Ravii

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About Ravii

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    Still not out of her anime phase

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    Female
  • Bio
    Hello! I'm Ravii, I'm an artist and I'm currently working on my first Tulpa, Keith. English isn't my first language so I'm sorry in advance if my English ever sounds weird lol
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    Ravii#1576

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  1. Ok, long mess of a PR coming ahead. I’m going to go into detail of what has been happening that I didn’t include in the last response. Vocality It’s funny because something just literally sort of “clicked” for us a few days ago. Although there are times or days that it's hard to hear him, overall I can hear him pretty well now and even usually tell when the spoken words were just from my subconscious and weren't from Keith. It took 1 month and a half – 2 months to start hearing him officially which I would say is amazing progress considering the fact that I’ve been quite on and off about active forcing and the concept in general. The Japanese tulpa community! :0 : I’m actually half Japanese and I’ve been exploring the Japanese tulpa community here and there, and let me tell you, it’s pretty interesting. I actually didn’t know a tulpa community in Japan existed until I talked to a Japanese user on tulpa.info. The whole tulpa concept is quite different in Japan and it’s pretty spiritually based. Wonderland is called the “Dive world” and, active forcing, or the process of going into the wonderland to talk to your tulpa is called “dive”, but it isn’t essential in the tulpa making process. In order to make a tulpa, you’ll have to give them a form, give them a personality, and basically parrot them in your head until they start responding automatically. Diving is also considered an out-of-body experience to many people. But the most interesting thing that I've found, though, is the concept of 暴走 (bousou) or "tulpas going out of control" and switching out with the host to harm the hosts life. In Tulpa.info and many other tulpa communities, tulpas going out of control and switching with the host is believed to be impossible and with good scientific reason to back it up. But in the Japanese community, it's found to be possible, and it's one of the feared experiences throughout tulpamancers. There's one infamous story on the Japanese forums that a guy actually experienced this phenomenon and had to go to the hospital (or a mental ward? it didn't specify which) because of it. The story is that the tulpamancer became so obsessed with his tulpa that he started to behave like the tulpa, so the man then got scared that the tulpa is influencing him so much. He actually developed something similar to DID where his out-of-control invasive tulpa has switched with the host and inflicted violence on people near him. Apparently the host had no memory of it afterwards. His explanation/hypothesis was that his fear seeped through his subconscious to the tulpa and turned the tulpa evil, but scientifically there is no way you can develop something common to DID just by tulpaforcing (or at least that's my understanding, I'm no means an "expert" on the subject so please take everything I say with a light heart) so I believe that this man had some underlying mental disorder that tulpaforcing perhaps "brought out"?? Or maybe he was just lying overall to scare people, I don't know. Either way, it was another interesting tulpa creepypasta to read. Imposition: The idea of imposition in the Japanese community was very strong. Apparently, imposition is one of the "norms" in the Japanese tulpamancy community, as in, you should probably do it if you have a tulpa. This is where I got the idea to start working on imposition a little. I got more and more interested in the concept as I continued to read multiple posts about it. I tried it, and I could see him pretty well in my minds-eye, but I’ve noticed that I had trouble visualizing his height. Because of this, I decided to make a tiny solid-black creature he could shapeshift into for the sole purpose of practicing imposition. Cute, huh? I like this design a lot xD This will allow me to impose him wherever I want him to. It’s especially helpful since I can keep an eye on him when I’m on my laptop (which is, basically, all the time) by imposing him on the table next to my laptop. Imposing him helped me talk to him as well. There are times where I can’t focus on talking to him in my head, but when I vision him right in front of me next to my laptop as this cute little creature, I can easily focus and talk to him, whenever I want. Possession: We’re kind of leaving possession to the side at the moment. We got to the point where he could move my hands to type a little, but every time I come back from it I slightly blend(?) with him. There are some times where I get very confused and my mind process goes: “Ok, these are my hands now, I’m in control of it. Well, no, you might be… or, actually, wait, this isn’t me or you, who’s moving my hands????” and then I get slightly scared about my hands moving on its own or somebody else who I’m not aware of taking over lol. Did any of you had any experiences similar to that? I’m curious. Also letting him type takes a lot of mental power from the