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  1. Okay. I know that it's been many months since I did anything on this site, including even lurking. Life combined with more life is partially to blame, but don't worry! Just because I wasn't on here doesn't mean that I wasn't spending time with everyone in the ol' brainspace. In truth, I didn't think I'd ever come back to this thread and post in it, as it is actually easier for me, and always has been, to just interact with them as though they're on the physical plane, and I've never been good at updates to begin with. But I need help. And advice, if there's anyone still out there to give it. About a few weeks or so ago, I meet someone new. His name is Ajax. He's funny, loves adventure, insatiably curious, and breaks reality if you let him. Honestly, he's a bit of a pain sometimes, but I really do care about him. Well, the other day he vanished, and I didn't think much about it because Rex said that he'd found Ajax and that Ajax just needed space to think. That's fine. He came back, asked some questions, did some growing up, and was back to himself in no time. Sure, I was worried that I didn't know where he went and couldn't find him, but I trust Rex so I didn't pester him about it when he showed up again. Then today, Ajax got some news that crushed him. He's never cried before, but I can feel him bawling his eyes out somewhere. You know that pressure you get in your chest when you're really upset or sad? As soon as Ajax got the news, I got that feeling, and it hit like a ton of bricks. I can't find him anywhere, so I don't even have anywhere to start trying to cheer him up. Right now, I can still feel the extreme sadness he's experiencing, and MY eyes have even teared up a few times now. My day was pretty darn good, and I was in a great mood. The news doesn't have any reason to make me sad, and I can tell that what I'm feeling is coming from Ajax, but I'm at a loss as to how to help him. I've asked the others to go look for him, but no luck so far. If there's anyone out there who might even by the slightest chances find this, please, any advice or help you could give would be appreciated.
  2. I for one am thoroughly impressed that you've managed to get so much sorted out without starting in on the actual tulpa. (That's not supposed to sound berate-y, I promise.) I'd never have the patience to do that. You keep saying you're not motivated, but honestly you seem to be taking extreme care with planning everything out so your tulpa will be perfect. That seems like motivation to me. If you didn't have that, you wouldn't be doing anything at all. (Including giving it a single thought, which you are.) I think at this point it's a matter of redirecting that motivation; accepting that you've prepared as much as you can and then sitting down for a greeting session. As someone somewhere once said, "Ain't nothing to it, but to do it." It sounds like you've got everything ready to go. All you need to do now is set it in motion. And kudos to you for actually planning this and thinking it through so that your tulpa has the best chance you can give it, and I can't wait to meet her!
  3. So this counts as a session because it does. Session 11; I®C U! Rex {And you're ability for puns just grows.} So really all this session consisted of was hours on the IRC. Maybe that doesn't count as a session, maybe it does. Doesn't matter. I spent time with anyone who had an opinion on anything, and I had to listen to them. It was definitely the most talkative Riv's been yet. There were a few things said there that caught me off guard though. The first was that Rex mentioned a prevented mutiny. I didn't know any such thing had happened. Rex: {You didn't need to.} But I'll probably talk to him about it later. The second was from Riv. He'd been going around asking if people wanted to be his friends. I forget the question that prompted this answer, but at some point he said something along the lines of, 'I like having friends that don't look at me funny.' (Not an actual quote. Close, but no cigar.) It makes me think that he's being bullied or made fun of in CN while I'm not around. Rex claims it's not happening, but even Rex can't be everywhere at once. Rex: {Only cause you haven't let me.} So I'll probably have a poke around with that at some point. Other than that, there was lots of talking. Rex, Riv, and Tagg all showed up. It was a bit like narration except there were other people there engaging in the conversation. For anyone wondering if proxying is a good idea, it is. It helps you to learn how to listen and encourages your friends to talk. On the other hand, graduation to two pages! Thus endeth Session 11.
  4. Hey everybody. I joined earlier but didn't find this thread until now. Call me Krypt or Epsilon, either's fine. A friend told me about this whole thing about a month ago so I checked it out. Turns out talking to voices in your head for a few years can be a good thing. If you're curious, there's a list on my PR of forms and whatnot. Here's to a continued life with the family that lives in my head, and hello to all of you!
  5. Huzzah for account activation! I can't wait to read all about what you and Aria do together. Until then, welcome to the land of PRs, and may the forcing be with you!
  6. Hey there EnEllDee! Welcome to the site! Stinks to hear that you've had some bad experiences, but hopefully things turn around. The pony-based tulpa thing isn't a problem, tons of people here have tulpa based on ponies. The progress report is for just that, recording your progress! Looks like you're doing a-okay there. So welcome, and enjoy the ride!
