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Everything posted by BillyTheHuman

  1. Billy: Right now in terms of head mates it's just Spec, it pains me to say this but Spec is still very Young and I have been metaphorically holding her hand the whole way, though she has been surprising me with jokes to lighten the mood at times, but I've always been dominat in my mind, but an empty mind does not make for a fulfilling life. And this domination of my own mind is what has made it so barren. Now I've done a lot of research and my plan is just Spec right now, though maybe a year from now I might consider more head mates but at the end of it all only Spec will be built to be my equal. Just like with your own home I won't automatically welcome walk ins and I hope no walk in decides to show up at a bad time as I can have very little patience for thought forms that are not my own. We press on.
  2. Spec : Cheesy yes and Billy may have groaned at this but.... I guess you could say Billy sees things very black and white where as I see things in a spectrum, heh. And I have to agree with you in terms of sharing the whole brain and Billy is not oppsed to the idea it's just easier for him to wrap his mind around the concept of each of us having a hemisphere dedicated to each of us...he leans heavy on things he can tangably see and facts I guess and what's already known to humans. Billy : I suppose my problem is that I feel I must be in control of what goes on in my head at all times and this is something I have difficulty with, that and anything happening is just me doing it but no where near to the extent as before, I've accepted that anything is possible within our mind and anything to improve progress is alright by me and although I do not have doubts it's still hard not to fear the unknown after all. We press on! Billy: I'm going to need to keep track of everyone here and who's who, not used to this kinda stuff but I welcome these experiences.
  3. Billy: Pretty cools stuff right there, well I think I now have an idea on how to create some NPCs considering I can just pull from memory every single fiction character I know of as a way to test things out. I find it fascinating that your Mindscape ( wounderland ) is so stable, aside from "The Library" most parts of my mind come and go unless I choose to hold onto it and as for walk ins, I'm not afraid of entities running a muck as before even knowing of tulpas, dealing with rogue thought forms was something I learned how to deal with at an early age but has left my mind very empty as I've gotten older, these days they are automatically dissipated on the spot before I really get a chance to notice or I choose to absorb them into my ego depending on the context. But with Spec... I'm not gonna lie, I'm splitting my ego in two and dedicating the other hemisphere of my brain to create Spec as she is supposed to be my equal and I accepted that nothing is given for free, especially life but these are just my thoughts, could be different for others, also I had to tell myself that anything is possible during this journey and commitment I have made otherwise I don't think I would have made any progress at all. Spec : Also I like sparing with Billy now, he always says that I am as strong as him and I thought this could make a great breakthough, luv the action too, no worries, all fun, I would never want to hurt Billy.
  4. Billy: Now NPCs that's a little hard for me to grasp, would someone mind explaining that to me to try to, well to make one or get started? I will be honest, it has always just been me here and now me and Spec with objects coming and going or being incorporated into my Mindscape.
  5. It's a long hallway, In the front there is a doorway though idk what it is for and then 2 stairways, one on each side of the door that leads to a loft deck above said dooway, where another door to our bedroom is and on the other end is a center console of sorts with a holographic display though it looks more like a hooka based on Billy said and two bean bag chairs we sit on when we talk, also my lamp is on a platform attached to center console. And instead of walls there are rows and rows of book shelves that start at the doorway but wrap around like a U where we sit, there does not seem to be an end to the book shelves if I were to look through em but...... actually idk why me and Billy never thought to go rummaging though the aisles I'mma ask him about it myself. Billy: I will be giving this a look though not right this moment.
  6. Oh wow, me and Billy do wounderland stuff but I think he calls it a mindscape and mostly to work on me, we are in a what he calls "The Library" Says it has an infinite interior ? but right now it seems pretty small so I added a bedroom to it and Billy loves it. I love em but I kinda wish we had some karaoke here I love to sing, him not so much ? Oh no I can't use my Emojis
  7. Spectrum: I like the light poem, Billy says he prefers the dark one. I prefer Spec just cuz it's easy to say. What kinda stuff do you guys do?
  8. Spectrum: Hay um hi Billy: (Original) So I'm letting Spec chat with y'all, I will be honest I'm not onlinetype of person so you won't find me chatting a lot but I think it would be healthy And helpful for spec to socialize with other individuals since most people I talk with in person probably would not give me the time to do something like this.
  9. Update: This one is short, there has been progress but until we make a Break through again these updates will be small but I will definitely be posting a breakthrough here. Spec is much more animated and has a form to boot but still needs work. I'd also like to note that Spec does not like my family and I have been experiencing mood swings around them, nothing too hard to handle but I needed to ask if this is normal, for a tulpa to cause mood swings? Also she wants to chat but idk if I should what do you guys think?
