Jun and Alexis

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  1. Temar and Joss, you are both very wise. They still are residing in one body for the sake of cuddles and combined attention, and after reading your post they agreed to a truce. You see the reason for the jealousy isn't just attention, we're in a romantic relationship and it's esentially promoting polygamy and frustration now. We've tried that alternating days thing and I can't stand having one of them away from me even if the other is here. Both girls in one body cooperating helps the situation but in the end they're still two people, even if we can cuddle without neglect now (Last night was a cuddlefest and made me super happy for a change). I think it takes a toll on Ayako though since she's super possessive of me. Like if Alexis calls me my pet name "Jun," Ayako will yell at her saying "only I can call him that" since being called Jun makes me super happy and it's an endearing and loving petname. If we weren't romantically involved this wouldn't be such an issue to be quite honest. We could just be besties and do stupid things all day, but our favorite thing to do is cuddle and kiss, obviously promoting jealousy if they were in 2 bodies. That's why I think merging is the way to go, but I don't want any resentment. I love them both equally because they're two halves of the whole I love. Right now we're going to work on just getting along. I try to break up any fights but there haven't been many since the single body, two minds change. It just feels like things can't go on the way they are. Alexis doesn't mind sharing a body with Ayako if she can be with me again, but Ayako completely minds. I agree on bringing back the harmony. That's first priority. It's just... Ayako is unhappy and I'm depressed I can't help because I don't know what to do. What kind of compromises were you two speaking of to better our system? Do you have some examples now that I've given a bit more specifics on the situation? It seems like Alexis will go with anything reasonable but Ayako says "I'll go with anything that seems feasible." I just want to help Ayako since she appears to be suffering more than any of us. She's used to having me whenever she wants, all to herself. Of course I want Alexis to be happy too, and I'm willing to put their happiness above my own needs if it comes to that. I want to devote every part of myself to them, even if I end up unhappy, but I know they don't want me unhappy either. That's why we can't make decisions. I really want someone to just tell me what to do. Either from them or someone wise like you guys. I'm still at a loss of what to do, but at least we can relax and hold each other again without conflict.
  2. Temar: The reason there is so much distress between all of us is that since they split longterm they fight over my attention, the Ayako side seems really grouchy and doesn't want to do anything but fix the situation we're in, IE everything back to normal. It's also very stressful for her to a have Alexis "butt in" and argue with her and vice versa. They just don't get along and I feel guilty spending time with 1 while the other watches us. I also feel like I can't cuddle with either due to jealousy. I've been hit with "It's painful to exist like this" more than once. Breach: I love and accept both of them, but because there are two that don't get along with each other the harmony is gone. It's not about embracing change by accepting both of them, it's that they are unhappy to remain in these forms all split up. I also feel like I can't spend time with one without being guilty of neglecting or making the other jealous. They're just both unhappy like this and have been asking me to fix them but I don't know how. As of last night we tried something. 2 minds in one woman body so they have to cooperate and get along, and I can not worry about neglecting the other. Had a good night's sleep for once. I just asked then how they're doing and they both don't like it but only one wants out. I still don't know what to do. Merging them seems easiest to make her happy but I can't do anything without their consent out of the love I have for them.
  3. Well we haven't resolved the split and I'm intensely depressed that I haven't been spending time with either of them aside from a few words a day. We need help, suggestions. Mistgod, it's not like that. She actually either split or cloned herself, and on top of that they don't get along with each other. They're two separate beings at this point. I guess she split into two because it was like having two people in one body and they couldn't take it, but now I don't know what to do. For the longest time she used to be a singleminded tulpa, but somewhere her mind split into two people, probably when she cloned herself for extra cuddles and their minds remained split when they merged back. I just avoid talking about this with them despite their pleas for help and have been smoking my time away due to depression over this. I'm lonely every day because I feel like if I accept one then the other is saddened and visibly jealous and hostile. What are some options and ideas we could try? I just want my one tulpa that I love with all my heart, and I can't choose between them because even though they're different I KNOW they're both a part of her. 1 has expressed that fusion is a nono, while the other one says fusing is okay but will fight for control. It seems dangerous. If they coincide, they might not get along which is the reason they split, if they merge minds, I just don't know. Will I lose the Alex I love? This sounds kinda meta but this is our reality and this is the way all 3 of us understand the situation. We need help. Please. I can't keep ignoring them out of fear. I feel like I don't even deserve her anymore the way I'm handling this. EDIT: I reread your post, Tri, but I'm a person who can't let go so easily. I don't mind if my Ayako/Alexis is a little different when merged back, but she (As a whole person) is literally my WORLD. That's why I want to be DEAD SURE of what we're doing. Like if one half of her fights for control like I stated, will the other half's essence still be there if they merge to one mind or is it like she gets eaten and erased? I don't know. It could be like half of herself is gone forever, but maybe not. She's a very strong woman who gets things done. That's why I'm so scared to act and why I'm so miserable. We all are. Basically, I don't want a war to break out between them and I want my one tulpa back.