  7. So Who's In There? Alrighty, y2k890 suggested this and it's honestly not a bad idea for anyone reading this. If more happens I'll try to update it. Without further ado, here's a list of our family and their forms. (I'm going to try and ask them to introduce themselves. If I'm not talking, the text will look like this {talking} or (action).) Updated: 7 May, 2013 Me: Well there's me. I'm a boring human. Female. I live in a place and have an age, neither of which shall be discussed on the internet. Rex: Rex is a large dog. He has golden fur, pointed ears, brown eyes, and a tail that streams out behind him when he runs. He has a canine mouth, meaning he can't form human speech with it. (But I do hear him make noises.) There's almost literally no limit to what he can do, and I've known him the longest. {Treat her well, I'll be watching.} Ron: Ron is a large dog. He has black fur, floppy ears, black eyes, and a tail that hangs down or bristles in anger. He, like Rex, can't actually form human speech with his muzzle. He matches Rex physically, also being able to fly/super speed/super strength, but he does not have free reign over what he will, including portal creation. (At least, I didn't let him.) Rex and Ron are brothers. Their first encounter was in fighting in a fabric store. {No way. NO FUCKING WAY AM I GOING ANYWHERE NEAR THAT FUCKING THING! I should rip your throat out and...} Okay Ron, glad to know everything's normal with you. Rufus: Rufus is a cat. He's in good shape, large but not fat. His ears are small and pointed, his eyes are understanding, and his tail is thin and muscular. (For the longest time he pretended to be a dog so that Rex and Ron wouldn't reject him.) Rufus does not possess anything out of the ordinary, so usually sits inside the car instead of running with it. {Hello. That's it really. Say hello.} Riv: Riv is a rabbit. Unlike most of the others, he has thumbs and actually stands on two legs most of the time. His body type is similar to Bunnymund's from Rise of the Guardians, except with brown/tan fur and no markings. His head is more shaped like an actual rabbit's, and his eyes are amber. He stands over 6.5 feet tall, not including the ears. (Waving wildly with both arms.) Riv, they can't see you. {HI!} Well now they've heard you. Dingo: Dingo is, well, a dingo. (A wild dog in Australia.) The interesting thing is that he is very, very small. He's about the size of a rodent, even a bit smaller. Usually he's found on four legs, but has been known to play basketball on two legs. {Whee! Mustard!} Dino: Dino is a grey wolf. He's the same size as Dingo and also plays basketball with him. The two are rarely separated, often entertaining each other and getting into mischief. They can fly, zooming around on whatever they wish. {Give me your ankles!} Gus: Gus, physically, is that one kid from Recess that had spiky hair, glasses, and a yellow shirt. I don't know his name canonically, or even if he had one. Gus is the only human in the noggin other than me. He's the size of an average person. {Uh... hi. Um... Nice to meet you, I guess...} Bradley: Bradley is a dragon. His scales are red, and, shape-wise, if you've seen the Eragon movie you can get the idea of his body. (Horrible movie, worst ever, but good dragons.) His eyes are kind and wise. He's massive, and therefore doesn't go into buildings because he can't fit. I remember finding Bradley's egg. {Hello. I am here for [Krypt's] sake. So I will be civil.} Ralph: Ralph is also a dragon. His scales are golden in parts and an odd, brownish-gold color in others. He's the same size as Bradley, and a bit off in the head. He and Bradley are cousins, and Ralph simply never left when he came to visit Bradley. {Did you ever wonder if butterflies were blue?} Arrow: Arrow is a squirrel. Take your average, brown and tan squirrel, put a dark brown splotch over the heart, and you have Arrow. He generally hangs around with Dingo and Dino, being just a bit bigger than them. {Eep! Talking? We talk? What?} Mick: Mick is a grey mouse. His favorite place to be is on my shoulder where he can whisper worriedly into my ear. He has pattering feet and ears that are too big for him. There are points where he looks a bit like Pip from Back at the Barnyard. His eyes are generally wide and panicked. {What are you doing? You're typing. You're typing about me aren't you? Oh, I'm going to get diarrhea from this I just know it!} Aaron: Aaron is a harpy eagle. They're really, really big predatory eagles. (Google them, they're cool.) He likes to give me disapproving looks, and has an impressive wingspan. {So this is where you've come to. Greetings fellows. Tread lightly.} Tut: Tut is a digital snake. At least, right now he is. He's in charge of helping me in Unit (Short for Memory Unit) where I store things such as memory. I didn't give him a form, envisioning Unit as a digital place much like the final season of the 2003 TMNT series. 'Tut' stands for 'Tutorial', and he chose the snake form all on his own. I've only known him since Saturday. {The thoughtsssss are out again.} Tagg: Tagg is a brown otter with green bat wings. He wears a cowboy hat and enjoys taming/tending his pigs. He often flashes a cocky grin and flies more than he walks. {Well howdy there! What're y'all up ta?} Deyna: Deyna and Tagg look identical, except Deyna doesn't wear a cowboy hat or sound anything like Tagg. I don't know if they split into two different people (otters?), but that's probably what happened. Either way, they're technically twins. (Blinks slowly) {Hello.} ... Well that went better than expected. They all actually said something. ... There are more. So many more. But most of them are characters that haven't broken through the fourth wall yet. That being said, they all have their own sentience and honestly I just watch them run around and subtly throw challenges at them from the sidelines to see how they react. Then there are the ones who I've never really taken the time to get to know: Max, Cody, Poop (I know, horrible), Slush, Zac, Cline, and Bill. Scout and Mahon probably also fit this category, though I've talked with both of them. (They both originated from stories and I'd like to keep the fourth wall hidden from the rest of the casts as much as possible. One of the others found it once and it wasn't good.) But that's them and what they look like. All of them, except Riv and (sorta) Tut, just showed up one day. We make a family, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