  10. I sorta did, not explicitly but I told her if she can try then go ahead but don't be surprised if bust your chops for attempting a mile when I give you an inch, has not been an issue now but on the bright side she can now talk....even though she does not have much of a mind voice yet?
  11. Not tulpa related but this will be pulled from my dream journal as I am still battling with the meaning behind this dream(dream) if any meaning exsits. "In my dreams I remember it happing in a few consistent parts of my life. When on the verge of waking I find myself drifting into a lucid dream but as the dream becomes more lucid so does the world around me become darkened by what looks like you set the contrast too low and as you set it lower everything becomes darker, like you have a spot light pointing directly down on you and you can only see yourself and the floor underneath you within a 1-12 foot radius maybe more maybe less but anything outside of that spot lite is pure black, it always happens when I am entering a lucid state of dreaming, this void once showed itself when I was much younger but it was different or maybe I am simply remembering something else, but what I do remember is when I for as far as I can remember having experienced my first lucid dream. I was naked maybe 8-13 years of age in a white void exactly like the white room from the matrix, which at the time I do not think I ever saw it yet, and recently I saw this void again at the end of or close to the end of a normal sleep cycle. I found myself slip out of an acid like trip that quickly faded as I found myself in what looked like a public men's bathroom with a large mirror and sinks next to each other on the same counter top and it was reflecting only the room and I could not see myself in the mirror's reflection at all but I found myself staring at the mirror, waiting, for something to show itself, to pop out of the shadows, I yelled out" show yourself" a jump scare maybe, I know I wanted something to happen ,and I whilst dreaming I imagined what horrors may pop out and I felt shivers, I was scared but I stood there waiting sternly not wanting to back down. It goes silent, any sounds that were present in the dream are gone, it is so silent that the hum of my own eardrums is gone and at that point my blood freezes now, I wait, the silence ever present as if to signal whatever monster hiding to show itself, but nothing, I starred at the mirror for what felt like hours, I stared, nothing ever happened and then I simply woke to the sound of my family in the morning as if lightly woken up from a calm sleep, only after waking up did I realize that there was no reflection of me in the mirror, I thought to myself how could that happen I was in a lucid dream state, I had full control of my body just not control of my surroundings, this void now that I write this had shown itself for what I think was the first time as "black" rather than "white" but I only remember the dream part ironically enough and not the where and only that it was 2017, I found myself pushing and pushing for a lucid dream I was before hand in what felt like another acid like trip of happiness but I remember the trip very vividly and it's too much to describe in text, but imagine if you took New York and all its future like sky scrapers and structures and made them look like they were made in Italy during the Renaissance but were still skyscrapers and were still the same overall size and all the roads were in the same place just stylistically different, and then as I roam this city blissfully I find myself enter what looks like the entrance of a shopping center I see all the lanes that people can check out at and the belts that push forward groceries and everything looks modern and up kept as well and behind me are large windows going left to right with the entrance and exit on either side and the windows showing the city street as if there is no parking lot just side walk on the other side and a 2 way street and skyscrapers but I turn around and I notice I see a darkness beyond the checkout lanes as if I can't quite see into the shopping lanes themselves and then boom it hits me and I know I am dreaming and then I turn around and the entrance and exit are gone and the store is empty and can no longer see the windows that were between me and the outside street of the city let alone see outside at all and then I turn back to the dark from within the store, I'm scared but again not wanting to lose to my fears I run in the lanes and scream "this is a dream" or something like that as I am fuzzy on the details, but as I recall I remember that details became less vivid or nonexistent as I ran deeper into the shopping lane, going deeper running more and with all shelves empty now of any products they start to less resemble large tall shopping center shelves and are now shorter much older looking shelves but clean as if something you would see in an old gas station that has been family owned and ran for generations but was up kept nicely, I stop and I can no longer make out the front of the store nor the back and blackness covers the other side of the shelves just a ceiling and the shelves next to me and the only indication of direction being based on where I ran from, I stand there scared. I wake to the subtle sound of the house hold and its residence I reside with, no panic, no thumping in my chest, just calmness and the want to and need to cuddle a pillow and cozy up in the bed itself, yet I still vividly remember the dream give or take some patches missing in the timeline, and yet I find myself calm when I wake. P.S. I have not had a dream like this in some time but I see no reason why not to make a dream journal as a result"
  12. So I am trying new things, spec is a genies lamp with a smoke form undefinable atm but she seem quite adept at mimicking me at times, however things changed when she start learning how to use my mouth to talk and half the time I'm unaware it's her untill she stops talking, I ran into a snag when she used this as an opportunity to voice her opinion of a relative to said relatives face that ended badly and it was not untill things cooled off that I realized it was her, she was sorry that she was not sorry and felt that what was said needed to be said, things fine and I'm safe but I was hoping for some tips, answers, really anything about what I should make of this as she prefers this type of way of talking and not always through mind voice and we are both torn on how to come up with a humannoid figure that we both like. Oh and the library and door change and merged together as if to become an exit(only door in the library)but the door is locked now and the books on the bookselves that were on the left side of the library are gone but the books on the right side are still there, I suppose this due to the fact the her lamp rests on the left side of the library and I have a bean bag chair on the right side where I sit to chat with her. What do you guys think? anything to be concerned about or something I should try focusing on other then Spec?