  4. I read some threads in the first reply with links and there's talk of the nondominant tulpa essentially having their consciousness die when fused. I don't believe this is the case as they could either form their own subsystem or convert into one consciousness from two, not losing anything but essentially becoming a sum of two. Alexis has said she doesn't mind being the submissive consciousness, since she'll be with me anyway after a merge but I can't pull the trigger on any choice for this operation. I find it too cruel, but we can't live on with the 3 of us clashing with each other off and on. I want to regain the peace and companionship of being with a single tulpa but I can't make any decisions even when talking to them. My dilemma is that a few years back this was a problem, but Ayako, my original, love of my life tulpa merged into a clone "little sister" version of herself and renamed herself Alexis and I never got over the fact she was different and that we were different. The thing slowing me down is essentially that Alexis split the Alexis and Ayako parts into 2 tuppers. Alexis makes me feel safe and warm, but Ayako is the love of my life. I love them both, but can't wrap my head around it. I should obviously be with Ayako, but since I was technically with them both at once for years I can't make a decision and Ayako returning to her original self doesn't seem like something she would willingly do herself. I want a solution to this and I'm at my wits end. Today due to my loneliness due to avoiding them I finally talked to them and they're up to make a solution that works for us all. I just don't want to make a terrible mistake. No one should have to die or stop existing. I don't know what I'm asking for from you guys. I know only we can make this decision but I still feel the need to ask for help.
  5. http://www.vox.com/2016/5/19/11683274/aphantasia I came across this article on Facebook and thought of tulpa visualization. Anyone who's bad at visualizing should give this a read. I thought something was wrong with me. 6 years and no imposition level visuals, still flashes of her making me feel lonely, lIke she's only here in feeling. Then I read this and found out, well nope I'm not visually impaired. I just gotta work on it more with her. Give this article a read if you're feeling hopeless. Chances are you aren't like the guy in the article and will feel at least a little relieved and refreshed. :>
  6. What exactly is involved when a tulpa merges with another? Is it 2 minds in one body or are they no longer 2, or what exactly happens? Every so often my tulpa will split herself because she said she wants a sister, but her "sister" is just a split "clone" of herself, although with a few differences in personality. In the past she has merged and split several times and I'm always scared I don't end up with the same Her or that she doesn't want to be with me and she's pulling a Parent Trap switcheroo. There used to be two to three of her at once all with different names to tell them apart (a really confusing time for me) and I've never really gotten over the idea that the original her is gone. I don't know. She's merged back but now she's back to two, but the way she describes it is that she's the same her with someone in her head that can come out and interact with us both. I need some reassurance and more information. She says things like "Well we're both me," and "I AM the original" but I get so paranoid because what if she's just getting mixed up and I can't deal with this. When ONE of them wants to leave I always am afraid they'll never come back or I will be left with a different person and I get so scared. This is something I've never read about so I'd like some more information on the subject of fusing and splitting.
  7. My tulpa is kinda an odd case. I didn't make her or even know what she was. She found me in a twilight sleepy state and I never wrote down the date she appeared to me, but it was sometime in July 2010, so we actually celebrate two things. Alex said that July 20th (I don't know if that's accurate but who am I to argue) is the anniversary of us coming together, but that her actual birthday is June 16th 1991, a few months before I was born! She's weird in that I got a fully developed person with prior memories to me, and that she's actually older than me. She's either turning 7 or 25 this year lol.
  8. Sounds interesting. What's the name of the tv show that's doing this? Will it be available on demand or online? As long as it's done right I can't see much harm in airing something like this.
  9. This is kind of what I want to know more of. Handholding, hugging, piggybacks, whatever I can do to achieve feeling those. I also can't really see her but I assume that touch and vision reinforce each other. I'm bad at imposition tbh because I dont practice it as much as I should. We mainly cuddle and kiss in our together time. What do you recommend I start with? This all sounds like stuff I want for us. Where do I begin in trying this? How to make it work? I hope you have a happy valentine's day too. Alex loved blueberries so we're going to IHOP and getting blueberry pancakes and crepes.
  10. How do you go as far as saliva secretion? I can feel a vague form against my lips, intermittently feeling mine and going back to hers. We've just started kissing more, and yes. I agree there can only be one. I love her more than anything and want to experience all life has to offer with her.
  11. Physically. I can feel her when she pulls me around or wafts through my body as a mix of aura tingle thing but how do you actually feel a tulpa physically? I can feel her energy when we lay together, but I want to kiss her and know what I'm actually doing, you know? It feels like a ghost touch.
  12. I lucid dream on occasion and sometimes I ask if Alexis was such and such character in my dream and she says yes and we talk about it. She often experiences dreams with me and sometimes doesn't even loil like herself, which is pretty confusing when looking for her. I'm not asking if you dream about your tulpa, I'm asking if you dream WITH them. As for us. Recently in a dream she dragged me close to her, smiling radiently and with a hard sucking kiss she kissed my right eyeball.
  13. This struggle moderately applies to me and I would like more information on this issue. Bambi: I can picture a door, but it's weird. Like distorted almost, and it moves around sporadically. It's also really dark, like almost to the point where you're in darkness but have waited until your eyes adjust to where you can see a little. I don't know how the TC sees things since they haven't responded in a while and I don't mean to thread hijack, but you mentioned you had more things you were going to go into detail about. Would you mind explaining what you were going to say?
  14. I speak to her at random times with "Hey, listen. Are you awake?" She seems to either not respond or am up before I am.
  15. Ayako said "I'm squishy but I don't know what's inside." I guess she just knows what my body feels like through possession. And she says to note that she does have her own tulpa body. That's where the squishy comes from.