Spice

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Everything posted by Spice

  1. Thank you for wishing Tomoe a happy birthday! I let him know on Nov 1st and just haven't had anything to write an update on since. He was very grateful! Last night, I decided I wanted to work on getting more stable visualisation of my wonderland. Now, my visualisation skills when it comes to just Tomoe and Spice's forms are pretty top-notch, but when I'm trying to pilot my wonderland body, keep track of the environment, and imagine touch/smell etc I get a bit lost. So I decided the most logical thing to do was to go into Wonderland and make a grilled cheese sandwich. All the steps, from finding the stuff in the fridge to throwing the plates in the sink at the end. It was challenging, especially since Tomoe had gone into full age slider mode, and was wanting to be cuddled and held while I worked, but the experience was interesting for me and shows me that I still have some more work to do in a fully immersed visualisation setting.
  2. Since you mentioned a pending diagnosis for ADHD, I think you might not be blending so much as sharing each other's trains of thought. I don't exactly know how to word this, but we have a similar problem where we will start and end each other's sentences. Spice is the only one who seems to pick up on it, and she'll say I'm "speaking over her". I think we talk over each other constantly because of the way ADHD makes my brain constantly try and pursue trains of thought rather than keeping quiet and focusing on what someone else is saying. When I blended with Tomoe, we weren't finishing each other's sentences, it felt like I was him and he was me, and our identities got confusing. It ended quickly after we stopped trying to switch, but it felt very different to talking over each other. I can't be sure as I'm not you or Anielka, but you might feel the same.
  3. Spice

