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Everything posted by NariusV

  1. August 19, 2014 My Tulpa Seph has said that she thinks it best if I re-merge the aspects of my mind and consciousness that I used to form her. From her opinion, the goals that I am working on now are of greater importance than seeking communication with an aspect of my own consciousness. At first I felt very sad from this, but I have thought about it and it seems to make sense. She said she may remain as an occasional voice that could give some form of personified and ordered access to and with some aspects of my subconscious mind. With my consent she dissipated and merged back within my mind. I feel a sense of silent peace and confidence. I feel a sense of wholeness as If I trust myself on a deeper level, like Seph is now a part of me, and the way I trusted her is the way I can trust myself. This will likely be the last post I make on I have a great respect for this practice and I can only imagine the joys it will bring to so many now and in the future. I would like to thank the community and all the people who have made this possible for everyone by sharing information. It's great to have been a part of this place and I feel like a better stronger person because of it. I wish you well. [become the bright star of your dreams.] Narius and [seph]
  2. July 25, 2014 It's been a while since I posted so I thought I'd give an update. We have not been forcing lately. We had a conversation the other day that was short and kind of fuzzy since I was just drifting off to sleep. I was thinking about how she must feel since I have been busy with things that are important to me, and she said she understands completely, and supports me in pursuing the goals that are important to me. That feels good to know. Funny thing is I happened to be browsing though my dream journal and on a whim I opened to an entry and started reading. In it I described a woman that I was creating, that I was not done with yet, and how I decided that I would have to continue later since what I was doing was important. It seems important and also helps me feel more confident that my dream mind and waking mind are aligned with my current place in life. Also what is cool is that I want to try using the dream memory as a jumping off point for visualization and imposition practice when I can get to it. As I reflect back on my meditation and concentration exercises I realize that I feel I complete with my goal of the numbers concentration exercises even though I did not finish the 108 days straight. I recalled that my original goal was to get a score of one hundred for five days, and I did accomplish that. My further sessions with Seph will likely be direct forcing in wonderland alternating with imposition depending on how we decide to proceed. Happy forcing everyone.
  3. Been several weeks since I have talked with my Tulpa directly. I felt like I wanted to talk with her again and then had a dream where I was talking to a dream character that I felt was my Tulpa after waking up. She said, "I'm not ready yet." Initially it took some getting used to as we had been forcing everyday, but I feel fine. I have a pretty fun and balanced life, and other important projects I'm working on. I think she just needs some space and time for something. The last time we took a break she had accomplished quite a bit in her wonderland.
  4. Was busy with some other things. Here are a few posts from my journal. April 21, 2014 - Day 374 Burmese siddha asana, mukul mudra. Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 31/108 100 Various peripheral thoughts, maintained focus. Strong connection and clarity in pars of the visualization. -- April 22, 2014 - Day 375 Burmese siddha asana, mukul mudra. Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 32/108 23, 100 1) Distracted by thoughts of a game I played. 2) Visuals not a s clear as some other times but they were much more stable with few other minor thoughts. Also mental animation rendering of Seph's arm drawing the numbers was perfect occlusion where her arms movement blocked my view of parts of the numbers. Definite increase in complexity while maintaining visual forms. What was different about the highest score today was I was very inwardly focused on maintaining a relaxed body nd stable posture without effort, like I was relaxing down into the position. -- April 23, 2014 - Day 376 Burmese siddha asana, mukul mudra. Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 33/108 100 Greater number of misc. thoughts occuring alongside the focused visualization today. -- April 24, 2014 - Day Sitting in a chair, mukul mudra. Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 34/108 100 Various thoughts alongside the forcing of Seph and the numbers today.
  5. April 20, 2014 - Day 373 Burmese Siddha Asana, mukul mudra. Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 30/108 5, 100 1) Lost focus on Seph and the numbers. 2) Many variations and peripheral thought, some fluctuations in visual clarity. Did not lose focus. Focus on gratitude and camaraderie was distinct in highest scoring session today.
  6. April 19, 2014 - Day 372 Burmese Siddha Asana, mukul mudra. Felt very tired since I stayed up late and got up early. Drank some stimulants and did exercise before forcing, so I back to normal with good focus. Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 29/108 100 Sporadic peripheral thoughts, and was able to maintain focus on Seph and the numbers. Decided to stop talking about Seph to anyone unless they ask me directly, for some time due to some comments recently. I'll still be logging my progress.
