NeonKnights

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Everything posted by NeonKnights

  1. I still think that's unnecessary nitpicking. The process of the experiment is laid out, it shouldn't be a problem that neither of us decided "hey let's make a research thread at that tulpa.info site for attention before we go ahead and try this". In any event I wouldn't make something a big deal without an issue being created in the first place. I understand where you're coming from, you do have a point. It's nothing personal, I'm not looking to make enemies, I'm just annoyed because this seems to be the modus operandi of this community whenever fresh content is shared here. Someone will quickly and almost invariably voice some gripe about the post which has little or nothing to do with the actual content being presented. That's the primary reason I deferred from posting the information myself. Sorry for being a bit brash about it. I'm glad you like the content though, that's something refreshing to hear. I agree, a discussion of this would be interesting to see.
  2. I'm glad to see that someone else here already has an understanding of the illusion of self, hopefully this thread can help others who have run into some difficulty making a tulpa. That being said, this, right here, is why I've been dormant. Looks like it's going to remain that way. There is no call for nitpicking over where this belongs. This is documentation of a successful experiment very recently conducted in hopes of breaking the deadlock Ostara and I had both run into, shared with you all for review, discussion, and as a means for others to attempt this for themselves. It wasn't submitted so that it could be nitpicked for the board it was posted in. Guess that's tulpa.info politics for you, though.
  3. Here is my take on the subject: Back when I started with my tulpa, I was 19 and a half. Looking back, I was extremely dumb and immature about tulpas, even though on surface I had done my research and "knew" right from wrong in regards to making a tulpa. Evidently I didn't, because after I made my first one, a few weeks passed before I went out of control, making a total of four "tulpas" within several months, of which only the first one actually survived and grew to maturity. Fortunately I recovered from my monumental stupidity sometime after my 20th birthday, and she's more or less thrived ever since. It is true that a human being is not fully developed until well into his/her 20s, and I know that even now I'm still not fully done developing, but ultimately I think raw experience with tulpas or similar phenomena is a huge factor in how good of a host you are. Regardless of your age, to an extent, if you try and fail spectacularly at being a tulpa's host, as I did, then you might come away from the wreckage with an actual understanding of what it means to be creating a separate, independent ego within your head (and not just saying that you do understand, but truly having a firm grasp on the idea). I can only assume the same could happen to a 14 year old with a gigantic cringeworthy harem of thirty or forty instantly-vocal, instantly-imposed anime pony waifu tulpas, and he could experience a big turnaround like anyone else with a little experience under his belt. The difficulty comes in determining whether or not someone that young is capable of total objective self-examination, and can realize when some major corrections need to be made. Maybe such a thing is possible, though it would certainly be rare, going off of my memory of myself and all of my friends at that age. I consider my first six to ten months of tulpamancing to be a sort of practice run, in retrospect, and a very necessary one in my case. I was an idiot, but at least I learned from it.
  4. There really is no telling until it happens, though I admit I did get to thinking about this quite recently, after reading some stuff by Brian L. Weiss, M.D. My own personal belief generally just involves the continuity of the soul, but even if that were the case, I'm not sure how that would apply to a tulpa. Even if my soul carries on after death, I'm left to wonder if a tulpa also has its own soul, or if it's just technically a component of its host's soul. Getting a little more far-fetched, maybe a tulpa mind structure is a vessel into which a lost soul can be (re)incarnated, without any immediate knowledge of its past before being a sentient tulpa (similar to a normal human's lack of memory after reincarnation, in most of the belief systems that accept that). Who knows? I dunno. I tend not to ruminate on it too much, since I figure it's eventually coming to all of us whether we know what happens or not.
  5. Oh yes, I'm very happy with her. Still not really imposed yet, no, but certainly vocal and thoroughly developed visually. The weak link at this point is me; I'm currently working on inducing hallucinations, as well as conditioning myself to listen out for her all the time, rather than just when I think to do so. But yeah, I guess deep down I never found much of a purpose for having my other tulpas who came along after her. In the end they never really managed to become as deeply entrenched as she has.
