uberdread

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  1. 24/06/20 While forcing for an hour today DT was really active today. After narrating for a bit, we went through a new look and DT was made up with it. I chose DTs physical aspects but then they stepped in for the clothes DT wanted to wear. DT chose a white tank top with a leather jacket, black cargo pants with some pumps and a pair of black goggles on her head (maybe i need to look up some more fashion?). I love DTs outfit though, and was made up with how unique it ended up. Then i played some music since DT wanted some paramore on, and managed to chat a little. DT still communicates mostly with facial expressions and reactions to what I say, but I managed to get a few words and figured out so far DT likes drinking mead and likes oranges as a fruit (at least over bananas). I imagined her playing with my bass guitar, then she ended up choosing her own, a yellow semi-acoustic. At one point DT led me out of the room in our wonderland. We went into the corridor then into another room only for me to discover her trolling me as the room was filled with brony smut (which i had the misfortune of seeing in a server yesterday). This was great actually, not only was it a great joke, but i was impressed at DTs ability to make such a joke and it completely took me by surprise. I hope DT continues to troll me.
  2. 20/06/20 Forced some more with DT, we spoke about my dreams, magic and the beauty of information. We had some jasmine tea and i did an ok job at summoning the smell and taste, thankfully due to the strong aroma and familiarity of the flavour. Shortly after DT drank some i got this light rising feeling from within so i hope that was DT enjoying it. Note before the session I changed DT to yellow, after thinking about the imagery and associated meanings of blue i thought i should also change colours regularly, and like promised DT has spiky hair today. 21/06/20 Not loads of progress yesterday but I had a great time in our hour or so forcing session. During which DT is now red with a high knot ponytail at the back. Keeping up narrating out of frocing is getting a bit better, but i still struggle in moments where i need all my focus. 22/06/20 Went for a lilac body colour with dark purple, loose, chin length hair today. Ill try a more masculine style tomorrow, its easy to choose a feminine one and i need to keep it balanced. We forced for about an hour today talking for the most part then I also tried going on an adventure that ended up being like a skyrim like dungeon where we killed a dragon priest. I was a summoner and at first i set DT as a mage but they seemed to want to be a ranger. When I keep DT visualised I seem to get the odd word when I ask questions and I get facial reactions but most of these still feel like my thoughts so I'm not sure if shes sentient yet. I decided not to worry about it however as even if it is personality forcing its much better than potentially ignoring her, and in the long run it shouldnt affect much (i hope). However these thoughts and reactions are definitely feeling more sporadic than they used to be so it seems like they're slowly growing to be independent thoughts. p.s. wish i was good at drawing cos DT looked really cute with todays style and a rangers cap. 23/06/20 I was thinking about the possible parroting qualms I've been having and decided to modify my approach with DT when asking questions. Now rather than asking whatever I want, especially questions a think up answers to while asking or questions which reiterate the same topic, I've decided to stick with direct questions and accpeting the first answer in my head as my tuplas answer. Already this seems to get answers that are far less ambiguous of the source. I did a self hypnosis for sentience based on linkzeldas guide and tbh it felt really effective, I wont mention too much as this is more about me and my additude but I will note any big progress from now on. Did a half hour forcing session today, I started trying to detail todays form that we thought yesterday, but instead of that DT put an image of a face, looking fully human now. Going off this image we ended up with a cheerful white lad with a medium build, and brown kpop idolish hair. Ill admit at first I was somewhat uncomfortable with this new strange masculine form but the facial expressions from it convinced me it was still just DT and I became far more comfortable. Looking forward to tomorrows form. Have to note when I dungeoned with DT, at first I really kind of got into the narration and completely lost track of DT and went with the story (kind of like an actual dream) I will have to start only doing this activity when I can fully focus. p.s. I feel like i might be logging too much?
  3. 19/06/20 Hi im Oliver (un)known here as uberdread. So let me introduce my proto-tulpa. After i had read my first guide i had a pretty good image of what i would start with. Im pretty happy about this, since i have been eargerly waiting to start with thoughts of DT (short for developing tulpa) persistently cropping up, which i figure is a great start for forcing. I want to leave as much upto, DT as possible, likely already clear from the obvious placeholder name. I did have one restriction however in that I want DT to be (at least initially) human. With this in mind I conjoured up an initial form of a blue/white spirit in the approximate shape of a human, notably faceless, that moves and flickers similar to a flame across the body (i figured the flickers might be a good medium for earlycommunication) and varies in shape and size. I dont particularly buy into the idea of gender but i figure i should clarify nontheless, DT is as you wouldve guessed initially genderless (as in not currently assigned a gender, not having no gender). I put quite some more thought into our wonderland. Set in an large manor with a large garden bordered by a forest; the place I plan to spend most of our initial time is in a home library, set with 2 tall walls of books, with an irori (those japanese hearths set in the centre of old japanese tatami rooms) in the centre accompanied with two comfortably large red leather reading chairs (i have been visualing DT sitting in his chair) that outlook onto the forests out back. The rest of the manor I have left undertermined excited for what DT will come up with for other rooms, although thinking about I shouldnt make him do all the work and might have to come up with some games rooms in the near future, in order to keep forcing sessions lively. Forced with DT for about an hour today, I was somewhat struggling to keep a consistent image of them whilst talking to them, so I might need to work on visualisation techniques. I seemed to get a couple of nods here and there but when I asked if it was them they shrugged, which made me suspect puppeting. But I reassured them I'll try my best to listen out and I've been trying to take a moment after asking questions or telling them something in order to listen out. I normally talk/think aloud a lot so its been really fun talking to somebody else today, which is rather nice feeling since normally im quiet with most people. Whilst in the shower I was semi-forcing explaining my passion for living and my excitement for whats to come; how and what DT will evolve into, and a readiness to accept anything DT throws my way. I added some hair for DT about shoulder length,loose, flickering and burning similarly to the rest of DTs body. Im planning on going for a spiky short look tomorrow. Feeling a little aprehensive that i might miss a sign from DT as it occured to me that im terrible at noticing my own emotions, and not sure if ill be able to detect any from DT. In good news though it feels really natural to narrate to DT, and whilst narrating I get a nice feeling of introspection about myself as I attempt to explain myself. In addition to narrating I'm will attempt to send my feelings to DT, this came to me when I was listening to a band I particularly like and it seemed more appropriate to send my moodal analysis of the music than attempt some crude description. I'm not sure how effective this is yet but it will definitely be useful in day to day experiences. Upon waking from a nap i heard a nickname used by one friend said in my head, not sure if this was from DT or residual thoughts thinking about said friend but i figured i should make note. Small update I'm not sure if this is my brain puppeting DT but they seemed to be happy when I did my work out today DT clapped hands and smiled. The first expression I've got out of DT thus far. This was rather unexpected actually but still unsure whether this is my brain assigning reactions when I think about DT. I should note that I didnt quite see DT's smile but I knew they were smiling, again making me think it was my brain. P.S. DTs hair now floats when theyre happy which was rather cute to see. DT is definitely quite childish right now.