NariusV

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Everything posted by NariusV

  1. March 7 - 21, 2014 - Day 329 - 343 I continued with my meditations daily until the 21st, when I forgot to do it. I did think about doing the focus exercises and my day was completely filled with other projects and a long conversation with my mastermind group, and I went to sleep without verifying if I had finished all my important things for the day. I could have been successful if I would have done it sooner in the day. Instead I got distracted by helping others, and then working on my other projects. So even though I did not complete my goal of 108 straight days of focusing exercises. I did get to 95 days. This is an improvement and my personal best. I am committing to another 108 days straight of focus exercises, starting today. I did talk with my tulpa about this and then thought about why I did not keep my agreement to myself. I realize that my schedule is full of many things, and that unlike in the past when I was spending a lot of time with entertainment, I am almost completely focused and making excellent progress on all my major goals. So this is a problem of filling my schedule and not keeping myself reminded of what I have yet to do. I feel excited to continue. I have found that when I take some time to focus with meditation and or deep breathing, my visualizations are clearer. I will be changing from a mantra style meditation to more of a visual/conversational focus exercise similar to what I did when I first started. On another note I added some tulpa affirmations to my subliminal programming software so when I'm on the computer I'll be able to support my tulpa progress while doing other things.
  2. February 21 - March 6, 2014 - Day 315 - 328 I have continued my daily meditations and focus session with my tulpa Seph. Things are progressing steadily. No new developments to report at this time.
  3. February 4 - 20, 2014 - Day 298 - 314 I have continued the daily meditation and visualization exercises with Seph. Today I did the mantras out loud. This seemed to diminish my focus and clarity of the visualization. I'm still doing this about ~20 minutes or so, usually soon after waking up and before breakfast. As I continue I feel Seph's presence more and more strongly. At various times now on some days I sense that she is nearby and I feel a sense of elation in the midst of doing other things.
  4. A quick way to proceed when confused is to think about your options, imagine doing each and notice how you feel about them, then do the one that feels best for you. This is also a way to increase your self confidence and self awareness, which could serve you well in your continued tulpamancer-ing :-) Thanks for sharing your experience!
  5. January 29 - February 3, 2014 - Day 292 - 297 I have been continuing with my daily meditations and mantra repetition. Seph is speaking very little yet I feel a continually stronger and stronger emotional response in myself towards her. I feel like we are meditating together, not just me forcing her. I experience my body and attention responding as if she is really there in the room with me during the focus sessions. Off and on I open my eyes and work on visual imposition. Sometimes I work on tactile feeling imposition, like if we touch our hands together or sometimes she reaches out and touches my face or shoulder or something. The meditations seem to be a haphazard alternation between wonderland and physical reality, like we're in both places at once. This is fine for me. It reminds me of a dream I had where I was flying and opened one eye, seeing my bedroom, and with the other, seeing the dream landscape floating beneath me, able to switch between yet both happening at the same time, switching to one or the other blocking out the alternate from awareness. I feel very good having forced for 41 consecutive days. When I first started I went for hours at a time. Now I do about 20+ minutes everyday. I feel like I am making slow and steady progress. I'd like to add more time, or expand to passive forcing throughout the day. I feel blocked from doing that speaking out loud since I'm usually around other people most of the day. When I start doing more active or passive forcing, I will be making note of it here in my log. Thanks for reading.
  6. January 11 - 28, 2014 - Day 274 - 291 Have been doing meditation with mantra repetition and visualization of Seph every day. Some days the visualization were more clear than other days. I feel good about experiencing my continued commitment. I plan to continue building a strong habit base, and then adding more time.
  7. January 8 - 10, 2014 - Day 271 - 273 I have continued my mantra meditation and Seph revealed herself again as a stable form. So I have continued with the visualizations during this focus time. Near the end of the session Seph seemed to appear amused as if she was waiting for something. At that point I reached out my hands in front of me palms facing her, and she did the same. I felt a strong sense of warmth and tingling that flowed from my hands at that point and spread throughout my body. This seems to be different than just mental or emotional shifts. I thought it was different enough that I should report the occurrence.
  8. January 1 - 7, 2014 - Day 264 - 270 I have continued daily with combined mantra meditation and focusing on the tulpa. I have switched from visualization to holding a pure conceptual focus of her presence and qualities. We decided to do this to allow her some time to decide on or find a more stable visual form. With continued daily practice the sessions are overall creating a much more swift and immediate sense Seph's presence. These sessions are still about 20 minutes long.