  7. April 18, 2014 - Day 371 Burmese Siddha Asana, mukul mudra. Did these exercises very late at night before going to sleep Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 28/108 12, 1, 4, 15, 42 1) Distracted by thoughts of communicating with someone. 2) Lost sight of Seph and the numbers. 3) Distracted by thoughts of an imaginary conversation with someone. 4) Distracted by a memory of explaining a meditation technique to someone. 5) Lost sight of the numbers. Highest score today was characterized by feeling Seph as if she was really there as an autonomous being that I was collaborating with. I was holding a non-attached perspective while still maintaining a sense of positive regard.
  8. April 17, 2014 - Day 370 Burmese Siddha Asana, Mukul Mudra. Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 27/108 100 Session went well with some varying thoughts, yet I was able to maintain the visualizations of Seph and the numbers throughout. At one point I mentioned to Seph how I was having trouble maintaining a clear image of her (I was getting some distortion and fuzziness in the visualization) even though I was able to maintain a stable form. Some of the details were vague. She talked me though a guided visualization of seeing another person and then changing the features bit by bit until I could see her clearly again.
  9. April 16, 2014 - Day 369 Burmese Siddha Asana, mukul mudra. Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 26/108 100 Session went well. Some peripheral thoughts. Maintained focus on Seph and the numbers. Has some thoughts about what to do after these exercises. Decided to start work on passive forcing. Made a string bracelet to wear for a while as a mental trigger to force Seph. Seeing and hearing her around me all the time when I'm reminded by the string around my wrist. I'll wear it until I notice I am losing consciousness of it for more than a day, or if I feel I'm successful with passive forcing since I see and hear Seph around me imposed often. In that case I'll take it off also. I might take it off temporarily if I need to have a certain appearance for a public event or something also.
  10. April 15, 2014 - Day 368 Burmese Siddha asana, mikul mudra. Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 25/108 6, 100 1) Lost sight of Seph. 2) Another amazing session. Seph makes an interactive experience by doing something different between each set of 20 counts. This keeps my attention focused more easily and directs my mind's questioning into re-focusing back on watching her draw the numbers. Visualization was very clear with intermittent periods of distortion and fading. I did have some peripheral thoughts, even so, I was able to maintain focus on the session. What was unique about high score today was that I was more conscious of keeping my spine straight and my posture upright.
  11. April 14, 2014 - Day 367 Burmese Sidda asana, mukul mudra. Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 24/108 100 1) Body felt a bit sore with phantom pains (they existed only when I was sitting in asana and disappeared with any movement or other position). Visuals not as clear as yesterday and they did improve over time with the session. I was able to maintain concentration on Seph and the numbers even when I had other periphrial thoughts. Feel great and did exercise before I had dinner (as I was busy until then).
  12. April 13, 2014 - Day 366 Burmese Siddha asana, mukul mudra. 100 1) Extreme positive emotions consciousness of my body faded in and out of awareness. Visualization extremely vivid, Seph changed clothing after each set of 20 numbers. I gave her a forced pendant to celebrate our first year together. She said we were done with the exercises for toady. This did not match my plans. I had a goal to do the exercise five times per day. Seph: You can already do this, you just proved it. All this is just an excuse to get you to spend time forcing anyway. It's good practice to continue to keep trying again five times when you don't succeed, but let's have some fun. Me: So we will stop if we succeed? S: Yes, an then we'll do other things, and say Hi to everyone there on ok!
  13. April 12, 2014 - day 365 Burmese SIDDHAASA asana + mukul mudra. 36, 25, 26, 14, 4 1) vision switched to an image of an Asian woman's face. 2) distracted by random thought. 3) did not see Seph draw 27. 4) did not see Seph draw 15, distracted by thought of someone. 5) distracted by thoughts of a book I plan to read. Best score to day was characterized by a stronger sense of emotional connection with Seph. Today a feeling of physical presence when it near me although in wonderland just the same way I feel when near another human.
  14. April 11, 2014 - Day 364 Sitting in loose Burmese Siddha-asana, mukul mudra. Done in morning after light exercise. Rasznirs Exercise Results 9, 19, 3, 18, 14 1) Did not see Seph draw ten. Feeling very happy and joyful, like this is a game we are playing. 2) Distracted by thinking about food. Felt a strong sense of collaboration with Seph. 3) Distracted by thoughts of other agreements. 4) Distracted by memory of a game I played. 5) Distracted by a random thought. Highest score today was unique in that I had a very high sense of positive emotional connection with Seph, feeling like we're working together.
