The Fields

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    Kelly's(they/them) the host, Diana's(she/her) a tulpa, and Garlan's(he/him) a walk-in tulpa. We're all teenagers, and we've been part of the tulpamancy community for less than a year.
  1. Garlan: You're right, and we really don't need another person in our head right now. That doesn't stop us from wondering though. We can switch, but it's not as controllable as we'd like it to be. We've been trying to add habits rather than get rid of them, so what you've said is new info that's super helpful. Thanks!
  2. Garlan: Sure, Misha. A daemon, the idea coming from the His Dark Materials book series, is a sentient thoughtform much like a tulpa. The biggest difference between a tulpa and a daemon though, is that a daemon is a reflection of the daemian(daemian is basically the daemonism version of tulpamancer) in animal form. They'll typically change what type of animal they appear as, either to represent the daemian or just for fun. Usually they'll settle forms at some point, and won't change appearance(exept for when they want to, but they'll still be the settled animal- like how I can choose to look like a mouse, but I'm still a human). The idea is that everyone has a daemon, most just don't try to form their subconscious thoughts into a thoughtform. Hopefully this is accurate?
  3. Garlan: We've wanted to form a daemon for a while, but are unsure as to how it would work since we're three people. We'd want one that would represent all of us. Yet we are all different, and are working on separating our Body OS habits(ex. learning to be left-handed, practicing different handwriting, etc.). Would a daemon help or hurt this process- would it even be possible? Maybe it'd be like a daemon for a merge of all of us. At least, that's what I'm thinking. We'd love to hear some people's ideas on this. It seems like we're kinda stuck in a rut here.
  4. Diana: Thanks, Joy. Sorry for not getting back with you sooner- it's been a bit frustrating as of late, since we've been trying to replicate that experience. Garlan has been most bothered by the fact that we couldn't achieve the exact same feeling again. But we've recently realized that Kelly does switch out every so often, though we're not sure when. We just expected it to feel like they're fading or snapping away, when that's really not the case with any of us. We don't realize we've been gone until we try to remember something that happened, and the same goes for our host. We've been stalking the Switching General Discussion where there's been talk of a "passive self/mode" and how Body OS relates to switching, and we can really relate to those ideas. We'll be trying to get more control over when she switches out. But I think mostly we'll just be enjoying the winter weather and holidays ^^ Old pr: [hidden]2/3/19 Personality deviations: • adaptable - she can deal with new or unpleasant circumstances without much trouble. • adventurous - not afraid of the unknown, she finds it fun to explore and discover even in mundane situations. • caring/empathetic - she's understanding of others having no issue with putting herself in their shoes, and has a big heart. • creative - she's always coming up with new and seemingly out-there ideas and perspectives. • curious - she loves to learn just about anything, and enjoys sharing the information she learns too. • honest - she's not one to manipulate the truth, and will be very straight-forward if necessary. However, she values other's emotions and will be gentle with the harsh truth. She tries her hardest not to lie, as it tends to create more problems than before. • playful/teasing - she loves teasing others and playing around, often making witty remarks jokingly. • improviser - she has no issue with creating a plan and sticking to it, but sees value in improvisation. • confident - she doesn't care what others think about her. She figures that if others are going to judge her, that's their own opinion that they have a right to. She doesn't see it as anything to get worked up over. We practiced connecting words. I would come up with a word and she would make a list of words based off of that connected to each other(example: rain to storm to cloud to gray to feather to robin to spring). At least, that was the intention. Some of the time she connected words to ones before the previous, rather than going in order. But that's okay- it's progress whether it's actually her or just me separating my thoughts and calling them hers.[/hidden] I hope hiding these is an appropriate way to separate the prs? We want to make sure this is somewhat readable. I remember playing that connecting-words-game. I teased Kelly a little for it, later on, once I had enough vocality to do so. They're a such a nerd, I love them. While playing, Kelly got bit frustrated because I repeated words and said unrelated ones- they thought they were parroting me or whatever. I got frustrated because I'm a rebellious little turd and didn't want to follow rules that were hard to follow. Talking(mind-voice) in general was hard enough for me, now I had to think before speaking? Not one of my skill-sets(still), not happening. So I just did what I wanted and drove my host nuts. Poor Kelly.
