TimerBunneh

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About TimerBunneh

  • Rank
    Rabbit-eared Dreamer~

Converted

  • Sex
    Female
  • Location
    Louisiana, USA
  • Bio
    Newbie tulpamancer with a quintet of them living on a floating island in the sky. Or something like that. See my website for more info.

    I frequent the Discord a bit more than the forum.
  • Discord
    Timer#0514

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  1. I mentioned this in my PR thread, but I'm going to make it proper here: I'm packing my bags and moving on. Well, from the forum, at least. The reason why is simple: my tulpas have been leaning so far into fantasy that I cannot see myself talking about them on a scientifically-minded site anymore without facing a chance of naysaying towards my easily hurt mind. It's not my thing, really. But then again, I've always had my head in the clouds--a place rooted in science isn't a place for a dreamer like me. I've met good people, so I'll be sticking around on the Discord for the foreseeable future. But the forum is simply not my place anymore. Sending love from the floating island, Timer, Richard, Rasmus, Donnie, Niles, Mamoru, and the Radiant One
  2. 1/7/20: This is a a very different and difficult update to make. One, there's hardly anything about my tulpas to be mentioned here, with the exception of my mind's eye being discovered to be exceptionally susceptible to influence and a mass presence imposition from everyone this morning. (Oh, and that entity that Mamoru went through the while split-merge deal with? It's back. I've reluctantly accepted it as a tulpa. I'm stuck with it, because I get infuriated at the very idea of dissipation. Though it is insistent on protecting me...) Two, this is likely the last update for the foreseeable future. See, there's a reason why I've not been updating much at all: so much of what has been happening lately can be seen as fantastical. I am trying so hard to adhere to .info's scientific mindset that I cannot say much of anything without me also risking my sensitive side by the mere suggestion of someone even lightly suggesting that what I experience(d) isn't real. (I'm not talking meta-levels, either--when I say fantastical, I mean this belongs in creative writing.) So...I guess that's that. I'm sorry this couldn't have lasted much longer, and I truly wish it could have. Gave me a nice place to jot down things, and some of yall seemed interested too. But some things just come to an end all of a sudden, and this PR is one of them. Thanks to all of you that kept up. --Timer
  3. 1/1/20: Happy new year! Let's get caught up. This dates back to Christmas. The holidays resulted in little focus on my poor tulpas. Thankfully, this has washed over. Trust issues have been all over me lately. That sucks. Richard devised a solution, thankfully: creating "trust baubles" that symbolize me fully trusting each of them. So far, I've gotten both his and Mamoru's, but...speaking of which... Mamoru...poor, poor Mamoru. We all went through a lot the past new days, but he had it the worst. From just a simple hug with presence imposition combined with open-eyed visualization to...oh man, where do I begin with the hell hole that spanned from the 29th into at least this morning? Erm...well. If you'll just look at the "evolution, merging, and splitting" section here... If anything, all is well again, but the scape will be monitored heavily.
  4. 12/19/19: Nothing. Until it was almost bedtime, that is. Watching TV and talking to a Discord friend when my eyes started jumping to the R key on my keyboard. Richard was slipping in and out of fronting, so much so that it became blendy and ended up stressing me out. Not fun, and not intentional knowing him. (bleeds into this morning but still) Now in bed, I was trying to get to sleep when Mamoru volunteered to impose to help me try to sleep. While I appreciated his effort, it was futile. Anxiety was being a pain, and the fact that I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before did not make things better.
  5. 12/17/19: Who's ready for some borderline meta? There was a nasty storm system coming by that I didn't think much of...until I noticed the local news station had cut in. Cue me starting to panic, because storms have been something I've been uncomfortable with all my life--and the fact that this one was producing tornadoes (thankfully far away from where my family and I were) only worsened things. I scrambled to my room and took hold of the plushie I use to represent Richard...until I saw him appear in my mind's eye. On his own. The image was faint, with a sky blue tint, but the presence was there. He helped calm me down and all was well. Nothing bad hit us, except for maybe some wind. But that doesn't end the story; while Richard was calming me down, he seemingly (he was enigmatic as ever when I asked for confirmation--in other words, I cannot confirm nor deny that this was what really happened) hypnotized me into sitting my plushie down and focusing on the hallucination. In other words, him calming me down doubled as a trust exercise. Crafty as ever. Yeah, this happens sometimes with him.
