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TimerBunneh

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Everything posted by TimerBunneh

  1. I mentioned this in my PR thread, but I'm going to make it proper here: I'm packing my bags and moving on. Well, from the forum, at least. The reason why is simple: my tulpas have been leaning so far into fantasy that I cannot see myself talking about them on a scientifically-minded site anymore without facing a chance of naysaying towards my easily hurt mind. It's not my thing, really. But then again, I've always had my head in the clouds--a place rooted in science isn't a place for a dreamer like me. I've met good people, so I'll be sticking around on the Discord for the foreseeable future. But the forum is simply not my place anymore. Sending love from the floating island, Timer, Richard, Rasmus, Donnie, Niles, Mamoru, and the Radiant One
  2. 1/7/20: This is a a very different and difficult update to make. One, there's hardly anything about my tulpas to be mentioned here, with the exception of my mind's eye being discovered to be exceptionally susceptible to influence and a mass presence imposition from everyone this morning. (Oh, and that entity that Mamoru went through the while split-merge deal with? It's back. I've reluctantly accepted it as a tulpa. I'm stuck with it, because I get infuriated at the very idea of dissipation. Though it is insistent on protecting me...) Two, this is likely the last update for the foreseeable future. See, there's a reason why I've not been updating much at all: so much of what has been happening lately can be seen as fantastical. I am trying so hard to adhere to .info's scientific mindset that I cannot say much of anything without me also risking my sensitive side by the mere suggestion of someone even lightly suggesting that what I experience(d) isn't real. (I'm not talking meta-levels, either--when I say fantastical, I mean this belongs in creative writing.) So...I guess that's that. I'm sorry this couldn't have lasted much longer, and I truly wish it could have. Gave me a nice place to jot down things, and some of yall seemed interested too. But some things just come to an end all of a sudden, and this PR is one of them. Thanks to all of you that kept up. --Timer
  3. 1/1/20: Happy new year! Let's get caught up. This dates back to Christmas. The holidays resulted in little focus on my poor tulpas. Thankfully, this has washed over. Trust issues have been all over me lately. That sucks. Richard devised a solution, thankfully: creating "trust baubles" that symbolize me fully trusting each of them. So far, I've gotten both his and Mamoru's, but...speaking of which... Mamoru...poor, poor Mamoru. We all went through a lot the past new days, but he had it the worst. From just a simple hug with presence imposition combined with open-eyed visualization to...oh man, where do I begin with the hell hole that spanned from the 29th into at least this morning? Erm...well. If you'll just look at the "evolution, merging, and splitting" section here... If anything, all is well again, but the scape will be monitored heavily.
  4. 12/19/19: Nothing. Until it was almost bedtime, that is. Watching TV and talking to a Discord friend when my eyes started jumping to the R key on my keyboard. Richard was slipping in and out of fronting, so much so that it became blendy and ended up stressing me out. Not fun, and not intentional knowing him. (bleeds into this morning but still) Now in bed, I was trying to get to sleep when Mamoru volunteered to impose to help me try to sleep. While I appreciated his effort, it was futile. Anxiety was being a pain, and the fact that I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before did not make things better.
  5. 12/17/19: Who's ready for some borderline meta? There was a nasty storm system coming by that I didn't think much of...until I noticed the local news station had cut in. Cue me starting to panic, because storms have been something I've been uncomfortable with all my life--and the fact that this one was producing tornadoes (thankfully far away from where my family and I were) only worsened things. I scrambled to my room and took hold of the plushie I use to represent Richard...until I saw him appear in my mind's eye. On his own. The image was faint, with a sky blue tint, but the presence was there. He helped calm me down and all was well. Nothing bad hit us, except for maybe some wind. But that doesn't end the story; while Richard was calming me down, he seemingly (he was enigmatic as ever when I asked for confirmation--in other words, I cannot confirm nor deny that this was what really happened) hypnotized me into sitting my plushie down and focusing on the hallucination. In other words, him calming me down doubled as a trust exercise. Crafty as ever. Yeah, this happens sometimes with him.