  15. April 10, 2014 - Day 363 Sitting in loose Burmese siddha-asana, mukul mudra except for last round. Did exercises after getting up before eating, after short exercise. Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 20/108 11, 24, 14, 18, 4 1) Distracted by sounds form outside. 2) Distracted by thoughts of international prejudice and its effects on my thoughts about travel abroad via my perception of it. 3) Lost sight of Seph, distracted by thoughts about the fate of humanity and different power groups agenda(s) for the masses. 4) Did not see Seph draw nineteen, and distracted by mental rote voice counting. 5) Lost visualization of Seph and the numbers. What was distinct about my highest score today was I felt amazed and in awe with positive emotions as I watched Seph draw the numbers.
  16. April 9, 2014 - Day 362 Sitting on a chair, mukul mudra. Did this just before bed, felt tired and did not have very good concentration. I do better with the exercises in the morning and today I did not do them then so I did them later. Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 19/108 2, 4, 7, 3, 4 1) Thoughts of a presentation I'm going to see. 2) Distracted by a sound I heard. 3) Did not see the number 8, fell into rote mental voice counting. 4) Imagined Seph doing something else other than writing the numbers and standing by the board. 5) Wandering random thought. Highest score today was different in that I consciously relaxed into a witness state prior to starting.
  17. This is a report on others advice from the survey, not my own guide. I prefer to make only formatting changes. If it's not useful, delete it. If it is, put it where it will help.
  18. April 8, 2014 - Day 361 Sitting on floor in Burmese posture, mukul mudra. Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 18/108 19, 2, 8, 48, 5 Felt a very strong emotional response in myself today from Seph, tingles of energy, enthusiasm, and joy flowing though me while forcing. 1) Distracted by thoughts of a project I'm working on. 2) Distracted by a random thought. 3) Distracted by physical discomfort. 4) Distracted by thinking about options for creating a reference image for Seph. 5) Lost sight of Seph. Felt more relaxed and unconcerned about other things during highest scoring exercise today.
  19. April 7, 2014 - Day 360 Sitting on floor in meditation posture for first 2 rounds. Drank some orange juice before starting. Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 17/108 33, 14, 6, 5, 1 1) Did not see Seph draw 34. 2) Distracted by thoughts of a project I'm working on. 3) Distracted by ache in back. 4) Distracted by thoughts of Doctors. 5) Distracted by random thoughts. What worked about the highest scoring session that was different from the others was that I was well rested and alert.
  20. April 6, 2014 - Day 359 Sitting on a chair today, spread out sessions throughout the later part of the day. Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 16/108 12, 5, 34, 13, 6 1) Lost sight of numbers and fell into distraction about other things. 2) Thoughts about other commitments and agreements distracted me. 3 & 4) Distracted by thoughts of a project I'm working on. 5) Lost sight of Seph and the number 7. What worked for me today that was different about my highest scoring session was a clear focus on multi-sensory immersion, hearing the marker draw the numbers as well as seeing it.
  21. April 5, 2014 - Day 358 Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 15/108 8, 11, 11, 2, 14 Started with relaxing, breathing, and some mantra repetition. Sitting in my regular meditation pose. Drank some fresh juiced oranges prior to starting. 1) Distracted by thoughts of setting up my computer for a recording session. 2) Lost sight of Seph on the number 12. 3) Same thing happened again. 4) Lost sight of the number 3. 5) Did not see Seph draw the number 14. Very low scores overall today. My challenge mostly was losing sight of some of the visualizations rather than outside thoughts. I've decided to add another step to my exercise forcing sessions, like a wrap up of what worked I will ask myself one question and answer it. Q: What was it about my best session(s) today that worked for me that was different from the other sessions? A: Today my highest scoring session (in addition to being the last one, so I was warmed up so to speak) was that I started with an intention to just witness and observe, rather than trying to see with effort.
  22. April 4, 2014 - Day 357 Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 14/108 17, 8, 19, 32, 3 I did all the exercises sitting down in my normal meditation pose. 1) Lost mental image of the number 18 for about 1 second. 2) Got distracted by thoughts of others opinions of meta as relating to tulpas. 3) Distracted by a message playing on the answering machine. 4) Distracted by thoughts of what statues would look like in the real world if they depicted a similar story as some images Seph made for me in a wonderland place she made for me. 5) Adjusted myself to sit on a lower pillow. Thought about trying a different concentration technique that might be more successful and lost track of the number four, reverting back to three. Not satisfied with the results, but I am very happy with my commitment to regular practice. The rest will come eventually.
