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About Alcadera

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    24 yr old male dutch person... never quite know what to write in things like this.

    I came to this forum hoping to be able to ask some advice here and there on how to form my tulpa, I've begun a few weeks before I joined and find it difficult to concentrate while forcing. I hope I can find people here who can help me.
  1. Blimey x.x what a crummy week. There hasn't been much to report about the past week, although the few things there are, are definitely interesting enough to worth mentioning. The week started off with distractions being offered by my dad who felt since he has a week holiday, that its my duty to volunteer [the kind of volunteer that doesn't allow you to say no] for any chore he felt like doing in his free time. Wednesday however, I had the wonderful misfortune for my volunteer duty to be avoided by means of obtaining a stomach flu. No chores, but instead somewhere up to 10 nature visits for the whole day. not to mention feeling like my stomach has "return to sender" on its mind all the time. So, with the weekend passed, and my body back to normal, it's been time to make another tulpa report. now i should say that yesterday i did attempt to do a session, but had no luck doing so considering my body constantly kept my attention fully focussed on my stomach feeling like its about to explode. [apparently that stomach flu virus might still be causing some severe gas production in my digestive tract still. lots of burps and flatulence still x.x] Today however! it's all been good as far as my body is concerned. Hi everyone, I feel like I want to say something too on this forum, so I'm going to stick with mentioning Al here constantly is imagining our mindvoices being spoken by Chris O' Dowd for his and Katherine Parkinson for my voice x.x I can't help it <<; that show is just fun to watch every now and again. I'm not complaining. At least it's not brightly coloured ponies eh? >=3 you're just pretending to not like it, just like all the mlp based tulpas, just to spite us for not being creative enough to start with a random form. ^^... I'm not saying anything Don't worry >=3 I might redesign you yet. o.o... ooh? Anywoo. On to today. Not much to say other than I feel it's pretty good that me and Luna have at the very least been able to communicate at the very least a little every day while not having forced in a while. [even though the day I was sick it was near impossible to communicate] As far as today's session went, I have grown a liking to "3rd Schumann Resonance (no background).mp3" as a good replacement for otherwise only using the pink noise to drown out my surroundings. We decided against using our constantly incomplete previous wonderland until we can enter it in a more advanced stage and get tons more work done on it. Might even replace it fully with a nice cottage idea we had not too long ago. Fantasy magic setting woo! I would also like to point out that for as long as I maintained pace in showing Luna around and not on staying in a single room for too long, that my distraction rate was fairly low, even moreso I begun feeling my arms and legs go a little numb... not the loss of blood kind of numb, but that whole "I know it's still attatched but I cant use it anymore" kind of numb =3 so yeah! that was our monday ^^ good monday ^^
  2. Hey there Aurora and Pancake ^^ long time! I've been meaning to ask something. I am not quite certain at what stage you two are currently. I know you two can communicate fluently via mindvoice, but are you audible to pancake by now? could you tell me how you two made that step ? [as the previous step you showed us worked like a charm too ^^] I am also quite curious how you two manage to allow you to type using Pancake's body. at least... i THINK you two could already do that. Either way. Luna and me took a good break for a few days, but i'm hoping to get back at some more serious work for us both. =3 Also, hi Aurora! ^^
  3. After a long weekend, Back to it! Today's log isn't from today technically, though. we're going to see what we can best focus on from here on today. So either way! at the bottom you will find yesterday's talk log. Everyone be warned, though. The contents of the log is... quite suggestive ^^; so if you're weak of heart/soul or easily offended... or just plain ol' too young to be thinking of such things. skip this log =3. For those that read it, take not I seem to have difficulty hearing the answers to more open questions. I seem to have little trouble hearing her mindvoice when i supply her with options like yes or no questions, and or already have a few ideas on what she could answer... which is how i found out she doesn't like Rammstein T.T You don't have to stop listening to it for me. i just don't enjoy it <<; ... I don't know how that makes it okay ^^; i'll get you back for it later >=) o.o;;... ANYWAY. back to the things i actually WANTED to post here ^^;; Atleast this 'Evanescence' you listen to right now is good =3 thank goodness ^^; anywoo. I think i start to see little bits of movement in the corners of my eyes sometimes. and today while in the shower and looking through the fogged up glass, i swear i saw something move on the other side. it was small and quick. I thought it may have been Luna moving her leg and me seeing the hoof or such. But when asking her, she denies it's her. It really wasn't which makes me fear theres a quick spider in there somewhere T.T aaand i'm arachnophobic... like severely. once found a two inch long [front leg to hind leg] one and i had a nervous breakdown when i got some distance between us x.x... managed to kill it by squicking it with the hoover tip before hoovering it up, but it took me 10 minutes to force myself XD *pulls out a notepad