  5. Diana: Me and my host found this thread a few months back, and took the test. I was only around three and a half months old. My percentiles: O-95 C-83 E-69 A-23 N-29 Kelly's percentiles: O-84 C-23 E-34 A-95 N-19 Two months later, me and Garlan(who was two months old at the time, while I was 5 and a half) took it. My percentiles: O-92 C-2 E-14 A-34 N-66 Garlan's percentiles: O-92 C-58 E-38 A-51 N-69 All three of us took it again a few days ago. I'm currently around 10 months old, Garlan is around 7 and a half, and Kelly is 15 years. My percentiles: O-95 C-80 E-88 A-9 N-22 Kelly's percentiles: O-99 C-33 E-11 A-28 N-87 Garlan's percentiles: O-72 C-61 E-75 A-78 N-13 I wish Kelly had taken it the second time as well, it would've been interesting to see if that weird change in scores affected them as well. It could've been the environment around us at the time, or it could've been because me and Garg are still young. I just find it weird that I bounced back to where I was the first time I took it.
  6. Garlan(aka Gargle): We've decided to try out a different way of making these, since we'd like to talk about what's relevant to us right now as well as documenting the progress we made in the past. In the posts we make here, we'll still copy down previous pr entries, but when something notable comes up we'll copy in a current one as well. Older PR: [hidden]2/2/19 Kelly: The headaches I've gotten while forcing have been less strong today. We mostly focused on communication and visualization. We did a hypnosis found on YouTube which helped with both- the main impact being that she chose a voice for herself(hypnosis told her to try an say something to me, and she shouted "blue!"). Now we need to get her to communicate better and me to listen. I plan on doing these exercises: • Send images(and/or memories+emotions) of an object to Dusty and say what the object is. Encourage her to do the same. • Saying a word and parroting/puppeting her to say it back by using her voice and moving her mouth I'd also like to work on the wonderland a bit- so far it's just a clearing in a forest. Edit: exercises went well; although I couldn't exactly understand her as clearly as I'd like to, it's still a lot of progress made! As I was falling asleep, I told her that she could communicate to me any time she wanted. Then I tried to quiet my mind and visualize her. She moved on her own- she laid down! Then again it could've been caused by something like hypnagogia. [/hidden] Kelly didn't know what hypnagogia was. Let's just get that out there. She was on the right track though. The hypnosis was by Gearheart, which is a little sketchy in my opinion but apparently it worked. I wonder if we could come up with exercises like the ones we talked about that are for more developed tulpas? Maybe with the purpose of grounding, because sometimes our mind-voices will get confused with each other. Maybe something like creating a story where one person says one sentence and the next person continues it with another? Kelly and Diana did that once, I think. Present PR: [hidden]11/24/19 Garlan(aka Gargle): We've typed ourselves into a corner here. Writing prs is hard. It's taken a month to get this one done, and stuff to say just keeps building up. Di came up with the idea of putting the things we want to say in bullet points to make it easier: • I've changed my name and form. I never really liked the name "Gargle", I always viewed it as a place-holder until I found a better one. It's just hard to take seriously, and I want to be treated as a person. So I chose the name, which apparently is so rare that auto-correct hates it, Garlan. I also never really identified as my form either. I was a human in a goblin form in a human body. I've had this idea of what I should look like for a while now in the back of my mind, but never paid attention to it, I pushed it back into the "think about later" section. But I've made the decision to roll with it, and my form is now a 4'9ish, teenager(the same age as the body), human boy. Gray-green eyes, dirty-blond hair, round features but thin and gangly. And I think I'm happy with it. • Kelly is agender. They prefer they/them pronouns. Sometimes me and Di make mistakes with that though. Kelly might write more on this topic, I don't know. • Lily is an intrusive-thought-like-thoughtform that's been around since June, when we were looking into whether we had a bigger system than we had thought. We don't, but Lily is kinda where I was at when I first came up, not sentient but