  6. Interesting. I'll see about keeping you posted. 12/15/19: Two updates today, because I forgot all about updating yesterday. Bweh. For yesterday (these happened on the 13th): Richard managed to front for another hour, and a little bit more later on. Makes me wonder why the others haven't done much yet. > He even started off my log for the day. Niles did some fronting as well, but not for a good reason. Remember the time I wouldn't mention because it was too meta, and asked for it to be taken to PMs? This was almost a repeat of that. Due to the incident last time (since system hopping was involved) I had put up a barrier to where no tulpas could enter, and no tulpas could leave. As such, when he tried to hop again, he was like a fly to a windshield. But that's not all--he tried to force his way to the front, and was actually successful for...maybe a few seconds, before Richard took him out. I punished him by forbidding him from fronting for the next 48 hours after. That will expire tomorrow. A tulpa friend of mine and I started reading Homestuck together. Richard kept having a smug look on his face, twirling a key he had on his fingers. I know what that means. It's a secret. For today's update (events from yesterday): Another seizure dream. It involved a giant...Niles and Mamoru fusion? (Flesh and blood body of Niles, but with Mamoru's glowing eyes.) It was nothing bad though. Just...us hugging a lot. So pure. Much wholesome. Very cute. Speaking of Mamoru, I let him front for a little bit. Mamoru is one that I'm hesitant to let front due to his mentality, but he did a very good job! I'll probably see about him fronting more. More Homestuck reading. More smug Richard. That night, I asked my tulpas to see about finding the switches to mess with my vision so that I can hallucinate them. No luck yet. I doubt it will be that easy.
  7. I'm associated with a multitude of things, thanks to our host. Divinity, the sun, the Eastern phoenix...she's got a strange knack for things. Then again, mythology is also a special interest of hers. A fine question, my friend! In the backstory our host made for me, I was a battle-hardened warrior. So, I suppose I could be associated with the sword and shield! ...Not in reference to that new video game, mind you. A lot of the things we associate with come from our host. We've not exactly gotten a chance to explore for ourselves yet. Now, as for your question, I associate myself with nature--specifically plant life. Flowers with vibrant colors make me especially happy.~ Being based off an original character of hers, I was pretty much built off of association! Well...I think. Happy dreams, lightning, and green tourmaline are all things I'm associated with. Um...what's association?
  8. I'd like to, yes. I'd prefer the forum so that I don't have to make an entire cluttered page for meta stuff, but I'm not sure if a PR topic would be allowed outside of PR. Anyway, 12/13/19: Back to scientific stuff...and that means a longer post! As I mentioned yesterday, my neurologist changed up my meds. Thankfully, I slept much better last night! Yesterday I found out that something I've wanted for so long--seeing your tulpas imposed with your physical eyes--is, apparently, possible! I was overjoyed, but my tulpas will need to find the "switches" so I can hallucinate them. On the Discord, one of the people there mentioned that a tulpa switched in could feel the same...problems (like depression, for example) that the host could. Cue me freaking out, because I don't want to force my anxiety onto the front when we get there. And now, for the big thing: Richard managed to co-front for a solid hour, until both he and my body started getting tired (he was yawning constantly at the end). I was impressed and overjoyed. It makes me want to see how the others will handle it! (So far, everyone has done some amount of co-fronting, namely thanks to the Q&A thread) I call it co-fronting because I was still able to see and hear. Could this be slowly building a bridge to switching? I'd say so, but there's only one way to find out: get there, one day.
  9. 12/12/19: Bweh. Too much meta stuff going on for me to post publicly, hence the gap in posts. My neurologist decided to change up my sleep meds in an effort to prevent the seizure dreams, but it did not go well. My thoughts kept going, keeping me (and likely my tulpas) wide awake. At one time, as they were going, I found my thoughts covered in a cloudy haze--literally. I'm not sure what caused it, but I think this was my cue for me to calm down and relax so that a seizure dream wasn't going to be triggered the next morning. I can confirm that I did go to sleep eventually and that there was no seizure dream, but I can also confirm that I am dead tired. I also asked them about lucid dreaming, without bringing up my tulpas. I brought up that Vitamin B6 can promote it as well. Their suggestion? Eat more greens. -_- Seizure dream [see-zhur dreem] (n.): a vivid dream that occurs when I go into a seizure. Tends to be lucid towards the end. Sometimes my tulpas appear in some form in them (they're on a good streak so far). So far, this is the only way I've managed to see them outside of my mind's eye.