  6. Interesting. I'll see about keeping you posted. 12/15/19: Two updates today, because I forgot all about updating yesterday. Bweh. For yesterday (these happened on the 13th): Richard managed to front for another hour, and a little bit more later on. Makes me wonder why the others haven't done much yet. > He even started off my log for the day. Niles did some fronting as well, but not for a good reason. Remember the time I wouldn't mention because it was too meta, and asked for it to be taken to PMs? This was almost a repeat of that. Due to the incident last time (since system hopping was involved) I had put up a barrier to where no tulpas could enter, and no tulpas could leave. As such, when he tried to hop again, he was like a fly to a windshield. But that's not all--he tried to force his way to the front, and was actually successful for...maybe a few seconds, before Richard took him out. I punished him by forbidding him from fronting for the next 48 hours after. That will expire tomorrow. A tulpa friend of mine and I started reading Homestuck together. Richard kept having a smug look on his face, twirling a key he had on his fingers. I know what that means. It's a secret. For today's update (events from yesterday): Another seizure dream. It involved a giant...Niles and Mamoru fusion? (Flesh and blood body of Niles, but with Mamoru's glowing eyes.) It was nothing bad though. Just...us hugging a lot. So pure. Much wholesome. Very cute. Speaking of Mamoru, I let him front for a little bit. Mamoru is one that I'm hesitant to let front due to his mentality, but he did a very good job! I'll probably see about him fronting more. More Homestuck reading. More smug Richard. That night, I asked my tulpas to see about finding the switches to mess with my vision so that I can hallucinate them. No luck yet. I doubt it will be that easy.
  7. I'm associated with a multitude of things, thanks to our host. Divinity, the sun, the Eastern phoenix...she's got a strange knack for things. Then again, mythology is also a special interest of hers. A fine question, my friend! In the backstory our host made for me, I was a battle-hardened warrior. So, I suppose I could be associated with the sword and shield! ...Not in reference to that new video game, mind you. A lot of the things we associate with come from our host. We've not exactly gotten a chance to explore for ourselves yet. Now, as for your question, I associate myself with nature--specifically plant life. Flowers with vibrant colors make me especially happy.~ Being based off an original character of hers, I was pretty much built off of association! Well...I think. Happy dreams, lightning, and green tourmaline are all things I'm associated with. Um...what's association?
  8. I'd like to, yes. I'd prefer the forum so that I don't have to make an entire cluttered page for meta stuff, but I'm not sure if a PR topic would be allowed outside of PR. Anyway, 12/13/19: Back to scientific stuff...and that means a longer post! As I mentioned yesterday, my neurologist changed up my meds. Thankfully, I slept much better last night! Yesterday I found out that something I've wanted for so long--seeing your tulpas imposed with your physical eyes--is, apparently, possible! I was overjoyed, but my tulpas will need to find the "switches" so I can hallucinate them. On the Discord, one of the people there mentioned that a tulpa switched in could feel the same...problems (like depression, for example) that the host could. Cue me freaking out, because I don't want to force my anxiety onto the front when we get there. And now, for the big thing: Richard managed to co-front for a solid hour, until both he and my body started getting tired (he was yawning constantly at the end). I was impressed and overjoyed. It makes me want to see how the others will handle it! (So far, everyone has done some amount of co-fronting, namely thanks to the Q&A thread) I call it co-fronting because I was still able to see and hear. Could this be slowly building a bridge to switching? I'd say so, but there's only one way to find out: get there, one day.
  9. 12/12/19: Bweh. Too much meta stuff going on for me to post publicly, hence the gap in posts. My neurologist decided to change up my sleep meds in an effort to prevent the seizure dreams, but it did not go well. My thoughts kept going, keeping me (and likely my tulpas) wide awake. At one time, as they were going, I found my thoughts covered in a cloudy haze--literally. I'm not sure what caused it, but I think this was my cue for me to calm down and relax so that a seizure dream wasn't going to be triggered the next morning. I can confirm that I did go to sleep eventually and that there was no seizure dream, but I can also confirm that I am dead tired. I also asked them about lucid dreaming, without bringing up my tulpas. I brought up that Vitamin B6 can promote it as well. Their suggestion? Eat more greens. -_- Seizure dream [see-zhur dreem] (n.): a vivid dream that occurs when I go into a seizure. Tends to be lucid towards the end. Sometimes my tulpas appear in some form in them (they're on a good streak so far). So far, this is the only way I've managed to see them outside of my mind's eye.
