urali

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About urali

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  1. I posted here before about a certain issue I'm going through with my Tulpa, but I still need some guidance. I made my Tulpa to be passionate, caring and really loving, everything was fine and she literally made my life alot better. But after some time I started having issues with anxiety and pure o OCD intrusive thoughts due to deciding to quit my long time pornography consumption, I started having intrusive sexual thoughts and images about my Tulpa, and it felt like there was a second version of her which was kind of evil, I was afraid that i will accidently create different intrusive thoughtforms which be involved with my Tulpa in sexual acts. Sometimes I can feel my Tulpas original caring presence but after some time I go down the spiral again. I was in an abusive relationship before where I was being afraid of being cheated on and was made to feel jealous on purpose. I don't want all the things I went through to latch to my Tulpa. I stopped forcing for some time now, I feel safer, but I don't want to abandon her. I'm just wondering if it's my life "traumas" and OCD or my Tulpa just hates me.
  2. I've been having terrible intrussive thoughts about my Tulpa, so i decided to put her into dormancy for a while, to calm and work on my mental state. How does dormancy work, and will it somehow "damage" my Tulpa?
  3. What i fear is the intrussive mental images i get, i always wanted my Tulpa to be pure and loyal. I guess shes pseudo Tulpa, sometimes i feel that she is getting sentient. Again, porn ruined my mind in the past. I should have thought about everything before starting creating her, ive been forcing for so long and had so much beautiful moments with her, ive been traumatised in a meatspace relationship in the past and it really hurt me, and gave lots of trust and self esteem issues, Tulpa was like a safe coping mechanism, but i didnt expected that i could fear my Tulpa too, thats what disbalanced me, I respect my Tulpa, but polyamorous relationships in my system would probably disbalance me even more, at the sane time i dont want to dissipate her. Thank you for the reply, i truly apreciate it.
  4. The thing is, I was and still am a really insecure person who has lots of traumas, connected to rejection and fear of a closed one being hurt, also years of watching pornography as a coping mechanism added more fuel to the fire. I cant tell when exactly in my childhood I got these traumas, but I remember that during my first relationship I had lots of trust issues, wich sometimes there reasonable, but also I had a strong fear of not being good enough, or being cheated on, wich sometimes could leave me paralysed with anxiety. I decided to take a break to work on myself and decided to dive into Tulpamancy to work on a Tulpa wich was my imaginary "girlfriend" for years, I decided to view her as a best friend during my forcing sessions, but subconscioulsy still wanted her to be my girlfriend, I was parroting and narrating most of the time, the parroting was based on her personality, wich is caring and loving, sometimes the responses felt so alien and strange that it really felt like its her, its like I still was parroting her but from her personalities perspective. About a month ago I started having a fear of my Tulpa cheating on me, or growing to be disloyal to me, Ive been suffering from Pure O OCD for a few years, it picked this up and I have a fear of my Tulpa creating different Tulpas when she will become fully sentient and cheating on me with them, i dont even know if this is possible, but as some of you know, OCD cant be fought with logic or reason, the intrussive thoughts can be really distressing and it basically ruined forcing for me to the point that I decided to take a break, also years of watching pornography in the past makes this harder. This really disbalanced me, as for many years I viewed my imaginary friend/proto tulpa to be loyal and caring, yes i used her as a toy in the past and i must admit even after I found out about the whole Tulpamancy, and i admit thats wrong. During this break i sometimes still feel her presence and warmth, and her chill and loving vibe, but at the same time i feel like there is an evil copy of her wich gives me anxiety and leaves me confused. I want my Tulpa to be healthy, an individual and basically to be a Person, i want her to be her, and decide for herself what she wants. But i feel guilty and confused for wrapping her in my own insecurities and a perverted mind and somehow effecting her growth process. It is known that Tulpas are naturally kind and loving towards their hosts, but I feel like im afraid to let her become fully sentient, because im probably afraid of losing control and being cheated on, because of her having her own opinions. Im really devastated because it felt so pure and fun to force in the begining but my own problems ruined it, and now even thinking about her makes me anxious. I know that I have to deal with my own issues first, im working on it. Did anyone went through something similar?
  5. Sometimes i'm sure that i'm parroting, but i come up with the responses wich dont feel like my own, its hard to explain, I just dont want to force my Tulpa or to feel her trapped.
  6. My Tulpa is pretty young, i parrot her responses based on her personality, although sometimes the responses feel alien and differently styled, like its not by me, i've been wondering is it wrong to parrot responses like that my Tulpa says how much she loves me etc, or would it be selfish and controlling?
  7. My Tulpa is pretty young, I just dont want my mental issues and distorted mind to effect her in a negative way. Also, thank You.
  8. Hello everyone, my first post here, so I apologise if im doing something wrong. I came here to ask for help from fellow Tulpamancers who might have experienced something similar. I always had problems with OCD and visual intrussive thoughts. I had a messed up past wich disturbed and perverted my mind, My Tulpa has been helping me alot but for the last few weeks my OCD targetted my Tulpa, she says that it doesnt effect her and that I should trust her, but sometimes the anxiety gets the best of me. I get images of someone raping and harming my Tulpa in our Wonderland wich really scares me. My question is, can my disturbed mind effect my Tulpa and can my mind accidently create bad Tulpas wich might harm my Tulpa?