  8. What? A short post? Who are you and what have you done with Krypt? This happened the Wednesday after Session 9. Session 10; Woohoo! Double Digits! This was an impromptu session. Basically, it was really nice out for the first time since last year and I decided to go rollerblading. Rex ambushed me as I left the house, so I extended an open invitation to anyone who wanted to just feel alive. We spent just over an hour simply zooming around the nearly empty neighborhood, simply enjoying ourselves. None of us were stressed, and I could especially feel the tense-ness melt from Rex as he ran. We talked about various nonsensical stuff, and I stopped and chatted with a friend for a few minutes. Riv was really interested in where this one person's yard opened up to, so we spent a fair amount of time trying to find the other side without going over private property. As we were heading back to the house, I stopped down a street that looks out towards a restaurant with a very interesting top. It was silhouetted against a phenomenal sunset. We sat there watching the beautiful sinking of the massive celestial body into the night. Riv, the curious youngin that he is, asked me what beauty was. Honestly, it caught me off guard. We had a very interesting conversation. I surprised myself during it, noting that self-sacrifice for others constitutes beauty. When the sun had almost set all the way, we left the hill and headed for the house. I proposed a race back, and Riv, Rex, Dingo, Dino, and Arrow all took me up on it. The others opted out. We sped back as fast as we could, but in the end Rex won. (Well he's got super speed, so I wasn't really surprised.) And we all laughed and cheered and had a grand old time. We all really needed that time away from our worries. Especially Rex. I've put a lot of pressure on him by leaving him in charge when I'm not there, and I didn't realize how bad his cabin fever was getting. All in all. It was great to just do something together for the sake of why not? Thus endeth Session 10
  9. Keeping up with stuff... Yeah, right. DISCLAIMER: This actually happened a few days ago on Tuesday. Session 9: Just Chillin' I shoved some time in my schedule for forcing and settled in to do just that. Since Riv moved out of the nursery, I've been having a bit of difficulty 'arriving' in CN. Maybe I'll just take the train from now on? Anyways, after I'd gotten to IS, I headed down to the sparring room, figuring that it was as good a place as any to look for Riv. Sure enough, that's where he was. He was pummeling a punching bag with an expression of effort and stress on his face. With a final punch, the bag came flying off the chain, (kinda like how Steve Rogers did it in The Avengers movie), and crashed to the ground, splitting in the middle. Riv, breathing heavily, then noticed that I'd entered the room. He sank down onto the side of the boxing ring and put his head in his hands. I went up to him and sat down next to him and put a hand on his back. He raised his head and looked at me. Then he said, "I don't want to hurt anyone, but you made me big and strong and..." and he just sort of trailed off. I wasn't sure what to say, so I just hugged him. I don't know, maybe words of comfort would have been a good move, but it's too late now to change what happened. Either way, it caught me off guard. I'd assumed that because he'd just showed up instead of the egg that he'd chosen the form himself. I've told him on more than one occasion that he could change it if he wanted to, but he never has. Is there a way I can check if I'm somehow willing him to stay in the same form without meaning to? It was then that I'd remembered the fun he'd had last time when we'd all played beach volleyball. So logically I decided to see if he liked ping-pong. I created a ping-pong table in the middle of the boxing ring and coaxed Riv over to it, showing him how to bounce the ball and use the paddle. We played for a few minutes, and the emotion coming off him started to feel happier. A ways into it, after I noticed starting to become disengaged from the game, I remembered a thread I'd read somewhere on the site about playing catch with energy balls. So I replaced the table with a net and we bounced an energy ball back and forth for awhile. Afterwards I suggested ice cream, and that seemed to cheer Riv up considerably. Though, he did add, "Real ice cream. Not the stuff you make." I can only assume that he was referring to conjuring some out of thin air. We headed up to the main area of IS and headed to an ice cream shop set into one of the walls. Believe it or not, Cline was there running the shop. I noticed Rex heading towards me as we approached the shop, and asked Riv to get my ice cream for me. Usually, when Rex walks up to you, it's important. We talked, mostly about Every time I feel I've made peace between them and the subject, it keeps popping up. The conversation (I'm happy to say) was much less angry than it has been in the past, and Rex even agreed to try proxying. (Riv still doesn't say much, and has never asked if he could go on the IRC.) Riv walked up during the conversation, a vanilla cone in one hand for me and black raspberry ice cream smeared all over the fur on his face. The three of us sat and talked while I finished my ice cream. (Meaning Rex and I talked and Riv listened.) When it was done I asked what the two of them wanted to do next. The answer went a bit like this: Riv: Cake! Me: But you just had ice cream. Riv: Cake! I guess Riv was supper excited to make a cake. Rex just smiled in agreement. Truth be told, I didn't have any better ideas, so we portaled into a copy/past kitchen from my house and started making a cake. Now, I'm not a very good cook or baker, so the cake recipe that I knew off hand was the minecraft one, and we spent an enjoyable time putting together extremly cartoony versions of ingredients into a cake pan. I put the cake in the oven, not wanting Riv to burn himself and Rex not having opposable thumbs, and the three of us relaxed in idle conversation. Somehow, we got around to plotting to put hot sauce in the cake and tricking someone into eating it. I asked who we should prank and the responses went a little bit like this: Rex:(darkly) Ron. Riv:(excitedly) Bradley! Me:(realising Riv's fear of fire and what hot sauce could do to a dragon) How about Rufus? So we settled on pranking Rufus. The cake came out of the oven and the hot sauce was added. Then we called Rufus in and asked him to share the cake with us. I cut pieces for everyone, keeping up appearances, and Rex and I watched as Rufus took a bite. He ran from the room looking for something to get rid of the hot in his mouth. (We'd put A LOT of hot sauce in there.) Rex and I couldn't help but laugh, and then I noticed that Riv had also eaten some of the cake! I got him some