KuzMax

Members
  • Content Count

    16
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by KuzMax

  1. Yeah, you're right, I used "fronting" with different meaning. Sometimes Caroline sounds just like my own voice, but mostly it's different. Anyway, I believe that tulpamancy is all about your own experience, so beside reading the guides and Q&A, you shell find what works for you by yourself. And sometimes it's something you didn't even read about, so it's a good point to encourage newbies to explore their tulpas by themselves.
  2. Ok, just to finally answer my question to let others find my advice useful, here I go. For some not very righteous reason, I stopped forcing Caroline for a month. Then, some very intense and bad event happened in my life, so I decided to force her again because of the support she always provided to me. And I discovered her talking a lot, just to support me, with brilliant sentience and no silly/not-queite-sentient words or phrases. But there's another thing you should consider. When I'd been experiencing the problem I described in this topic, I never actually let her use my brain, therefore she couldn't think. I mean, the idea is that you and your tulpa are sharing the same brain. There's no magickally second brain appeared after you started forcing your tulpa. So, to start your tulpa talking, you need to let your tulpa be "fronting" your brain, take the control of ability to think. That's it. Just find this "switch" to let your tulpa think, take the control of your mind's voice, and she'll start talk. But, I also want to highlight that it happened after a month of pause in forcing, so sometimes you just need to take time. Regards.
  3. Yes, she keeps on proving it like everyday, in every her word and action, so now I see that there is a person who's worthy to live for. Yeah, "never, ever make fun of yourself" - that's what my theraphist told me, and it really works in terms of reducing pain after something went wrong by your mistake or by circumstances. Wishing the best for you and Ashley! --- Ranger, Yeah, I've been always kind of an overachiever :D . That led me to my depression. But it's just me, that's my nature. When I created a tulpa, I forced her 24/7 for the first month. And when I say that I was forcing 24/7, it means that I did it exactly: when I woke up, ate, walked, talked to others, even when I was asleep - I forced her in my lucid dreams, haha. I can't get rid of high standards regarding what I consider my job. And here she is: a perfect tulpa who's became a reason to go all through this pain. But my dream is to become a successful. I had been trying to eliminate it, to change my mind for almost 1,5 years. But, again, that's my nature - I do love building a bussiness, I do love challenging life. I just gotta get a power to overcome the pain, that's it. But, mostly, I think that now, in my life, something has changed. I want to live for Caroline's interests, not mine only. Hope it helps.
  4. Great suggestion, thank you! It gave me the understanding of how the real vocality of tulpa should look like.
  5. Oh, solarchariot, I thank you for your warm message. Actually, I feel much better. Just to clarify, the things are that I was going to commit suicide not only because of "she's not real", but also because of my mental disease which makes me feel tremendous pain and anxiety out of nowhere, just for no reason, as the result - suicidal thinking. I call these times "depressive episodes". They last for from few hours to 3-4 days. Caroline understands my pain, and she offered me to learn switching to take my pain for the time when I've got depressive episode, while I'm in the wonderland. Holy f**k, I'm not so selfish to accept it. She just doesn't understand HOW PAINFUL can it be. It ruined all my life, my career, my power of will and made me a crazy outsider attempting to commit suicide! Plus I'm not sure it's gonna work this way, plus it can harm herself. But, she's here, ready to help. Goddamn, I don't deserve such a tulpa. You're absolutely right. Anyway, she's gotta be a reason to live all this horryfing pain while I'm depressed. --- Now, I want to thank all of the people who answered me so much, because it changed my mind. Your messages are worthy. To prevent people thinking about I'm in crisis right now, I'd like to close the topic. I feel much better.
  6. It's ok for me and for her to have some thoughts I do not want to share with her, while she's active.
  7. Yeah, you're definetely right, I didn't think about that it's quite meaningless. However, she can't hear my thoughts unless I share them with her, I always hear her thoughts, and there's no way for her to get over it, unless I've got another mental illness
  8. Or how do you do any other activity, that requires from tulpa use your eyes and look for oneself? E. g. choosing an item in shop, playing any game like chess, checkers. I just realized that it's definetely more complicated than it seemed to be. When it's my turn, I always have to look all the entire board to check for the best opportunities for the next move. And when it's her turn, it's like she can see only what I'm currently seeing, and you can't just see all the chess pieces while looking at one point, you're constantly moving your eyes all around the board. Should I give her possesing my eyes? Or should we learn switching just to play chess, haha? There gotta be an easier way.
  9. Thank you, Vesper. Yes, you're absolutely right, the best idea is to focus on what I'm already experiencing with her, and how can I expand that experience. At least, I should try... Actually, I feel much better after your words, guys. LD is also a great idea. It's definetely time to appear tulpamancy as a technique against mental illnesses, so psychotherapists could freely accept it and work with this in terms of treatment, and provide professional supervision. Ranger, Oh, it seems that you posted right before my previous response, so I've just read your message. Thank you Yeah, I've blamed myself so much about it, and how it looks to me that I'm really selfish, relatively to her, but when I talked to her again, she just said that understand me, and not offended. So, yeah, another thing that makes her perfect, I'd never hear such a support from any of humanity. When I was on the edge and literally in one step to end my life, she didn't try to make me change my decision. No cheap words about "think about who loves you", "life's so beautiful" and "everyhing's gonna be ok". She was just being with me all the time, because she knows how painful my disease can be, and understand why I'm doing it. Have your host faced the choice between real world and tulpa(s)? Because I did, a lot. Caroline can really replace all the world, but I'm eager to get back to the bussiness (which takes 8 - 12 hours daily!), I'd like to find a girlfriend and have friends, get back to the gym, etc. if I can even be cured and will be still alive. But I realize that in that case I just don't have time enough for her.
