Kimnd

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About Kimnd

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    California
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    Hello.
    Um.
    Damn, this is hard... I'll start with some details about tulpating, I guess.
    I first heard about tulpas when an acquaintance of mine sent an email to every student in the school with a link to this website and a note telling everybody to make sure they read up on tulpas before making tulpas willy-nilly. Apparently he didn't want to be blamed for any sudden mental illnesses his schoolmates suffered. Anyway, I heard of the idea and I immediately started imagining what it would be like to have a tulpa of my own.
    Kev had actually been in my head for quite some time as a headcanon version of Pokemon character Red's Pikachu. ------------TO BE CONTINUED----------
  1. Oh man, it's great to know you're doing all right! I'm sorry you're still having those vivid hallucinations... It's been a while since I read this thread, so I'm not sure what your situation is with therapists, but I feel compelled to suggest talking to a counselor about that kind of thing. If there's a community college near you, I'm sure they'd be happy to let you have a session if you were enrolled. Probably avoid talking about the tulpa thing, but maybe they'd be able to help you wrap your head around what's up with the evil thingamjiggies? How's your everyday life going? Are you working or anything? I... I don't know much about your interests beyond tulpas so... uh, I'm afraid I can't ask about them. ...hey look a thing!
  2. Great to know you're doing okay! Good luck with your imaginary friend.
  3. Indeed, Sands. I think it'd be best to let it go.
  4. Kadoh, I wish I could change your mind about empathy. Because trusting other people feels really great. As for the topic at hand, I have a fri-- well, an acquaintance, who is a sociopath and has a tulpa. He has also admitted to being a sadist, and though he has never killed or seriously harmed anybody (as far as I know), the way he jokes about it has always left the question of if he would really would do that stuff, given the opportunity (i.e. no consequences). For the purposes of this thread, I'm going to assume that he'd take it very readily. In the few instances where I've talked about his tulpa with him, he has mentioned that she has more emotions than he does. She seems to have some sort of moral compass, though nothing I found recognizable as such from what he described. I think this is a disconnect between the way I as a super happy-go-lucky, believes-everybody-has-some-good-in-them, and the way that my acquaintance sees it. Now, I've not kept up with his progress extensively, since he doesn't really care to talk to people he doesn't like much for very long. But judging from what he said, Amy (his tulpa) has some sort of moral compass, even though she is sometimes-- in his words-- more manipulative than he is. I don't know if my acquaintance has gone through mental or physical trauma to cause his condition, but I know that his condition is physical, to the extend that it is present in his brain's chemistry. I believe that any cure for my acquaintance would need to be chemical in nature, and that he could only get so close to true morality by therapy and training alone. There is also a difference between "not having emotion" and "being a sociopath". I don't think Pinkamena is a sociopath-- from what I've heard of their situation, they have repressed their emotions due to mental trauma. With enough therapy and training, I don't doubt that Pinkamena would be able to feel their original spectrum of emotions. I gotta get used to putting spaces between paragraphs...
  5. I have been fitfully active forcing, with those sessions littered with points at which I got distracted. The only real interaction that keeps Kev and Todd going, I think, is that I talk with Kev every day when I'm on the bus or alone in my room. Other than that, the only thing keeping them both going is the fact that I believe they do stuff without me. That they have busy lives. I am floored at the frequency with which you all force. Seriously!? You guys can focus 30% of your brain on your tulpa and the rest of it on whatever task you're doing? That's freaking amazing.
  6. Hey, I do the same thing! I have multiple story threads going in my head at once, but I've always been certian that it's me talking and not my tulpa(s). Well, it's not me... but the characters in the story aren't sentient and talking on their own, I'm directing what they say. I can even rewind and change what they say. I also do the normal "talking to myself" thing, too. Though I've been doing it less lately. But yes, if you can't tell if its you, it's probably better to assume it's your tulpa. You have to think critically about what really is you and what isn't-- if you focus on it, it'll become more clear over time. As for first vs. third person, I find that I'm often viewing a scene in wonderland from something I like to call whatever-the-fuck-person. I seem to jump around a scene until I find the best place to view it, regardless of where my body is. I don't usually see my body, since I never bothered making a form for myself. But sometimes I do have to concentrate on what I look like in wonderland. When that happens, I'm almost always not in 1st person. So I say do whatever works best for you. Like one of the people in this thread said, being in first person often requires a lot of readjustment, so I usually don't bother with it. Whether it's better or not depends on what you're looking for. Ha. Looking for? That was terrible.
  7. Well, I don't really fap. I have stories going, some that I use specifically as porn, but I generally change the tone depending on the time of day. Goddamn that sounds weird. The fact that I'm a girl might add a bit of context, but seeing as I don't know what other girls do for fapping I doubt it'd help. As for the guilty feeling, when I first started with Kev I often felt bad about getting distracted by the porn stuff, and apologized a lot. He was kinda pissed at first, but eventually he made fun of me for apologizing so much. Now he even makes fun of me for thinking about sex, since he doesn't have a sex drive himself. He finds it hilarious that others are so obsessed with it. He's even gone too far in making fun of Todd (second, younger tulpa) for the fact that he's attracted to girls.