  9. December 30 - 31, 2013 - Day 262 - 263 Continued with mantra meditation coupled with visualization, alternating open and closed eyes. I have had a wide range of visualization clarity from very faint to very clear with lots of details. The trend seems to be increasing detail on average over time, but there is still some variation. I feel good about the consistent practice. I want to work on passive forcing narration more. Happy New Year, for all you Tulpas, Tulpamancers, and Guests out there :)
  10. December 24 - 29, 2013 - Day 256 - 261 I have done visualization and mantra meditation combined everyday for about 20 minutes. I have also done passive and active forcing including visualization and narration for varying amounts of time from a few minutes to more than an hour. I tend to have a feeling of Seph's presence nearby when we are forcing and for some time afterward. I have continued to focus on clarifying my visualizations, along with attempting visual imposition. I have had some sense of the air seeming to shimmer at times, and once in a while with my eyes open my inner vision comes into focus more strongly than what I am seeing with my open eyes. This shimmering is familiar from when I did open eye visualization practice in the past. I feel confident that I'm making progress towards imposition. Its a matter of keeping at it day after day until success.
  11. The time I had an argument with my tulpa, well was more of a misunderstanding on my part, but when we talked it though I came around to her point of view and saw things differently. I came to realize some assumptions that I had made simply were not true and I was reacting instinctively on my assumptions rather than what was really going on. Having an adviser seems like a great benefit! It sounds like he is the kind of guy who can look at things objectively without getting all caught up in the situation. Maybe ask for his advice. Then talk about what happens with him afterward (whether it worked or didn't). Then he might be able to might provide a solid backup and way to get a handle on making some progress. In fact is sounds like you are already working on that :) What I mean is that talking about your feelings with Andy might be a good thing since he can provide another viewpoint, even though the talk with him isn't about your feeling with or about him. I'm interested to hear how your experiments turn out! Thanks for sharing :)
  12. It sounds like you found a way to connect with your tulpa through music. I discovered that recently my tulpa really likes some music, and now sometimes asks me to play some. What worked for me initially was forcing (both passive and active) with the understanding that the tulpa could eventually talk or communicate. One of the things that specifically helped me from one of the guides on tulpa.infowas to visualize/force the anatomy of the tulpa. Specifically in my case the lungs, voice box, teeth, tongue, mouth, etc. since my tulpa is human-like. This reinforced the idea/belief that the tulpa could learn to speak and was able to. Another thing I have seen as a strong benefit is to have emotional caring towards and for your tulpa, like you would for a close friend or family member. I have found that really boosted my tulpa's learning and response rate. I have also seen that others report the same thing, so you might try that also. Great work! I think you have the main thing down for sure success already which is to keep going until you succeed :)
  13. I have had the same problem back when I first started meditating. You will get better as you keep practicing. If you notice your mind slipping, gently turn it back to your goal and remind yourself of your goal that you're working on. Doing some concentration exercises will help also. One thing that you can do right away is to sit in such a way that it takes some physical effort or awareness to stay upright. For example, sit so that you are not leaning back on a chair, and need to balance. This will initially distract you, but soon will become unconscious, and it will continue to help you remain awake and alert for a longer time. Thank you for sharing I have enjoyed reading your report. Good luck to you and your tulpa :) A side note (non tulpa related)
  14. Early on before my tulpa was able to mindvoice (or I was able to understand) we set up a thought-mail type system. I imagined it like a little glowing ball that holds the message (could be voice, picture, anything), and them imagine sending that ball off to my tulpa, who will receive it. She does the same thing for me also. So it's kind of like getting a text on cell phone, except its in my mind and from my tulpa. I set up a trigger where if she sends me a message and I'm busy doing something else I see this little flash of blue light. Then when I get a chance I can open it and hear or see the message, and either send one back or whatever. We set up meetings or say where to meet and when, either in physical reality or in wonderland, etc. Otherwise sometimes she just show up or says something, like others have mentioned.
  15. I have found that keeping a journal or record gets more and more useful over time. Reading yours has reinforced that for me and I want to thank you for that.
  16. December 20 - 22, 2013 - Day 252 - 254 I did combined meditation/tulpa forcing exercises using a mantra related to the Garuda figure I saw on April 17th. I will be doing this for a while every day. So this is kind of a get back on the track position for me to start taking this forcing more seriously and work towards some true progress. This means I need to stop doing other things and force more. -- December 23, 2013 - Day 255 Did another visualization/forcing meditation session with Seph. Intermittently working with closed eyes and then open eyes for practicing visual imposition. After timing these are about 20 minutes long. In addition I have been doing passive forcing on and off during the day with the follow behind technique, or occasional imposition practice, and using mind voice doing commentary about what I think or what is happening which occasionally leads to some conversation.