    System Bear Art

    Speed isn't a bad way to practice a new style, you just throw stuff at the wall to see what sticks, yknow? I think it's really cool you're branching out into a new style and I'm excited to see what you make next!
  4. Our PRs are relatively short, but I love conversation about them. Don't get too stressed if you miss any though the updates are very random. Thank you!
  5. Quick update because yesterday (it's 3:40am here) was Tomoe's birthday! Im about to go force to spend some time with him. Also, Spice is getting much quicker at dropping in and out of conversations throughout the day, which is good! We can quickly get to a point where we can chat and then go back to doing our own thing. Previously conversations were kinda hard because I'd have to have very few distractions (and im an adhd sensory seeker so Im constantly trying to engage my brain in something) This has been a big hurdle for us and I'm glad we're working past it. Now I just need to get Tomoe on the same level as Spice.
  6. Reisen im super honored!! I like posting here whenever something progresses in our practice, and I'm really glad to see people like you and Misha still reading our PR :)
  7. Last night Spice tried some touch imposition with me, it came out of nowhere really and it seemed to be her playing around with what was possible when i was close to falling asleep. She made my whole legs feel tingly, like pins and needles but less intense and deep. This wasn't her intention though, she only wanted that feeling in part of my legs (where tomoe was imposed and resting on me). She also was able to make very specific head pressures and brought the tingling feeling to my skull. It was an odd experience because she totally ran the show, while talking to me and feeling out the body at the same time. She wasn't imposed, unless you count her rubbing my head.
  8. Most voices have a fair amount of range to them if you can learn how to use those muscles differently, so a lot of tulpas sound very different to their host when possessing because they've either intuitively worked out how to do this, or have practiced it.
  9. Quick update for the sake of keeping this fairly active. I've changed gears a little and slowed down on the possession/switching and started active forcing. I've also taken a few times to just lay down with some music on and talk to them with little to no outside stimulation. It sounds weird but I find it very hard to settle down and just have a conversation without multi-tasking, but it's been very rewarding spending time with them just talking about life and things. Tomoe's personality is really coming out and sparkling, he's getting more vocal with his thoughts and feelings and I'm really glad since he's always been incredibly quiet. Spice is a delight as always and she's really appreciating the quiet time to just talk. I used to feel bad talking to only one of them at a time but it's nice for a change because we can have much deeper conversations when it's not the 3 of us trying to have a group convo.
  10. Since this has only started recently, it might just be a phase they're going through at the moment that will pass in time. It's well known that tulpas sometimes go "walk-about" (ie, go quiet and don't respond) for a few days to weeks sometimes. This could be something similar, I hope this can alleviate any worry you're feeling. My two have been getting tired recently, and it helped me to move from passive forcing (which is naturally what you do more often with a well developed tulpa) to getting back to basics and active forcing, spending time in the wonderland with them and stuff. This seems to be able to give them more energy when we're passively interacting together all the time.
  11. Sorry, I'm kind of lost, I'm not trying to imply anything of the sort? I just find that a lot of the newbie/intro posts on here and reddit have people talking about how they have social anxiety or depression, I'm not insinuating they're only into tulpamancy because of that. I do think introverted people are more drawn to tulpas but it's not negative or anything, we are just the sort of people to be drawn to a quiet meditative practice, plus the bonus of having a friend who understands you deeply. That could apply to people whether they have anxiety/depression or not.
  12. Attaching a screenshot of how the forum displays on my mobile. I think Tania and I will have very similar displays? Whenever I have issues with blocks of text I just tap+hold to highlight it so it's easier to read.
  13. Apologies, I hadn't seen the polls (or I don't remember them at least) but it's the impression I get from seeing lots of posts in the community with people describing social anxiety, isolation and depression. I'll cop that I'm wrong though. Also, I didn't mean to imply most people's tulpas are walk ins etc, I'm not sure where it sounded like I said that but I believe most tulpas are created consciously on purpose.
  14. Hallucinations that cause distress and impair functioning don't mean you're crazy/hopeless/going to a psych ward, but they can be a real problem if they get out of control. Experiencing visions like this that make you lose track of what you're doing and cause you emotional distress can be part of a number of psychological disorders. I know someone with paranoia and delusions, and these delusions often include auditory or visual hallucinations. They're worth bringing up with your psych as there may be a medication or something similar to either help with the anxiety they cause, or to suppress them (should they become overwhelming) I'll be able to add a little more later, but please don't discount the possibility of a mental illness as I'm sure most tulpamancers have them, and they don't make us nuts, they're just something we deal with.
  15. I have a couple of theories on what you might be experiencing, but I want to grab some more info before I jump to any conclusions. Also as a safety precursor please know that I'm just a random nerd on the internet who loves psychology, metaphysics and tulpas, I'm not any sort of replacement for a medical professional and please keep seeing your medical professionals to support you with any distress/issues you may be experiencing. When you say you visualised/imagined this senses, was this on your physical body, or on your mindform body? Your mindform body is entirely within your head and though it can simulate the feelings of a real body, you do not feel it on your skin. Did your psychologist bring this up because they think you dissociate? Have they spoken to you about depersonalization or derealization, or anything about identity confusion? MPD (Multiple personality disorder) is now known as Dissociative Identity Disorder. It's mostly semantics to do with terminology but you will find it easier to find current and up to date information by using the term "DID" instead of "MPD." Some therapists still use the term MPD which is fine since they mostly mean the same thing, but I thought I'd point this out. I hope it doesn't sound rude. When you say you haven't blacked out, do you mean you did not experience amnesia/lost time, or do you mean you were still 100% aware of your physical body, with your eyes open, but the visual images you saw in your mind were very strong? I hope I can help you out in figuring out what you're experiencing, even if I can just give a little bit of knowledge and point you in the right direction. Also, welcome to the forum, I hope you enjoy your time on here!