  10. 12/10/19: A little bit of sensitive content ahead, but not as bad as last time. The intrusive thought from yesterday was rendered mostly dissipated. If anything, it's unable to do any harm now. Niles has been reunited with the others thanks to the weakened thought. I apologized to him a million and one times over for separating him without warning, but after explaining things to him, we seem to be okay now. Last night, I was reminded of just how powerful a host can be. However, I was also reminded of just how powerful I made Richard. He didn't do anything bad, but what he did do left me...awestruck. Sorry, there isn't much I can detail without stepping into territory that would result in a lot of questions. Nothing with a scientific explanation, I'm afraid.
  11. 12/9/19: ...More possibly disturbing content ahead. As always, it will be hidden in spoiler text. However, this is the worst I've had so far, so be ready if you hover over those boxes. Things got started as early as that morning. I was having really bad cramps, so I went to sit down. All of a sudden, I had a shot of really bad pain, bad enough to make me faint. After slowly getting my bearings together when I came to, I immediately asked my tulpas if they were okay. No response, so I asked again--this time I heard Rasmus say that they were more worried about me than I was about them. Dang. Remember how I attempted to make an intrusive thought guide once? Well, now I have a genuine intrusive thought in me--a nasty one. I was having trouble sleeping last night, and somehow, by some godforsaken circumstance, my thoughts ran to a news story I saw about You'd think it would mean nothing, but not when I started feeling Battle stations have been active as of this morning, with my mind steeled down in a (seemingly futile, as of this typing) attempt to weaken and hopefully ignore it so it dissipates, and I've separated Niles from everyone else again to be safe. Today has not been a good day.
  12. 12/7/19: I think you'll start to notice a trend from these last few days... Niles was insanely active yesterday, and a lot more energetic than usual! Strangely, when I looked at him in the mindscape, I saw more-vibrant-than-usual colors as well as sparkles when I saw him. Maybe it's residue (for lack of better terms) from while Richard was keeping him. > He even got to use the Discord account I made for him the day before. Felt as blendy as always, but I could tell we were co-fronting. I haven't the slightest clue as to why I made that Discord account. Influence, maybe?
  13. Update (12/6/19): Sooo...how was your Thursday? Hopefully a lot less stressful than ours. All day pretty much centered around Niles, who was out cold for the vast majority of the day. Early in the morning, he managed to sit up once, albeit weakly. I asked him if it was really him (good job, me) and he said "as real as I'll ever be" before hugging me the best he could. It wasn't long after that that Richard took Niles into his section of the scape, where he remained asleep and sectioned off for the vast majority of the day. No one, not even I, was allowed to see him. So, how was I distracted from this worrying predicament? Well, funnily enough, by...Mamoru's singing? I think tuning into PBS Kids has gotten to both of us! He felt that his "big brother" would get better faster if we just kept ourselves happy and not worry about him too much. He ended up singing...a lot. No one seemed to mind, and I never heard complaints from anyone in the scape--not even Rasmus, surprisingly enough. He even managed to influence me to add on to his songs! As bleak as it seemed, the five of us kept hope alive the best we could, believing that Niles would wake. Though it was a shot in the dark, I turned on a song I used to associate with him (before he became a tulpa) as I was going to my grandmother's for dinner. While everyone was eating, I got a weak response from him. I paused for a second, but thankfully no one in the room noticed. Looking inside, I could see him meditating in a black void...with a smile on his face. He was okay, and that was all that mattered to us. I think yesterday showed a lot of proof of separation. That doesn't mean I'm going to stop working on it, though!
