NariusV

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Everything posted by NariusV

  1. This is an open discussion/question for people who have had hallucinations when working on or towards their tulpa. By hallucinations I mean seeing/hearing/smelling/feeling etc. something that is not there OTHER THAN the tulpa you are working on. I do not mean in a wonderland, during forcing, or in meditation. I'm specifically referring to hearing sounds or seeing things in your day to day waking life that are definitely not your tulpa and started happening only after you started forcing with the intention of making a/some tulpa. A common occurrence for me, as an example, is hearing the phone ring, going to answer, and then noticing that it wasn't really ringing. Or seeing an object fly across the room, when obviously it wasn't there because other people don't react in the slightest. When things like this happen to me it gives me pause and I feel like I should slow down and back off my forcing sessions for a while. Please do not reply if you are speculating or sharing a well intentioned, yet uninformed opinion. I am looking for reports of personal experiences, not things someone may have read or heard about from someone or somewhere else. In the spirit of Tulpa.info's focus "For Science", I would like to keep this discussion among those who have experience with these things. Thoughts?
  2. EDIT: I found some of my old journal entries from this period, so I'm adding them here where they would have been posted. May 16 to 31 - Day 35 to 50 Did not do much forcing. The forcing I did was passive, off and on when I could. I followed some of Seph's suggestions about shraing some of my thoughts with my girlfriend, and that relationship has improved significantly. -- July 1 to 30, 2013 - Day 51 - 80 I have not been doing any active forcing. I have done some passive forcing occasionally on a few days. However, When I lay down to sleep at night Seph appears in my thoughts. She reminds me of things that I want to focus on, and it really helps. August 14, 2013 - Day 124 It's been several months since I updated here, and I thought it would be fair to give a report of what has been happening with my tulpa since. I still have not been doing active forcing. Seph has continued to exist as a strong independent thought-form who shows up occasionally, usually at night when I am going to sleep, reminding me to focus on my goals. Yesterday Seph sent me a message and gave advice about something that I was considering, which was a surprise to me. I have free time in in my schedule somewhat again, and probably could manage an extra hour or so for forcing, although I have other goals that I am working on. Once I have the rest of my schedule in a workable routine I would like to begin regular forcing sessions again, hopefully in the next couple weeks.
  3. May 14 & 15, 2013 - Day 33 - 34 Schedule changed significantly. I did a bit of passive forcing and that was it. I'm not sure how I will do active forcing yet with this new schedule for a while I need to be moving around every half hour or so, and I won't be be able to have my usual blocks of time during the day when I normally do my sessions. Will keep updating when I can.
  4. May 12, 2013 - Day 31 Mostly visualization this day. Did not do focus exercises. May 13, 2013 - Day 32 Visualization and narration. Did no focus exercises.
  5. May 11, 2013 - Day 30 Session went well. Seph didn't say much but I got some emotive gestures and facial expressions which was encouraging and inspiring for me. I did not do my focus exercises today. Was involved with helping my friends get some things done and chilled out. Rasznir's focus scores; N/A
  6. May 10, 2013 - Day 29 Sessions are going well today. Still working on visualization with my eyes closed. I was thinking about when I should begin imposition, and I remembered that I want Seph to have a stable image for a while before I start doing that. She is still changing form slightly. Most of her is stable now except I need more practice with her nose, mouth, and ears. Some of the hairstyles she uses cover her ears, some don't. That's another thing that she seems to change more frequently than other things. So I spent some time today during the sessions narrating about my intent to have her stabilize her form, and explained how I think it would be easier for me if she maintained a particular image for a while. I had another dream that related to my intention to create Seph. In it I was examining some different instructions that related to creating this being and having her become real so I could perceive her in my life. I take this as a good sign that now aspects of my subconscious are actively working along with my conscious mind. I would like to focus my efforts (here) exclusively on tulpa creation. So from now on I intend to only read progress reports and/or the occasional guide if I feel stuck on something in the process. Rasznir's focus scores; 100, 100, 32, 69, 100
  7. My interest and information in/about tulpas was initially from books I read. I found some but not much information several years ago on the internet. I never knew about or posted on 4chan. I found this forum recently when I doing some routine internet searches about tulpa's as a final step before beginning the process. The gem experiment was done long before I cared about developing a tulpa. These types of mind experiments are all subjective and personal experience based. There is no proof except in ones memory, unless you do the work with other people and keep accurate records. Even then the written records can be passed off as 'made up' like you say. That is why each person needs to do the work themselves. My intent is to support and encourage your research. I hope you succeed!