milk, explaining all about how milk is the best thing for spicy foods, as proven by Mythbusters. Riv asked, (in the way that he says things without using any words,) what the Mythbusters were, so the three of us started to leave the room. That's when I heard something ask, "But what about the cake?" It wasn't a voice I recognized, so I asked if it was Rex or Riv. They denied that it was them. That was when I noticed a grey mouse sitting on my shoulder. As soon as I noticed him, he started talking a mile a minute and I couldn't get him to stop. So say hello to Mick everybody. Oh well, the more the merrier! The four of us now headed into another room and all sat down on the couch to watch some Mythbusters. Riv seemed glued to the TV, so I took the opportunity to talk to Rex about proxying. He said we could try it. Mick, still on my shoulder, interjected, "Are you going on the internet? You know what happens on the internet right? People DIE on the internet!" I'm sorry, it was funny. Mick's an extreme worrywart. Rex and I left Riv watching reruns of Mythbusters from inside my memory and headed to the physical plane to try proxying. Mick followed us out, and ran over my bed telling me how many of the things in my room make people die. Rex and I proxyed for awhile, and then everyone went to bed. All in all, a shorter session, and a less action-filled one, but it was hanging out with my friends, which is never a waste of time. ... So... I feel like this conversation should be recorded. This is the most important part of the conversation between Rex and I while Riv was getting the ice cream. It's somewhere in the middle of the conversation, and I've just mentioned tulpas. Rex: (referring to tulpa) Don't call us that. Me: Then what do you want me to call you? Rex: How about calling us by our names?! How about your friends? Ever since you found that tulpa site you've acted different around us. Me: I'm sorry. I didn't want to make you guys feel... I don't even know. You know I love you, all of you. Rex: (sighs) I know. We're a family [Krypt], and we care about you, but we're done. Me: Friends it is. I'll only use tulpa when talking to others so they know what I'm talking about. Okay? Rex: (Nods) Then Riv came back with the ice cream and Rex and I hugged. So I suppose that was the root of the problem. I knew that Ron had a problem, with Riv especially. (Ron had called Riv "That thing" a different time.) And I knew sort of that the others were also a bit upset by the whole ordeal, but until then I'd never realized that it was my fault. I'd looked at them differently, just because of a different name. Now that someone has sat me down and explained it to me, no fancy speeches, no dramatic trials, just me, and my oldest friend having a very important conversation. I don't know if I ever referred to them as tulpa in another post, but from this point on the only place I'll call them tulpa is the IRC, because otherwise no one will know what I'm talking about. End of the day, they started as my friends, (Well... most of them.) and they never stopped being my friends. I just forgot what having friends was like. I started treating them like things, and not like people, and I'll never, ever do that again. Thus endeth Session 9.
  10. Thanks so much for the response! I tried the name idea and got some good progress with it, so thanks for that too. Anyway, ON WITH THE PROGRESS! DISCLAIMER: Long post is long. Session 8; This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things I'm a horrible, horrible person. I haven't gotten around to forcing until this weekend due to my crazy life, and it showed. I recently became re-obsessed by space, and that means only thinking about Mass Effect and Dead Space. Unfortunately, this meant that yesterday was spent wandering the ME1 Citadel and the USG Isimura alone without making any progress at all. Thankfully, I managed to kick my sorry butt into gear today. I laid down and, silly obsession being silly, found myself in the Presidium of the ME1 Citadel. Ashlee came and got me, addressing me as Commander Shepard, (odd because I hate Ashlee and killed her). I started to go off with her when I heard a different voice call my actual name. I turned and saw Rex, and immediately the Shepard persona fell away as Rex guiltily led me from the Citadel. Silently, he guided me through the Nexus and back to the station. (All right already, here's the rundown on names of my wonderland. The whole thing is Creation Nation (CN), which is broken down through the Nexus Point into Imagination Station (IS), the Wildlands, and anything else, such as the Citadel or USG Isimura.) Once in IS the two of us wandered aimlessly. I asked him if he wanted to come on whatever adventure there would inadvertently be. Does anyone have any tips for making sure you're not spending too much time with one tulpa? I felt I'd been kinda disregarding the rest of them, so I asked Rex to tag along. He shrugged and led me down to the sparring room (which I didn't know we had), where the rabbit was waiting. Now, part of the reason I haven't forced is I've been trying to figure out how he looks, and I think I've got it. Anyhow, his form was a bit easier to make out. When he saw me he tackled me to the ground in a 'I've missed you so much' kind of way, and Rex smiled. The rabbit gestured to the boxing ring, and Rex informed me that he was eager to show off the things that he'd learned. Apparently, Rex had taken on showing him around due to my lack of appearing. That explains where Rex has been the past week. I climbed into the ring and got ready for a sparring match. Then my mind decided to explode with intrusive thoughts. They effectively ended the match before it could begin, my concentration all but shattered. When I came to, I was in the infirmary (didn't know that was there). The intrusive thoughts wouldn't stop, so I said screw it and transported Rex, the rabbit, and myself to the set of the musical whose songs kept distracting me. Don't ask what my logic was, I don't know either. We got there and I immediately got the urge to burn it down. Not wanting to, I portaled us to a nondescript gas station and made it explode into flames. That's when I found out that the rabbit is scared of fire. Not wanting to freak him out, I brought the three of us to a beach, and invited the rest of the 'aware' CN members (as opposed to those who don't know they're in my head) to a massive beach party. The rabbit discovered he really enjoyed beach volleyball until Rufus popped the ball by accident. I chose to take that opportunity to teach the rabbit how to swim, and it went rather well. Until he looked down and saw something... bad