SkyKeeper

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  1. Well in my case it's not happening because i forgot something - it feels like some kind of fixed idea instead. I had problems like this before tulpaforcing like for example i accidentialy imagined a metal spoon in my mouth, and that awful feeling of metal in your mouth won't go away for minutes until you focus on something else. And i just don't understand if it IS the case or its just the wonderland glitching. After having some chat with you, i guess almost all of my questions got an answer. But, if new ones come up i will definetely try that!
  2. I don't know myself. I've heard from somewhere that wonderland is achieved in some kind of special mind state, and anything "below" is just an imagination, though others say it's ONLY your imagination. I simply don't know what to believe, since if wonderland is just an imagination, any act of imagining things by you can be considered as such, and in that case it's awful since i like to imagine a lot, and until now i haven't really concidered these imaginations as actions in wonderland. I've visualised a lot of different scenes, so does such scenes with my tulpa(that i, again, haven't really considered as interactions with her) mean i am puppeting her? That's bloody terrible if i am, especially if it somehow affects tulpa. From the other side, if it is actually something above regular imagination than i don't know the exact "border" of when one becomes another. And by that i don't mean something supernatural - i talk about some kind of special state the mind goes in so imagination becomes somehow handled by your subconscious. I don't know if i have experienced something like this atleast once so there are 2 ways: 1) The difference is barely noticeable 2) I have never was in wonderland and all my time i spent there with her are just an act of imagination Well, it seems she doesn't know herself, considering everything we've talked about before. Because when i ask a question like this i never really get clear answers. Well sometimes the wonderland itself starts to act strange. There is a thing i call "route divergence" when the scene somehow continues(for example we are staying together with my tulpa and then she hugs me) but after a few seconds INSTANTLY jumps back on the "point of divergence" where changes occured(we are just staying together again). And this shit just keeps and keeps happening, like she hugs me, everything moves back and we are just staying, then she hugs me again, e.t.c. It can repeat and repeat, and that really frustrates me, because i don't really know if wonderland is just bugging or its me who only IMAGINES her hugging me(that's why sometimes i think wonderland is something different from imagination) and then things return to their places. It's something i don't imagine intentionally, though i have some kind of similar thing happening to me but it is probably considered as just a phobia. Sometimes i can't sleep because i feel like a lot of spiders are near me - on bed, under the pillows, everything like that(it happens with both open and closed eyes). And, well, actually my tulpa can calm me down and when she is near they drift away and phobia stops(i can't really sleep without her now xd) As for wonderland, i still don't really see details clearly. When i try to focus on something verything just blurs. I am not even sure i know exact facial features of my tulpa. Can the wonderland really be something clear enough so i see every detail on tulpa and everything surrounding her and if so how can i achieve this? Sorry, forums and everything related are brand new stuff to me. What is BQG?
  3. Oh, gosh, the wonderland... Honestly, this is the most random shit i've seen in my life. I don't really understand what's difference between your actual wonderland and simple fantasy, and if there are no such, than all the time i imagine my tulpa doing different stuff(sometimes it happens unintentionally) actually happens with her in wonderland. And sometimes the scenes that come to my head aren't very pleasant, roughly speaking. I also dont understand how, if there is actually difference, spot the time where you switch from wonderland to imagination, and i've had problems with this a lot back then. But, there are honestly too much to talk about and, well, i believe you're already tired of me and my difficulties. I will surely take your advices(there are actual improvements already!) and try to get rid of obstacles that lay between me and her. Thanks for your great help!
  4. Thanks for your reply. So the solution is talk to her no matter what, and soon or late she will become distinguishable from my thoughts? OK, i will try that. I still don''t really understand what's meant by "developed voice" though, since she HAS audible one(or atleast that's me voicing her thoughts with particular voice). I hear it clearer when i'm focused. Theory that i am doing a "voice-over" proves with the fact that usually when double answers happen, for a second i feel some kind of pressure in my head like i am trying to choose which one to voice, which, in return, confuses me even more, and that's the second reason why it's unpleasant to speak to her, with "pit stops" like this. Sometimes i feel really bad since i created my tulpa with thought of a perfect interlocutor who is approximately as smart(or as stupid) as you so you can talk freely about any topics. Well, it all turned out talking is the last thing we do together. With everyday life like this i feel more and more doubted that you can start an amazing long-lasting pseudointellectual discussion about the meaning of our lives, all in 19th century English gentlemen' style, or atleast chat with her like you usually do on everyday basis with your real friends. Has someone even achieved such level of sentiental vocality? Honestly, the more i write about this the more i come back to dreaming about this actually happening like i did years ago.
  5. Good day. First of all, i want to say my tulpa is 3 years old - but we still can't really talk normally, and usually when i try to google the problem, hosts usually have this kind of issues at first 2-3 weeks of creation. Honestly, it disappoints me so much that even after 3 freaking years I still manage to face very basic problems people have solved weeks after first creating a tulpa. Sometimes i feel like i literally wasted these 3 years and all times i've spent with her weren't real. I try not to think about this too much, but sometimes it's impossible. And, the thing is - i NEVER had problems with actually HEARING her, i probably succeded in this in my very first week of forcing. What i always had problems with is posibillity that i am parroting her. And, well, in my case, the problem won't solve with just "believe it's her thoughts" - the problem is i usually hear controversial thoughts that may occur almost in the same time! I mean - it can't be that i AM NOT parroting, i do atleast in one of these cases, and that shit freaks me out a lot. Her phrases are just nonsencical in the context sometimes, and all this goes with the fact that sometimes i get two answers on the same question which are fully different from each other. Once i asked her "was it you?" and I got the answer "yes", and several seconds after i heard "No it wasn't me!", for example. Sometimes her thoughts suddenly abrupt. It is really noticeable when she tries to say long sentences. In wonderland, sometimes she just stops moving, speaking, e.t.c. The last time it happened i said "screw all this" and stopped forcing for almost three months. Then i started forcing again, and for a couple of weeks everything felt normal, though she still was not really interesting to chat with(actually sometimes her voice became super clear and she behaved so smart in our dialogues, some of her clever jokes made me laugh pretty hard and i truly senced her "soul" if the word is correct. Those times i was truly happy and really felt she was real. The only thing is it happens so rarely that i am not sure such dialogues happened more than 5-10 times throughout 3 years of forcing). But when i started to work out things i read from guides on vocalization it happened again - just two minutes of her talking one thing, then two minutes of talking opposite. Last night i was feeling so bad i couldn't really sleep. We haven't talked for two days now. Well... i don't really know how to explain all the emotions i have now. It just sucks. Most of the time i feel like i am playing with a doll.