rakitaki2319

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Everything posted by rakitaki2319

  1. 10/8/2020 So in the past few days I've only managed to force at least at two or three times. At most 10-25 minutes each, although this time and every time I remind myself to force, I'm going to attempt a forcing method that should help with her becoming more vocal. Essentially its just me making my mind shut up and giving her the stage so she can attempt to talk to me. Other than that I usually passive force with her by just talking with her in my mind (out loud when I'm alone) when I'm not busy with work.
  2. 10/02/2020 Forcing attempt (morning): it was an attempt at least Forced for 31 minutes, talked about random things such as my dreams from last night, sang random bits from songs, talked about anything random that popped into my head I’m still inconsistent about what to do while forcing with her. -- Forcing Attempt (night): somewhat successful Talked about random things that would pop in my head and worked a bit on focusing on wonderland home. Saw a somewhat clear image of her for about 2 seconds.
  3. June 27, 2020 Hypnogtic dream: Told to me to essentially shut up at the wee beginning hours of the morning… I did not. … Meditation 8/5/2020 Meditation attempt/ Active Forcing: Failed Attempted to clear my mind disaster ensued ended not really focusing on Midna and having a lot of stray thoughts. Did attempt a background from memory: Kiest park. Had a random thought Twili Midna and a young child in dress on a bench in the park. Promptly freaked out and stopped. End of day: Lots of garbled speech, some giggling throughout day … Aug 6, 2020 Active forcing morning: successful? Mediated 23 minutes and I guess talked to her about questions and my worries or possible discomforts. Garbled speech here and there. I know she’s there. Garbled speech today, but way more excited garble when I finally figured out how to get better Midna models on sfm. … Aug 8, 2020 Forced for a full 20 something minutes today in the morning, kind of got a bit distracted but did okay. Still hear garbled speech, and the occasional laugh as I talk or passive force throughout the day. … Aug 9, 2020 11:40 maybe heard a clearer laugh? … Aug 10, 2020 Did not force in the morning even though I promised, but did at night. Tried imagining city sidewalk (since I’ve been playing spider man all day) and it sorta worked. Giggling and some faint words. … Aug 12, 2020 Meditated 1:00 for 25 min. Tried to focus on Midna (better focusing on traits and such- close to in game character that I think suit her). Tried to focus on us in a park setting, sitting on bench in front of pond. Weird creepy images made it hard to focus in either form, so I tried feeling her face in hands (ngl I feel a little weird about it). I guess that’s my own weird way of trying to focus on her body? … Aug 13, 2020 Ok so maybe holding her hands might help me on focusing on her more so I get less distracted. Maybe like 90%? Anyways reading some tulpa crap about person being called crazy. Had my own thoughts about it. Me: Well I’m not crazy. Midna: just weird. She didn’t say it (at least not like audibly) but I don’t know it felt like a thought somehow??? … Aug 15, 2020 Forced in the morning I admit I still suck and I haven’t been forcing cuz I’m a lazy fuck ( not to mention I really have nothing to talk about and half the time I end up getting distracted) but when I do try my best to keep my attention on her (either by trying to hear her or visualize her), what ever mindscape ( park or house) Park: Little zone with green lush grass and a pond (that seems to change in size depending on how I feel at the moment) and a little wooden bench with swirling metal arm rests. I like to sit on it and pretend she’s beside me (for some reason I always choose her twili form) whether she is or isn’t I don’t really know. And I try my best talk (usually random crap) to see if shell at least respond audibly or better yet tell me to shut up. House: a two story house (Texas ranch style) that I’ve been failing to work on. So far I can sorta envision a large living room at the far left corner, the back entrance door and window and a hint of a dining room and kitchen ( do I really need a kitchen? As far as I know tulpas don’t eat much less cook…) wooden and ceramic floors. Dark red wall for living room? High ceiling. For some reason a fruit bowl that can turn into a painting ( it was literally the first thing I imagined as a joke, I’m not sure Midna really likes it, since I think I dragged the joke too far) a flat screen tv ( wouldn’t be a home without it) and some black sofas ( the fancy kind, that for some reason I keep imagining brown,eh) I haven’t really given the second floor much thought but so far there’s two rooms up there. My room (which is essentially just a white void with a randomly floating race car bed ( don’t judge) and I'm letting her design her room to her liking and I’m not to be allowed inside unless I have