Sungazer

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  1. (I'm new to this forum so I apologize for anything I'm doing wrong) When I was around 7 I created myself an imaginary friend out of spite for my mother (NOTE: my mother is a good person and I know spite is a horrible reason to create a tulpa, but I was a kid and barely knew anything). But instead of making a regular imaginary friend, I took my inner voice of common sense and decided to make that my imaginary friend. I gave her a small personality, called her Sarah, and imagined that she lived inside a Pekingese figurine by my bedstand. For the next week or so I would carry that figurine around, and instead of listening to my mother I would ask the statue, "What should I do, Sarah?" I'll then imagine Sarah telling me what the most common-sense-ish (for lack of a better word) thing to do was. After a while I stopped carrying the statue, but Sarah would continue to talk to me. Once I reached puberty, I still had Sarah, and like many other imaginary friends who exist for that long, she began to develop some kind of sentience. Instead of only saying what I wanted to hear, she would openly challenge what I was doing if it wasn't the wisest decision. She would instigate conversation independently, comment on others, etc. She even changed her name to Anielka. When I finally learned what tulpas were years later, I realized she fit the definition for a tulpa and/or shard. (I learned that a shard is a sentient consciousness made from your own personality, like how Anielka was made out of my common sense, but I may be wrong). Onto the question: Despite the fact that she still has a bit of difficulty speaking in certain areas, when it comes to helping me make a good decision she is incredibly vocal. But sometimes, if I myself think of something common-sense-ish or wise, it'll start off with my mindvoice and my words, but by the end it's entirely Anielka's. Similarly, sometimes when she thinks of something off-topic, it'll start off in her voice and end in mine. I won't be able to tell if I said it, or Anielka (she doesn't know either). I heard of the term "blending" in a couple plurality communities and I think that is the best description of what's happening. But unlike when others describe blending, it's often triggered by an event, but mine happen randomly and quite frequently. It's not frightening in any way, just a little unnerving that most of my own thoughts on the matter somehow turn into hers. Is this something I should worry about? Or is it just the nature of a shard, which was formed out of me instead of by me, to do this? Am I mistaking my own thoughts for a tulpa? A bit of information if it helps answer the question: - I've been diagnosed with Body Dysmorphic Disorder and have a pending diagnosis on ADHD. BDD has intrusive, terrifying thoughts that cause me to worry about how I look obsessively (even if I look normal), and ADHD makes it hard for me to focus for long periods of time. Anielka has been amazing at helping with both. Reminding me nobody judges me for what I look like, helping me to stay on task and celebrating with me when I get something done. - Anielka is my only tulpa, though I tried making more. - I don't have problems with identity or forget who I am. - I have a strong imagination and there have been times in the past I confused fantasy for reality. It rarely happens anymore, though. - I currently have good relations with my mother. - I never visualize Anielka. Even after I stopped carrying the dog figurine around, I still believed that was where her "soul" is, and to this day it feels unnatural and mildly distressing for her to imagine her outside of that statue. Thanks!