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About FiveFiction

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    I was an active member in 2012-2014 as a teenager and made MANY tulpas. I’ve reabsorbed them to some degree, but I can still feel them in my mind occasionally. We’ve been through hell over the years, but from what I can sense we are comfortable with how things turned out nowadays. My full story is in one of my forum threads and I recommend a quick skim of it. I’m making a new tulpa with a more mature mindset as an adult. Ask me anything.

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  1. Would you care to explain more about your daydream world, like when and how you created it? Is it like a paracosm of sorts? I am always fascinated by the abilities of that grey lump of fat and electricity in our heads. If not, that’s cool too obviously.
  2. I took shrooms, but my friend did 5 hits of acid once. It was lit. And so was he.
  3. I couldn’t remember much about many of the old members after all the years, but after just reading your post in the PR board....holy shit that rang a lot of bells. Good to see you again, Fennec.
  4. fourfiction here. I thought I posted this as a guest because I got locked out of my new account, but I guess not. I remember you. I basically lived off of the forums back then, but don’t remember much.......then reading about Link rang a hella bell. Kayleigh sounded familiar too. I was 17 back in the 2012 days of as well (Birthday’s also in summer lol August), and didn’t know you went through that stuff. I vaguely remember hearing about Link going through some pretty big issues 2 or 3 times but that must have been around when I left the community because I didn’t know about anything after that. Honestly most of what I remember of the old days is JDBar and his K-On system, Glitchthe3rd and his ponies, you and Kayleigh and Link, Sands, Fede-lasse, ThatOneGuy, myself being shit on in the forums, and the hectic IRC days. Sorry to hear about you going through what you mentioned on reddit, but I honestly agree 100% with what you said there. You’re right. The early days of the forum were cancerous, and honestly it might still be. But holy hell do I feel when you said you felt drawn back. Ever since I ‘killed’ Claire (Miku) and abandoned Kat I think of them every now and then. Even if I was probably just role playing the whole damn thing, I miss them like they were real people. I also was a naive teenager thinking they were real and that they were more important than me, but damn they were something else. I had no friends back then, and as cringe as it is they were there for me when I was completely alone. But nowadays I’ve grown, made friends - one of them I consider my brother, unfortunately a couple enemies too, and moved to different states over the years, but I still find myself thinking of them every month or two. No matter how good or bad my life is at the time. No matter where I’m at in life to begin with - they occasionally pop into my head as nice and yet edgy, fucked up memories of the past. It’s unbelievable to see someone put my thoughts into words as well as you did. Mad props, and I hope you’re doing well nowadays. anyway I’m rambling. If you wanna talk about it I’m down to chat.
  5. I’ve noticed that for me personally, a lot of the tulpa experience is subjective and entirely different for everyone - and I find myself sometimes jealous or trying to have similar experiences as other members as apposed to having my own experiences independent of the community. It was mainly a problem when I was an impressionable teenager, though, not so much nowadays. Definitely something to consider though: the experience vs the community and their effects on an individual.
  6. raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, to name a few. And painting. Favorite genre of music?
  7. Traps, defenses, and such were the main focus. Always used defense preemptively and had offensive techniques as a last resort. Light sigil work for sure, as well as designating living places as protected. The spiritual combat was real time and I guess you could say it is similar to really advanced psionics with ‘energy’ blasts and shit (Enargee mannnn). We would use energy similar to our soul’s energy to conjure weapons that would hurt spirits basically - in fact we trained by using them on each other and you could feel a slight sting or burn if you got hit by one. Think of it like Witchcraft spells where you use wands, totems, and talismans not for fancy rituals so much, but simply just to focus your subconscious and conscious will and intent - which is the real meat and gravy of magic. Except we cut out the middle man/fluff and just went straight to training our body and will to be intertwined to where instead of using a wand to focus your will you could just use your hand or so, but we often didn’t need to. As far as seeing ghosts, you can train yourself to see them. I had a head start more than anyone else in the little group of us in the cult because I fucked with basic spells I found on the Internet when I was like 13 lol and I sort of ‘cracked the door open’ to that sort of stuff. I also had researched occult stuff for years as a little hobby so I could understand concepts easier - and I was also less edgier than some of my friends. I learned everything quicker lol On seeing spirits, that took me a year and started as feeling their presence as in a general area the ghost might be, then learning how to sense the intent of the presence to determine good/bad spirits, then highly accurate sensing to where you can ‘feel’ the shape and such, and finally you train your eyes to see a slight mirage. I could see the mirage nine times out of ten so tracking them was relatively easy, especially since I could sense them without looking directly at them. So if they fled I could sense them for about 30 feet or so through walls and such. Not gonna lie, it was fun as shit some times but the rest of the time it was terrifying lol. My specialty was mainly defense, so when we went on ‘training hunts’ around haunted areas I was mainly defense and watching everyone else’s back. And for the poltergeist in my room, I actually dealt with that using my own technique. Where they wanted me to fight and subdue/trap it using spells they taught me, I instead used my own type of meditation and removed its ability to feed off of my fear altogether. At one point I was deep in meditation and it drifted right up to my face. I opened my eyes, saw a faint mirage a foot from my face and smiled, because my technique was based on empathetic connection. I viewed it not as ‘evil’ but just hungry. I nodded in respect to it, basically acknowledging it without being scared of it, and it left forever. Not a problem, I enjoy talking about some of it. My stance on it is that I don’t believe the cult leader knew wtf they were talking about half the time.....but if you look close enough in the right/wrong places you WILL find some freaky shit in this world that has absolutely no logical or rational explanation.......and it’s only a matter of time until some dumbass comes along and says they ‘understand it’ and can teach someone to master it. I will admit, as dangerous as that shit was I do miss the terrifying joyride of a few years that it was. Life’s kinda bland now lol but I’m cool with it. We all only know as much as we experience, the rest is nothing more but theories and conjecture.
