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About Andesconin

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    uhh... i made a science?
  1. rambling recordings of a suprise forcing session, GO! 'can you hear me. skye?' {can you, i think i can, well i dont know} 'do you know who you are' {syes} (random memories about movies) skye {hmm} does it bother you when my, well, our mind does that? {hey wait a minute, i know!} (tiny tim music) typing is becoming a distraction i have a question. when i practice mind voices is it a better practice to word out the responses or to take them as a 'compressed' thought packet? {meow} <3 that time i think it was just her :) I was typing a response to another topic when this happened, and i diddn't want to stop it to continue so i decided to try and record what i could here. it was a little with mind voice training, a little visualization and some possesion practice.
  2. I don't worry about things as much as i used to so don't worry about that lol. But i'm really suprised how you keep taking interest in all this. I really do appreciate someone taking their time to give me another view on myself. If you want to keep analysing me i'll keep throwing more of my own psychological mumbojumbo out there. :P I only every felt that kind of anger toward my brother when we were growing up. We would fight all the time, but it eventually stopped. Anyway my friend moved in with me before all of this went down so i feel that had alot to do with it. Let me see if i can emulate how skye would talk to you {hey mister, i don't know andy... umm alright! I'm just a wittle baby...i hope that you can hear me...} Thats all that made it through, some of it was addressed to me, well most of it. I try to have as little influence as possible on what she says, but i can feel the pressure that comes with forcing right now, and boy do i miss that. So i'm gonna jump to my progress report and record what i may about this forcing session there. Thank you for all the work you put in for my sake, and skye's.
  3. My wonderland started with psychology class. we did a relaxation/hypnosis excersize and i created an area inside a forrest with a bench right next to a river with just a slight breeze. When i got into tulpamancing i decided to expand on it. I always liked the ocean so i used that as my sense of infinity and created an island from that forrest and have been continually adding to it. Right now it has a small house on a cliff over looking the water, a beach with two umbrellas :3 the forrest, the 'city of atlantis' and i think thats about it so far. Skye and i once rode flying dolphins around the island... she threw a fish at me...
  4. Well i kinda came from the /mlp/ board, but that was when there was actually credible stuff in tulpa general. I personally didn't feel comfortable making a pony tulpa... i admit it would have been kinda cool, but it didn't seem genuine and i wasn't about to have my tulpa go through an identity crisis o.O Yet i digress, i am very happy to have found this site! Even by 'unconventional' means lol. You all seem like wonderful people and i'm thankful to be in such company!
  5. I'm very happy for you that you've come so far! I hope everything is still going well for you and your tulpa's. I've been reading some different techniques and theories on forcing and whatnot that have concerned me for some time. So i'm going to try some new ideas and hopefully they will help Skye and i get moving again!
  6. Linkzelda. I like you. If i could send you icecream through cyberspace i totally would. But i feel i must clarify a few things. I wasn't saying that my violent actions were a result of emulating my tulpa, just the aftermath. And i'm suprised how you caught on to a lot that i didn't say. I am fully aware of her "leeching" i've addressed it with her and i came to a personal conclusion that it had to do with her troubled past and the kind of habits people tend to pick up as children. But since my little anger episode i havn't felt the same way about her, all those past feelings i held onto got tucked away somewhere and i feel like i'm better off for it. But i know i still care about here. Heck, i came to a different breaking point not too long ago. She tried to off herself again and ran out into the middle of the night when i called for an ambulance. She is a focal point of everything dramatic and i really don't want that kind of relationship anymore... but i'm too far invested in her to walk away. my counscious or how ever you spell it, wouldn't be too happy if i pushed her out of my life, but at the same time, it wouldn't be happy if something happened to her while she was in my life. It's kind of a lose lose scenario that i'm just refusing to deal with right now. I think. My theories on my behavior and emotional state change from day to day lol. I kinda feel bad that i didn't space that out any... but do you think it's healthy for Skye if i emulate her personality? It happened again at work but only because i'd had too little sleep and too much caffine. I almost started to skip and i was humming to myself XP i try to imagine i appear like her too when that happens. I mean i'm in control still, i can stop it whenever i want to, but i just dont want to. oh i''m so confused o.O oh and thank you for all the advise. And i hope that you can talk to skye on here someday! She's alot of fun