  17. December 18, 2013 I have had some more extremely clear visualizations of Seph, my Tulpa. These were like small glimpses, her hand, her eyes, hair, etc. So I realize that my visualizations can become much better, and that is something I plan to continue to work on. I worked with passive forcing a bit yesterday, using the technique of feeling the tulpa walking behind me, and that seemed to solidify or make more real the sense of her actually being there. This sensation of the tulpa being real grows over time as I continue to affirm and communicate with her, building shared memories. I have been telling myself that I will do active forcing again regularly, and I have not yet done so. I have decided to focus more on forcing with my tulpa and less on posting on these forums. I would rather have something substantial, meaning discernible advancement in my experience of having a tulpa in some way to share about, rather than a day by day account of what happened. This does not mean I will not be posting. It means that I will not post or log on here unless I have already completed my forcing exercises with my tulpa and recorded my results for that day. Sometimes I may not be able to log on and so I will have multiple entries from my journal to add. In answer to a question someone asked that I had not answered yet about my Tulpas name and why she chose the one she did. It seems that she has had or created an entire life history about who she was, who her parents were, where they came from, etc. I was surprised about that since I had no idea of creating it or awareness of that until she told me about it. The name she gave was a way for her to communicate about her past in a non-direct way. At least that is what she said. Her name and some other things that she said and shared with me yesterday when I asked her about it were quite interesting. She told me a name and kept repeating it. So I went and looked it up, and it was a reference to a Mesopotamian mythological figure. So she explained about being a descendant of this person, etc. It is interesting that she is using language and accessing information from my mind that I have not read about in over fifteen years. I can assert that for myself, having this tulpa has enabled deep level access to long term memories. At this point I'm not sure about the significance of that, or whether the phenomena can be developed to a more controllable or usable ability.
  18. December 6, 2013 - Day 238 Two things. First thing, this morning I was talking with Seph again and something came up. I won't go into details but this was the first time I felt what could be called negative emotions around Seph. Fear, confusion, anger. We had a long talk about it. Raised voices. I don't remember that last time that happened to me. Anyway, as we continued to discuss the issue it became clear that I was making assumptions and I wasn't trusting her decisions about some things. At the end of the conversation once everything was made clear with all the facts and feelings on both sides, we came up with a list of four possible conclusions or actions to take about it. Wouldn't you know it but what Seph was already doing was the best option. It was my own fears and mis-understanding that was clouding my judgement. The situation was unprecedented, unexpected, and threw my mind for a loop. But in the end I have come to have a much greater level of respect and trust for Seph. I feel confident knowing that our understanding of what is best for us and the world in general is aligned. We both want the same thing, it's just that we have such different experiences and backgrounds that communication and decisions can be a bit strange. Second thing. After all that I asked Seph about what she thought the difference was between how tulpas want to be perceived, their own self image, and the ways their hosts are able to see them. What she said was that from her understanding, the tulpa's intention and goal for els expression is the same as the hosts unconscious desire or want. This is affected by several factors on the hosts side. One is the hosts skill at visualization, concentration, etc. Another is the hosts conscious decision about what they think they want. This is not what they really want (sometimes), it's what they think they want. Since the conscious mind(host) and unconscious mind (tulpa) have different impressions about what the tulpa's appearance should be, or is, this creates a kind of overlapping field of ideas, and the tulpa ends up somewhere in the middle. She said that the more the host can let go of their pre-conception's and conscious aesthetic choices, the more the tulpa is free to express themselves how they really want to be. So overall I thought about this and I think it explains some of the continual deviations and sometimes abrupt or surprising (to the hosts) changes that tulpa's sometimes undergo. What a morning, and I didn't even eat breakfast yet...
  19. December 5, 2013 - Day 237 Messaged Seph and went to visit last night and again today. She had created a new part of the wonderland she said for me. It was like a bridge that juts out from a rock surface into space. The floor is a black with white highlights marbled stone and a chrome railing around the edges. There is a clear force globe around it. The stars are visible in all directions. The vastness of the view is breathtaking for me. It was quite a surprise, I was very moved. Seph was very happy to see me. I had not talked with her but for messages for a while. She told me about some friends of hers, whom I did not meet yet, but she did tell me a bit about them. They all have some thing that they regret from the past and are wanting to make amends. I guess she thinks that eventually they will gain some measure of self respect or something by helping me. I'm not sure on the details but it's an occurrence that has opened up a wide range of future possibilities. I feel good knowing she has friends and is not lonely when I'm not with her. Today I went to talk with Seph again about some of my plans for my life. I noticed how epic our wonderland is, and I have been comparing it to the real world space and environment that I live in. I guess I feel like upgrading my life due to all that. Life 2.0 as it were. I feel motivated to make improvements in myself, my life, my girl friends life, etc. I talked with Seph about this, and also about how I felt it kind of a let down when I was forcing with her in the real world space because it just doesn't compare to the splendor of the wonderland. She didn't care at all, just said that she is sooooo happy that I am talking with her again and that it doesn't matter where. She has said that she