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Zirca

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About Zirca

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  1. Hello! As you might have guessed, we have plenty of stuff to report on for these two weeks, though it's almost entirely focused on our new walk-in. It occurred to me that plenty of what I write about is wonderland concepts or events, which may have an intangible link to more concrete types of progress. I don't think that will deter me from continuing with this type of PR, since it certainly can be useful to compare experiences for newcomers, and some of these elements definitely are symbols of more concrete concepts - I'm especially thinking of the egg, and something else that's new to recent
  2. Long time no see! Shortly after my last post, I went to my parents' place for about two weeks for the holidays. It was a highly stressful time, that we're both still recovering from, and I simply didn't manage to get myself to come back here to update our PR for a long time. First, about the subject of my previous post - the day after Mélissa became my mother, I felt so uncomfortable about this notion for the entire day that the next time we forced, she immediately apologized without me even asking. I let her proceed about it whatever way she saw fit - what she ended up doing is "u
  3. 12/18/2019 These last three days were... confusing. We're going in a direction that I'm honestly a bit scared of. I'll start by giving a brief summary of what had happened last week in the real world, since it's crucial to the rest of my situation. My parents had met my therapist for the first time, but it didn't change their mentality toward my identity in the slightest. In fact, it arguably made it worse, as they had some elementary facts that I was trying to tell them the whole time confirmed by someone they could trust, so their anger at the situation manifested itself more through
  4. 12/15/2019 I'm currently going through some very tough times in my life, which make forcing much harder than before. Sessions tend to be short, and often end with an uncontrolled process where I have a random thought while forcing, have my mind go on a tangent about it, completely lose my focus on Mélissa and our wonderland, and then forget what I was doing before and drift off to sleep. There were also a few times where she decided on her own when we'd stop, usually when she thinks getting enough sleep would be more important for me than being with her. So, for this update, I'll instead
  5. Updates on consecutive days? In this PR? It's more likely than you'd think! 12/10/2019 Breaking chronological order a bit for what's arguably the most important part of today's update - we have decided that from now on, Neln will be called by her real name here. So, goodbye Neln, hello Mélissa! Yesterday was another day with plenty of progress! First, during the day, I briefly told some close online friends about Mélissa for the first time, since I know they can be trusted with this. And since one of them is otherkin, I took this opportunity to learn more about their experience, since
  6. ... Has it been almost a week already? Damn. 12/9/2019 A couple days after the last update, Neln has ended up coming back. It wasn't even some sort of gradual thing, and didn't take some new methods, it just happened. I didn't even question it that much back then, and was simply glad to see her again. Unfortunately, as a result of some stuff that happened IRL, my sleep schedule was delayed a bit for a couple days, and I would often be very tired by the time I got in bed, and even sometimes have to wake up early the next day. These times, when I saw her, she apparently felt a bit guilt
  7. Actually, how do you define a tulpa's birthday? There are quite a few definitions I could think of that wouldn't give the same days.
  8. I suppose that was pretty hard to understand from the way I phrased it. What I mean is that before, her personality was more of an abstract concept, that I could approximate with words without grasping it. But once we started parroting, it actually became something concrete, since her words, no matter the source, meant a lot more to me in defining her than a description.
  9. 12/3/2019 Day seven since the start of Neln's dormancy. I haven't managed to reach her again yet, and I haven't experienced her calling again since last post. I haven't stopped our daily forcing sessions, but I find I have a much harder time staying focused and finding things to say without responses from her. The fact that I'm always tired from my day when I start them definitely doesn't help, either. I plan to try to take a completely different approach for a couple days, where I'll force in the afternoon instead and try to mainly work on visualization, since I might have lost part of it
  10. Now the kids are too scared to ask you to sing Old McDonald Had a Farm. I wish the cultural stigma against demons would end.
  11. Thanks for the comforting words. I haven't gotten over the initial emotions, but hopefully I'll be able to relax knowing it's normal. With that information, I think I'll try to check if she's back on a daily basis. Does that sound like a good course of action?
  12. Reposting this for visibility so soon is probably not good etiquette, but I really don't want people to miss it because of the new page.
  13. I've had some pretty distressing stuff happen, and I need to know how more experienced people interpret it. I've just posted it in my PR, there's a link in my sig.
  14. 11/29/2019 These last couple days were quite strange. I'll definitely need to read up some more guides to see if I can understand what happened, but I could definitely use some advice from you all. The important parts start at the next bolded words, though what comes before could be useful for context. So, let's start with Wednesday some time after I posted the previous update. My memories of that day aren't quite exact anymore, especially in terms of what has been said exactly, so please bear with me. I was minding my usual business, slacking on the internet as usual, when I ended up no
  15. Option C: everyone has the full soul. Who knows!
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