in his reflection. Startled and reeking of fear, his wings popped out and he took to the skies. Rex caught my eye and immediately went after him. I was about to grab a ride from Bradley when I noticed that they were gone. The local Linock population had pulled Bradley, Dingo, Dino, and Arrow all underwater. Torn, Aaron chose that moment to show up and give me some jerkish advice. I dove after the linocks, managing to break the four of them out but loosing consciousness in the process. The last thing I remembered was Bradley grabbing me gently with his talons. When I woke up I was back on the beach, and there was a crowd of party goes who had escaped gathered around. Mahon (a salarian doctor, I suppose ME can't be stopped) showed up and checked that I was alright, but it also meant there was a leak in a Story Wall that I had to deal with later. For now, I needed to get after Rex and the rabbit. Another surprise as Ron sauntered up, a pterodactyl in tow. (Dinosaurs, well I suppose all my obsessions can come out at once.) I hopped on and rode the dinosaur until I saw a hidden glen below. I landed. In the glen the rabbit was crouched over the bleeding, bruised, and broken body of Rex. (Which should have been impossible to begin with.) When I stepped between them, the rabbit's form looked entirely different. It was as though his claws had elongated into serrated knives, his teeth became rotating triangles of deadly metal, his eyes turned a cybernetic red, and his fur took on a mangy / grimy look. Then he saw it was me and seemed to snap back to himself. I stopped him from flying off again and then rushed to make sure Rex was alive. That was when I noticed Aaron was there... And hadn't lifted a wing to help. I lost it. I shouted at Aaron, enraged that he wouldn't help Rex, or try to stop the fight altogether. He simply replied that "it was not [his] place" to step in. He then turned the argument back on me, berating me for coddling the rabbit when the rest of them had to suffer and figure things out for themselves. That was when the rabbit spoke for the first time. He shoved himself between Aaron and I, (impressive as he's over six and a half feet tall), and defended me and my actions. His shouting went a bit like this... "You have no right to talk to her like that! She's been patient with me, she's been kind to me, and she loves me!" Aaron simply bowed his head and flew off. I get the feeling he knew what would happen if he'd attacked me verbally, but unless he confirms that I'll never know. Then there was a small celebration as both the rabbit and I were ecstatic that he'd talked. I hopped on the pterodactyl, he scooped up Rex gently, and we headed back to IS. Once there, I met Cline (the snarky cat conductor) with some hocus pocus 'here are your darn tickets let us on the train' forcing, and we got on. I portaled out of the train before it reached the physical world so that I could move some stuff, and waited. As it should, the train delivered both of them safely. The rabbit set Rex down and ogled at the world around him while I saw to Rex's wounds. Rex stirred back into consciousness, and for the first time ever I saw distrust in his eyes, and it was pointed at me. Before I could apologize, he'd portaled back to CN, and I didn't want to make things worse so I let him go. The rabbit came and sat down, and we had a mostly me talking conversation. He doesn't seem to say a whole lot, still using mostly body language and emotions. Still, it was enough that I started pulling up name lists on my computer and we looked at a bunch of them. We didn't find anything, so I opened a blank document and closed my eyes. I told him to pick up and move my fingers to whichever letters he wanted. (I don't know if it was really possession, because I still had to do all the moving, he just guided the direction.) And so we finally got him a name: Riv. He may change it later, but for now at least it's something. While we were doing that, the alarms in my head began to go off, and I got a drastically clear open-eyed visualization of a funeral procession. (Kinda like Padme's at the end of Episode III, only everything was black and the coffin was covered.) Panicked, I told Riv to put his hand on top of mine and I (not gently at all mind you) teleported us to the funeral, ripping the top off the casket. It began to rain. Rex's body lay there, cold and unmoving. Ron came out of nowhere, knocking me over and pinning me to the ground, hurtling blame at me for focusing too much on "that thing". (Referring to Riv.) Riv became angry in response, and the whole cybernetic, demonic thing popped back. Riv snatched Ron from on top of me and threw him into the air, opening tattered wings as the two of them fought against the thunder and lightning in the sky. I huddled around Rex's body. The crowd seemed unable to move, riveted by the fight either with fierce determination, or a sickened look on their faces. I conjured a small flame, more for symbolism than anything else, and forced it down Rex's dead throat. Nothing. Aaron swooped down, and I didn't have the energy to tell him to buzz off. He used a talon to gently look under some of Rex's fur, and there was a strange mark on the skin, with something wriggling under it. Aaron dug his talon into Rex, pulling out a vile looking worm and eating it. (Not whole mind you.) Aaron turned to me, warning me that "Dark things are at work in [my] mind," before flying off. Rex stirred in my arms, and a rush of thankfulness followed Aaron. Apparently, Rex had felt that I'd replaced him with Riv. I would never do that. Once we'd had our moment, Rex floated up to where Riv and Ron were temporarily separated, and seemed to detonate. (His fur's golden, so it worked.) A wave of sunlight spread out from him, covering what I would guess was all of CN. Riv flew back down to me, now looking like himself. Rex also descended, and we hugged again. It was then that I noticed that Ron was disappearing through a portal, something that he shouldn't have been able to do. The portal was black, with grey swirls. (As opposed to the pink with blue swirls that the normal portals make.) Rex opted to stay in IS and sort everything out, while I took Riv back to the physical world with me. (He's actually sitting here while I write this, and he's really interested by all the posters on my wall and my lizard.) So all that happened, and I'm sorry that the post was long, but the session did technically last over an hour and a half. Hopefully, I'll get better at keeping up to date with these... Riv's waving good-bye, I'll have to explain that no one can see him on the internet via typing. Thus endeth Session 8.