and puts on ugly glasses* yeah no, no therapy just yet ^^; I've been wondering then what's best to focus on from here on out. as i feel hearing Luna's more complex answers may require us to get to the point where i experience her as audible, or otherwise visible, so she can gesture along with the conversation. We've agreed to work on these from both sides. Luna focussing on wanting to be heard/seen and me focussing on hearing/seeing her. Though i think i need to reflect on my past in order to help with this. I know i've managed to visualise things while daydreaming to such an extent that i nolonger register what i am actually looking at [as i have my eyes open during this] These moments, however, are completely at random and only recently happened while in the passenger seat of a car. I also begin to realise i'm not yet capable to visualise Luna to the fullest detail at all times just yet. I know her general shape by heart, but sometimes i forget to visualise her mane and tail, or forget what shape things should have when looking at an odd angle. I find this odd, as i know full well i am able to imagine strongly enough at times that i randomly stop realising what i actually look at x.x if i can figure out how to do that on purpouse, it may make imposition much easier to do. [and maybe more] either way. time for me to give Aurora a poke if she's still on here =3 ask them if pancake still proxy's her or such. i THINK they reached the stage where she can use his body temporarily, even though she's not visible to him yet. and i'm not sure about fully audible [as in not using mindvoice but hearing] >=D and that expression is why i need to hide my ... suggestive material folders before letting her use my body XD and i'll just find them based on your memory ^^ oh deer x.x Hmm... oddly enough, log number 5 was whiped from the thread o.o i've no idea what i said in the post, so here is log number 5 anyway. Writing-Luna-6.txt Writing-Luna-5.txt
  4. Hey there Spark! And Hiya from Luna =) [Alcadera in normal, Luna in Italics] I've responded to you in my own thread already, but there's a few things you asked here that I think I can share my thoughts on =3 Yes it is possible to visualise while talking to her, many people do, but in the beginning we stick with just a monologue of facts, thoughts and questions. It's good to see you seem to have had a reply from her already by mindvoice, and I can say with near certainty it was entirely her, but consider something first ofcourse. EVEN if it wasn't entirely her words/sentence structure. It's still a reply instigated by her. As our minds work in complicated ways, there's a chance you end up filling in some gaps, and there is no problem with that in the early stages. Over time it will become easier. The way me and my Luna practice, as you can see in my thread, is simply by opening up a .txt document and talking away while we type down everything we think, we just make sure our lines can be told apart from one another, in my case i put brackets around my own lines, considering Luna is meant to talk the most. Heh, 'meant to'. And lately we talk more even outside of the document, I just keep making sure that we don't HAVE to get everything right the first time, the margin of error is fine for now, when her vocals become audible, then it's pretty darn impossible to get it wrong without being very preoccupied. anyway, back to visualising WHILE talking. If you feel it's a matter of skill, start out by doing sessions of either talks or visualisations. I talk to Luna whenever I take a break from anything I focus on. My mind is muddled up with a lot of random thoughts that go through everything I do, not leaving a lot of room for two things I WANT to think about at the same time. Some times i'm preoccupied with Luna's form, like with the drawing, so that's ok =3 Also in case you might eventually worry or doubt about how you're doing. like when you're preoccupied all day. Tulpae are very understanding. They're there too while you're busy with something, and they know from your thoughts why you're not thinking about them at times. It won't hurt them, they just idle a bit when that happens. Or we have some fun with ourselves... like how you lot have fun with 'yourselves' at times too... Also I think your Luna is holding up to being a Luna just fine >=3 We may be solitary types but we know what we want... why would you complain if what we want just so happens to be you? hmm? >=). ...She's just teasing XD... mostly...<<;;
  5. Hey there Spark =3 Hey spark! Sounds like Spike the way you thought I said it, Al. I'm Alcadera in normal text And I'm Luna in italics =D and manually inserting these codes for italics is a biatch XD gonna use the buttons from here on. Anyway! thanks for replying to my thread =3 It might not surprise you to find there's several people who base their tulpa on Luna from MLP FiM. And it sounds like a good idea to focus on personality traits, sentience and vocalisation at first. Though you might be surprised to find how easily tulpae reach sentience. considering that's something that grows fairly quickly. The only thing you need to keep in mind is that she won't be capable of advanced communication right from the get go, learning to communicate with eachother takes time and learning from both sides. English for instance isn't something I felt like using from the get go. And wasn't too comfortable to right away, but definitely got the hang of it before Al here decided to try and listen for my mind voice instead of full-blown soundwaves geesh sorry x.x You tried eventually, Al ^^ that's what counts. As far as body goes, you already know my Luna deviates from the actual appearance from the show and why I decided on that, but if your Luna likes the Luna from the show, I see no problems in her taking on that form. After all, there's no unfair