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solarsorcerer

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About solarsorcerer

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    A Million Steps at a Time

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    Other
  • Location
    United States
  • Bio
    It's ya boi with the whole package. Depression? We got it. BPD? We got it. No self-esteem? We got it. Unable to decide and continuously deciding to restart with a new tulpa? Well lemme tell you-
  • Discord
    All the Snax! (steals your snax)#5749

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  1. I'm still around, theres just nothing to write about. I wont write unless something new happens or theres some some particular event worth noting
  2. DAY THIRTY Okay yeah yeah I'm doing bad with remembering to log aren't I? Can't stop me though. Not much progress, although two things that have been happening persistently: Rosalie reminding me to do things (like reminding me to log!) and making general comments (generally fashion as my general idea of her was pretty stereotypically feminine). Neither of these happens quite often, but it's been quite a few times this week. I've been trying to lucid dream to maybe see Rosalie in my dreams, so I've been trying to do reality checks. Can't set an alarm for them
  3. DAY TWENTY TWO (in general) / DAY TEN (Rosalie) As evident by the fact that not only did I put this off for a week, but also missed an entire day, I've been slacking off a LOT. I suppose I did have an excuse in the first half of the week- I was littered with work. However in the latter half of the week, I had nothing but time off and I have no excuse. I asked Rosalie to help me out with visualization at the beginning of the week, and I will say that I've been able to visualize more than usual. I haven't quite focused on seeing Rosalie yet, but I've been able to visuali
  4. DAY FOURTEEN (in general)/ DAY TWO (Rosalie) This immediately feels much more comfortable than before. Rosalie and I have made some friends, so we can talk to them and work on that. I have a tendency to read what I type out loud in character, and I only managed to catch myself giving Rosalie a British accent toward the evening. Hey, development I guess. Not much happened, we talked a bit yesterday and I started firing off my default boring questions like What's you favorite color/vegetable/fruit/anything. I really am a bore aren't I. Perhaps it's time to crack out some story tellin
  5. DAY THIRTEEN When I said yesterday that I would wait a week or two, my mind was already made up. I was only telling myself that I would wait because I felt bad for Amber. However, I have come to the conclusion that if my mind is made up, I will not have progressed through sheer will. Therefore, I am setting aside Amber, and I will work on a new tulpa in a different way. Some day I may return to Amber, but that will be if I come up with a personality for her. I began my new tulpa by coming up with a form. I was able to see a flash of a form, and then i tried to make a pi
  6. DAY TWELVE Okay, I've been losing interest. I admit that. And it's mostly because I barely feel like I've hit any milestones. I did quite a bit of active forcing today, however. Amber showed me a memory of mine from many many years ago, when I had created something tulpa-like before I knew that tulpas existed. The difference was, however, that rather than craft them from absolute scratch, I had crafted each from a specific trait or feeling of mine. They had reached something along the form of vocality very quickly, but were barely developed (to be fair I'd created about 20 of these
  7. DAY ELEVEN No feelings of Amber, but I figured it would still be nice to narrate to her. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to narrate today, but I ended up doing about threeish? hours of passive forcing? (singing every song in hamilton to your tulpa for the win!) and then an additional half hour or so actively forcing. Some visualization practice. Still can't see anything, but it helps to imagine everything like a minecraft type video game. (Can only see one hand etc simplified graphics with not as much detail)
  8. DAY TEN Had a bunch of private conversations with Cordia, still no feelings of Amber. Should narrate more
  9. DAY NINE House was pretty loud today, couldn't focus on narrating much. Tried to do a forcing session towards the end of the day once things got quieter, but as I had noticed throughout the day, I could not feel Amber's presence. I took this opportunity to try bringing out the character I mentioned two days ago. Although I feel I am parroting, at least I have immediate vocality. Character, who I suppose I should call by name (Cordia) is doing splendid. I asked if she liked the outfit I had given to her, and she said no, she did not particularly like it. She said that she wasn'
  10. DAY EIGHT Had barely any time to talk to Amber, went to sleep past midnight, maybe narrated for a few minutes at a time around meals. Have to make that up once I'm done with these 7 schools projects 😔
  11. DAY 7 (End of Week One!!) Today was surprisingly uneventful. I tried to narrate to Amber while eating but, just as I had thought, I have trouble focusing on two things at once. We did some more messing around with the songs, but I mostly sang the ones I had already sung as I couldn't remember any other good ones at the moment. I read a bit about the way that characters "come to life" for writers. I'm no author, but I've had certain characters for about 5 years. I was curious as to how that would work, if I tried to craft one of them into something more tulpa-like. Of the
  12. DAY SIX Today was a bit more of an interactive day with Amber. If there's one thing in my life I'm proud of, it's my ability to sing. Today I sang to Amber for hours upon hours and let her form her own opinion about each song. I had a tendency to repeat certain songs a long while later to make sure that it wasn't just me being all pins and needly, and that it was Amber. We had some nice progress, I think! Amber didn't like most of the songs I listen to when I'm sad (I disagree, they're very pleasant) and she preferred the mushy love songs and things with gentle ukulele. Amber even
  13. DAY FIVE Again, wasn't really feeling it. My understanding of narration has changed- before I was more concerned with talking about what is happening at the moment, like literal book narration. But I decided to talk more about the people I know and my hopes and dreams for the future, etc. Asked Amber a bunch of basic questions. Had a bunch of answers come up in my head. I'm honestly not too sure if it was Amber, or if it was just the first thing that came to mind, but basically what I got was: favorite fruit- peach (mine is apple so definitely not a conscious thought from me)
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