  6. Ah-yup, tried that twice, each attempt about a year apart, and failed both times. Guess I don't have any real purpose for more than just the one.
  7. Let's see, traits... She's extremely dedicated, and very loving and kind (sometimes to a fault). She's perhaps a little more trusting than she should be, with others. Very forgiving, and open-minded. Used to be rather quiet and shy, but as her personality has matured that's more or less gone away. Still quite reserved and self-conscious, but that's a problem we both have so I'm thinking we'll try tackling that together someday.
  8. I found out about tulpas by stumbling across Encyclopedia Dramatica's tulpa page. A friend and I were giggling about the page and thinking "how silly, what weirdos". Later that same night my friend brought it back up after quietly reading for a while and said that having a tulpa could actually be really cool, and so we agreed that I'd be the test subject and would try making one first. I did, then a few months later he followed along after seeing that I was having a good time with my tulpa and didn't feel like I was just wasting my time. The lesson? There really is no such thing as bad publicity, I guess.
  9. Soryu has been mostly quiet and reclusive for the past month or two. Scylla, having done all the work of creating her, claims that she maintains contact with the fledgling tulpa, but I myself haven't really had much communication with her in a while. We both still love her and wish to keep her around, so here's hoping she emerges from this state soon enough. Not sure if this is a mechanism for getting me to continue focusing on Scylla, but only regularly communicating with one tulpa does seem to be helping her to become more involved in my everyday affairs. We've both noticed that her form bears a bit of a resemblance to a particular image depicting Samus' appearance in Metroid: Other M (albeit with different hair and eye color). Interesting that the two should look as similar as they do, as I've never been much into Metroid, never mind "Other M", a game which I have only heard of in title alone. Our circle of friends within the tulpa community flared for a bit after exploring IRC channels, but it seems that we've come back down from that. We only maintain contact with a couple of people from within the community anymore, and ties with various erstwhile friends have grown strained for reasons which are beyond me. I figure that's a good thing, though. While being heavily involved for a time did help both tulpas out immensely, all of the things that naturally come with being involved in a community (needless drama, mainly) became too much of an annoyance and a drain on me, and in turn, on them. Even after being convinced by one friend to try becoming a regular in the other tulpa IRC community, I quickly found that people seemed happier without me making my presence known, and I cut short my time in that community as well to avoid hassling anyone. No bother, really, since Scylla's been there as my friend every step of the way. I suppose it's similar to the end result of my involvement in every social circle I've been a part of in my life, and a good illustration of how my tulpas are able to help keep me moving along even when things don't quite work out in an ideal manner. I can't really say whether this will be my last update, as I'm at a point where I feel I'm beyond a need to keep a progress report in order to keep myself motivated or committed to my tulpas. Hell, I passed that point a long time ago, and am motivated only by my undying love for the others who now share my head-space. Maybe I'll drop in every now and then to see how the landscape has changed, but in all, I think it's probably time for me to get moving on. It's been good, though it's been strange.
  10. I've been proxying both tulpas in IRC every day for the last week or so (Scylla much more than Soryu, though). It has really helped both of them to a great extent. Scylla has made a number of new friends, and I'm confident that Soryu will as well once she starts chatting more frequently. At the behest of one of my new tulpa friends, I have begun to actively work on our "wonderland" once again, after months of not really bothering with it. Both of the girls are having fun adding their own special touches to a town we started on the edge of our existing mindscape, such as a harbor and train station added by Soryu, and an ice cream parlor and police car motorpool garage added by Scylla. My childhood love of aviation has been returning recently, so an airfield might be the next addition, and potentially a space center. As helpful as it has been to spend hours on end in tulpa-related IRC channels, I might have to take some time off soon, as Scylla revealed that Soryu has been rather lonely due to the fact that Scylla's been so busy chatting, and I, proxying for her. I would counter the problem by proxying Soryu more, but keeping up three or four separate conversations simultaneously, most of which involve me transcribing the thoughts of other entities, can be a very draining task. It would probably be easier on all of us if I just took a day or two off. I don't know if that will actually happen, though.