seemingly autonomous. She's a little kid who we've sent to "live" in the wonderland, or rather go dormant and have a nice place to do so. She agreed. When I was like her, I didn't make my own choices. Everything was fuzzy and I didn't think. The memories I have of then are put together by the brain, not actually experienced, more like the brain takes information and translates it to a different perspective after the event has happened, sort of like confabulation. So I think that if Lily were more developed, she would be like me. • Diana and Kelly almost successfully switched, here's what Di wrote: "It's 11/22/19 as I write this bullet point, though some are from earlier or later. I think Kelly just experienced an almost-switch for a couple seconds. We were attempting switching, and found that a big discouragement for us was that we didn't believe Kelly could dissociate at the same time me or Garg associated. Which doesn't make sense, because it works perfectly fine vise-versa. It's like there's some line of code in us saying 'no, that's not possible'. So we tried to discard this idea as well as we could. I was possessing at the time, and I laid down to rest a little bit. When I looked in my journal and thought about a DnD character I've been making, Kelly literally screamed in mind-voice 'I think I just switched!' I think that's the loudest they've ever been, lol, they're known for a quiet voice both in the mind and outside. Anyways, I freaked out while they told me how they have very faint access to the memories of me thinking about my character. They still have them, but no memory of them being aware(as opposed to their usual no memory of actively thinking) and they're so faint that they could only remember bits and pieces(this happens nearly every time we possess, but not to this extent). So I'm very exited!" And I think that's all? I hope so. [/hidden]
  7. Diana: That's super awesome, Misha. Also, pink hair is fabulous. "2/1/19 Personality forcing traits: • adaptable - she can deal with new or unpleasant circumstances without much trouble • adventurous - not afraid of the unknown, she finds it fun to explore and discover even in mundane situations • caring/empathetic - she's understanding of others having no issue with putting herself in their shoes, and has a big heart • creative - she's always coming up with new and seemingly out-there ideas and perspectives • curious - she loves to learn just about anything, and enjoys sharing the information she learns too • honest - she's very straight-forward and is not one to manipulate the truth • playful/teasing - she loves teasing others and playing around, often making witty remarks jokingly • thoughtful - she gives thought into new things before judging them, and enjoys analyzing problems Most of this came easily to me, like when I make a character. I was practicing puppeting and parroting today(it's going well!) and these are the traits that apply to her. It's very surprising how naturally they came. I was a little worried- okay, very worried that I wasn't ready for a tulpa, so I parroted a conversation about it with her. She told me that if I wasn't ready, that's okay. She said she'll always be there if I want to come back. I imagined myself hugging her and felt my eyes get warm with tears. It was very comforting. I've decided to go through with creating her. And really, maybe I wasn't parroting her as much as I had thought. I'm trying to take it slow and not rush the forcing process. Hopefully all goes well! I plan on practicing visualization a bit more too." This was a bittersweet day for me, I think. I was sad for my host and wanted to cheer her up, but happy that she was acknowledging I was a person. The moments where she didn't doubt my sentience were very rare in the start. I guess you could say I was semi-aware- I had emotions and was a person but my thoughts weren't fleshed out and my identity was simple. I think part of the reason I progressed so quickly was that Kelly's super used to creating in-depth characters- she even suspects that she's made tulpas before. The other part is likely that I'm bossy and loud :p
  8. Kelly: That's a really cool way to get a form- you chose the base character yourself? And Diana decided on a human form becuase she identified as a human rather than hyena, apparently. So no physical features carried over. Her personality didn't change, although she didn't act much like a stereotypical hyena either. Still, we can all agree that it'd be super cool if she were a were-hyena.