  7. Skip the the "Actual Question" bit if you dont feel like reading back story :P I've experienced something very strange. It was very very strange. and very very sad. I started looking into tulpae because i felt like i lacked a certain kind of closeness with anyone, but it was really because i was lonely :/ But loneliness was not the sole reason no! It was the reason i looked into tulpae, but this forum sold me on how amazing it really was! Anyway, i started forcing for a few months and made slow progress, i had achieved emotional responce and movement and maybe a little bit of vocal hallucination mixed in, but i was far from having Skye fully imposed. Then life had caught up to me. My transmission broke in my truck and it was going to cost me more than i could make to fix it. So i had to return to my old job. Construction labor. It was long hours so i lost the majority of my free time. Then i wasn't living alone anymore. two of my friends had moved in with me, so now i had to think about them too. needless to say, i struggled to keep on top of everything. My forcing sessions came less and less often as i felt too tired to force, having been warned against sleep deprived forcing. Thats how it was for months. then something unexpected happened. one of my friends that moved in me, my closest friend to be exact. tried to kill herself. I mean i want to say that i broke down, but i kinda handled that bit well. It wasn't the first time this happened with her. we had a complicated past but we (by we i mean her) decided that we were best suited as friends. anyway months after that she became engaged to my other roomate. I suspected as much, they made a decent couple. But not long after that she brought home another man. Now i try to think best of people but i tend to get paranoid alot. even so, when you hear what i herd, then there is only one conclusion you can draw, so i asked him to leave. she confided in me about it, and all was well... until the next week. I decided i would annoy him out of the house with loud girly music and turning the power off to her room and so on. But it ended up with her trying to lock me in the basement and i just kinda snapped. I haden't lost my temper in almost 10 years. but it happened that night. I broke the door open, and i hit her. she crawled away from me with fear and i went after her. i never hurt her again because in my mind it was her turn to hit me, but i eventually came to my senses and let her go. So it all kind of came flooding back all at once that night. I laid in the bathtub where she tried to drown herself for what felt like an eternity. Then one of our friends tried to call me and i felt like i couldn't be me to them, so i wasn't. Actual Question!! I took on my tulpa's personality becaused i was so ashamed of my own and an action i had taken, if only for that moment. I was aware that i was not Skye but i was all in the same sense. I had done something terrible yes, but it felt so detached and distant that it didn't hurt me when i was Skye. So my question is, What happened to me?
  8. It's been ages, but i'm at a point in my life where i have alot of free time again. I admit my doubts have kept me from progressing and i have barely held onto Skye for months, it seems like forever. I'm lazy, and i can't keep myself on track for anything :/. But i'm not cruel, so i'm going to try again. I can feel how lonely Skye is from time to time and i know i'm a terrible person for waiting so long, but its high time i tried doing something about it again. I went into this knowing that there was no turning back. That once i started, i would owe it to this tulpa to keep at it. Oh , btdubs this is more of a self affirmation right now, it feels stronger if i write this here where i can be scrutinized for my shortcomings then just keeping it to myself. I did have some questions and doubts, but i see that i'm not the first to have these. I've been inavctive but i still read the forums, i just never logged on lol. Anyway, wish me luck if you will. I'm probubly a lost cause, but you never know. Now for some questions i'm going to ask into the open air. 1. Adderol xr. I have a subscription for it, but i don't take it. I have a strong moral standing on independence from substances like that. However, i used it once during my early months of forcing and i acomplished so much that night, however, i found it very difficult to focus mental images for long periods of time after that one day. My question is, can substances help with you're first tulpa? or do they only make the trials harder? 2. 3rd person visualization. I'm worried that my habit of being in third person in my wonderland is going to, or already has, created an 'optimised' copy of myself. When i'm in my minds eye, i see myself as the person i want to be, not the one i am. I mean i know that its me, but could it be bad in the long run? 3. alright this one is kinda a long story. i'll post it in an alternate topic and probably post it here? if not then scold me -.- here is the link i hope that hyperlinked. if not here is another trysomething strange happened
  9. Week 3: March 1st. I've decided to call it at 3 weeks an'd I'll start a new week every Monday. I've been working on imposition today, when i'm driving i like to imagine she's in the passenger seat, its difficult because i cant put too much attention on her cause, you know, driving and everything, but i feel like it helps a little bit. I was able to visualize her smiling today though. its not the first time, but it still makes me happy. I just can't get the eyes right when they are opened, provably because i haven't settled on a color yet... i keep changing my mind... give me ideas! a sweet gentle color with a subtle ferocity... Skye has determination, but she is still a sweetheart. I am going to force in wonderland in a few minutes, for about an hour. I'll post the results in this post when i get back. my sister has an appointment and i'm gonna force in my truck waiting on her. wish me luck! Also, if you're curious about my Wonderland, just ask. I think its really nice! Just like getting replies! *puts on his best desperate smile* -also, i've only tried once since then, but i haven't had any successful possession since my adhd medication wore off, if anyone else finds this interesting i'll gladly do a small scale experiment on the effects of amphetamines on tulpae and tulpa creation in the future, as for right now, i dont want to risk messing anything up this early on. -update Well that was unsuccessful. No i shouldn't say that, you learn from failure too, after all. I couldn't seem to force like i usually do, i kept getting distracted. I feel like this is because of my meds. they are supposed to make it easier to focus, so i was in some small way learning to lean on them that day. Anyway, i'm gonna listen to some tones and see if that helps. Wish me luck! No, wish US luck.
