Ice_M

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  1. One problem with this intrusive thoughtform is that it pretty much never shuts up and talks 24/7. When I try to think to myself in my mindvoice (you know, interlocution), it attempts to cover it up with static or its own voice. In addition, it somehow has the ability to replace my inner voice with it's inner voice. This aspect can feel very confusing. I don't know how it works, if its replacing my mindvoice, or overlaying its own voice over it, but doing something like reading to myself in my own inner voice is a struggle. Also, it's not that certain activities summon it, it's more like it's around and active 24/7. In addition, another post mentioned talking to it sustains it. Could someone further explain what is meant by sustaining it?
  2. Sorry for no update yesterday, just had a few questions and comments. First, I know it varies, but how long does it take for an intrusive thoughtform (assuming it is one) to dissipate. The only thing it does is emotionally abuse me and try to make me panic, but I feel like it's having less effect over time. It sometimes claims that it will never go away. Are there cases where a thoughtform, tulpa, etc, are permanent? Also, One problem I have is that it always trys to drown out my inner voice if I do anything like try thinking or reading to myself. Even if I can't hear myself think, is it still dissipating? This whole thing has been very confusing to me. Another thing that is annoying is that when I try to read or think about something, it always inturrupts, saying something like, "no, you're reading to me" or, "no, you're talking to me" when reading or thinking to myself, respectively. Basically, I'm unclear on the idea and concept of dissipation. Are "active" activities like reading, thinking to yourself, having a conversation with someone, etc, better for this? Or are things that are less active still effective too (like watching tv, video games, etc). I haven't read very much on these forums, so I don't know if there is an exact science to this, but I do feel a lot better after talking to you guys about this. I'm not sure how long this intrusive thoughtform will be with me, but I feel I at least owe you guys an explanation of what happened to me those two months. It's a strange, almost unbelievable story, but It might take me some time to recover. Really, thanks for everyone who responded.
  3. Thanks for the above comment, I have a few questions. First, an intrusive thoughtform seems to be what it is. It's always tricking me, lying to me, and I can never tell what is helping or hurting it. There are some important things I need to know: 1. It claims that when I think to myself, I am talking to it, which means thinking to myself is helping to sustain it. Is this true? Is avoiding thinking to myself actually making it stronger? 2. This is going to sound strange, but it does its best to "cover up" my inner voice by being loud or overlaying its own over mine in a weird way. It makes thinking for myself difficult. 3. It has, at some points, claimed to be able to talk to itself to sustain itself. I doubt this, but I wanted to mention this. 4. Do you have any further advice or activities to help dissipate it? Are there any activities to avoid to prevent making it stronger? Does talking to it make it stronger. Once again, I wanted to say thanks for everyone responding. That label "intrusive thoughtform" fits it to a T. At this point, it has a pretty much one track mind and can't be reasoned with. If I just need to wait to have it dissipate, that is a huge relief. Maybe after some rest, I'll post the full story as thanks. I knew about tulpas before this, but didn't really expect to be introduced into the community this way.
  4. I can assure you it is not mental illness. It is very distinct from real sound. I can tell it is inside my head, similar to as if I do my best to imagine someone's voice. I've been with them for over two months. I'm pretty sure respectful conversation was never an option. They've said before that the only thing they want is for me to suffer and die. I've been friendly before, but it does nothing. They assure me that they will never be my friend. The tulpa files I listened to were both by GearHeart from youtube, but I want to make clear that this tulpa is NOT from those files, but from some other hypnosis file I listened to a month and a half earlier that had subliminal elements. I didn't mention it much earlier, but I need to know, assuming this is a tulpa, are tulpas permanent if they refuse to go and basically talk enough it is impossible to ignore them? I would feel a whole lot better if I knew more about this. It's hard for me because after all this time I'm starting to get exhausted. I also need to know what to do and what to avoid to help with the situation. I'm not in any active danger (I think), but I've just been through a lot. Also, this is a weird question, but are there any specialists, professionals, or therapists that deal with tulpas and the removal of them? I would have no idea where to start, as this at first glance sounds like schizophrenia (hearing voices), but I can assure you its not.