  11. Apparently I'm horrible at not making walls of text. I do apologize, but no one's saying you have to read everything. Questions and important things will be bolded, so you can simply look for those. DISCLAIMER: THIS POST WILL BE LONG Session 7; A Trial and Pandora's Box Okay, going to admit it, even though you can't tell... It's been over a week since I did any sort of forcing. In fact, this session takes place yesterday afternoon. I entered the wonderland and was met immediately by a very grim looking Rex. He walked me to down a hall I'd never seem before in the station, to a room I hadn't known existed. It had a large conference table in the center with about a dozen chairs, and then around the walls that seemed to go up for forever, there were hundreds of risers with seats in them that were just packed with nondescript figures. And the trial began. There was someone in the form of a harpy eagle moderating the trial, (only later did I learn his name was Aaron), and it basically centered on my irresponsibility and the communication issues that we've been having over the mixed feelings of In the end, Ron, (one of my other headmates), took the initiative on himself and brought the rabbit into the trial, which essentially ended it. I had to stop Bradley, (one of the dragons), from roasting him, and Bill, (an executioner who I didn't know existed), from beheading him, but everything worked out and I am now at liberty to discuss them as freely as they discuss me amongst themselves. After that ordeal, I headed to the nursery with the rabbit, (who still doesn't have a name...). Rex, Ron, and Rufus met us there. I tried to ask Ron about his motives, but as per usual he simply growled threats and walked out. Still, it was surprising that he actually took my side in the trial. Aaron swooped in from the shadows and delivered a brief amount of advice before seeming to literally melt into the shadows. Rex and Rufus left, leaving the rabbit and I in the nursery. I really wanted to work on visualization, especially on his face, and I'd gotten from the IRC that feeling out his face might help. He kneeled down, legs splayed out to the sides like the goofball he is. His body language is very communicative, even if he doesn't seem "word vocal" yet. (I'm probably just not listening, but if he's not ready he's not ready. It's hard to tell. Advice?) I started trying to feel the contours of his face, and I succeeded in getting the rough position and size of the nose. Before we got any farther we were suddenly in the Death Star on that little platform overlooking the massive drop into nothingness where Darth Vader reveals his true identity to Luke Skywalker. Only this time there was no Darth Vader and no Luke Skywalker. Just myself on the small catwalk, and the rabbit hanging off the edge. I reached out to grab him, terrified that he would fall. It was odd, but I thought I could see his face, (terrified, as to be expected), except the face was in the minds eye of my minds eye, and not really part of his form. His furry hand slipped through mine, and I actually tore the palm off of his hand as though it came off at the seams. He fell. Without another thought, I jumped after him. I must have closed my eyes during the fall, because when I felt him catch me, we were on the foothills of a volcano. We decided to ascend the volcano, and the climb was a long one. Near the top, my foot slipped, and he reached down to grab me. He reached with the hand that I'd torn the palm off of, and it was empty inside, as though he were just a shell. When I saw that, he began to disintegrate into sand, scattering on the wind. Another terrified face, almost more so, as he kept disintegrating. His amber eyes were pleading, and despite the fact that there was no verbal communication, I knew he was asking me to believe in him, in his existence. I looked at the empty void in his hand, and under the pressure of his disintegration into sand, I envisioned the void slowly filling up with the stuff that make people up. I started with bones, then added muscle, then veins, and then other sundry things, until finally the missing skin regrew. He stopped disintegrating, and he grabbed me before I could fall. With a mighty yank, he threw me up over him and into the volcano's crater. He hopped in after me. We landed without any major issues on what appeared to be a baseball field in the volcano's core. A fly ball came our way, and he, (being taller and able to jump with his rabbit powers), managed to catch it out of the air. It transformed to a flaming rock while in his hand, and when we looked back at the baseball game we saw that the players had become molten goblins in baseball uniforms and the field was the kind of rocky fire floor you would expect in a volcano. The fire goblins advanced, and we had no way out of the crater. Without any prompting from me, (I'm glad to say), the rabbit threw the volcano rock that he'd caught onto the ground, creating a combined smokescreen and one of those black holes that the Looney Toons always used to go through walls and things. We dropped into the hole, and it closed behind us. We were in a void, which in the blink of an eye developed stars, so I'll assume it was space. A jetpack appeared, and the rabbit put it on, grabbing me with his dexterous feet. We zoomed through the emptiness of space for awhile, just enjoying it. The three colors of the Powerpuff Girls began to slowly develop into a vortex around us, and we emerged on the other side by descended on a gentle hilltop. A herd of Earth Treader brazul, (they're kinda like horses), ran by below our position on the hill, brown coats shining beautifully in the gentle sunlight. The rabbit must have caught on to my wonderment, because a moment later he'd grown large wings from nowhere, scooped me onto his back, and we were flying above the clouds. We flew alongside a herd of Cloud Hopper brazuls, swooping towards the station. It was at that point that a song from the musical I'm in crept into my head. Unfortunately, the song also happened to be the Nazi national anthem. As it played, the wonderland below us flashed in and out of another reality, one where it was utterly demolished. Panicking, I urged the rabbit to drop me on one of the towers of the station, (since when did it have towers?), and I forced the 'song' into a cardboard box. I could still hear it through the cardboard, so we ran downstairs, hoping to find somewhere to put it that no one would open it. On the spiral staircase we ran into Bill. He's actually a really nice guy when you get to know him. I forced a sharpy, and I wrote "Do Not Open Until The Year 3000" on the side, entrusting it to Bill. Horribleness contained in a Pandora's Box, we headed the rest of the way back to the ground floor. In my wonderland, there's a train that lets anyone travel back and forth between the physical world, and the wonderland. (I and Rex are the only ones who can spontaneously create portals.) We got to the ground in time to catch a train, so I figured it would be a good way to end off the session while at the same time introducing the rabbit to the physical world. Unfortunately, the ginger-furred cat conductor, (who I'd also never seen before, lots of new faces here), snarkily told us that because the rabbit didn't have a ticket, he couldn't ride. Disappointed, the rabbit and I headed back in the direction of the nursery. Before we'd gotten there however, he stopped, crossing his arms and refusing to take another step. (Again, he's very clear with his body language as a communication.) He was tired of the nursery, he wanted to 'move out' as it were, partially upset about not being able to visit the physical world or even go on the train. It was then that I made him a promise: When I could see all parts of him (face included) clearly, I would take him to the physical world. Until then, he'd be able to deal with the entirety of the wonderland and acclimate himself to dealing with others. I took him down a hallway, revealing a hidden panel where the broken fragments of his egg were. I took the egg, and together we made it whole again. I gave it to him, telling him he could put it wherever he wanted. (Creatures in my wonderland tend to live in eggs that are bigger on the inside. Like genies... or the Doctor.) He bounced off happily to find somewhere for his new home, and I left the wonderland. QUESTIONS: Whenever I try to focus on his face, I can't see it, but whenever I'm not paying attention to it and focusing on him as a whole, I can make out the general face. Does anyone have any suggestions for this? I really feel odd because he's still unnamed. Are there any tips you guys have for figuring out what someone's name is? Thus endeth Session 7, and the backlogs. Next update will be new content.