  10. I;m so happy you have an easy time with imposition, nailing down Skye's form has been the hardest thing for me so far, I've biult a wonderland, a beautiful one at that, and even gone on epic adventures into my own recreation of the underwater city atlantis, all spontaneous, i mean i can create cities in my minds eye easily. its just all those finer details of living things that i have trouble with. Anyway, enough of me :P I'm glad you took the time to read through my first post. But i want to say something about your fears and doubts. I did assume sentience from day one, or at least i tried to, and i talked to skye like she was fully imposed, i asked her things and read her stories. I didn't expect a emotional response after the first week, but i think that through telling myself she was there, i convinced my subconscous slowly, and that sped up the process. Now, it is my belief that in order for this to work at all, we need to accept it at a subconscious level that another being, alien of our own, shares our mind and body. Freud believed that 70% of our motives come directly from our subconscious. If we doubt, our subconscious will fight progress. what i'm saying is, even if you think it is you, or you fear it that any movement or response is puppeting,try to accept it as your tulpa. it will convince your subcon. to allow the process to happen. in my opinion anyway. and dont fear making a servitor, you can still make your tulpa from that, i see it kinda like this in the begining you start off creating a tulpa from a single point. then it may stray a little or alot to things like holligrams or servitors, but the end result is always your tulpa.. like a double cone shape... <> as my math teacher says, there are many ways to get to vegas. and i'm sorry about the long post, i'm gonna try to be more concise in the future. :(
  11. I agree with Kiahdaj there. tulpas shouldn't be created for sex. But i can totally relate to you with trying to give your tulpa some of the qualities you lack. the way i see it, tulpa are there to work with us, as a team. you can take on the world with your tulpa by your side! also, i'm crazy cause sleep deprevation, also dont force in bed cause falling asleep during is bad, and dont force if you are sleep deprived, that basically would create nightmares for you and your tulpa... or so i've heard. Anyway, i'll be that guy and say that i'll follow your logs (if you post em) and maybe you could follow mine? i'm a firm believer in working with people. and i talk too much nonsense when i'm tired. Anyway, I wanted to ask you to fill me in on tulpa, like basic personality and what form you are thinking of. PS: did i mention i'm sleep deprived? so i apologise for the nonsense and whatever... so yeah... edit- PSS: i need an avatar photo.... edit mark II- PSSS: i used one i found on the internet. I think its the closest i've found to what Skye wants to look like... she doesn't want to be that young though... bed time!