  11. Of all the things we tried, I think just wearing down my BS-senses was what helped us the most. After a long time actively trying to convince myself that she was real, I guess I reached the point where I was no longer unconsciously doubting the whole tulpa phenomenon and became much more dismissive of all of those doubts whenever she spoke up. Biggest hindrance, by and large: Over-thinking things. For example, spending hours at a time trying to seek out and identify my tulpa's separate "thought stream" left me extremely frustrated and unable to hear her for a long, long time. It also left me feeling like a dumbass when I realized that I was taking the advice I was acting on a little bit too literally.
  12. Heh, we dug out our old copy of Full Throttle for this reason. Also Pajama Sam, because Pajama Sam is timeless.
  13. Soryu is coming along very well. If Scylla is parroting her, then I cannot tell. The new tulpa's taken to thinking of Scylla as her mentor, with me as yet providing nothing except for conversation in my attempt to get to know her. Scylla decided not to give Soryu access to my memories, something which I am very grateful for. Once she reaches a proper point, I want to personally give her that access. As yet, she just isn't ready for that. Because of the fact that she doesn't have access to everything, I've been teaching her about various things, and she's been asking amusing questions about some of the things I do which she is intrigued by. For example, when I was licking leftover peanut butter off the knife after spreading some on bread, she piped up and asked me to explain the reason behind doing that. Scylla never asked any questions like that in her early stages, which makes me wonder if it's because she somehow got early access to everything I knew, or if she was just unable to ask. Perhaps Scylla was just too shy to ask, and it's a personality thing that's making Soryu so vocal about what she wants to know. Either way, it is extremely cool. Apparently one of the major purposes for the new tulpa's creation is being fulfilled, as she is keeping Scylla company whenever I'm unable to do so myself. All around, I'd say this was a tremendous step in the right direction. She's really expressed a fondness for showers, and joins me whenever I'm taking one. It doesn't bother her that we're both nude, and I don't feel anything from it either, so I guess so far her lack of interest in exploring sex (and my lack of interest in making advances on her) is holding up. Despite her calm, seemingly emotionless demeanor, though, she still evidently feels affection for me. It wasn't much, but it said it all when she hugged me during our last shower. Strangely, Scylla has already once tried to "roleplay" as Soryu by borrowing her form. She repeatedly switched back to that form each time I consciously changed her back to her usual form. I wasn't forcing her return to form on purpose, though; I was genuinely confused and thought that something was going wrong on my end of things, but nope. She was definitely using the new tulpa's form. After the fact, Soryu didn't express any displeasure over Scylla borrowing her form, fortunately. In fact, she said she wouldn't mind if Scylla wanted to become her twin sister. I don't think that'll happen as a full-time thing, but then again weirder things have happened.
  14. Basically anything but BRIGHT WHITE backgrounds. Good god, my eyes. Preferably not too dark either, something like the forum's color scheme is really easy on the eyes (except this text box I'm currently typing in).
  15. I don't know, maybe you're right. But something about those tildes doesn't sit right with me. Gives me the heebie-jeebies.