both of us. Since I’m kind of forcefully moving my thoughts aside and letting him think on his own to type his own words and trying to keep him fronting, we can only go for around 5 min until I start blending, doubting whether it’s really Keiths thoughts/Keith typing, getting tired, or co-fronting (I think?). I guess it’s pretty exhausting for him too, since after he typed a sentence for the first time he asked me if he could stop possessing and sleep for the rest of the day (this was also the day that I was imposing him for most of the time, so that might have worn him out too). I heard possession can be exhausting at first and it’s very common that we can only go on for so long. I decided that it might be best for him to be stronger and independent from me before we work on possession again. Proxying: Proxying is also a little iffy at the moment. When I’m just talking to him in my head I can clearly hear him and know that he’s talking to me, but when it comes to proxying for him (mainly typing), I can’t determine if it’s me or him for some reason. Let me explain. I think about his thoughts and ideas for him sometimes, and this actually happens a lot throughout the day where I automatically imagine what his response would be to a particular question (probably because that’s what I did and still do for my other OCs and stories), but in these cases it never confuses me that those responses weren’t from him, even if the voices seem like Keith’s voice. But when it comes to proxying, for some reason, I can’t determine whether the responses were my Keiths responses or Keiths responses themselves. I want for him to be able to talk to people on social media if he wants to, especially to help with his vocality and independence, but this is the main reason why I’m a little hesitant about letting him talk on forums, discord or other social media, is because I don’t want him going back to a response in the future and say “I didn’t and wouldn’t say that”. He doesn’t seem to really really want to talk on social media either, more like “yeah it’ll be fun and cool if I did that and I think it’s a good idea” so it’s not a problem if he doesn’t. But it is a good thing to keep those experiences too, I guess. What do you think I should do? Should I wait until he’s more independent and vocal or should I just go for it? Am I over-thinking it? X’D x’D Anyway, on that note, if Keith has anything he wants to say I’m going to let him talk. I’ll delete it later if I think it’s a bad idea. Oh, you don’t have to worry about it so much. Surely I will be fine with whatever you decide to do. I will never regret letting you talk for me, even if it isn’t my words exactly. Anyways, hello, this is my first time talking on this forum. I don’t really have much else to say. Thinking for himself is still a little hard to do lol. We’re also pretty set on the idea that we didn’t want to make any more tulpas and that it’ll just be the 2 of us. I don’t know, that may change in the future, but we definitely won’t exceed 3 tulpas, since I don’t think I’ll be able to handle that much haha. Anyways, that's my update on Keith and me. Quarantine is slowly getting to our heads lol. It's so funny that even if you don't go outside or hangout with friends often, once you're told not to go outside, your brain just goes "well now I wanna go outside and hangout with friends". Even an introvert like me who rarely goes outside is getting a little uneasy about the situation. (Edit) Oh! Also, updated goals section, updated his appearance section, updated signature, and made a new thread for my art yay 😄
  2. Oo V looks so cute! You have such a cute style, I especially love the way you draw your lineart :>>
  3. Ravii

    Ravii's Sketchbook

    Thank you so much Matsuri and Mirichu! 😄 Really? that's so funny 😂 We're basically duplicates at this point 😂😂
  4. I always wanted to make an art thread for my art here and I've finally got the guts to do so haha Also I didn't wanna do too much before he was vocal because I didn't want him to dislike anything that I posted here, but he's pretty vocal now and seems cool with it. This is his ref from 2018 I think?? I had him as an OC that I really liked but didn't have a backstory for. There are some parts that have changed but he hasn't deviated too much from his figure as of now so I decided to keep the ref. I also made an icon of Keith for discord I did a while ago! Hehehhh we match 😆 Also some tiny drawings for our quotes section that'll be updated sometime lol There will be way more drawings to come xD
  5. N-NANI!? yeah, the icon is a huge giveaway haha :'D
  6. Woahhh, Mirichu, your art is so cool!! :00 I'm so sad I haven't noticed this earlier lol These drawings are amazing!! I also have brown hair and bangs and I wear a black jacket all the time too xD