her permission. (I guess to prove her sentience?) I don’t really know how sentient she is and to be honest I feel like shit because of past decisions I did that did not let her progress because of my fuck ups. I know there’s baby steps to be taken, and cant really except her to suddenly blurt out eloquent carefully thought out long sentences. But if she becomes vocal (and I assume at that point sentient) I do intend to ask her for forgiveness for my past fuck ups that I feel damaged her greatly and would understand any distrust towards me. (and more so try to earn it again, bit by bit if need be). If so, id like to know more about her. Up to this point, she has spoken a bit but its mostly garbled. The few times that ( I think I understand her) I’m not sure of I actually do, I’m puppeting, or my brain just randomly assumes a word was said was what was said. The garbled speech, in my opinion often sounds excited, inquisitive, or snarky. I often always also hear random giggling (mostly) or the occasional yawn (rarely). Also noted that the voice seems greatly similar to Midna’s actual voice. Anyways once she does become hopefully vocal, I do intend to ask her questions, a lot of them. But mind her, ill definitely need to keep them short (as I’ve read newly vocal tulpas can get quite tired and I don’t want to get strong headaches myself either) I want to ask her: 1. If she can forgive me. 2. Which form she feels much more comfortable with True form or imp form, (or another form entirely, given game Midna can also transform into other characters entirely) 3. Would she prefer another name entirely? 4. What does she like? In general? Music, art, reading, all that good stuff. 5. If shed be willing to talk or make friends online (Tulpa discord and that sort of stuff) … ok that’s not a whole lot of questions But still I think the more important ones. I honestly hope she’s willing to answer that one survey in the Tulpa forum. I wont post it online unless she wishes to, since its more for me to improve upon and see where I really fucked up upon. … anyways that’s enough shit for tonight I need to go to sleep .... Aug 16 2020 Forced at night but it kind of got away from me cuz I got depressed, but I tried. … Aug 17,2020 Had a kind of interesting dream, I think I may try to make into a wonderland (minus the gators). Anyways I walked out of the back exit from my house, I saw Midna lounging with facing the door. I think I was looking for her because I hadn’t seen her in a while, and was kind of wondering why she was outside. I asked her if she wanted to come inside since it was pretty hot outside (which it wasn’t, it was actually pretty pleasant) and I realized my backyard was not really my back yard. It was a truly beautiful sight. I’ve never really been in actual nature before, but it was breath taking in all honesty, just astounding. It was a crystalline lake nestled between two tall mountains and a clear blue sky, beautiful green cypress trees everywhere. Hell, I even wanted to take a dip in the waters (didn’t even hesitate to take off my clothes despite midna being there). It was that beautiful. It’s a shame before I could dip in, I saw a huge lizard (gator I’m assuming) that made me wake up. I think I heard a soft “Hi” when I was waking up. I will force with Midna and this wonderland when I come back from work today, and try my best to remember past events… -- Ok so I came back forced around 3:15 and about 17 minutes, and I honestly only stopped because I was falling asleep ( I was kinda mad at myself.) So not only do I have to deal with not being able to focus but now I realize I tend to fall asleep. Anyways I did try to bring the dream back up and trying not get to ahead of myself. Any time I force myself to force, for mine and Midna’s sake, I am going to try to start slowly. For right now, I'm going to try to visualize and impose the white sand as well as Midna beside me. After I have that done ill start imposing the water, trees, and mountains and so on. (I’m really starting to wonder if she made it) And for my sake I’m going to try to visualize her in her imp form. I told her she is free to choose which ever form she chooses (imp or twili) and alternate freely between those (hell even change completely seeing in game midna can shape shift). But for now, I’m choosing her imp form since I already have an idea of what she looks like, two its smaller and tbh less work. Also, on that note, seeing how weird and impulsive my brain is I really need to start taking it slow. I do really want her to become vocal, and its safe to say she is slowly getting there, but I don want to stress myself and her too much. So, I’ve decided that I do the next steps: 1. Vocalization 2. Visualization 3. Proxying/hand possession (look up correct term later) I get the feeling she probably likes to talk a lot, and to be honest I’m not the most fun person to be around so I wouldn’t mind if she decided to make online friends via discord or just let her talk and explore more about