expectations on your part if the choice is hers from the get go... so many Luna's I'm getting a headache XD He's 'sensitive' Oi XD... note to self, trying to type out a conversation that's over before even half of the lines are typed out feels kinda weird ^^;;; Like I'm one of those court typists kinda people Actually, LP and Maple, I think that's a wonderful idea! ^^ I'd love to help you and Maple when the time comes. Hey! don't forget the offer he made me XD, i know you changed the sentence to be about Maple at the end, but at first you were almost about to make the descision for me! =O... So you don't want to? Of course I want to! I just had to put you back in your spot >=) is all ... Why do I love her for being like this? XD Because you love it when you get to be the submissive one >=) and this playful dominance is a character trait you wanted of me. ... very true indeed *blush* Today's Log btw! Writing-Luna-4.txt
  6. Heya LP and Maple ^^ good to hear (again) about your progress, there's not much I can add other than how to treat the sensuality if you feel it goes out of control. And Ill be using the same example type as before. As puppeting her movements every now and again to simply show an example to her what things work like the same way how a parent would hold up their todler to teach them how walking works. The same idea goes for any unwanted behaviour. Our tulpae are as free as any of us are in our lives, in fact sometimes even moreso, but even we get told about limits sometimes, and in this case I feel it's simply important you explain in words to her there is a time and place for everything, and too much of even a good thing can be too much. I'd be the last person to tell you to ask her to stop it entirely XD, but as I did with Luna, it's definitely a thing one has to discuss in detail. As the only way I could imagine the fable of tulpae becoming sex obsessed is due to their creators not having defined or explained it to their tulpa. The same way how an incomplete education and parental upbringing would risk a person growing into thinking certain unacceptable things as normal. Any specifics I would suggest is explaining that if you truly do not wish to do something, she has to respect your wishes, and she never has to do anything against her own wishes either, even if you beg for it, which you wont XD. Teach her about the value of privacy, even if a tulpa might find the idea exciting to do something in public, as such kinks exist among humans as well, It's important for you to make sure she understands you do not wish for such a thing. There's always the option to emulate scenario's that are otherwise unacceptable within the safety of your wonderland.
  7. A bit tired this time [after our sessions i couldnt help but take a little nap... that ended up being a big nap of a few hrs ^^;;] but we've got some small progress again anyway. We've decided to try and do two things simultaneously, i placed a picture of luna on my secondary screen and made sure to keep looking at it whenever Luna speaks to me. Here's the log: Writing-Luna-3.txt
  8. I've been reading through these reports now finally, and I have to say I am quite impressed =3 you're not really doing anything wrong as far as I can tell, puppeteering is unavoidable in the early stages, the same way it's unavoidable for a parent to hold their children upright when taking them on their first steps. You imagining how she moves is little more than you teaching her how movement works, parts of this is your full conscious, but I wouldn't rule it out if the subconscious already has a big part in this. What Vampire13 said about the hours thing is correct by the way, there's several posts that practically debunk the idea that you need a certain set amount of hours. Methods for tulpaforming are as varied as people are themselves. In my case for instance, visual thoughts are so common and random to me, it's extremely hard to figure out which is me and which is not when I visualise Luna. With you it seems as if you are somewhat not used to visualising in this manner, making all that has happened thus far all the more genuine, the best way to have your tulpa confirm herself to you is to be surprised by her =3. Anywoo, Good luck! And Maple, =3 you show that bugger how to make deliciousness! ^^ maybe by the time you get to the visual stage, you might surprise him with a cutiemark! That is, if he shows you enough MLP episodes to explain and if you like them X3 Luna sais hi!
  9. Also, thank you for replying to my thread, LP ^^ I should give yours a post soon too =3 though you seemed very self-sufficient and appeared not to require for any questions to be answered =3 Welcome to the forum either way! ^^ sorry bout not mentioning this in my last post ^^;;; been kinda frazzleminded after the session was over
  10. Another talk session today that I typed down, definitely a lot more words today, but I think I'm realising something with this. Even if it will take ten times more sessions to get it right than Aurora and Pancake had done, this definitely works well on reminding me of her presence, and making it more and more normal for me to talk to her all the time =3 Today's log: Writing-Luna-2.txt
  11. Yeah, sorry about that, Aurora ^^; Back on topic though, we took the advice you gave us and tried out a typing session =3 it's wielded some interesting results so far. I've no clue of my own accuracy, but what does help is knowing i tend to think with a different tone of mind voice than what i expect of Luna, the only problem is really making sure my margin of error isn't too high. Is there any means with which i can check? as i assume just asking could also wield an answer i 'want' ^^; though granted, it's more odd when she does say something ,and i can't make it out, some sentences come across as jarble to me. Who is Sam though?