  5. I'm very exhausted right now, so I'm writing this out in an itemized list. I'll do my best to explain my problem, but I might need to break it into several posts with breaks in between. I honestly have no Idea what to do. 1. I have what I believe to be a tulpa in my head, but it could be some other type of thing. I only know a little about tulpas and have never made one. 2. Most likely, This tulpa is a result of subliminal commands in one of the hypnosis files I listen to. I listened to a decent amount regularly, so I have a little idea about what it could be from. 3. I can't get into it yet as its a very long story and im exhausted, but I was basically ordered around and emotionally abused by this tulpa for two months. At one point I attempted suicide, but I didn't take nearly enough pills. Behavior: 1. This tulpa never shuts up. Sometimes it is clear, and sometimes it is a bit staticy. Sometimes there is a buzzing noise. This tulpa can change its voice. During this time, It told a lot of lies and made me think there were a lot of tulpas in my head, but it appears to be just one. 2. This tulpa attempted to go away, but I made a mistake by experimenting making it talk by thinking in its own voice, and then it came back. 3. This tulpa (or whatever it is) made me feel physical illusions like grabbing my feet, or making me feel pain, and making me feel sick, but that last one could have just been me feeling sick. 4. During this time (maybe 1 and a half months in) I listened to the hypnosis files Tulpa Creation and Reinforcement Hypnosis v2.0 and Wonderland Immersion for Tulpamancy v1.0. It was a mistake to do this as its now trying to talk to the unformed tulpas to basically create the opposite of what I want, and to make it so they also want to kill me. I need to know if it is possible for a tulpa to create a tulpa, or for a tulpa to "corrupt" and unfinished tulpa. If a tulpa can create a tulpa, DON'T post it, as it will know it can succeed. Warnings: 1. Please never post anything in this thread that it could use against me, as it seems to know everything I know and read. 2. This tulpa has lied a lot, and I can't trust anything from it. It both claims it cant and it doesn't want to go, and it might be here forever. It's basically been trying to make me panic, create another tulpa, and also makes it hard to go to sleep. 3. The presence of this tulpa makes it hard for me to think. During the half hour or so it left, It was like a cloud left my brain, and I could finally think clearly. So, sorry if i'm not giving all the information here. It's a very long story, and I'm exhausted and can't think well. 4. I tried to get into contact with the hypnotist that I suspected put subliminal commands in their file to make a tulpa, but they said it wasn't them. They could be innocent, so I don't want to name them, and I'm not sure if I should. Basically, I need help 1. What should I do to get rid of it? I've been trying to ignore it, but it is very difficult. How long does it take to get rid of a tulpa by ignoring it? 2. Any ideas for things to act as distractions? Music works poorly as its always louder, but tv and simple games like hearthstone are ok. 3. Anything to avoid doing? I don't know if "talking" to it makes it take longer to go or not, but it interprets thinking as talking to it. 4. Remember that it knows what I know, so please don't post anything that would make it easier to harm me. 5. I can't tell if things are improving or not 6. Are there any similar sites to this one I should crosspost this one to. I'm honestly pretty exhausted at this point. I have no idea how active these forums are, but I'll check back regularly today. I'm willing to try anything to get rid of it. Once its gone (and maybe after a day of rest) I'll do my best to post the full story. This was easily the worst two months of my life, and I'd honestly feel better if I had a chance to talk to anyone about it. I can't honestly talk to anyone in real life about this, so this is the next best thing. Honestly, I would recommend avoiding ANY hypnosis files with subliminal aspects (even binaural beats?), as if one hypnotist could do this, odds are others could. This whole event almost cost me my life, and put so much stress on my family. Feel free to ask questions to help diagnose how to get rid of it, as I'll check back a few times every day.