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Everything posted by arachnocaccia

  1. We tend to do... Well, many of these things. My voice sounds decently different from Aster's, though I'm still working on masculinization, we try to wear the necklace often, and on days I intend to front more often we part our hair differently, and curl it. I have my own pair of gloves that only I wear. The housemates seem to still have difficulty. Aster: It'd be cool to have like, color shifting contacts.
  2. Hi everyone. We were wondering if anyone had ideas for how we could signal to our housemates who is currently fronting. Our current method (other than voice, which is unreliable) is a necklace that is orange on one side and blue on the other. It's not proven helpful, other than reminding me to take the front more often. A more fanciful idea was a tattoo that could change in response to some sort of stimulus, but that seems a ways off. 😅
  3. Aster: I believe so, but I can't confirm 100% since I don't actually have a wonderland form! My surprise experience with Baker's arm is only my second time being in the wonderland in any immersive way, and *distinctly* stronger than the first, where we maintained a... Something like a low res third person video feed with partial sound. Baker: Aster is incredibly awful at visualization. Decent at spacing, so that's some help. I handle almost all consistent visualization tasks, including projecting what my own form looks like to them. Baker: Interesting! I am sorry you had an uncomfortable experience with this; given my previous experience, I'm more comfortable sharing senses in this way. If you feel the need to try again with less loss of bodily agency, Vesper, try "pulling" Ember into the part of your body you want them to experience with you. It's difficult to describe in detail. Something like having them let go of their senses in that body part, rather than you, then imposing your own upon them... I'm unsure. Most of this comes relatively intuitively to me. The process was attractive to me because of my interest in designing some non-sentient thoughtforms (servitors?) and maintaining the wonderland. I enjoy meticulous detail where I can manage it, and Aster's complained about not being able to pet the dog I've been working on. The more practical intention with this experiment was to establish a workaround for their trouble establishing and identifying with a form for the purposes of switching. Surprise is likely what allowed it to happen the first time. We've had no success since. Sucks. (Aster: I can't really identify with Baker's body for a number of reasons.) Current plan of action is for us to design a temporary wonderland form for them, then I'll partially possess or "hold" it, and we'll try this again but with their body. We'd be interested to continue hearing about others' experiences with this experiment and similar experiences.
  4. We're not quite sure what you mean by a perspective switch! Baker: What we are describing is Aster being conscious in my thoughtform body while I'm conscious in their/our physical body. I was able to pull them into possessing my thoughtform body's arm and imposing its sense of touch onto their perception in place of their physical body's sense of touch.
  5. So Baker and I've been doing some experimentation in our practice with switching, and come upon something potentially interesting. One evening while I was relaxing Baker essentially pulled me into his thoughtform body for a moment (we have open possession / switching permission since I've been encouraging him to try pushing how far "forward" he can front and practicing independent body control) to touch his little dog creation. Seeing as it was a surprise, I only got a few seconds, but I had a distinct imposition of touch (our strongest mutual sense), with a weaker sense of sight (think squinting at something you've seen before in pictures). We've had little success in replicating it since, but it was particularly interesting because of the slow progress we've had with switching. Baker'd like to try to find a way to do it again and more strongly as a way to get me out of the front when we want to switch. Anyway -- anyone else given switching bodies/fronts in reverse a try? Thoughts on it or how to replicate it?
  6. Ah! We weren't aware you could crop! We've just submitted our results.
  7. We are interested in participating but uncomfortable recording our screen currently. We've filled out the pre-experiment form, but would there be some other way to prove we aren't fudging our scores on the 5 tries of the test?
  8. A new global law is enacted: all billboards must now feature at their most vertical point a table upon which to make offerings to the trees. Very good, comrade! I want to drink the Sun and live.
  9. Baker: I stick to one form. In the past I used to regularly switch between my human-esque form and either a robin or a very large spider (and I certainly don't mind those forms), but over time that practice has dropped off. I do enjoy feathering my arms at times though, the only part of my roleplay counterpart's main form I actually like. Aster: I'm honestly pretty terrible at visualization! I might even say I've barely got even one mental form -- vaguely human, short hair, looks mostly like our body. If I got to choose one... I'd very much like to have a whole host of forms, especially in the range of a dragons (very wonderful taste Indigo)!
