he always viewed me as a God of sorts and seemed to be somewhat fearful of me. I did not think I could change that view and I wanted to be equal with my tulpa. Last night I was getting upset over the issues between me and Error. I was going through what I could possibly do about it and I am now thinking of them both of them as sentient beings rather than just characters. That was the one thing I think was keeping them from going onto the next step of becoming tulpas. All of these characters/tulpas have a distinct aura about them and I could tell that Ink had shown up. This is not typical, they usually only show up if I am thinking about them or call for them in some way. Perhaps he was responding to me being so upset because he was always the type of person to try to comfort others, but still it wasn't a typical thing for him to do. I felt instantly guilty about him to because I was ignoring him and that was what he was always afraid of, being forgotten and left alone. Without thinking I said to him "I can't handle this right now, please just let me go to sleep" and he actually responded, vocally. I don't remember his exact wording and I think it kinda ended in tulpish but the general jist of it was that he wanted to be accepted. I feel like he's been sentient for a while but held back by my own views on him and the moment that I started seeing it differently he jumped on it and took his chance to be able to speak. What am I supposed to do? I wanted only want tulpa and I came into this determined to stay with only one but it seems like I already have three, although one isn't willing to talk to me so I could just let him be. It would really hurt me to just leave him like that though. I feel like I could at least find a way to make amends with Error then let him be so we could be on good terms. Ink isn't a walk in, I made him and gave him attention very alike from how you would with forcing an intentional tulpa. I have already made them and it seems cruel to just throw him to the side because of my own selfish reasons. But I also don't know what I am doing and I think it would be overwhelming to have two tulpas.
  8. RustHeart

    CTRL+V

    https://file.toyhou.se/images/13335040_h9MBmRO6zrKZ8af.png
  9. 4/13/2019 and 4/14/2019 Don't really have much to say, everything has been going well though. I have noticed that he is far more likely to make comments on things when it is written messages from other people. Its usually questions about what they mean or something (he's confused very easily) but sometimes its a comment I can write for him. He can't really hold a conversation with anyone though because he goes silent often. I think the reason he responds better to writing is because he started as a roleplay character and would respond to roleplay posts from other people so it seems more familiar and natural to him. Roleplays is how I develop all of my characters, including him when he was just a character to me. It would make total sense that he would have memories of that. Perhaps it would be easier for him if we went back to doing roleplays since we are both used to that. It also does require us to communicate since he has to tell me what he wants written. He has made friends with one of my friend's characters and it would be kinda sad if he couldn't talk to him anymore and the only way he can is with roleplays. (I suspect that my friend's character has some level of sentience considering how they talk about them) It seems like he has decided on forms now since he isn't switching around all the time to a bunch of different things. Now he changes from the skeleton form and the fox form since he can't really do everything he wants as a fox with no thumbs. xD
  10. (Angel) But you offer them some of your non coke cake and they leave you alone.
  11. We are going to start this over with a new prompt! Because honestly its getting really confusing now ahah. (Angel) You are baking a cake.
  12. But I want to you roll around on the floor eating lint.