  16. It sounds to me like you're able to induce dissociation. Dissociation is a pretty vague term for feelings of depersonalisation, derealization, or a general disconnect from the "real world" aka meatspace. The fact that you're able to induce this is a good part of what most people use to switch. I used to involuntarily dissociate all the time, now that I'm aiming to switch with my tulpa I find it hard to induce on purpose, so you're quite lucky. EDIT: I kind of mansplained what you already knew instead of addressing your question entirely sorry. I'm not sure how to increase the feeling other than "practice moar" with a note that you should take breaks and not try to induce this all the time, involuntary dissociation sucks. In switching, as the host dissociates, the tulpa steps into the body and tries to take control of it. This usually means the tulpa pushes their form into the body or might use a metaphor like turning into liquid and filling up the body instead.
  17. It's only dangerous if you do silly things. Ultimately crossing the street is more dangerous than tulpa creation, though. There's a lot of good advice on these forums for things you shouldn't do, like making a tulpa of a person you know, or doing a crazy amount of drugs to try and make your tulpa faster. All of the guides on this site are 100% safe and if you ever get a bit of advice from someone that makes you worried, you can get a second or third opinion. This forum is one of the most reliable I've ever been on for giving solid advice and minimising risk. That being said listen to your intuition and make the best choice for you and your health.
  18. Thank you for your advice! It's host here again. When we were talking while Tomoe was attempting to switch in, his voice moved to the front of the mind and mine felt further back. I usually feel my voice in the front and Tomoes on the left, with Spice on the right. I figured asking Tomoe to push me further back would give him more strength at the front, and it did kind of work, but when Tomoe was in the "drivers seat" at the front it got a bit confusing. This is all metaphorical, but I think it's going to help us separate when we try switching, and help Tomoe stay firmly in front, with me in the back. I'll try including Spice in this more so she and I can speak in the headspace while I try to block out Tomoe at the front. Also, we've always tried switching while laying down in a dark room. I think by doing this we get kind of stuck and Tomoe doesn't know what to do. We will try setting up a dim room and something for him to do as soon as he switches in so he can focus on that while I try to zone into the wonderland. Thank you so much for your advice! EDIT: To avoid spamming with two updates in one night, I'm making an edit instead. We tried switching again tonight and had mixed success. Tomoe was able to fully possess the body and he even played some SNES games. I asked him afterwards if he felt like he was in full control, and he said it was mostly him but I helped him a little by accident. However, I didn't get very heavily involved in the wonderland at all, and after getting Tomoe in the body I sort of abandoned trying to get back into the Wonderland and told Tomoe I'd just treat it like full body possession instead. So I tried to sit far back and dissociate enough that Tomoe didn't have to argue with me for movement. Tomoe usually touches my face when he's possessing, tonight his body language really came out. He drinks very delicately out of a can compared to me, and likes to curl up when he sits. He complained that my limbs are all different sizes to his wonderland form, and that makes sense, he'll hopefully get used to it in time. We didn't try to walk around or anything but watching him play the Legend of Zelda II was interesting. After about 20 minutes I took the body back (though it could have been half an hour) and spent a little while making sure we were all back in our normal places. Spice also kissed me in our wonderland tonight, I won't go into much detail but I was surprised, and kind of nervous about it. I didn't want her to think I made her just to be physically intimate with her, but she assured me that "You didn't make a tulpa to sex it, I am your tulpa and I want to give you a kiss." I never thought I'd kiss them but here we are.
  19. {Hey. It's Tomoe. We think. We tried to switch before but then just tried possessing instead, we're probably blending at the front right now. The switch we attempted was incredibly powerful for me and host, but mostly the body. It felt like a huge weight was on the legs, like before you fall into sleep paralysis. We are in a dark room and when I opened the eyes, we hallucinated moving shadows in the room. The switch would have only lasted ten minutes for inducing it and five minutes while switched, so we don't think it was sleep paralysis. Also. Whenever we switch or possess we're not sure what to do to verify if it's host proxying or if its me, or what to do to practice keeping the front.}
  20. Spice

    [Game] Break-a-wish

    Granted, but now the last person to post thread is the only activity on the entire forum. I wish I could go to sleep early.
  21. i dont have a silent g because im the original G.
  22. 3! hope im not double posting. :)
  23. Lumi has a great point. One of the main diagnosis criteria for basically anything in the DSM (the dsm IV at least, im not up to date with the dsm V) require significant impairment to functioning in social, educational, or work life. It seems like nitpicking but to be fair a lot of conditions never get diagnosed due to that factor of significant impairment. I think 95% of tulpa hosts would consider their tulpas an asset and not a hindrance to their functioning. So due to semantics, tulpas aren't likely to be classified as a disorder.
  24. A quick update. for anyone whos been following my PR for a while they know I had a friend i wanted to bring up tulpas with. we spoke about it again today and it seems like a lost cause. Im in way too deep to think about doing it now, and I don't like lying to them but bringing it up now would just strain everything so it's better kept a secret. They still think tulpas are harmful, so Im just not gonna rock the boat. Tomoe and Spice aren't too bothered not being known by people outside the system but I was really hoping for a close friend to know all about them, but it seems like it's a bad idea to bring up rn.
  25. I meant I'm from kangaroo country too btw (My clarification is a bit late haha)