BlueRoseanna

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About BlueRoseanna

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  1. Thank you! This has helped expand the ideas I can spitball with my therapist when considering a diagnosis, I appreciate it =) Do not worry about your diagnosis, I don't think anyone thinks of you less for it. I certainly don't.
  2. ...Yeah, that's kind of why I stopped using this board for 4 years. That's the boat I'm in, dunno what to call her, so I use tulpa or soulbond. Don't personally believe the other dimensions/spiritual aspect of it, though. Please do not fight in my thread. The question at hand has been answered as well as it can I believe. Next course of action for me is to bring it up with an actual therapist, more in-depth. Thank you all.
  3. I copied this post from the original thread since it contained content relevant to this thread. -Ranger ...Yeah, that's kind of why I stopped using this board for 4 years. That's the boat I'm in, dunno what to call her, so I use tulpa or soulbond. Don't personally believe the other dimensions/spiritual aspect of it, though. Please do not fight in my thread. The question at hand has been answered as well as it can I believe. Next course of action for me is to bring it up with an actual therapist, more in-depth. Thank you all.
  4. Thank you, Vesper. I remember reading it back in 2014 or 2015, and thought it was on Astraea'sWeb, but it has nothing negative. However, I did find this from Spicetea: The general idea that was communicated was "don't use the term soulbond otherwise people will think that you believe your character is a soul that came from another dimension to live in you head, and well that's just nuts!" suggesting a negative connotation.
  5. I wasn't actually aware of that, thank you. I'm so sorry to hear that's happened to you, I hope those people get their comeuppance for destroying your life, and while you're vulnerable like that no less. That's what evil does. Your recounting helped me understand my own situation, I'm glad you shared with me. Best of luck with everything!
  6. Of course. I thought I should ask the community in help providing answers before I (maybe, not sure yet) bring it up with a medical professional. I would have to say mindform body, but it felt 'real' enough to cause me to freeze and tense. Yes, I do depersonalize/derealize. My psychologist nor my old therapist brought up identity issues, however. Sorry, I had forgotten. That will help me not mix it up with MDD and BPD anymore, though. All of the above. Thank you, I very much appreciate it. I had tried (briefly, unconfidently, and with many mental roadblocks that should have been taken care of first) to create a tulpa out of a character I created as a preteen and favor to this day, who was once used to represent myself. Alters seem to match these sub-personalities the most, though it was only the two in the abusive relationship I felt were connected to or represented me somehow. The third figure felt less familiar, and the business-suit figure was the most alien. Sadly no, I was intensely focused on my test and just about hyperventilating. My mind was nowhere else except on that final, and I went to bed my usual time (if not earlier) to prepare. If I could give my thoughts, I think I would agree that the first batch of characters were sub-personalities that went away after things were less bad. Though, because I did forcing after that, and I only briefly saw my character as how she normally is instead of a derisive figment, I'm inclined to believe she was real - but I can't exactly ask my tulpa that yet, because I'm not sure what state she is in now. Oh, sorry, I had read somewhere that "if you use the term soulbond you will not be taken seriously," so I wasn't sure what else to call it but still get a similar meaning across. I hope I didn't offend you. I'm not inclined to go into detail, but the professionals I saw have agreed I was under immense stress at this time. The voices at first, as far as I can recall, sounded real, but became mindvoices as time went on. When my character put her hand on my shoulder, it made me start out of surprise, so I guess I genuinely felt that pressure. Walk-ins sound like another explanation that eases my mind a bit, thank you. I have read about multiplicity after the fact, but I wasn't aware that, even before any attempt at tulpaforcing or being aware of tulpas, fictives, or factives, I experienced walk-ins/sub-personalities myself. My spirit animal (I think) is a bear, not a cat, so I don't think any of these experiences were of spirit guides. I'm sorry to hear about that. I'm glad she's improved, and that the relationship did, too. I'm surprised that this is much more common than I once thought, I always thought that hearing and seeing things made you crazy and meant you hallucinated. Thank you for your kind and insightful replies!
  7. My tulpa is/was a soulbond experienced vividly during a period of stress 4 1/2 years ago. Test anxiety was getting to me during the finals, then out of nowhere she stood behind me, patted me on the back/shoulder, and told me that everything would be fine and to do my best. I saw this as a third party, my soulbond character slightly transparent, and the room completely black except for the table and chair I was seated at. This isn't the first time she has appeared in my head in a similar way. A year before this happened, two versions of the character appeared in a visual that went by in a flash, of thunder lighting up two silhouettes as one pushed the other off a cliff. These two derisive characters began regularly appearing by the next Autumn. The pair were put forth as parts of an abusive relationship: the couch potato procrastinator who cries at the drop of a hat and is generally quiet, and the angry, dominant controller. They would sometimes fight with each other or talk to me directly to try and influence a choice I wanted to make, with the submissive one believing she was keeping me safer, out of trouble, and making myself and the other character softer and happier, the stubborn one would tell me to stand up for myself and do what's right, thinking she was the glue holding the relationship together and doing the heavy lifting to 'whip us into shape'. A third party appears similarly that seems to be able to communicate in telepathy/tulpish, first visualized jumping from tree to tree stalking the other two. He/It didn't want to speak, but also had no mouth, or any pupils/irises. He/It only said it was "The Watcher" before walking away from the encounter in my head. The last time I saw any of them, before this, a fourth party, represented as the same original character, but in a suit, tie and holding a briefcase (think "lawyer") informed me that the two first derisive characters did not want to see me any more, and turned and left before I could ask any questions. A few months ago, I made a habit to reach out to her and visualize/imagine tactile senses representing my soulbond, and it seemed to go well, with a few sentient responses as well (I believe). I cannot reach out to her to get any response, now, though, and she does not have a fully developed form or voice. My psychologist has said that I "probably don't have BPD", so that's another thing. I doubt MPD, and haven't blacked out during the episodes, only had my focus divided between the inside and outside realities. Does anyone with more experience know what's happened/happening? Was she just part of an episode, or is she a tulpa/soulbond, or both? I appreciate anyone trying to make heads or tails of it.