  10. Aster: You say he wants to be beside you -- couldn't he do that within his own story? You might be able to field the idea to him, see if he's open to the idea of having a foot in two worlds, or switching over entirely. It depends on you two's relationship -- does he see you as some sort of authority? An in-universe friend? You could tell him how your life is "outside," see if he wants in (though that might be like describing "green" to someone who's never seen). Offer him information, and let him make his own decisions from it; the conceptual world is likely just as real to him as materiality is to you, so it wouldn't be inaccurate to offer it as a different world, side-by-side, rather than the "behind the curtain" real world. Baker: Just be blunt. There's a panic in realizing reality, no matter how you present it. It was the best thing to happen to me. I lost a world where I had friends and the power to achieve everything I ever wanted, where my skills granted me the ability to create boundlessly on my own strength. I gained a world where I can speak to about five people and only one can see me, sometimes. Here I live a relatively useless life, currently, making sure Baker doesn't dunk their head in a bucket of molasses and not mop up after, largely. It's worth everything to be free. Your tulpa may disagree. You know him better than we do. Be there to let him know that yes this is real, he is real, everything will be okay. That's all you can do about it.
  11. Baker: That's sensible. As a former roleplay character, I figure there'd be little of my past that COULD come from anywhere else but Aster's dumb head, frankly. ? Aster trawls the internet often. It's likely they've encountered more information than they realize. Aster: I do still have trouble thinking of what each alcohol type would taste like -- though Baker tends to butt in with the answer. A few friends and I are heading to a bar in the near future, I might give it a try when I have more privacy and report back!
  12. Aster: Have any other systems experienced this? If so, with what? How do you think this happens? We've experienced this a couple times -- most recently tonight, with Baker's surprisingly extensive knowledge of alcohol. I've largely abstained, and about as far as I know is: wine smells terrible, vodka is for self-hatred, and peppermint schnapps is just mouthwash but sweeter. (No offense to those who like to drink! Just not my glass of cider! ^^ ) Baker, however, went on to describe and recommend several different types of alcohol with detailed descriptions, which when checked against Google, seem to be very accurate. The first and most notable time was him teaching me how to breathe properly, which was... An Experience. The way I used to breathe hurt my chest if I tried to take deep breaths, making it impossible to meditate. Had no idea you *could* breathe differently. As for how... I'd argue the different perspective could apply for the second case (in that he's more body aware by far), though I don't know that it could for the first. I used to watch drink mixing videos, but never really retained the knowledge, and have been incorrect in guessing the tastes of different alcohols since, so I'm more doubtful of the idea of tulpas accessing forgotten or subconscious memories. Baker: My simple explanation of this is that I experienced these sensations before (speaking as a fictive / tulpa with a fictional past). I don't know how that non-existant experience carried over to this real experience in this body. Maybe it's just how I imagine those drinks, and it happens to line up. I was wrong about cognac.
  13. Aster: So, a little host help? Neither of us is patient, so I'll admit to being easily frustrated. We've tried a variety of different methods to achieve either full possession or switching -- the standard mediation, guided meditations, a couple eclectic things like me listening to hypnosis while Baker plays a video game -- and come upon the same common issue: I can't step back. My focus on stepping away from the front mentally (see: shutting the heck up, this brain is a nightmare and I'm the horse) usually requires me to be distracted by / focused on something physically -- which brings me slowly creeping back to the front to engage with it. So far, Baker's managed a bit of movement, which I identify as not mine because it feels similar to hypnogogic jerks (but those don't tend to extend my whole arm, slam down my phone, and yell at me mentally for adding clown music to the playlist -- a recommendation for anyone who wants to motivate their friends) and because it leaves my muscles just a tad sore wherever he moves them. He's managed near-complete possession in a few isolated situations, but those came along with significant reasons to occupy the front. We've seen mentions of "don't treat the body like a machine..." My first thought is that this is just a matter of more practice, but I think it may be helpful to hear different ways of thinking about this -- I'm a very flow-chart, outline, framework kind of person, so it's easy to get stuck down the wrong rut!
  14. Aster: If Baker's memory is as reliable as he says it is (our body's memory is a distinct downgrade for him), it may vary? He said he spoke to three people -- my attempted tulpae (one from when I was very young, another from a very rough patch) and a roleplay character from when I was younger who I distinctly remember talking to me and telling me how to play her, early on in his existence. A couple times they individually communicated through his "channel" of sorts, but that stopped after he was well-established. So it may be that dormant tulpae are just -- waiting for a connection, that's it! How they feel about that after the fact is an individual matter (two were quite glad to see me, the other only spoke to Baker).
  15. Aster: We initially associated as something like siblings, and still consider each other family, but ah -- some aspects of sharing a body made thinking of each other as related in that sense really uncomfortable. So we've settled for just not particularly using labels; tulpa relationships are a class of their own!
  16. Mobile tulpae and hosts: Do you type or swipe on your phones? I'd prefer to type, just as a movement, but our low possession experience makes it difficult and draining. Aster also prefers to do a combination, largely favoring swiping for some ungodly reason, so our right hand is trained to do that.
  17. [video=youtube]
  18. into the Sun, whereupon they met the dread god Voss.