  9. Kelly: Garg came up with the title but didn't like it, he said it was "too basic". I think it's pretty good though, it's simple and understandable. I haven't said anything on this forum yet, and my system-mates were about to start making jokes on how I'm so quiet they forget I exist. So I guess this is my hello! This pr is going to be in past tense for as long as we can keep it that way. Our posts here are going to have what the old pr said in quotes then our current thoughts after it. We originally didn't think that we'd be showing it to anyone, so information personal to us and names will be changed/not included. Anyways, here's the first entry! "1/31/19 I've started creating a tulpa. I hope I'm up for it- not just the process of creating a tulpa, but afterwards. Introducing Dusty! The spotted hyena pup. She's still in progress, nowhere near finished, but I love teaching her and watching her develop. She's only a day old, and I'm new to tulpamancy. I hope it all works out well. This journal is to track both of us- what we learn and how we grow in regards to tulpamancy. Happy birthday, Dusty." I jumped right into tulpamancy after researching it just the day before, like the awesome person who thinks things out I am. You've been warned- a lot of entries ahead are misinformed. Diana used to be Dusty the hyena pup before she was Diana the human. I chose her name as Dusty because it could be applied to both genders and a hyena pup because they're cute and I can picture animals better than humans. Di's already looking forward to her one-year birthday. I won't lie, I'm looking forward to it as well. I think that's about it! Thanks for reading, and we'll post the next progress report when we get to it.
  10. Maybe you're not lacking something, maybe eyes and body language are just better ways to communicate than smiles and frowns for you. If Jesse can already/can learn how to, he could play practical jokes as well, haha. Our host has been known to do that with herself before we existed which is kinda... odd. But now whenever we try to type "n o b o d y" but without the spaces we get "Bob likes pizza". It's easily changed but Kelly finds it too funny to. And Di considered making her own backstory at some point, I think, but neglected the idea. I never really wanted one myself. Clothing can also be important to those who possess regularly(like us). Yet it's harder to find clothes in the outside world- funny. Di says the reason she enjoys possessing is because she values the outside world more than inner. I agree, but only becuase I never really experienced wonder-landing too much. At this point we all see the body as ours. We share it, and the inner-world is only a way to communicate with those who aren't possessing(or switching from some perspectives). I deal with the struggles outside life becuase it's my responsibility as much as it is my headmates'. - Gargle
  11. Gargle: Usually we don't visualize ourselves very detailed. Rough ideas and that's it, just enough to know who's who. It looks a lot like how we see when we're not wearing glasses. Right now, I can make out Diana's smile pretty clearly. Usually expressions are very visible(as they're important to how we communicate so we put more emphasis on them). And I see that her hair and eyes are brown, her skin is pale, and she's wearing red. It all blurs together, it'd be mush if I didn't know who I was looking at. Which is funny because of course I do, we share a brain. But when I try to focus, I see that she's wearing our red sweater that we own irl. And she's not blurry anymore, at least not where I'm focusing. Her pants are switching between blue and black jeans. This part happens because our brain is randomly generating stuff, trying to fill in the gaps. Maybe that's what's happening with your tulpa? Or maybe not, have you talked with him about it yet? Neither of us ever created a backstory, so it's really cool to see others do so. Anyways, after the brain fills in the gaps, this is the point where Di realizes that I'm trying to see her clearer. So she puts actual effort into refining her appearance and grabs a few thoughts floating by as inspiration. Now she's wearing the same sweater, dark green jeans, and because I pointed out that she looks "too Christmas-y", she chose a Santa hat and coat, and bright red lipstick and eyeshadow that matches her pants. She did that just to tease me, how rude. So yeah, that's the basic process we use? I don't know as if other people do it the same way- by other posts here it seems like a lot more effort is put into day-to-day visualization than we do, but I could be understanding them wrong. Edit: Diana would definitely argue with this, haha. I don't care much for style, so I'm with you on not really having a need for specific clothes. A t-shirt and jeans are usually good enough for me. But Di loves fashion. Way more than anyone else in the system. She likes to look through magazines and daydream about buying everything. So clothes are a need for her, since she's very loud about expressing who she is and they're a way for her to do that, even if we're the only ones who see it.