  12. Update, I found a picture that is similar to what she wants to look like. a little too yong but the color is spot on! i'm not sure how to set up a link though... i kinda suck at forums. Anyway, i've been reading up on possesionn and found someone with a story very similar to mine. and early possesion was a great thing for them, so i'm gonna try and roll with it. Its bound to be unconfortable at first, but i'll get used to it, i know Skye wouldn't hurt me or forcibly take control, she is a sweetheart! edit- nvm the link made itself lol
  13. I'd say about two and a half to three weeks ago i made the decision to start creating a tulpa. I felt confident that I was doing it for the right reasons an all, I really just wanted a life long friend who would understand me, and tot hose who know me, I am a confusing person! The first day, i decided to try creating a personality. So i looked up some guides bu none of them really seemed to build a personality. So i came up with my own method, i call it the web method. I chose 5 core personality traits, and ended up with 7...? but i spent a good bit of time on each one of them, adding on 3 to 4 sub traits, for example, i defined stubbornness as one of her core traits, which gives way to her valuing her individuality and so on. I finished the list on the third day. So i decided to start narrating! When i narrated, i didn't just say the words out loud, i envisioned them in my minds eye, the meaning of these words and the emotions i tied to them. i pictured the things she would say because of these traits and moments we might have, all full of positive feelings. I was finding it difficult to focus on all these things at once, so i decided to try meditating. which ended up just being wonderland! the fourth or fifth day, i have a terrible memory, I decided that this would go a lot better if i named her first. So, i opened up a list of female names and started skimming. my eyes fell on the name Skye. and i dont know why, but i couldn't get it out of my head. so i figured it was my subconscious trying to tell me something and i shouldn't over think it. So i named her Skye. Fast forward 2 or 3 more days... I had started slacking in my narrating and forcing goals, in fact early on, i had made a promise to Skye that i would do so much per day. and 2 days went by where i didn't narrate or force for more than 15 minutes total, where i had promised at least an hour a day. So i decide i should give it a shot today, and i sat down in my truck, parked of course, and relaxed my body, and went back into 'my' wonderland. At this point i had decided she was going to be a cat girl of sorts, with ears and a tail and whatnot. I decided, heck, lets go on a little adventure for fun. so i pulled a treasure map out of nowhere and started following directions... long story short, ninjas, skeletons, and commonwealth. She didn't move on her own or reply to me or anything, and i mean hey, its only been a week in, with only like, 5 hours of narration and forcing total. But i got a feeling that she wasn't happy with me. I shook that off and decided to start defining her form a little more. But i ran into a problem. I couldn't seem to focus on her, no matter how hard i would try to see her, she would shrink away from my 'sight' and become tiny. I eventually asked her why she wont let work on her. i wasn't expecting a reply, it was moreso out of habit at this point. But something did happen. She didn't say anything, or move, but i felt a strange alien emotion, a strong feeling of hurt and disappointing. It took me a moment to realize it, shame on me, but i had given her, in her core traits, a deep importance of truth and honesty, and i had broken my very first promise to her... I was overjoyed at this first significant sign of sentience, but it lasted for not even a second, when i had realized what i had done. She wasn't an idea at this point, she was there, i was sure of it, and i had bargained with the time i should have given her. I know that a tulpa will fade if it doesn't get attention. i felt like i had almost killed her before she had a chance to live. Anyway, enough of the sappy stuff and on to the real progress report! i think its almost been 4 or 3 weeks? i'm not sure, i dont count hours. But I've noticed a great improvement in my visualization ability. I am seeing her more clearly everyday! Infact, a few days ago, she showed another sign of sentience. She decided to "help" me with her form! I was picturing a girl a little shorter than me, about my own age. She had other plans. She wanted to go further with the cat idea and included paws. AND she decided she wanted to be really young. like 7? at least in appearance. I mean she is adorable! I already made the decision to let her have her way, after all, i want her to be herself. at this point, i had attempted possession, just for fun, no clue on how to do it just thought, hey, might as well get a jump start! I got nowhere besides a few twitches... that was until last night it is half interesting, and half unsettling... There was no full control or anything, its just now that i think back. i dont think i should continue with possession until i can speak with Skye openly... let me tell the story It was 3am. i had caffeine and amphetamines coursing through my veins. I dont like to take adhd meds, but when it gets bad and i have an important paper, anyway. i was awake, and my body felt those familiar jitters. So, with my heightened focusing prowess, i decided to try and force. it was well, harder to visualize, but easier to concentrate. when i visualized it was jittery. I decided to attempt imposition instead, and i started with narration like i always do, i put all the traits and emotions into that familiar bundle and focus on her. I was still having trouble visualizing her in any kind of detail, so i decided, hey lets play with possession again. eventually i was laying down, and balanced my arm on its elbow, pointing my hand at the ceiling, i went through the familiar practice of relaxing my muscles and letting go of them, like i do for meditation, and i asked sky to try and move my arm. it was subtle at first, but it started to move in small circles, eventually larger and faster... I was so proud of her, developing so quickly! i had her try both arms, and then my shoulders, then i had an epiphany! I now have a way to communicate with her! I told her to nod my hand for yes, and twist it for no. I learned that she hears me clearer when i speak to her in my mind. i tried asking her what her favorite color was, she couldn't tell me it seemed. this went on for about half an hour, and my head was getting worse, and she seemed to start having trouble. so i called it a night and tried to get some shut eye. i woke up the next day unsure of what happened that night. i talked to Skye about it and i think she understands. Also, for those who have achieved possession, did it start out as small weak contractions. To me they feel more like suggestions than movements, like i have to take away nearly all the weight of my arm before she could move it. I would love a reply! and if anyone wants, i can make a separate post about all the adventures Skye and I have gone on!