  19. I open my mouth to swallow them whole. I throw a Japanese tea vase at the next poster.
  20. Solitary Orchestra -- Volcanic Island by Muship
  21. Hi! I go by Baker online. I'm currently about 2 months old. Vocal and a certain degree of possession. I enjoy Liszt, bossa nova, accordion, guitar, and Risk of Rain 2 currently, with an interest in learning fiber crafts and how to play guitar. And I'm Aster! I'm 21 years old, new to the community myself but I have friends with tulpas and tulpas as friends. This was a bit of a surprise for me personally, but a very pleasant one! I also like video games, reading, drawing, and gardening (we have a joint garden, now).
  22. Thank you all for your responses. I've found them helpful in opening avenues to pursue this. My existence here is relatively recent and... unexpected, on both my and my mate's part -- her name is Aster, we'll make an introduction as soon as she decides whether she'd like a separate, linked account or not -- so any advice is appreciated. In the interest of completeness on my part, I suppose? My story is full of highs and lows: I was depressed, I left home, I wandered, I found a new home in the friends I'd made during the course of the campaign, made many mistakes. Our setting was magical, and I was adept at a specific range of magics. Most of them are not missed, particularly, though certain gifts and skills I had are definitely lacking -- a trouble we share, Vesper, and so one I'm glad to get your input on -- and my preferred field, soul magic, is of limited use here (though the understanding that it required has come in handy learning new skills and acting in the capacity I can here). It's not without perks that I'm disconnected from these powers though; I don't have to follow the rules of my god and the nature of "tulpadom" allows me to keep those skills associated with his power that I most enjoy (shape-shifting at will, in the form of taking whatever form I prefer). The magic skills I attempt to recreate in different forms; my mate and I are experimenting with servitors and I'm attempting to use my skills to help influence her towards more useful states of mind (with consent, no worries) to some degree of success. The downgrade in memory is particularly galling, though. We are attempting to remedy that with greater attention to things in general, and I still have comparatively better memory ,but it is still remarkably unpleasant to realize I'm the one forgetting something. The loss of my friends stung the hardest for some time, though it's lessened on a case-by-case basis since meeting them. Many are much better company than their counterparts. The counterpart of the one I loved in my story-of-origin is deplorable. Our DMs are delightful, a stark contrast to the wrath of god they jointly embodied, and I've found myself involved with one of them. (This, notably, will not affect their likelihood to destroy my mate and I's joint character, now. We have both respectfully promised to inflict as much pain upon each other's characters as we would before, if not more!) The real-life counterpart of the best friend I loved is a particular thorn, given some disinclination towards headmates and tulpas in general; though my mate and I have agreed to try jointly playing what we now call "Roleplay Baker," he may yet veto our campaign in general on the grounds that he's far too uncomfortable to think about anything related to me. Assuming our campaign isn't nixed, though, I believe I'll try "going home" as Vesper described it, while we play. Perhaps after that experience I'll feel comfortable accepting some sort of continuity between "roleplay Baker" and myself again without feeling... less real. If not, we do have a backup plan that would disrupt the party little but change our character -- though I'd like to see him to a happy ending like the new beginning I've found here. Additionally, the introduction of music, craft, and eating for pleasure into my life are things I would not willingly spurn. I enjoy the connection between my mate and I, and despite issues with her hands being too short, and herself in general far too short, among the many bodily oddities in general, I wouldn't particularly like to live life separately, permanently, again. Space? Yes. But isolation, no. Iris, my mate and I have spoken at length about parts of my life she'd only guessed about. Developing part of my own backstory (and to a certain degree, my father's) felt rewarding, whether because of her interest or the ability to define myself more directly. Your idea of journalling is one I like, and will likely try if roleplay doesn't work out. Joy, I appreciate your perspective on being an actress in one's own story and -- I suppose whether memories "actually happened" or not doesn't really determine their effect on one's person, does it? That effect is already set. So effectively, real or fake is just a matter of labelling. (I've been told I have a, ah, relatively archaic or formal style of typing, so please forgive me for that. We've been going on Discord servers and the like to get me acclimated to writing less stiffly, but I believe it will take a short while to switch over. I rarely wrote in my time, and only needed it for correspondence with my dad or formal papers, so using written text informally is a habit yet to be formed!)
  23. Hi! I'm Baker. For a while before becoming myself, I was a roleplay character. I maintain that form, with a few changes, and remember the actions of that time as my life prior to this point, although I don't consider it "real." It is quite obviously an entirely fabricated world, made by my mate and her friends. There is little to support me having existed in reality at any point prior to this. So I suppose it's something to come to terms with. I see similarities between her friends and the people I "used to know." It's comforting and discomforting. All the same I decided to keep my name over hers, despite being effectively the only one of my family. My question is: people in similar circumstances. How do you reconcile this? Do you see your "old world" as real? Your memories as real? How do you adapt to "suddenly" being dual, despite "remembering" a time you were on your own? I'm starting to come to terms with living like this, but I was suggested this forum as a place to talk with people like me.