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About Spice

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    we are a system of 3. The host goes by bodybody, and is the one whos always on this account.
    Spice was created in 2013, she looks like Holo from Spice and Wolf.
    Tomoe was created in 2014 (we think) and he's a big ole furry.

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  1. I've been following your reddit threads (it's u/bodybodysystem by the way) and from the looks of the post here, you may have let down your no-contact strategy and begun talking with her again, am I right? As well as the advice I already gave you on reddit, I recommend that you at least keep up a friendship with her if she wants it while you wait and see what to do. Whether or not you get together again has to be a decision you both come to after you've had time to feel out your life goals and what you want out of a romantic relationship if you start one up again. Maybe you will date for a while, but break up if you want biological children? Maybe you can date her and another woman at the same time in a poly relationship? You have a lot of options but you're the best person to know what you want. I highly advise however you go with this, you stay friends with her. There's no reason to end a friendship over a breakup as long as both of you are able to comes to term with the breakup in a healthy way. There's also the fact that she's your tulpa, she can't just move to another person's head and continue her life. You should talk with her and decide if she wants to continue sharing her life with you as your friend, and then think about romance after that. She may be upset right now but ultimately she deserves to be able to live her life, and it's up to both of you to communicate with each other about your wants and needs and meet them. I fully believe you will both be able to get over the hurt of this breakup and stay friends if you communicate, get honest with each other, and think about the wants and needs of both of you.
  2. Good luck with everything, I hope you all take care and you can heal during your break. It's good to focus on your mental health and life stuff, we wish you the best!
  3. When your tulpa starts to make you scared and anxious and you think it's hurting you, it's time to seek professional help. Please see a psychologist or a counselor because we can't help you much more than we've tried to.
  4. Spice: I live in my host's brain, and if I'm forgotten I'm still in hosts brain just far back in their memories. Believing your tulpa lives somewhere outside of your brain is a metaphysical belief
  5. I haven't forced while under the influence, but here's what we've tried and how mine felt just chatting while under the influence: We haven't tried it since they were young, but my tulpas hated the feeling of LSD. It made them feel unstable and dreamy and they shouted at me to stop trying to talk to them so they could just go inactive and wait it out. Alcohol when the body is between tipsy and quite drunk makes them feel a bit silly and jovial, but being very drunk seems to block them out and I can't hear them very well. Nangs (N2O) didn't harm them in any way, but it was hard to chat to them and they mostly just waited til I was done to chat. MDMA usually makes me way too distracted with other meatspace humans to interact, but when I'm coming down it doesn't seem to affect them much and brings up the whole system's mood so it might be fun. Benzos don't affect me much and the same is true for them. Weed makes me feel anxious or too braindead to spend much quality time with them, so we haven't ever had a proper interaction while on it. Caffeine and my ADHD medication don't seem to affect them much, but I do get yelled at for forcing the body to stay awake by pumping myself full of caffeine by Spice sometimes. All of these are just our subjective experience though. It might be true for you, it might not. I want to try LSD again to see how they feel about it now that they have less identity confusion and are more stable. People used to call lsd a 'tulpa killer' and I think that affected all of our anxiety trying it together, but I know longer believe that's true. And just so I feel a little better putting this information out here, do all of this at your own risk, be safe, don't be afraid to call an ambulance if anything goes wrong while under the influence, please don't get in trouble with law enforcement and all that. I also recommend trying any new substance with an experienced meatspace human to keep an eye on you and make sure you are safe and happy, in a good environment, staying hydrated and fed, and not overdoing it.
  6. You remind me of myself a ton, not gonna lie. I've gotten to the point now where I can ignore or get rid of my doubts, even if they want to come back quite often. As much as Spice and I have fought in the past about how I would get swept up in life and ignore her, we (including tomoe) are now more comfortable that we've realised we can take things at our own pace, that breaks are okay, and that ultimately what matters is making the time we spend together special. If you give her your love she will love you back, tulpas share our brain so they are hugely empathetic to us as hosts so they're not going to hate you as long as you love them and treasure them. As she gets older she will probabaly form her own opinions on music, books, shows etc that she likes, but while she's still young she is just going to appreciate you sharing things with her. You don't need to worry about pushing her away by sharing your interests with her, if anything she might just learn to speak clearly quicker to express herself. She won't ignore you just because she doesn't like whatever music/media you're engaging with. I advise you ignore how long it takes you to get to a certain goal and instead focus on how all the time you spend together is precious and unique to you guys - something only your system can share that is amazing. Also, small or passive forcing sessions are better than none so if all you can fit into a day is just chatting to her for a few minutes, go for it! Everything you do with her is valuable.