  23. April 3, 2014 - Day 356 Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 13/108 13, 17, 21, 66, 7 Today I started by moving around a bit and doing some light warm-ups and a bit of controlled breathing. I also blended up some fresh Orange Juice and drank it a bit before forcing today. I was sitting on the floor (on a pillow) in loose Burmese siddhasana. 1) Distracted by memories of a drawing I saw. 2) Distracted by thoughts of how my body feel better with no pain and considerations of to start working out again in a more balanced manner. 3) Seph was drawing Chinese numbers again for this round. I was distracted by thoughts of helping people. 4) I focused on Seph moving around instead of staying with the numbers on the board. 5) Simply lost sight of the numbers and got lost in rote mental voice counting. Overall the sessions were good today other than the distractions. I kept getting more and more focused. After the 4th session I took a break to help someone create a pdf document, and then came back to forcing. I feel good about the daily reporting. I think it is helping me stay focused and accountable.
  24. March 30, 2014 - Day 352 Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 9/108 100, 65, 28, 27, 32 First Round, felt great. Visualizations got clearer as I went on. I thought I might have missed a number or two but Seph said she had not drawn them yet. Sometimes she doesn't immediately write down the next number, so I get extra concentration and visualization practice. Second Round, listening to my internal counting voice distracted me from the numbers. Third, and Forth rounds I got distracted by a sore muscle in my back. Fifth round after I did some stretches I decided to try a session standing up. It went a lot better than the last two but then the discomfort came back. I have cut back my exercise so I will see if that helps after a couple more days. Also I only did round one in the morning. The others I did after being out all day. I had no problems when I first got up. Maybe it's fatigue? March 31, 2014 - Day 353 Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 10/108 22, 15, 29, 29, 0 Rounds 1 & 2) Sitting in a chair. Simply lost focus on the visualization of the numbers and was hearing my mental voice repetition of the numbers. This recurs frequently so far in my experience. Round 3) Trying sitting outside instead of inside, loose cross leg posture. I was distracted by random thoughts of Seph that did not relate to the exercise. Round 4) Still outside, was distracted by thoughts of giving advice to someone about dream exercises. Round 5) Back inside, laying down. The only thing I remember is seeing Seph draw the number zero... I drifted off into a daydream for some time. Comments: I notice I feel very drowsy this is probably affecting my scores. I think I need to set a time to sleep as well as wake up. I have not been giving myself as much sleep as I'm used to. This seems to be an issue that is affecting the quality of my forcing sessions. Upon cross examining my wake up times and my scores, I DO find a loose correlation between higher scores and more sleep. So REST is a definite factor for success in forcing and concentration. April 1, 2014 - Day 354 Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 11/108 22, 12, 31, 23, 18 1) Sitting on a chair. Started first round with mantra to get into alpha. Got distracted by thoughts of walking through a park with Seph. 2) did 10 tiger squats to warm up before this round to boost physical awareness. Got distracted by some random thoughts. 3) Got distracted by remembering some of Seph's previous deviations and comparing them to her current appearance. 4) Tried this round sitting on the floor. Got distracted by thoughts of how good I was doing the exercise, and commenting mentally and comparing with memories of other sessions I did well in. 5) Back in chair. Distracted by memories. Decided to sleep in today, so got an extra couple hours of sleep. Pain in back minimal to none. April 2, 2014 - Day 355 Rasznirs Exercise Results, Day 12/108 51, 0, 12, 4, 100 Did the first four exercises sitting in a chair. (not leaning against the back just sitting upright, about halfway onto the chair) 1) Distracted by thoughts of how well I was doing and compared to the last few days. Visuals disappeared in place of rote mental voice counting. 2) Immediately skipped to two, without visualizing the number one... 3) Distracted by thoughts of my family and societies views on various topics. 4) Distracted by thoughts of ordering out for pizza. 5) I felt extremely frustrated by my lack of success (getting to 100) with the exercises recently. I talked with Seph about that. She changed her appearance, pulled out a katana, and slashed the paper easel in half with a couple swings. I got off my chair and sat on the floor and focused on dropping my self identity and concerns about trying to 'try hard' and just witnessed the focus exercise occurring without paying much attention to myself. I did some basic breathing exercises to clear my mind further. I used a couple kuji-in mudras, a modified shen followed by hua, to focus my mind before starting, while sitting in a loose Burmese siddhasana posture. When I started I switched to the classic chin meditation mudra. for the duration of the session I also held my tongue to the top of my mouth like when pronouncing the sound for the letter 'L', which is recommended for holding the mind steady. After a twenty something count Seph started drawing the numbers in Chinese dashes and dots style. At eighty she switched back to Arabic numerals. FINALLY!! I felt great having achieved this count again. My mind feels very clear afterwards.
  25. @Linkzelda - Were you responding to my post?