herself. I’m not really one to care what types of friends she may make online as long as their positive experiences and mean no harm. So, I’ve decided once she is vocal (and I could visualize her better, at least in my minds eye) we could try her taking over my hands so she can learn to type. … Aug 19,2020 Okay, last night I could have sworn Midna gained some vocality, but sadly I had to ask her to be quiet since it was night time and then neither of us would have gotten any sleep. How the turn tables turn. … August 20, 2020 Two days late (written aug 22) but I attempted trying to focus exclusively on Midna but failed. Its really hard to clear my mind. Although, the images in my head were very clear, despite it not being her. I swear no matter how hard I try I just can’t visualize her even if I spend about 2-3 minutes through out the day looking at reference gifs ( to get a more natural movement I suppose). The only thing I managed to see very clearly was something like an old timey tv set ( like the Warner bros) of a soccer game for about maybe 5 seconds. … August 21, 2020 I read some tulpa guides at night and tried what they suggested. I guess they kind of worked, tried to keep my mind blank and imagine only Midna and blank my mind anything but her showed up. I heard probably the most randomest words that I know I'd never say and nearly had a heart attack. “ Front Row” I suggested next time she say my name ( but lets face id still get a heart attack). … August 22, 2020 Tried forcing again doing what I did last night, failed and cant keep focus. Although I did suggest maybe so I can keep my mind open to anything to say, what she would consider an perfect day. … September 7, 2020 Have forced on and off, at most 15 minutes, I just haven’t bothered to write anything down since I’m still getting distracted. Last night I think I heard a random very clear “Hi”/”Hello”. -- Meditated for 30 min, heard a little speak bits. I tried interacting with her and talked with her about breaking the barrier that keeps me from understanding her 100%, she did respond briefly. So I summoned a squeaky hammer and random objects to break. Not gonna lie 5 minutes in or less, I managed to get distracted. I did see a perfect butt though, but I stopped because I started to see naughty stuff. -- 9/29/2020 Haven’t been forcing as I should, on off one some days. Last night while I was playing scrolling through tulpa discord and read something dumb, I’m pretty sure I heard her laugh. Sorry for the long wall since I had to copy paste of another journal I had. No point in having two.
  4. So I'm writing this progress report in order to push myself into the habit of daily active forcing with my tulpa. A little bit about both of us, my tulpa is based on Midna from Twilight Princess. I accidentally started making her about a 10 years ago (give or take), but due to a Christian upbringing and admittingly an over-obsession with the character at the time, any time she showed any sudden progress I would freak out and that progress would come to a halt. Working on her would stop and continue because at the time I still had a lot of doubts on what she was exactly. It wasn't until a while later, I decided to look up what she could possibly be that I came up with the conclusion that she could be a tulpa. So up to now, I have mostly been passively forcing unknowingly. And more recently, I have tried my best to dedicate some active forcing with her that most often fails because I easily become distracted or bored during a session that can span from 10 minutes to 30 minutes. When I do managed to keep myself focused though, I will often try to visualize her in either form, work on two of the wonderlands I'm working on ( a two story home, and a small lake near a forest), and or work on hearing her voice. I know she still stuck around after all this time because I often will hear her talk in response to my dumb musings or questions directed at her, usually one word or if she tries hard enough a very faint sentence or randomly laugh. So, I'll continue to that and see where that leads us, and hopefully I'll remind myself to post daily.
  5. yup, I'm new here, I joined a few days ago
  6. do they taste like tacos or doritos?
  7. and dont forget the virtual toothfloss
  8. Hello, my name is Rakitaki, or Taki for short. I'm a long time lurker, so I'm not new to the concepts of tulpamancy. I've had underdeveloped tulpa for a long while now that had stemmed from an obsession with a character during a low point in my life. During the time I didn't know I had accidentally created a tulpa, and coming from a religious household I'd get spooked the instant I started to get sudden results. So safe to say we've certainly had our ups and downs. I joined this forum in hopes of getting acquainted with you guys, make new friends, and more importantly help us get on track on letting my tulpa grow more. So far, the farthest we have gotten in her development is a few shorts words and the occasional giggle.