  12. Forum: Nope, not going to separate posts every time, just sporadically. Deal with it. Me: Thanks forum, love you too. Moving on. Session 6; A Force For Good At long last, I actually got down to setting a forcing session. I found myself home alone two Thursdays ago, and decided there was no time like the present. (Or the past if you're going from when I'm writing this...) I went into my den and laid down on the floor, as my bedroom was too bright for me to focus, and I had to get myself away from my computer. I set a timer for an hour, I was expecting people to get home around then, and closed my eyes. Now, I've never been one for meditating or anything, and in fact when I did martial arts I always tended to fidget during meditation, so it took awhile to get into it. I'd read a few guides earlier about how to improve forcing and meditation, and basically just focused on breathing slowly. Once my breathing had slowed down, I wandered into my wonderland and made my way into the nursery off of the main area. To my surprise, I found Rex, (one of the possible tulpa/headmates that's given me permission to mention him directly), talking to the egg and watching it. He stopped talking as soon as he noticed me in the room, so I don't know what he'd been saying. He backed off so that I could get closer to the egg, (because talking to someone from across the room is silly and should only be done when discussing something extremely ridiculous), and place my hand on its smooth surface. Without anything else to do, I began narrating to it again, this time having more of a three-way, two-sided discussion with Rex while still including the egg. Shortly after, something interesting happened. One moment the egg was there, and the next it was not. In its place there was a rather large, brown rabbit. If you've seen Rise of the Guardians then you might be able to picture the rough body type as similar to Bunnymund's, except light milk chocolate brown and without any markings on the fur. Needless to say, it caught me a bit off guard. Rex just sat in the corner, smiling cheekily as though he'd known this would happen, or maybe my face just looked funny from astonishment. The rabbit didn't say anything, but there were enough emotions coming off of him that I got the general idea. I briefly explained life, the universe, and everything to him, (at least in terms of where he was and what was going on), and he seemed to calm down considerably. And then we were in a biplane. Don't ask me how we got there, we just were suddenly there, the rabbit and I. He was even wearing the goggles and scarf that Snoopy from Charlie Brown always wears when he's being the Red Baron. We flew over some nondescript landscape of clouds and mountains, before landing on a hillside with a blender. The blender must have been battery powered because I couldn't see a power cord. Now, I don't like very many flavors of ice cream, so I tend to go with vanilla. I know that this rabbit was only a few moments 'hatched', but I decided because he was moving around, (and was really good with communication through body language), that I would let him pick the ice cream. I don't know what I expected, but I guess I assumed it would be a flavor I liked. He chose Black Raspberry, possibly one of my least favorite ice cream flavors ever. If I had any doubt of his sentience, it's gone now. We put the ice cream in the blender and started it, sitting on the hillside to wait. Before long, we heard some odd sounds from the blender and stood to check on it. There were cracks in it. He and I exchanged a brief glance before the blender exploded, pulling a TARDIS and spewing Black Raspberry ice cream of immeasurable quantities all over the hillside. If you've watched Tom and Jerry and remember scenes were they both get covered in snow and then pop up out of it, then you can picture what he and I did after coating the hill in ice cream. We had a long laugh atop the ice cream, reveling in comradeship. Unfortunately, it was then that his face decided to disappear. I tried to focus on his form while we were on the hillside so that I could see it better, but when I reached his face it simply wasn't there. A second after I realized it, whether because we're still connected or he noticed the horror on my face, he started feeling his own face and panicking. I managed to get him back to the nursery safely. We worked on visualization for the remainder of the time, (mostly his feet, hands, and ears), but no matter how hard I tried to concentrate his face simply wouldn't show up. After calming him down significantly, and with a stabbing pain in the back of my head and a throbbing in my leg, I left him in Rex's care and left, hoping to show up here and get some answers. QUESTION: Does anyone have some tips for re-finding his face? Or just visualization in general? Thus endeth Session 6.