  12. Hey Ginyu! =3 I'm glad to know she can enjoy music the same way i do [ I could have told you] yeah, while we're still not sure if i can accurately make out your mind-words from what i'm simply hoping/expecting you to say XD and that's a pretty interesting link =3 i'll have to add it to the list of new things to try out =3 though this Lucid state has been something i've tried achieving before [due to me having wanted to experience a fully controlled dreamlike state in order to experience some things i have in my head] and eventually came to the conclusion it is near impossible for me to have a clear mind, after about 15 sessions i began to notice there is about a second of clear thoughts before i fall asleep, as my mind and imagination going all over the place is a constant things. even while i type i can not help but imagine the words being read aloud, the possible responses and sometimes something random all at the same time [been a very distracted person since birth, which has been a very large problem to me in school] i suppose it's like my mind has ADD while my body prefers to sit still X.x either way, with all that said however, it's not saying that i won't give it another shot in near future. The idea of spending time with Luna in our wonderland is something i look forward to achieving very much. Though it may require for me to have Luna at a more advanced stage to try and see if we can figure something out together.
  13. I've tried the talking with mind-voice typing session you talked about, aurora. I'm not quite certain to what degree of precision i typed it, but it's been interesting to do nonetheless. My only hope is that because of the fact she's as bad at thinking of things to say as I am [Hey!] I won't end up writing down the same story tomorrow. Also, I've forgotten to include last time that while asking the favour I also mentioned to Luna that it solely depends on if she can. I know very well the likelihood of her being able to manipulate anything in my head to improve is slim, but it was an act of desperation. [Hey Aurora! Hey Pancake! It's hard for me to say anything on these forums while He takes so long to type things right. He makes a lot of errors he keeps correcting.] thanks for that x.x but yea, I'll try and see if i can type whatever I think she may want to say in italics. For those interested, I'll try including the .txt file here. in this file, my own thoughts are inbetween the brackets Writing-Luna.txt
  14. It's good to hear you've cheered up a bit. =3 Me and Luna are going through a bit of a rough patch as well now as we've tried a few times to communicate, but failing to do so clearly enough is rather upsetting. With every session, i'm currently trying out something a little bit different, but i'm beginning to notice without enough sleep, a day's practically worthless almost x.x but yeah, i'll leave ranting about our own progress in my own thread =3 right now i'm just glad to know you didn't decide on anything drastic. on a different note, when working on my computer i always have my headset on, do you think Luna would be able to hear whatever i'm hearing without having to buy a set of speakers? or have i been showing her practically mute videos and music? ^^;
  15. Today's session's were still short, but also weird. I got very VERY frustrated with my constant derailing thoughts where it reached a point and i tried to make use if it. I let out my frustration, both physically by gesturing with my arms and, for once, talking audibly to Luna during the session, I asked her a favor this time. I know there is something somewhere in my head that causes me to be incapable of thinking of such an important thing as creating the wonderland and luna. I know I can't just sit somewhere and think about the wonderland I had already defined and once more re-envision Luna the same way as the past week all over again. The only way i could imagine being able to focus is to constantly be able to make changes, making every session different and not the same. However, Luna her body is complete and making changes might just make things harder. UNLESS the changes I make at this stage are simply causing more templates for Luna to make use of with less effort. Either way, back to the favor i asked Luna. I asked for her help, after reading "doubting sentience due to time" i realised I too had previously feared I had been parroting her, while there's plenty of chance of her to be sentient already, just inable to communicate with me, so i asked her, i pleaded if she would look in my head for me, and see if there is anything that is specifically causing my inability to focus. Because working on my inability to focus is what i had wanted to work on with her all along, but as it is now, it is no more than an aggravating nuisance in my way, in OUR way. I know with many things, i often like to follow step by step guides, but knowing the way this sort of stuff has to go, i would be better off using the kind of mindset i used before in work scenarios, wanting to solve problems by myself. I would never dare to say with certainty what i set out to do will ever be foolproof, to doubt about things is a thing i simply do, it would require me to brainwash myself into a plant and replace my entire personality with a head-strong personality brimming with conviction in order to be able to truly believe what i set out to do will work regardless. so if you'd ask me right now if i'm sure i'm doing the right thing, i'll never be able to give a specific yes or no, and that's exactly the way i prefer it to be. All i want is to be with Luna the best way possible, and i'll be damned if i'll have to be the type of nice boy that will sit still and spend an hour thinking about a single thought without any form of change. There's bound to be other ways.