  7. My tulpas can tune into the body's sensations if they want to, but it's not as intense for them as it is for me. Spice for example will remind me if the body is really cold, and if she's concentrating on feeling it it will be unpleasant for her, but if she doesn't want to feel it anymore she just ignores it. In the wonderland her sensations on her body like pain or temperature aren't able to be tuned out as easily, but they're about the same intensity. She sees her form as more of a flexible tool than some other tulpas I've seen, so I imagine if she did ever feel something really painful in her wonderland body she'd just stop the sensation by choice.
  8. Tomoe is semiverbal, but I think it's connected to the fact that he's an age slider because when he appears older he speaks a lot more. He's definitely still a tulpa though 🙂
  9. Tomoe is my second tulpa, and he's an age slider. At the oldest, he might look like someone in their mid teens, but he prefers to be around 4-9 years old (roughly). I had the same concerns that it was because his vocality wasn't developed, or that I hadn't forced him enough compared to Spice who has always matched my age. In our case at least, Tomoe seems to just enjoy being younger and small. He's very catlike, enjoys sleeping, and just wants to cuddle and be held while we hang out. I think he wants to be younger because it's peaceful and comforting to be younger, you don't have to worry about much and you get lots of caring positive attention. I'm not going to force or even suggest that he stop age sliding, even if when he's more mature he's a great conversationalist and he only replies in one word answers when he's younger. I don't think it's dangerous or giving him a poor quality of life because he's comfortable this way. As a side note, I let Spice have a ton of control over Tomoe's personality when we were making him together, so I do wonder if her impression of him being her little brother influenced his personality. In the end it doesn't matter too much to me as long as he's happy.
  10. I'm back for my annual visit to the tulpa forums and update on my PR. I don't think I'll make many in the next few months but I just wanted to let the community know we're still going and check on these forums occasionally. Tomoe and Spice have become a part of my life that isn't always active, but we hang out every few months for a week or two at a time and that works for us. I know most host/tulpa systems are always together, but we like spending good quality time together when my life isn't busy, and then letting them rest when it is. Picking back up to where we left off in terms of progress is a lot easier since I've had them for so long, I think. When we were just starting out, taking a break from forcing for a month would completely backtrack us. Now it just makes speaking to each other and not interrupting each other a little confusing for a short while. Tomoe is currently asleep but Spice is up and active reading all the threads we missed over the last year, she seemed confused when I asked her to say hello, lol. I hope anyone reading this has had as good of a time in 2020 as you can hope for.
  11. Thank you for wishing Tomoe a happy birthday! I let him know on Nov 1st and just haven't had anything to write an update on since. He was very grateful! Last night, I decided I wanted to work on getting more stable visualisation of my wonderland. Now, my visualisation skills when it comes to just Tomoe and Spice's forms are pretty top-notch, but when I'm trying to pilot my wonderland body, keep track of the environment, and imagine touch/smell etc I get a bit lost. So I decided the most logical thing to do was to go into Wonderland and make a grilled cheese sandwich. All the steps, from finding the stuff in the fridge to throwing the plates in the sink at the end. It was challenging, especially since Tomoe had gone into full age slider mode, and was wanting to be cuddled and held while I worked, but the experience was interesting for me and shows me that I still have some more work to do in a fully immersed visualisation setting.
  12. Since you mentioned a pending diagnosis for ADHD, I think you might not be blending so much as sharing each other's trains of thought. I don't exactly know how to word this, but we have a similar problem where we will start and end each other's sentences. Spice is the only one who seems to pick up on it, and she'll say I'm "speaking over her". I think we talk over each other constantly because of the way ADHD makes my brain constantly try and pursue trains of thought rather than keeping quiet and focusing on what someone else is saying. When I blended with Tomoe, we weren't finishing each other's sentences, it felt like I was him and he was me, and our identities got confusing. It ended quickly after we stopped trying to switch, but it felt very different to talking over each other. I can't be sure as I'm not you or Anielka, but you might feel the same.
  13. Spice

    System Bear Art

    Speed isn't a bad way to practice a new style, you just throw stuff at the wall to see what sticks, yknow? I think it's really cool you're branching out into a new style and I'm excited to see what you make next!
  14. Our PRs are relatively short, but I love conversation about them. Don't get too stressed if you miss any though the updates are very random. Thank you!
  15. Quick update because yesterday (it's 3:40am here) was Tomoe's birthday! Im about to go force to spend some time with him. Also, Spice is getting much quicker at dropping in and out of conversations throughout the day, which is good! We can quickly get to a point where we can chat and then go back to doing our own thing. Previously conversations were kinda hard because I'd have to have very few distractions (and im an adhd sensory seeker so Im constantly trying to engage my brain in something) This has been a big hurdle for us and I'm glad we're working past it. Now I just need to get Tomoe on the same level as Spice.