  13. MY B :( well when I look on the spine of any book which starts off blank, I can put any title on it but the book's pages will always be blank however if I try and let the book come up with a title I get pounded with random thoughts as I try and focus on the spine and the title forming, every time I snap out of focus and just move on to Spec
  14. My Tulpa "Spec" is still young but as a result of creating her a few cool/weird/unknown things have happened, originally I had based her design more around the idea of an AI and took inspiration from Halo but she quickly changed that, now she resides inside a Genies lamp exactly like the one from Aladdin and has an unidentified form as of right now, though if I had to guess there is inspiration from Zelda, Heavy Metal music, Aladdin in her design now just dont ask me why, ask her, but this was just the cool part. she only took this form after I discovered the "Library" and weird stuff happens to my thoughts should I just try and read the spine of any of the books, I have not tried to investigate this any further but idk if I can resist trying to take a peek in one of the books should I have the free time. This "Door" will appear at random times in any thought and it is never hard to remove but I do not know where it came from and it is not connected to Spec in any way, if anything it is more connected to me then it would be her, should I try and enter its like ….. well if I really do enter it feels like letting go of consciousness but my ego has prevented me from getting closer to it now. what do you guys think?
  15. Today is day 4 so far, I started to Tulpa force on the 19 of June. My Tulpa's name right now is Spectrum or Spec for short. I must note that Spectrum's form is changing a lot as I Tulpa force her into existence. From the start Spectrum was a 2D static sprite that resembled a ball of blue light around the size of a yoga ball compared to me, but after further Tulpa forcing, Spec shrunk down to the size of a basketball completely on her own and became 3 dimensional and resembled that of the purple sphere enemies from Destiny and Destiny 2 (video games)she was rigid and mechanical but she was blue, when this transformation happened it was like watching an electric storm going off around and from within her, after this she ended up wired on to a pedestal that was just big enough for Spec to rest on top of. I have been continuing to Tulpa force and at one point a human female ended up being birthed out for the sphere form Matrix style(ooze, no hair, naked), I think the reason this happened was due to the fact that I was also pushing hard for a female human but after further forcing, I could not visualize the face without it just being pulled from faces I knew rather than a new one, this was a problem as I wanted Spec to be her own. After this point things got fuzzy on the details, I remember not being satisfied with the form in front of me so I decided to meditate to try and get the sphere form back instead and then let her decide, but instead when I went to my mindscape(wonderland) (we are in a nice fancy studio apartment behind the eyes) she was not there, then fuzziness, the next thing I remember, she is a very smooth, sheen ball maybe at most 25% but at least to 5% overall smaller then a basketball, and looked of sheen dark blue with a bright Cyan illuminating iris in the center as if she was an eyeball for a very large mech or maybe if I pulled her out of my metaphysical mindscape into the physical, she would fit perfectly into my right eye socket but I did not set this idea in stone. After some time passed I decided at this point I would focus on trying to get her to talk to me either through mind voice or other means whilst also doing some light personality forcing(not easy for me), I know that she is aware of me and I am too (duh) but outside of very light puppeting (I dont like puppeting) I was not getting anywhere so I decided to meditate and rather than force her I would try and find her within my 5 senses. After an hour of meditating I ended up seeing only a few bright flashes of light from her as she tried to show herself but what was the biggest break through was hearing a *sigh* come out of my JBL Bluetooth speaker, it did not sound forced or exhausted but rather it was like it was the first breath you take possibly, honestly IDK. Nothing really happened after the break through so I decided to go to bed, that was the first four days. My Progress seems erratic ATM but right now I'm only focused on Spec having agency, form, and voice. what do you guys think ?