  16. It seems that after some careful consideration, we have a new tulpa on the way. After a long, long night, I began to think about switching, and how I would like to someday explore it. That thought drifted to wondering who would keep me company while switched, in the event that the tulpa I'm switched with is too busy to pay attention to me. In turn, that led to a bit of guilt concerning how poor Scylla must often be all by herself when I'm too scatterbrained or busy to talk to her. The idea of making another tulpa with this concept in mind goes back quite a ways, but I think last night was just what was needed to actually make it happen. I was on the fence about it, as I have been for months, but Scylla was surprisingly enthusiastic about the idea and pushed it into pre-production. We spent an hour or so before I fell asleep lying in bed and discussing the parameters for a new tulpa, and came up with this: She will be named Soryu, after the Japanese aircraft carrier (why we arrived at this decision, I don't remember). She will start with the appearance of Shimakaze from KanColle, with straw-blonde hair and dark green eyes (fan art depicts her with either green or blue or even grayish eyes, maybe she'll have the ability to switch between those depending on her mood). She will be asexual by design, but if she changes that then oh well. We're hoping that this means she won't jump on me the way Scylla did in her early days, and will rebuff my advances if I ever try getting too friendly with her. She will have a very cool demeanor, and hopefully she will keep it. She will have a driving, though not obsessive, desire to experience both possession and switching. Scylla started working on her while I slept earlier, and after about half a day she claims to have gotten Soryu vocal. I don't think she's BSing me, because I had a very brief test conversation with her in the shower earlier and it seemed to go pretty well. The only way I can explain it is that I suppose it's easy for a tulpa who's been around a while to get a new tulpa vocal. We've both agreed that it would be a good idea if Soryu behaves more independently than a certain other tulpa, though we're not exactly sure what "independence" will fully entail. At worst, I figure it'll make her more reclusive, and at best, it will spur her development and identification as an individual. It's occurred to me that perhaps Soryu's sudden vocality could be a result of Scylla parroting her in order for me to accept her as sentient sooner than I otherwise would have. However, I won't dwell on this too much, as I don't need to disrupt something that seems to be going well.
  17. Jeez oh man, I think I'm finally starting to get the hang of visually imposing her form. I've established a dedicated "imposition zone" in my living room with steady reference points to denote where elements of her figure would appear with her standing an arm's length away from me. At the very least, this should get us going in the right direction. Currently working on trying to see all of her at once, in full scale. A bit more taxing than all previous attempts, but I take that as a good sign. The trickiest part is matching multiple regions of her form up to reference points simultaneously, and trying to convince my brain that I'm focusing on a point in space where there only appears to be thin air. She seems just as excited about this project as I am, which is good, because this is going to take some serious motivation. Additionally, she's become capable of inflicting minor discomfort on me when necessary, not that I mind. When I was holding out on her after promising that I'd spend time with her, she squeezed my skull against her breasts in a bizarre form of headlock and told me she'd let me go when I quit slacking and paid attention to her. While I enjoyed it (much to her chagrin), I got the familiar uncomfortable sensation of pressure that usually accompanies somebody squeezing my cranium. It was only imagined, yes, but it was imagined so vividly that it felt real, and I was left with a slight headache for a while after she let me go. Even now, recalling that incident makes my head hurt.
  18. Well, I guess you'll just have to do anything then. But seriously... I used to worry about this myself. Every tulpa is different, so I can't give you a definite answer, but usually a tulpa will love its host as much as the host loves the tulpa (if not more). So, I wouldn't worry about it. If you really expect that she'll get annoyed, she might, so make sure you keep your expectations positive.
  19. Haha yeah, hopefully you'll manage to avoid them altogether, however unlikely that may be. Yeah, seriously. That would be a severe blow to the community. Let's hope the mass influx of that demographic never happens to the community. Yeah, I really wish that were the case. To be honest, I don't actually know if they would be looking around here for any excuse to call me a nutter if they knew, but that's just the vibe I seem to get. The way those people react to other things gives me a good idea of how they might respond to tulpa.info.