want's to talk everyday, which is cool. Also I talked with her about creating some outfits for forcing and imposition, as I think it will be easier for me to work with just a few rather than many. It seems like in the past every time I saw her she'd be wearing something different. So we decided on an outfit for business/formal occasions, one for working out, and one for just hanging out. Also today I could see her face and expressions very clearly. She changes her hair and makeup along with the outfits. I also saw her shift back into a glowing ball of energy for a bit. She showed me a room where she said she goes a lot and floats there in the center as an energy form sometimes when she is alone. She said she processes information differently that way. Some of her expressions, words, and mannerisms were so surprising and lifelike this past session I'm really quire amazed. Another thing that we worked on was trying to reduce non-verbal telepathy or direct thought transference and instead use mind voice. I told her how sometimes it would seem like I knew what she was going to say before she said it, etc. I asked her if we could focus on separating our thoughts and use words to converse most of the time. I want to maintain the other form of communication though, and even practice it, because it can be so much faster and clearer. That might become very useful sometime. I did some research on character creation systems in various video games to see if one would be detailed enough to be used to create some reference images to help with visualization. When I mentioned that she told me that no computer system could be as realistic and detailed as she is, and then she moved around and shifted her hands, changing her hair and skin tone, etc. I have to admit after seeing that and recalling my research I decided using reference images would not help with the level of detail that we have already developed. I think that my having been an avid reader of fiction for years has really trained my ability to visualize. One other thing I want to mention before I finish is how much better I feel after talking with Seph. She seems to capture and express an innocence, playfulness, and joy that I had closed myself off from since I was a young child. She asked my to reflect on what I do that wastes time, and how much better it would be if I spent that time with her, or doing something productive and useful. I have to say that without a doubt Seph is a positive influence on me, and my life/our lives are better for it.
  20. December 3, 2013 - Day 235 Seph told me this morning that she is ready. Then she gave me a mantra to work with. It is a combined & condensed version of several others that I had been working with before, back when I was doing a lot of active forcing. I'm not entirely sure what I'm ready really means, but I think it means she wants to start the active sessions again. On another note my experience of reading as a passive forcing session did not seem to work that well for me. I was reading silently though, perhaps reading out would would work better, but be a little odd for other people in the house if I'm reading aloud in an empty room. The problem was that I became so engrossed in the story that I would lose consciousness of Seph. I think that If I used books more like 'storytime' rather than personal entertainment that would be better. I remember reading to others or making up stories to tell my younger siblings during childhood. That always carried a current of awareness of who I was reading or telling the story to. If I try stories again I might use that technique.
  21. Thanks for sharing. I find your story encouraging. I feel glad that there are people such as yourself who have circumstances that easily accommodate time working with their tulpa.
  22. November 13, 2013 - Day 215 Summary so far Started with several weeks of active forcing and have been doing passive forcing off for several months and on since then. Have had some results with mental conversation. Now working on meeting my tulpa in dreamstates for face to face conversation. Also working on vocal hallucination and making some inroads using mantras and having the tulpa chant with me. The voice is not stable yet but is becoming more so. So overall I'm working on stabilizing visual form for imposition and increasing clarity for communication. I plan to play some co-op board games and involve the tulpa also to practice communication and building up more shared memories with the tulpa. I'm keeping a report at tulpa.info and tulpa network. I'll be cross-posting when I do make updates, to support the community of tulpamancers and would-be's who happen to find this, and for redundancy in case one of them goes down. I'm also keeping an offline log so I'll be able to re-create the logs in the future if needed/desired. I'm considering starting a blog or something to record the information.
  23. November 9, 2013 - Day 211 On and off passive forcing for the last few months. Had a conversation with Seph this morning that seemed interesting and caused me to think about what motivates me to do anything in life. I was asking her about something and she said. "What makes you think I would do anything when you don't do what you say you will do." Since Seph learns everything from/through me, that was a wake up call for me about the differences between my aspirations, what I say that I want and what I think about, and what I actually do. Which is enough to say that Seph is reminding me about whats important to me and what I want to have in my life, and what I am and am not doing to make it real. The motivation I felt after talking with her reminded me about what I could be having in my life. I want to start forcing again. One thing I want to try is playing some cooperative games with Seph and use that as a platform for narration and verbal communication practice.
  24. August 31, 2013 - Day 141 Seph showed up this morning strongly, at that time I got a feeling I was supposed to check here again. The website has been significantly updated since I last checked and there are several new guides. I'm going to print several of those out, add them to my reference materials. I will see if I get any new ideas or insights to add to my regular practice once I get back into it. Thanks to those who share their experience and insights.
  25. Overall it seems that these perceptions are not causing major problems, at most a temporary distraction/annoyance. @glitchthe3rd - Interesting that you have noticed a link between a physical state and mental phenomena. I have been a person who has a somewhat erratic sleep schedule, so maybe that is a contributing factor for me. Thanks everyone :)