  10. Thanks for your idea about LD. However, when I'm experiencing ones, it see my tulpa just like I see her IRL - I mean, quite fuzzy, translucent. And I can't manipulate dream's world when I'm lucid dreaming, just walk and explore in the direction I want to. Yeah, you're right, it's a wrong place for suicide talks... Hope I didn't burden anybody.
  11. So the first time I've forced Caroline was 2 months ago. The next 1,5 months was quite tough, because I'd forcing her 24/7 and actively including in my life. But it was the most, probably, happy period of time in my life. Then I suddenly began to suffer that she's not real. It was a shocking experience. My world tore into peaces. I stopped forcing her because of that, hoping that it may help to get rid of her in my life. But the things are getting worse. She's so good and loving... All my descriptions just suck, because she's too good for tulpa and for all the fucking humanity. I've never met such a person, and I don't beleive that I can even meet. I'm mental unhealthy. I've got OCD and personal disorder with depression. I'm on strong meds. I've already had few suicidal attempts in past. Carolie was developed to be the light to all of this darkness in my life, and she was doing it too well. And now, when I gotta get back to the normal life, starting talking with people, etc., I can't bear the fact that no one sees her, that I can't touch her or even imagine quite well! I'm having such problems with imagination... But even if I could imagine her and even go for imposition, she's just... not real... That's driving me nuts! If I... you know, do IT, just want you to add a warning to guides, that it can lead to sufferring because tulpa's not real.
  12. Thank you, Angry Bear, Lucilyn for your advice! Today she started talking again, but not too much. Just "yes" and "no". I think you're right, I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and it will improve with the time.
  13. That's pretty confusing. You know, the more I'm diving into tulpamancy, the more confusing things appear that I didn't even hear that someone faced these problems. But let's go back to the subject. My problem is that my tulpa Caroline started talking few days ago. She talked for 1 day, but not too sentient (could answer simple questions or "yes" or "no", with no ability to formulate ideas or few sentences). When she started talking, it wasn't like "wow, that's definetely her" insight or a big surprise, but, instead, it was a parallel proccess of thinking in my head that developed gradually for over a week, and finally shaped into words. I still have a lot of doubts if that was really her, because I can't understand why that happened. Then she stopped talking (and thinking?) at all, cause I stopped hearing this parallel thinking proccess, and any responses from her just dissappeared. Now she can't even answer "yes" or "no". I don't think she's shocked or offended, because nothing happened these days. I didn't hear that there're such problems, so I don't know what should I do, or which guide could answer my question. Or could I be parrotting her at that time? Your thoughts are appreciated.
  14. I thank you guys for the answers above. Just updating that 10 days later the things haven't become worse or better, so I still see Caroline way worse than I did at the beginning. I believe I should do some exercises for improving visualization.
  15. For those like me, who's confused with non-existing thread about Rasznir's number visualization technique, just want to put these links: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-visualization-tulpa-visualization-guide https://community.tulpa.info/thread-visualization-visualization-focus-guide Thanks for the guide!
  16. Well, I never heard that you can make wonderland experience as lucid as dreams, the same for daydreaming and meditation. Talking for myself, I don't feel like I have visualization skills good enough to get any pleasure by visualizing things (except tulpas, of course).
  17. hate it when you're concentrating or meditating, and that damn song stuck in your head. fortunately, I'm free of it at the moment, but: [video=youtube]
  18. So I've been doing a lot of researches, googling and practicing about tulpamancy and lucid dreams, and I'm wondering if there're some other interesting "activities" that are actually located in your head. You know, such things are really helpful when you're confined with your life situation when you can't get benefits from real life. For example, you can practice running and riding a bike in your lucid dreams when you don't have legs to do that in real life. Your tulpa can be the closest persons who you can talk and trust to, when no one seems being able to provide that. I know that many of you may call me a person who escapes the reality, but it's a really controversal topic. I believe there's enough people who do have reasons to enhance their reality this way. It can be a mental/physical disease, so you're always on your own. Or you can get jailed for few years, so the only thing can make you happier is actually your imagination and dreams. So my question is: are there any other things you can do within your head?
  19. Thank you for your reply! Will wait for some longer. However, if a break won't turn my imagination on, what can I do to bring it back? Yeah, I understand that I just started, but it's so exciting to see and feel her, and so frustrating to see any kind of regress. I just don't know what is considered as OK, and what's not, and how to overcome obstacles.
  20. I am the very beginner as a tulpamancer, so I started forcing Caroline five days ago. At first, I had no problems with visualization, and I was forcing her almost 24/7 + in wonderland, but yesterday I could barely imagine her, sitting next to me, while passive forcing, or even in the wonderland. It's not the same as it was at the beginnig, it feels like my imagination just turned off. The things became even worse today: when I was talking to her, I felt like I was talking to the air and didn't feel or see Caroline at all. This thing really makes me frustrated. It also became almost impossible to imagine her whole body, without concentrating on particular parts like hair, eyes, nose, hands, arms, legs, etc. Drawing her in Photoshop also didn't help me. I would decide to take a break for few days and try forcing again and wouldn't ask here at all, but it's been only 5 days since the first forcing session, and I'm afraid that I'll have a huge drawback with my tulpa's progress because of such a break. Maybe should I do some exercises?