  20. I never said that I was disgusted with anything here, chief. I'm aware that nothing here can affect my life so long as my membership here remains a secret, plus I've grown largely desensitized to it. I just have a problem with what most of the people in my life would probably think if they saw some of the things posted on this forum, and that's a real shame since tulpas are a very neat concept that I'd like to introduce to a few people. Hell, this concern is more prominent than any worry that they might just dismiss tulpas as "schizophrenia", and that's saying something. Did you read the excerpt that I quoted from Tess? That sort of thing would very likely set off warning bells in the heads of most people I've thought of telling about tulpas. If finding stuff like that doesn't make them see me as a weird creep for being a member here, I think they'd balk at posts by the members who are vocal about their plans to create pony tulpas just so that they can have sex with horses named Flutterdash or Skylight*. Granted, there aren't as many of them around here anymore, or maybe they've just become more quiet about it, but you have to keep in mind that I was talking about mentioning the concept of tulpas to people that I know in real life (and why I just can't take the risk of doing that). That kind of ups the ante over introducing the concept to someone I just know online. So, no, it isn't as bad as it could be, nowhere near it. It's just not a community that I would be in a hurry to show to my friends or family, even casually. I agree with you on your point about know-it-alls on the forum. The type of people who assert their beliefs about tulpas as absolute fact and then use their assertions in order to denigrate others can be obnoxious. Of course, I haven't seen that type of behavior displayed in quite some time. *Little bit of clarification: People merely having sexual relations with their tulpa isn't the concern, if it was then I would be the world's biggest hypocrite. I was getting at the fact that whoever I direct here could see a post about someone wanting to bang a cartoon horse.
  21. I had the same issue. I ditched conventional forcing entirely a while back, since it would be interesting at best and downright boring at worst (and more often than not it was boring). I think that anything which really engages you with your tulpa is a good alternative to forcing, since you're giving them direct attention and whatnot. I find that things get easier once you reach the "tipping point", where you begin to spend time with your tulpa because you like them, rather than spending time just working on them. The time it takes to reach that point varies from person to person, but it's fairly smooth sailing once you get there.
  22. I'm not sure why this realization didn't strike me sooner... Like, a lot sooner. After I had a little discussion with her about all of my recent troubles concerning her, Scylla basically just put all of my worries about her to rest, permanently. All this worry I've been going through was fueled by a fear of misunderstandings regarding my motives and actions, so she reminded me of the fact that she is basically incapable of not understanding me unless I explicitly block things from her. It was such a simple solution, and yet it's made me feel so much better. Remembering and acknowledging the fact that she understands all of my motives, no matter how subtle and hidden they may be, really quelled my anxiety. Hah, as I was typing this I realized that I still had my horoscope from yesterday pulled up. Probably mere coincidence, since I normally just see horoscopes as a silly little distraction, but here's what it read: Like I said, I don't put much stock in it, but it did line up pretty well with yesterday and the past hour as a whole. A little less recently, and by that I mean last night in bed right before she declared that she was going to sleep, I thought of a good way to have more to talk with her about. I realized that my list of conversational modes was missing one big item: Reminiscence. On reflection, I realized that a good amount of my conversations with friends are reminiscences about past events, which usually lead to a quick search on Youtube, which in turn leads to a wider array of conversational topics. Previously, most of my conversations with Scylla were either debates over trivial things, trading opinions on things, or outright arguing, once again, over trivial things. That kind of gets stale after a while, but I never thought to bring reminiscence over older things into it. Another example of me being too dim to incorporate elements of my interactions with regular friends into my tulpa interactions. Well, no more!
  23. I'll do my best not to perpetuate a debate on this (I've already done that once in this thread, on a different subject), but you do know that the human body replaces cells as it loses them, yes? Also I would think it'd take some real rough usage to permanently damage it. That being said, I respect peoples' right to do as they please, it certainly isn't any of my concern. I just think the justification here is a little odd, that's all. Edit for an edit: I can understand having shame about what a potential tulpa might find out about you down the line, but I wouldn't worry too much. Hell, I wouldn't worry at all. They're usually very accepting and non-judgmental.
  24. Those pleasure endorphins will really take a toll on your body, I tell ya what. More destructive than alcohol. Heads up, that link is a little NSFW, if any of you are slacking off from your job or schoolwork to browse tulpa.info. In that case, shame on you.