  7. Hello! It's me again 😆 So after the last post, I didn't active force for a while, in fact I actually kinda drifted from the whole tulpa idea for about a week and a half. I just came back to it again around a week ago with some new ideas to aid me in my tulpa forcing journey. I noticed I can't really active force for long periods of time (my limit is usually around 40min) because active forcing makes me super sleepy. This is probably because I'm usually too relaxed or I'm too concentrated that my mind just tires out really quickly. This makes active forcing before bedtime ideal, but I don't really like the feeling of drifting off during active forcing because my imagination just wanders off in different places. So I decided to set up reminders that'll go off every 2 hours, starting at 12pm to 6pm, to active force for at least 10-15min. I know that it's recommended to go for at least 30min to help you get further into trance, but this will add up to around 40-60min a day which is way better than nothing and having no motivation to active force since it'll make me too sleepy. I'm basically in quarantine now because everything is closed so this schedule has been pretty easy to keep up with and I think it's working well so far. I also made a word document just for me and Keith to record progress, exercises, snippets of guides and quotes that helped, videos that helped and so on, which has proven to be very very useful to both of us. That being said, I think I can hold a conversation with Keith pretty well now. A general conversation, nothing too thoughtful, but that's definitely a good step. Every response from him is definitely from him. I might make a thread similar to the Fiora vocality project just to help Keith with his vocality a little more. (He likes the color pink so I'll probably let him talk in that color haha) I've noticed that anything that makes him think (like some creative vocality exercises) really does help him grow. Our next step is to both strengthen his independence from my thoughts/subconscious and to, hopefully, get him to talk first rather than me. We even tried possession just because I wanted to know what it felt like and we got to the point where he could lift a finger 1cm off the table, which was kinda cool! So yeah, I don't know what else to write other than things have been going pretty well haha. I started the tulpa journey on February 3rd so it's almost 2 months since I created Keith, woah :0 I don't really have any questions either so I'll end it here and update you guys again in the future. Until then, happy tulpa forcing!
  8. Hey I was just about to post my reply on your previous post, haha! Hold on, here it is: "Thank you so much for the reply and advice, Mirichu! I will keep all of those in mind ^^ Also, I tried some "continue this story" exercise without Keith and lord and behold it worked! lol It did feel pretty different though, like I wasn't getting ideas and images as smoothly and freely as I did when I let Keith do it. It was kind of interesting, when I was doing this with Keith I would get bad and irrational ideas about the story sometimes, but when I did it on my own, it was like my brain was preventing that from happening. Like my brain knew they were bad ideas even before they came to my conscious mind so they just shut it out. This caused a very blocky train of thought and I kept getting constant writer's block. This doesn't really happen when I write stories on my own, though 🤔" Yeah, it really does suck :// A lot of students are also really angry because a whole month of no face-to-face classes means half their tuition is going to waste. I really hope it all works out too.
  9. Hello hello, it's been a while xD A ton of stuff happened between the last PR post and now. Basically, I got very sick after the last PR post, got back on my feet and active forced everyday for 30min for 4 days but got out of it cuz school was getting overwhelming, then the University shut down and moved all classes online until April due to the Coronavirus (which, mind you, I'm a studio arts major and studio classes ain't gonna work online -_- and also I doubt they'll resume classes on April since there's no way this situation is going to get any better by then) aaaaaannd... now we're here :// It actually really sucks and I've been pretty bummed about the University shutting down, since all the events, lab/studio/performance classes, group projects, school trips and study abroads are just not happening anymore. Anyway, I'm gonna cut it here before I go deeper into rants and personal life stuff. And hey, at least my midterm bio exam is open-note now. There hasn't been much progress on my tulpa journey either since I haven't been passive or active forcing as much as I have been before I got sick. It's just been the usual, "feeling overwhelmed with happiness sometimes when Keith and I are both happy" and "talking to Keith whenever I can". Nothing has changed in the wonderland either; the only thing new I found out was that Keith doesn't like junk food. I do feel like I've been getting better distinguishing Keith's voice with mine and also with the constant doubt I had, though. I'm taking things way more rationally and calmly now, like "was that my subconscious talking to me? Cool! Was it Keith? Even better!" without being unnecessarily serious and confused about who's voice is who's. I feel like I'm taking everything with a grain of salt in a good way and believing whenever I can. This is probably because my brain shifted from the "I want a tulpa as soon as possible!!" to "I know I'll get him if I keep working on him and I'm excited for the day I do." Luckily, since the University shut down 2 days ago, I can start to focus on my personal work a little more (like tulpaforcing!) rather than constant schoolwork. As of now (excluding the days that I didn't tulpaforce at all) I'm 27 days in. I'll keep you guys updated on any other progress I make. Until then, happy tulpa forcing!