  10. 12/10/19: A little bit of sensitive content ahead, but not as bad as last time. The intrusive thought from yesterday was rendered mostly dissipated. If anything, it's unable to do any harm now. Niles has been reunited with the others thanks to the weakened thought. I apologized to him a million and one times over for separating him without warning, but after explaining things to him, we seem to be okay now. Last night, I was reminded of just how powerful a host can be. However, I was also reminded of just how powerful I made Richard. He didn't do anything bad, but what he did do left me...awestruck. Sorry, there isn't much I can detail without stepping into territory that would result in a lot of questions. Nothing with a scientific explanation, I'm afraid.
  11. 12/9/19: ...More possibly disturbing content ahead. As always, it will be hidden in spoiler text. However, this is the worst I've had so far, so be ready if you hover over those boxes. Things got started as early as that morning. I was having really bad cramps, so I went to sit down. All of a sudden, I had a shot of really bad pain, bad enough to make me faint. After slowly getting my bearings together when I came to, I immediately asked my tulpas if they were okay. No response, so I asked again--this time I heard Rasmus say that they were more worried about me than I was about them. Dang. Remember how I attempted to make an intrusive thought guide once? Well, now I have a genuine intrusive thought in me--a nasty one. I was having trouble sleeping last night, and somehow, by some godforsaken circumstance, my thoughts ran to a news story I saw about You'd think it would mean nothing, but not when I started feeling Battle stations have been active as of this morning, with my mind steeled down in a (seemingly futile, as of this typing) attempt to weaken and hopefully ignore it so it dissipates, and I've separated Niles from everyone else again to be safe. Today has not been a good day.
  12. 12/7/19: I think you'll start to notice a trend from these last few days... Niles was insanely active yesterday, and a lot more energetic than usual! Strangely, when I looked at him in the mindscape, I saw more-vibrant-than-usual colors as well as sparkles when I saw him. Maybe it's residue (for lack of better terms) from while Richard was keeping him. > He even got to use the Discord account I made for him the day before. Felt as blendy as always, but I could tell we were co-fronting. I haven't the slightest clue as to why I made that Discord account. Influence, maybe?
  13. Update (12/6/19): Sooo...how was your Thursday? Hopefully a lot less stressful than ours. All day pretty much centered around Niles, who was out cold for the vast majority of the day. Early in the morning, he managed to sit up once, albeit weakly. I asked him if it was really him (good job, me) and he said "as real as I'll ever be" before hugging me the best he could. It wasn't long after that that Richard took Niles into his section of the scape, where he remained asleep and sectioned off for the vast majority of the day. No one, not even I, was allowed to see him. So, how was I distracted from this worrying predicament? Well, funnily enough, by...Mamoru's singing? I think tuning into PBS Kids has gotten to both of us! He felt that his "big brother" would get better faster if we just kept ourselves happy and not worry about him too much. He ended up singing...a lot. No one seemed to mind, and I never heard complaints from anyone in the scape--not even Rasmus, surprisingly enough. He even managed to influence me to add on to his songs! As bleak as it seemed, the five of us kept hope alive the best we could, believing that Niles would wake. Though it was a shot in the dark, I turned on a song I used to associate with him (before he became a tulpa) as I was going to my grandmother's for dinner. While everyone was eating, I got a weak response from him. I paused for a second, but thankfully no one in the room noticed. Looking inside, I could see him meditating in a black void...with a smile on his face. He was okay, and that was all that mattered to us. I think yesterday showed a lot of proof of separation. That doesn't mean I'm going to stop working on it, though!
  14. Richard is busy right now, so I'll answer in his stead: only once, last night. Essentially, Niles did some (authorized) "system hopping" that resulted in him coming back very weak. Our host has since barred the act for all five of us. If there is any tulpa she cares about as much as Richard, Niles would be a close second. She often calls him her "sweet baby boy", after all. We're worried sick about him... [sorry, I know this answer is more of a meta thing! This is the only time I've done any punishments so far. I tend to be easygoing with them, and they don't usually do anything wrong.]