  14. Richard is busy right now, so I'll answer in his stead: only once, last night. Essentially, Niles did some (authorized) "system hopping" that resulted in him coming back very weak. Our host has since barred the act for all five of us. If there is any tulpa she cares about as much as Richard, Niles would be a close second. She often calls him her "sweet baby boy", after all. We're worried sick about him... [sorry, I know this answer is more of a meta thing! This is the only time I've done any punishments so far. I tend to be easygoing with them, and they don't usually do anything wrong.]
  15. That's a lot to take in, Iris, but I'll do my best to keep it all in mind. Update (12/5/19): Started out normal and ended with insanity. How? Well, read on. With our satellite TV having been out for about a month and a half now, Mamoru hasn't been able to watch too many cartoons like he's been wanting to. After what happened the day before, I decided to turn on PBS Kids for him. He seemed to enjoy them, though he probably zoned out a little. He complained when I turned them off, though, so I turned them back on again a little while later. I don't want him to become a couch potato. > I also managed to learn that songs from those shows get stuck in your head very, very easily...is this what it's like being a parent? Lol Now for the insanity. All I'll say is what started as a typical conversation between myself and a tulpa friend (over Discord, I don't have any IRL unfortunately) turned into something that fits the Metaphysics board more than anywhere else. If you're curious, then PM me. I'm not going to put it here, not even hidden. > It did leave Niles in a rough state, though... I'm dealing with the aftermath of the latter today. Niles will be watched very closely for a while.
  16. [sorry for the delay! I've been going through a wave of emotions as of late and wanted to get accurate answers from everyone.] I act as the leader of the bunch, as assigned by our host due to being the eldest. I'm essentially the peacekeeper of the mindscape--I help keep tensions at ease between the tulpas. However, I'm also the one that helps the host calm down during panic attacks and the like, due to us being so close. Atop this, I act as a father figure to Niles and Mamoru as well. It's not as much of a handful as it sounds, for the mindscape is quite peaceful. I have a similar job to Richard, albeit a bit less packed. I also act as a parental figure to Niles and Mamoru, but I keep the mindscape beautiful and green! Sometimes I'll step in to calm our host as well, but Richard takes that position a bit more often. I want to say I have one, but it apparently can't happen until we get this "switching" thing to work. Maybe one day, I'm sure! [Rasmus and Mamoru do not have jobs in the scape. In the case of Mamoru, he hid behind my legs when I brought up the question--I think he sees jobs as a bad thing, maybe?]
  17. Update (12/4/19): If I could describe yesterday in one word...I couldn't. (Again, potentially disturbing material has been blacked out. Read with caution) I can't quite remember how the discussion started (I want to say it was personality forcing?) and I brought up how Mamoru was made and how it didn't turn out that well. I was instantly put on the spot, being told that I had essentially just by letting him go on his own. This was an insane punch in the gut. This was how I learned that tulpas are a little like sponges--they can soak up things from the subconscious if their personality isn't given to them (or something along those lines). With Mamoru being six years old mentally, this drove me to question myself--do I secretly want to walk the path of Peter Pan and never grow up, even when I know that's impossible and we all have to grow up eventually? This shattered me into pieces, driving me to tears that I hid from everyone but myself and my tulpas. I was essentially broken. I couldn't help but apologize to Mamoru so many times over and over...until he told me that he liked how he was, and didn't think I was a bad host. Even though I was given reassurance by him and the others, this cut a deep wound into me and carved my limit into stone. I am not going to make another tulpa, not after this. Typing this out only brought more tears from me. I want to be better. I have to be better.
  18. Update (12/3/19): ...phew. After learning that I've likely been able to dissociate for years now, I attempted switching for the first (real) time yesterday with Richard. It, uh...didn't go as planned. Not only could I not keep myself dissociated, but I think we did it a bit wrong--we decided to modify a separation exercise to use with our switching attempt. In our case, we both put up barriers (representing our willpower) and I let Richard chip away at mine while I used as much as energy as I could to keep mine up. He got a couple cracks, maybe a chip or two, on it before we gave up. We were both exhausted to some degree--either way, we decided to try again another day. (Which will not be today) I probably need a better guide for this stuff.