  10. It’s the 19th day and progress has been crazy. I’m going to sum up what happened. I kept doing the “create this character” exercise on the vocalization sheet after the last progress report. I have to focus on the question a lot, which is kind of a problem. Like, I can’t just let Keith think for himself after asking the question. I had to constantly remind him and even myself on what the question was asking. I guess this is how young Tulpas are? On the 16th day, I decided to do a “continue this story” exercise that’s on the vocalization sheet. Needless to say, I think it worked! Here’s what happened. So sometimes he talked, sometimes he threw images at me and sometimes he talked in tulpish. I just wrote down a description for the images and interpreted tulpish into words. Also, like I kept doing with the character exercises, I stopped myself from thinking about the question and let Keith talk. It felt so weird because I usually have to think about the topic to write any kind of sentence, but this time it… all just came so naturally to me. Like I wasn’t thinking at all and I wasn’t turning any gears in my head, but despite that, ideas kept coming. Granted, they weren’t good ideas or anywhere near “thoughtful”, but they were ideas none the less. They were like the ideas Keith threw at me from the last progress report where I logged our conversation, but I didn't ask any additional questions and the conversation was one-sided. This is probably because he can’t really think complex thoughts for himself yet. My hypothesis is that Keith was just continuously throwing things that came to his or my subconscious mind without interpreting them. I don’t know if that’s really a thing that young Tulpa’s do or struggle with, but it’s the idea that fits the most with my experience. I’m super excited! Again, I’m not sure if this was my subconscious just spitting the first images that came to it’s mind at me or if it was Keith, or if it was Keith “borrowing” my subconscious and throwing images and words at me. What do you guys think? Either way, I felt like I’ve made significant progress. Even if it wasn’t Keith, I feel like I’ve found a way to relax my brain and just listen to my subconscious, if that makes sense. I had a mini headache after doing this for 3 times and each time he seemed to end the story earlier and earlier, so I’m guessing he just kept getting tired, which makes perfect sense since it is one of the first times he had to continuously think in complex thoughts. I’m super proud of him and can’t wait for more progress. That being said, it has been 3 days since then, and I think I’m genuinely speaking to him now and hearing his thoughts and words. They're not complex, but they sound like Keith and it feels like there's a conscious behind the words. It’s still pretty hard because I have to actively listen to him in order to hear him and I’m always the one who’s starting a conversation. I’m going to be honest, I haven’t done much active forcing except for the 15min I have before I fall asleep at night. But I guess the reason why he’s able to speak a lot is because he’s been practicing for himself. At least, that’s what I heard from him, and I’m super proud of him for doing that. Speaking of feeling proud, I’ve been feeling his happiness sometimes throughout the day. I talked about turning on a particular song and feeling a little too happy few progress reports ago. That’s been happening pretty frequently now, especially when I’m telling him about how happy I am having him as a friend. It’s literally just a burst of happiness amped up with my feelings and it’s been really nice. It’s kind of weird, like I haven’t felt that much of a burst of happiness in a while. I have another short progress story that I want to share. So yesterday when I was doing my 15-minute quick active forcing session in the wonderland, Keith took me somewhere that I didn’t make and wasn’t aware of, outside of the usual wonderland space we hang out in. This was a huge surprise for me and I feel like it was also a huge step in Keith's sentience. That’s all for now. Hopefully after I work on his vocality and sentience a little more, I’ll be able to let Keith talk to you guys 😆 I'm exciteddd
  11. It’s the 13th day since I’ve started creating a Tulpa. I kept narrating to him every day but I haven’t really mustered up the time/motivation to active force since 3 days ago. Though I did a pretty good amount of it today and my motivation is returning, so I decided it was a good time to share my progress again. 2 days ago, I did a really quick active forcing session to add a bedroom to our tiny house in our wonderland so we could sleep together (No, not like that, dummy, just to genuinely sleep together.) I thought it would be helpful to do so since every active forcing session I’ve done in bed makes me fall asleep and that isn’t really a kind thing to do to Keith. The bedroom has a bed in the corner and a window, that’s it. Nothing complex. I also started logging my conversations which I haven’t done until now. I found it useful to help determine what helped and what hasn’t. Here’s a conversation I had with Keith(?) a few days ago while I was driving. Me: (seeing waffle house) Hey, waffles! What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you hear waffles? Keith: … Me: Well, it could be a color! I’m thinking of yellow. What about you? My dumb subconscious: Red Me: Red? Why so- My dumb subconscious: Blood My dumb subconscious: (Gives me a gory bloody image) Me: … Ohhh