  13. Hm... So a bit of a forward before the next segment. Sorry about the wall of text, I'm not sure how to split the posts? on this forum. Any help is appreciated! Sessions 2 & 3; Of Nazis and... Nazis (These two sessions are grouped together because they might as well have been one longer session.) So I've been really lacking on the whole tulpa business, and therefore decided to get right down to it. I had to walk to and from my school today for play rehearsals, and the walks are about an hour long each and not crowded, so it seemed ideal for narration. I called up the form of my egg sitting safely, and now uncovered, in the nursery and placed it in front and off to the side so that I could comfortably look at it while walking and still see everything in front of me. Then, I began to speak. And speak. And speak. And the topic was... the Nazi political party. An odd choice to be narrating about perhaps, but one that was on my mind because of the nature of the play I was going to/coming back from. (It's called Cabaret if you want to google it.) And it takes place in Berlin just as the Nazi political party is coming to power. If spending countless exhausting hours working in the pre-holocaust time period aren't enough to get your mind thinking about it, I don't know what is, but that was our topic. The egg didn't really have anything to say, but there were a few twinges of curiosity as I went further into the subject that couldn't have been me considering the years of holocaust sections in history classes that Americans sit through, so I took it as a good thing and kept right on talking. That basically encompasses the entirety of the two sessions. Thus endeth Sessions 2 & 3. Another forward really quickly. The sessions 2/3 post actually separated itself so I'm not sure what's going on there, but oh well. I'm trying not to text wall these, so here's hoping this post is separated too! Sessions 4 & 5; An Audition, Some People, and A Party And we're back with more non-stop tulpa action! Still need to get my butt in gear and do some actual forcing, but for the moment the best I can do is narrate while walking to/from play practice. Anywho, so while I was walking today I again set the egg over to the side and in front of me and began talking. I prefer to narrate out loud when possible, which makes it really interesting when I approach someone out doing yard work and have to switch to mental speaking really quickly. We actually didn't discuss Nazis this time, perhaps I've exhausted that history lesson, but rather we talked about my more personal life. I told the egg, (still no name, form, or gender), about a story where my sister and I were at an audition and her phone went off in the middle of it. That story lasted us most of the way to rehearsal. The rest of the walk there was focused more on my friends, as one of them had ridden by on his bike and we'd talked for a few minutes. More twinges of curiosity actually spiked this avenue of dialogue, which I'm again just taking as a good sign. I figure if it's curious then it's learning and is engaged in stimuli around it and me. After practice, I basically picked up where I left off, but had to do it internally as one of my friends walked with me about halfway from the school. Once I was alone again, the topic morphed from talking about one of my friends, to recalling a time at a party where my friend had sat in a room waiting for someone to walk in there so that he could be found petting a stuffed cat and make a James Bond reference. That led to a discussion about Bond, (a short one seeing as I'm not terribly familiar with the franchise), and spies in general. Then I had to switch back to mental speech as I finished the walk and the both of us went to bed. Thus endeth Sessions 4 & 5.
  14. Session 0; Setting the Stage And... cue the introduction! Hey there everyone, a few weeks ago a friend of mine and I were talking while grabbing lunch and we somehow wound up on the topic of tulpa. The more we discussed it, the greater my suspicions became. The entire thing hit pretty close to home, as I already share my head with many other entities. (Seeing as they're not all human, 'entity' is more appropriate than 'people'.) I'm not experienced on tulpa, I'm not even sure if I've made accidental tulpas or I'm simply crazy, but it piqued my interest regardless. After a few tries of forgetting the name of the site, I stumbled onto it from a Yahoo Answers post, and lurked for those few weeks that lead up to now. After a bit of lurking, but before registering, (time frames yay!), I decided to go ahead with creating a tulpa. No, I don't have a concrete reason that I can put into words, it just seemed like the right time and place. Without further ado, I re-read all the guides I could get my hands on, and sat down to do some mental preparation. Something that was floating around in my noggin before I heard about tulpa was what is referred to here as a wonderland, (mine already has a specific name, but ill keep it to myself at the moment.). I'd never really explored it, but it was there and it was where I could go to talk to the other entities. (They all lived there.) I wandered through it, (it kinda looks like Kings Cross Station from Harry Potter), and 'found' a new room off to the side that I turned into a kind of nursery. I put colorful pads on the floor and gave the entire room a bright color scheme. That was really all I did, as I had to go take care of something in life. (Life, why you always be in the way?) But the groundwork was laid; and I was ready to begin the long journey. I'll be recording my progress, and the progress of anyone else willing, here. All records will be kept in sessions, not hours, so I'll see you guys in Session 1! Thus endeth Session 0. Session 1; Permission and Planning Welcome back anyone who for whatever reason is reading this! I would say it's been awhile, but for me it hasn't because I'm still putting up back-logs of sessions. (Session 7 is the last catch-up post.) But you want to get to the actual important part of this post, so I won't delay you any longer. The first thing that I did was following the 'define a personality' route. I got a piece of paper, googled 'character traits', and tried to get a feel for the kind of entity that would be created. I ended up with a fairly short list of between 10 and 20 traits, and stared at that list for awhile. I'd read about various ways of imparting a personality to a new tulpa, but looking at the list I didn't feel I'd be able to remember them all. So I changed tactics and instead began to mentally turn all those words that I was staring at into feelings and people/characters that I knew well, and then smooshing them all together into a mix-mash of traits that were no longer words, but ideas and feelings that cannot be described with words. It was this jumble that I then bundled up safely and took with me into my wonderland. Unfortunately, there was some business that I had to take care of first. My current headmates, (still not sure if they're tulpa), confronted me and demanded explanations about the tulpa phenomenon. Some felt betrayed, others were confused, and still a few were simply downright angry. The general consensus was this: Why, after nearly two decades, was I suddenly going to pull back the curtain on my most guarded secret to a bunch of strangers on the internet? An inspiring and reassuring speech later, everything was sorted out. I wouldn't bring up anyone who felt uncomfortable, and they'd let me do my thing. That settled, I headed to the nursery. Here's where things got interesting, as I hadn't decided on a form. Or rather, I had decided to not give it (genderless tulpa at this point) a form so that it could choose for itself when it was ready. This being a problem I hadn't thought of, it took me awhile to overcome it. Eventually, I recalled that many people would make gaseous forms or balls of energy before forms, and chose a nice shape that was easy to visualize: a large, brown, egg. I took out my bundle of mixed traits, laying it on the ground in the center of the nursery. Then, I forced the brown egg on top of it and wrapped the bundle around the egg, watching as it slowly began to sink in. I left the egg and bundle alone, leaving the wonderland so that the tulpa could have ample time to figure out what I was trying to convey with the bundle. Thus endeth Session 1.