  19. Time and maturity...I'll do my best then. Anyway... Update (11/30/19): December eve was...whew. Something else. As much as I hate self-promotion, the main event was answering the Q&A thread for the first time. I'm glad Mamoru got to come out of his shell a little. Unfortunately, however, it did not go smoothly...besides the first-time proxying/possession merry-go-round (as I described it) there was another thing that happened. Both myself and my tulpas can vouch for the fact that I have a strong will. I believe this is probably the main reason for my parrotnoia, as my thoughts tend to overpower theirs. While Niles was answering a question, I (unintentionally) started to think over him. How did he respond? By slamming his foot down on the metaphorical gas pedal in my mind, which caused my torso to jerk forward. No one was hurt, myself included, but it sure was startling. He has since apologized. Speaking of Niles, just before I turned off everything for the night, we decided to do an exercise to test how things could work in my sleep. Unfortunately, the test required one of us (Niles, in this case) to try to stay awake while the other (myself) tries to fall asleep. I think we both fell asleep before anything could happen. Oh well. Back to separation, I suppose.
  20. Update (11/30/19): Happy December eve! Now, about December eve-eve... I have decided to put 100% focus into separation. There's just one problem: with my mind having bounced all over in terms of developing my tulpas, I have zero way to pin down how separate everyone is. There's obviously going to be a huge gap between my original trio and the two others, but I don't know of a way to precisely pin down how far along everyone is. One thing's for sure, though: thought separation is going to be a must-do ASAP. (I read that one way to do it was associate a symbol with the thoughts you want your tulpas to hear? That's going to be a pain for me to remember.)
  21. [i'm letting them go in order with these...] Depends on what you mean by "deviated" from our "original form". If you mean from our origins, then mine has changed greatly. The human form I have was something my host made entirely on her own. The others, however, do not have "original" forms, being based off their appearances in the game where we originated. She's been meaning to draw my human form for the longest time, however, but hasn't due to her doubts in artistic ability. We tend to stick to our human forms most of th' time, aye, but she's been having trouble seeing me in mine as of late. I should note that I didn't come with the accent, either! I wonder where she got that from... Mine has probably changed the least. I don't think I've changed much at all, form-wise. I've not changed at all, and I don't really have any other forms either. I changed my hair once, but I didn't like it, so I changed it back. Other than that, I look just like Big Brother! Well, kind of...my host says I'm made of "white light". [He actually is, entirely so. He does have green outlines to differentiate certain parts of his body, namely his eye sockets.] [On a general note, Richard and Donnie were in human form while answering these questions. Rasmus was in anthropomorphic form, and Niles and Mamoru only have one form.] That's...actually a good question. I was mainly created for the purpose of protecting my host, and reassuring her that everything would be okay whenever she panicked. However, she does have a stuffed rooster that she uses as a "vessel" for me. So, I guess traveling with her would be my favorite? Truth be told, there isn't too much I do in the first place. Not here, anyway. I'll have to get back to ya on that. In comparison to my brother, I'm a bit more varied. I love to plant flowers. I don't exactly keep a garden, but if it's related to nature, it makes me happy as can be. I love to watch superhero shows! My host found one and we've been watching it together...when she gets to it. I like to watch TV too, but my host only lets me watch cartoons. There's not been many on lately, though... Mine are exceptionally important to me, and all very real. I have always believed that the events of the past, and the lessons they have taught us, can be used in the present to mold our future. After everything I've gone through, this could not be any more true in both my eyes and the eyes of my host. Aye, I second that. As an outsider to the events of the past, I have only seen humanity in a negative light--hence why the host mentioned that I'm not a "people person", as she described it. But I seem to be losing my ridges... While there are some memories I--and surely, countless others--would like to forget, they are all important and all real to me. The past may scar us, but it is as Richard said--we can use what we've learned to heal and fix ourselves up. That is something the three of us taught our host, and now she is much happier than she was before us. I'm not sure if I can answer this, given I have only six months worth of them. But I believe they're real and super important! After all, the adventure I had was awesome! U-Um....the only memories I have is the story host made for me. I don't have a lot. But I think they're real and important too. [As far as I know, the only "past memories" he has as a tulpa is what he went through while being formed. He doesn't like to think about them, and those events are something I deeply regret.] [Thanks for the questions! This truly was a proxy/possession merry-go-round, haha. I'm fine, though!]