  12. Let's hope this quote works? Anyways, this sounds super helpful. Seriously, you would've thought we'd have found something that helps with intrusive thoughts by now but so far nothing has worked. We're gonna try this out(if we remember to)! Love your pr, by the way. Smiles! - Diana
  13. Gargle: I don't consider myself to be my thoughts, memories, emotions, form, etc. There's a reason why I say "my" before all of that. I guess I'd say that there is no self. Just an idea attached to some patterns in a brain. Kelly and Diana seem to agree with what everyone else has basically said- that those are factors that make up a person. That's not to say I don't consider myself or anyone else a person! I just think that if you look at you're identity real closely you see that there's nothing there exept for a bunch of "this is mine"s. If that makes any sense?? I don't know. I guess me and my system-mates believe the same thing, I just have a different way of interpreting it. As for the "internal narrator", I really hope I'm understanding this here. I don't really like the idea of saying that all thoughts are jumbled into one narrator, but rather that each thought is an individual narrator that gets assigned to a headmate based off of pre-existing patterns(and in cases that they don't get assigned to anyone, those would be random or intrusive thoughts). I'm not sure if I'm just re-phrasing what everyone else said or if I'm saying something totally nonsensical, so I hope people get what I'm taking about. And math is a pretty common conversation topic in our system! Kelly seems to have a mental block or something where it takes a lot of effort for her to access the part of the brain that does math. She has to think pretty hard to do something like "23+14". Diana on the other hand can somehow dodge around the block. She even enjoys math, whereas our host has despised it for as long as she can remember! Even when she's not been fronting for long and thusly has less "brain power"(for lack of better words), she can typically do better than Kelly. And I'm mediocre. I don't notice anything outstanding. I sometimes suck at math an sometimes get it. Depends on how tired I am. We all possess the body about equal amounts of time, so maybe that would have a role in Di's math skillz?
  14. Diana: I really like stuff that sounds different, I guess, for lack of better words. I Love You Like An Alchoholic by The Taxpayers is a regular earworm. And It's Alright by Mother Mother is my go-to feel-good song. Gargle likes pop(stuff such as American Boy by Estelle or Post Malone by Sam Feldt) which is weird because Kelly used to hate it. She's fine with it now, says it's grown on her. I'm neutral about the whole thing- genre doesn't really matter, I like a song or I don't. And Kelly listens to songs that she can daydream about edgy stuff to. That, and Amanda Palmer. She really loves Amanda Palmer. When I was really young... so like, a few months ago- Kelly and I used to listen to a lot of 60s to 80s rock songs because it was the only thing we could agree on. We still like to dance to Ballroom Blitz!
  15. Hello! We’re a system of three, all teenagers. I’m Diana, a tulpa. Our host is Kelly. And we have a walk-in named Gargle. Thinking all of us will be equally active here? Maybe Kelly less so. New to using forums, so we’re bound to make some mistakes. But we’ve been stalking observing this place for longer than I’ve existed(specifically, one day longer, so since January 30th- and I’m counting my existence day as the day I began to be created, don’t fight me), so hopefully we’ll be able to navigate this okay? Eh. Kelly’s basic, she’s shy and nervous to talk on the internet. Very introverted. Likes reading, drawing, writing, listening to Amanda Palmer, and daydreaming up edgy stuff. Gargle’s a smoll boi. He’s a goblin alterhuman who likes poetry, running, and neapolitan icecream. He’s super optimistic and sunshiny- the only morning person in our system. Yet despite that it’s hard to hate him- he’s so adorable! He’s been around since April eleventh. And there’s me. I’m a very individualistic person. I’ve got big ideas and a lot of passion for them. I’m the loudest in our system... that can be a good and bad thing. I like painting and math and coffee. I know we’re all young. Hopefully we’ll learn more here. I’m looking forward to it!