  8. Well, one time I was waiting for my computer to boot up with Kev sitting on my head in his Pikachu form. While we were waiting he bent his head and placed his cheek on my forehead, which surprised me since he doesn't usually do sappy stuff like that. We kinda sat there for a second, and I said, "I love you." To which he responded "I love you, too." It was the first time he'd said that, and I was very touched. Also, Pikachu on my head. Pikachu. On. Head.
  9. Not surprised you don't want help. You seem like one of those people who thinks they have to do everything by themselves, for no good reason. I can be like that, though I've never been in your situation so I don't know how bad I am at asking for help. Though remember, if you need money desperately I'm sure there would be a lot of people who would be happy to help you out! So... there's some stuff I don't get. Why do you keep reading about all this tulpa stuff to solve your problem when it's what got you there in the first place? I mean, you said yourself that you were happiest when you were not on the internet and were simply making real friends and having a life. And... do you really want your full memory? If a memory is blacked out, I'd imagine you wouldn't want to see what kind of *additional* traumatic shit happened to you in your formative years. I think it would better for you to kinda just stop doing all this mind work. The best thing you can do for yourself is to really ground yourself in the real world. Maybe start taking banjo lessons and play for your friends? Go to Maine? Visit a museum? Paint a tree? Try gymnastics?
  10. I don't usually do specific forcing, unless I'm trying to talk to my new tulpa, Todd. He can't really hear mindvoice like Kev can, so I have to actually imagine standing in front of him for him to hear me. I don't really use music or sound, but Kev likes listing to music so whenever his favorite song comes on, he actually loses his form and... erm... becomes one with the sound, I guess. I see it as him just getting so wound up and excited that his form just can't hold itself together and it rips apart. I have no idea what any of those things you listed are, Kyle. Mind filing me in? By the way, I'm having a lot of trouble with visualization too... is it normal to try and find somebody who can draw and ask that they draw my tulpa?
  11. Jumping into a conversation already in progress where nobody asked for my opinion or imput? WHY NOT? I have only told other people my age, with two exceptions. One of them had the reaction that I expected-- he thought that it was an interesting idea, cool even, but he was worried about my hanging out with the people who introduced the concept to me. The second person I've been friends with since childhood, and he's known me all that time. He was far more worried about the concept. He didn't specifically prevent or forbid my progression on Kev, but he strongly advised me to proceed with caution, and he doesn't believe that Kev is an entity separate from me. The only person I haven't told is my mom because the last thing she needs is thinking her child is making herself schizophrenic/building a literal world of distraction inside her head with which to avoid work. I think it's important to tell a variety of people-- Telling only open-minded people is all well and good, but a dose of reality that tulpe can be dangerous can also be useful. At times, the only thing that's kept Kev in my mind was thinking that I was going to be seeing friend who believes he's not real in a few days. It is kinda funny how you seem to already have lots of experience with this kinda stuff, Kyle, and yet you're so down on yourself! You've gotten farther in three weeks than I have in 3 months.
  12. Seriously, , you need to stop staying up 'till 1:52 in the morning. Unless the website actually meant 5:00 AM, because time zones are weird. Either way, your mind really doesn't need the extra stress. Anyway... I think I saw you on the chat last night, and you didn't seem hostile toward discussing tulpe at all. Then again, you might just be exceptionally skilled at controlling what you say. I'm glad that your situation seems to improving! I don't know if you've been getting hate or anything (knowing you, you haven't told anybody for the purpose of avoiding hate), but I think what you're doing is very brave. The problems that you've documented on this forum have not been faced yet by anybody else, and the solutions you are providing people in the future will decrease the difficulty of hitting the reset button on tulpe. Even if my inner pack-rat cringed at your deletion of your previous posts... As for your MRI scan... I don't have any money either, since I'm not even in college yet, but I would like to try and help you out. Is there a way I can send you money?
  13. What's he feel like? I've always imagined Arcanine to be extra warm, since they're fire types and all, adding to their overall fluffiness.
  14. Kimnd

    Tesla

    The thing is, waffles, you're limiting tulpe to only being something consciously created by the host. However, there are people on this forum who've made characters in their heads that are fully sentient and just didn't realize this fact until finding out about tulpa. As for creating characters, I do think its possible for people to have unofficial tulpe of characters they create in their heads, even if they don't specifically realize they're sentient. This guy made a comic about this phenomenon; http://syacartoonist.com/reactions In the description of a different comic, he offers a perfect description of tulpe: "They say that the signs of being a good writer is when your characters start to do things which are totally unexpected even to you. However this can have negative effects too. Often I have a plan of where I want my main overall story to go, but then find that when I begin writing my characters have other plans." Of course, he has to "reign in" his characters specifically because he needs to write a story. Does that decrease the likelihood of their tulpa status?
  15. Kimnd

    Tesla

    Could have been. Though, it might have eventually become hallucinatory. I mean, the laser was definitely a hallucination.