  22. Update (11/29/19): Turkey Day was uneventful...ish. More intrusive thoughts came about, and fighting back led to me (at least) slightly grasping just how powerful I am in the scape. I was a bit shaken, and had to instruct my tulpas to not worship me. (Yes, really. That would be insanely awkward for me.) Started a Q&A thread. My tulpas were a bit iffy about it (especially Richard) and I was a bit unsure about including Rasmus and/or Mamoru, but we eventually came to an agreement about it. However, Richard was quick to warn me to expect most anything--and I will heed that warning. Not heeding a warning from him is a very, very bad thing.
  23. I made this in hopes of slowly becoming used to proxying, as well as to expose some not-as-experienced tulpas (which, in this case, is everyone but Richard) to others. But first, some guidelines: 1) Reading the tulpa profiles are an absolute must. I am not saying this to get views, but rather because it saves me a lot of questions in the future. 2) Try to keep mental ages in mind. This mainly applies to Niles and Mamoru, and especially to Mamoru. 3) If my tulpas answer a question by saying it's a secret, don't press them on it. 4) No questions for me, please. This thread is for my tulpas only. If you have any questions for me, my PMs are open. 5) Responses may be slow, due to proxying feeling the same as regular typing to me. The six of us are trying to work something out, though. 6) No NSFW questions. Please. That's a rule from me. 7) Questions for individual tulpas are allowed! 8) Please don't ask Richard if he likes hurting other people. It's terribly cliche. The most you'll get is an eye roll from me and him. > If you don't understand this rule, don't worry about it. It's okay. Now, for some notes about them: Richard types in gold text. He tends to be rather level-headed, but could possibly respond in cryptic messages. It's how he is--that's the best answer I can give. If you ask him anything, be prepared to possibly get confused. Rasmus types in dark red text. He's not exactly a people person, so I'm hoping this will get him a bit more accustomed to things. (His profile plainly states that he will never have an account on here, after all.) If anything, his near-lack of filter will be contained. > He speaks in a Glaswegian (Scottish) accent, and could possibly type to reflect such. This is the only real typing quirk out of all of them, as far as I know. Donnie types in sky blue text. She is the mom of the scape--exceptionally kind, sunny, and definitely a people person. She's also the most likely to be laid-back about questions--you can ask her almost anything! Niles types in dark green text. Niles is very energetic, but being twelve years old, mood swings can happen. This probably won't show in proxying, but I'm putting this down anyway to be safe. Mamoru types in light green text. Mamoru is one that you will have to tread lightly with--he's about half of Niles's age mentally. (Not trying to stop people from asking him questions, of course--in fact, I encourage it!) > I am well aware that this may not be such a good idea, given his mental age, but I want to introduce him to other people as well--moreso than Rasmus. I think he needs friends outside of the other tulpas in my scape. Any notes from me will be typed in purple text.
  24. Update (11/27/19): An update? Two days in a row? About time. Tried doing some presence imposition practice with Richard. I managed to feel a calm and warm sensation from him--but then it led to possession. Again. I am not making this up, and I have zero idea how possession is happening as often as it is. Nonetheless, he used this opportunity to (somewhat thinly, as he used "she" and "her" to refer to me) disguise himself as me and make some small talk with my mom and a family friend that was visiting, making sure not to reveal himself outright. My mom never knew it was him until I told her. But that's not the big deal here. As I was walking back to my room later, what happened a while back happened again--my mind's eye revealed that my feet were his. It was only a quick flash but I was blown away, so much so that I nearly forced him out. Tingling sensations in the back of my ankles followed. > I noticed that he used his anthro form for this, which is highly unusual when he's not being serious. Yes, I saw talons in place of my feet. I may have to ask him about that.
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