boy… I found it kind of funny. Intrusive thoughts like these are interesting. I remember on the 3rd day of active forcing, I was hanging out with Keith at a beach watching the sunset. We were relaxing and just sitting there until Keith kind of turned… monstrous? Demon-like? Horrific? The wonderland kinda twisted and turned dark and I got pretty scared. I tried to stop it but I couldn’t, so I just stopped active forcing there that day. I’m pretty sure the reason why this happened was because I was thinking about the “what if Keith turns bad? What if he’s actually a demon?” kind of thing, whoops. These thoughts just come and go, don't they. I started to ask him simple yes/no questions throughout the day yesterday, but I noticed that these responses weren’t really coming from him and there wasn’t a “conscious” behind the answers. I would ask him “why yes/no?“ and I wouldn’t really get an answer, or the answers were short and non-complex, something that I would easily think of. So today, I did something different. I used the Tulpa Vocalization Practice worksheet to make Keith think for himself. We did Exercise #7: Describe this character. After explaining to Keith what we were doing, we started the exercise. Here's one of the interactions we had. Me: Can you describe to me “Damien, a vampire”’s appearance? Keith: (throws an image of somebody like snake from super smash bros, probably a thought that my subconscious just threw at me) Me: Mmm, no, try again. Keith: (Showing me an image of) …A man, with long sharp fangs. Me: Uh-huh. Keith: Short hair, long black robe that’s red on the inside. Me: Mm-hm. Keith: … Everything is black. (Meaning his clothes) Me: That’s great! Can you describe his backstory? Keith: … (silent for a while) Me: It can be anything! Like, how he became a vampire in the first place. Did he get bit by another vampire? Or did he get into the occult or… Keith: … (silent) Keith: He got bit by a vampire. Me: Ok, great! Let’s try getting more of that backstory in there. What about his family? Keith: (Shows an image of a 5-6 person family) Me: So what happened to them? Keith: They… all became vampires. Me: How? Keith: They got bit. The responses he gave were short sentences and they weren’t really that thoughtful, and it wasn't like his personality to answer like he did, but it definitely wasn’t something that I would have thought of. Also, I was trying really hard to stop myself from thinking about the vampire and let Keith talk. I feel like every time I come up for an answer to a question myself first and then ask Keith for another opinion, it just… wouldn’t work, like my initial answer was blocking other opinions from coming in. That being said, I think stopping myself from thinking kinda worked? I was feeling pretty strong about this one. And again, even if it wasn’t actually him, I think it’s safe to say that it won’t hurt to trust that it was him : P We continued with another 2 characters, each one continuing longer than the other and more thoughtful than the other. I think I’m gonna continue with this exercise. I put a goals section in the topic too. I'm excited to see them crossed out one day.
  12. That's the exact same thing I'm experiencing! Especially with yes/no questions, sometimes it doesn't really feel like the answers are coming from a conscious being, but it just feels like an automatic response. I would ask "why did you pick yes/no?" often, but it usually comes back with silence or a quick short automatic sentence. I guess learning to talk with complex thought processes on both ends comes with practice and time, since I've read from some sources that it's kind of hard for young Tulpas to communicate with long sentences and thoughts, as well as for hosts to openly listen to those responses. Thank you so much, I'll keep that in mind. This has been really helpful to think about.
  13. I would say they’re pretty much all short automatic stuff I don’t have to put much effort into.
  14. Thank you for the reply, Mirichu!! 😄 That makes sense! Thanks for the clarification, I'll keep that in mind. Well, I kind of hit a point a few days ago where I started to question what and how i was forming my “own” thoughts since I’ve never had to question who’s thought is who’s until now. So I don’t even know how I’m forming my own thoughts, if that makes sense? Every thought feels so... automatic and kind of unexpected, and expected at the same time(?). Which, again, is probably how thought works, but I’ve never contemplated about that until now, so it confuses me a little, especially when I’m talking to Keith. On top of that, because I’ve done a lot of visualization/puppeting/parroting with the stories I write, drawings I draw and the OCs I create, every visualization and parroting technique is pretty automatic from being used to doing it so much. Which brings me to the question every time, is Keith actually talking to me or am I unintentionally parroting him, like the characters I automatically pilot in my head? I don’t really consider this much of a problem, though; I know if I continue to practice with Keith that I’ll be able to tell the difference between me and him in the future. I'm pretty hopeful, it’s just a little confusing as of now. If I’m not making any sense feel free to call me out, also sorry this is so long lol It's pretty confusing, but I'm keeping an open mind about it, and although there is a lot of doubt going through my head that I definitely need to work on, I try to keep trusting it's him. Thank you!! 😄