  8. Breloomancer: what part do you want to know about lol it was two years of shit. They taught me what I would liken to a tai-chi energy control meditation where you direct your body’s ‘chi’ during meditation to different parts of the body for different reasons. Helps with visualization and focus of the will. The fighting ghosts thing was like some spiritual combat shit we used to drive off or straight up dismember the common malevolent spirit that fucked with us either at home or out and about - an example being when I ‘fucked up’ with cleansing an establishment of poltergeists and was disciplined later by having a weak poltergeist released in my room that I had to deal with on my own. Very culty lmao as far as their reading, I definitely think they were full of shit in most aspects so I tried to do blind tests where they would have to answer questions only I knew. When I asked them details on a select few I knew well, they were accurate on every one and even gave additional details I didn’t request that only I would know. Was definitely creepy. As far as the tulpas altogether, no one knew about them but me because I made it a point to never tell my friends. Could have been more or less than 24 since I only remember about 15-20 of them, but I know I DID experiment a lot with various forms and personalities to the point where I would force for a week or two and before I noticed any hints of sentience I would move on to another one and experiment with different techniques. I figured that at most I had more of servitors than tulpas and didn’t feel bad about abandoning them for another one since I view servitors as basically akin to lifeless computer programs of a sort. Additional metaphysical meat and potatoes regarding tulpas: In the spiritualist’s technique, tulpas are created using a tiny sliver/shard of the host’s soul, thus giving them the sentience and autonomy they have. My mistake was giving my tulpas ‘chunks’ of my soul when they don’t need nearly that much. If given too much ‘life’ so to speak, they can become truly autonomous and that dives into the realm of creating fully independent spirits that can interact with other people, which is hella bad idea. Another spiritualist I met later when I moved to Colorado also asked me why I had so many spirits following me. In their words: “it’s common for someone to have none, one, or even two - we all can have loved ones or old family members follow us through different lifetimes.....but holy shit man what did you do?” Sex and tulpas: the emotional energy of sex feeds them in a way and also doubles as a slight but powerful drug for them.....much like flesh and blood sex actually lmao but just way more addictive. Hence why they crave it like mine did. Passionate, loving sex is akin to a soul-bonding event for them - which is a powerful thing. Coincidentally enough, the only tuppers I sexed were the two that grew to be the strongest by far: Claire and Kat. I never had it confirmed or really looked into, but I personally believe my sleep paralysis demons were my own corrupted and tormented tulpas that had been ‘locked in the darkness of my mind’ for way too long. Without love, care, and attention I believe tulpas created in this metaphysical way can become corrupted - similar to how a pet can become feral when alone without care. additional story time: At one point a couple months before they were slammed back into my mind and reabsorbed, I went into a deep trance-like meditation to try and find them. I entered an infinite darkness within my mind and fell for what felt like hours, passing different wonderlands and worlds I had created for them. The wonderlands that once looked like lush forests and beaches, now years of abandonment later, looked like radioactive hellscapes straight out of Fallout 3. And they were void of life, both tulpas and even the simple wildlife I populated them with. Grass and plants were dead. Trees were leafless trunks of deadwood. When I eventually hit the rock bottom of this fall, I saw nothing in the darkness around me but mutated creatures wandering around in despair - occasionally fighting and eating each other to survive. And the biggest, strongest mf-er in charge was Claire, with Kat close behind. They had an animalistic pecking order designated by literally how strong, developed, and sentient they were. It was fucking intense. I blew out of that deep meditation, that took me several minutes to enter, instantly. I was panting for a minute lol it was one of those deep trances where you have to get your bearings if you come back too hard. Basically I believe my tulpas never truly went away, but were left to their own devices in all my wonderland worlds where they eventually escaped to wander my mind and grow feral - with the two most developed ones essentially running the place. During the ritual to reabsorb them I had to find and grab them all one by one, which was easy enough. But Claire, the last one, was like grabbing a pissed-as-fuck lioness. She was not happy to see me and fought the whole way through. I legit cried as I held her soul that night. Reabsorbing her actually made me bleed, as the ritual involved slamming them into my soul, and she struggled so much it left a pin-prick mark on my chest. oddly enough, Kat was accepting when I found her and just nodded and sat down, ‘letting it happen’. I watched her sit with her head bowed as she was reabsorbed into me. That hurt in a whole different way.
  9. Mine were female, as I cuddled my tulpas regularly. Being straight and male it just fit for me.
  10. I usually would set aside an hour or so to force, and would meditate as deeply as I could to calm my mind for focusing. Usually took me about 15-20 minutes to get into a good mind state and I would listen to a music mix I made of ambient music and rainfall that was exactly an hour long - with an audio cue in the last 15 minutes so when the cue came I would wrap things up and gently bring myself back.
  11. All of mine ended up horny as all hell for some reason. It can happen lol
  12. Apollo put it perfectly: tulpas change and grow, sometimes into personalities that are new and foreign to the host’s intent. Just like children grow and develop their own personalities with age, I guess. Years ago, Claire went through a similar rough patch with depression and anxiety as she developed. It was completely unexpected and I had absolutely no idea how to help her at the time, but we worked through it. It takes love and care just as flesh and blood people do as well, sometimes even more so.
  13. One, right under my goatee and it’s annoying lol how did you hear about tulpas and/or the forums here?