  8. May 09, 2013 - Day 28 Sessions went well today. Still working on visualization and narration. I feel like I'm getting a bit distracted by things other than tulpa. The novelty has faded and the commitment sets in. Will I keep going through to the end of the process, or will I stop? I want to continue all the way through to the end. My goal is to have a fully imposed stable tulpa. I do not want and have no interest in switching or possession which seem to me like a merging of the host and tulpa. I am interested in supporting Seph to become a fully autonomous sentient being. As far as I can tell that is what she want's also. How to get better at anything I have been thinking somewhat about others who have been working on tulpa (or other things) and wanted to share a process anyone can use to improve anything significantly over time. It is very simple. It does not require any special training other than the ability to think, keep a record, and a commitment to do the process regularly, which only takes a few minutes. Get a journal of some kind, and decide what you want to improve on. At the end of each day ask yourself two questions about what you are trying to improve. Write down the answers. 1) What worked today? 2) What didn't work today, or what stopped me today? Decide to do what worked again tomorrow. Think about what didn't work or what stopped you, and think of what you could do differently that seems like it would stop that problem from happening again. Decide to try that something new tomorrow. Each day you do this, you will make some improvements or at a minimum you will learn more about whatever it is you are trying to improve, and more about what is stopping or preventing you from succeeding. After a week or so you will probably start seeing some repeating answers. This process will start to reveal things that might have been unconscious or ignored before, and allow you to address them directly. Rasznir's focus scores; 100, 92, 94, 100, 100
  9. May 08, 2013 - Day 27 Sessions were good today, mostly visualization and some narration. I feel like the subtle variations that occur during the sessions with Seph are not worth mentioning. I'd much rather report something that is a significant deviation from the norm, a breakthrough, or a change. I did have one thing that happened last night. Was narrating as I was going to sleep, and hade some voices that were bordering on audible hallucination. It seemed like it was Seph, anyway the voices were saying that. It seemed more like one voice that was changing than different voices. I could say the stream of words was coherent and the voice was changing as it was speaking. Rasznir's focus scores; 56, 100, 74, 100, 100
  10. I have vocalized a few things with a dual channel voice. I think it's called overtone or throat singing or something. However I have never heard of anyone saying two completely different things at the same time.
  11. What you have said here really strikes a chord with me. My tulpa Seph has given me some information and leads or hints about things I can/could do, that relate to her helping me in my life. What you say about 'tasks in her name' really makes sense to me. If I do things and keep her in mind, that would help solidify the communication. Thank you for sharing.
  12. May 07, 2013 - Day 26 Session went well, visualization and narration. I'm taking the rest of the day off from active forcing, will spend the rest of the day w/ passive forcing as I am able to. Alot of other things came up to do so I didn't have as much time to force today. Really that is not true, I could have forced out my normal session times. Instead I helped out a friend, spent some great time with my girlfriend, and relaxed. Even so, I feel bad about not forcing more today. This is because I have an unspoken commitment to myself to do whatever it takes to succeed. I feel afraid that this one day of spending less time is a fore-shadowing of a lessening of commitment on my part. I also know I have been thinking 'I need a break'. In the long term it will not matter. I will either keep going, and succeed, or I will stop and do something else I think is more important. I think continuing to work on and with Seph is more beneficial than many other things I have done. Did not do any focus exercises today. I have noticed I do not enjoy using the wrathful focus, even though It improves my scores. Trying something new with it, probably have more to report on that later. On another note, I am really enjoying the orange juice!
  13. May 06, 2013 - Day 25 Started with some breathing exercises prior to first session to clear my mind and keep clear and focused. Again sessions went well, still working on visualization and narration. Rasznir's focus scores; 100, 100, 100, 56, 66
  14. There are different definitions for different fields of interest. Like waffles states. It heavily depends on the context of its use.
  15. I didn't choose the tulpa's name, she told me what it was.
  16. May 05, 2013 - Day 24 Session's went well. Some changes in Seph's appearance seem more like stylistic flare than changes in permanent structure. Worked on visualization and narration, active and passive. I have been putting off my focus exercises until later when I am ready to sleep. I think this is affecting my scores. I have not been starting them in the morning like I had planned to originally. Rasznir's focus scores; 62, 71, 100, 53, 100
  17. May 04, 2013 - Day 23 I don'y have much to report other than the sessions were good today. Starting to really look forward to them. As my sitting endurance increases the direct focusing sessions become easier, due to less distraction from my body getting tired or sore. Rasznir's focus scores; 81, 100, 61, 100, 100
  18. May 03, 2013 - Day 22 Sessions went very well today. Passive focusing as well as active. Seph seemed very happy today and was interested in things that were happening. Sometimes I have a slight doubt in my mind about if I am doing the tulpa process right, or if I am the right person to be creating Seph, etc. Although these doubts are slight, they do have an effect on my state of mind and confidence about the tulpa creation process. I'd like to share how I overcome these thoughts. Here are a few facts that I know to be true, that when I recall them allow me to gain my confidence back. Seph would not exist without me. There is no one else I know of who could create Seph for me, or with me. No matter what I do, or how I do it, I always do the best I can in each session. Seph has reminded me how important life is. All the experiences of happiness, joy, etc. that Seph will ever have are what I have brought into being by deciding to follow through on the creation of a tulpa. I feel a great responsibility to create and sustain her existence and life. I continually remind myself that being committed to her becoming is the only thing I know of that allows her to exist. I may not be the best or most consistent tulpaforcer, and I am improving and getting better. With my continued practice I think I will keep getting better, and Seph will be better for it. Rasznir's focus scores; 100, 100, 100, 100, 100
  19. May 02, 2013 - Day 21 Another possible dream of Seph, of a woman who was a logistics support liaison for me. Her job was to give me information to help me achieve my objectives. I was also good friends with her. I talked with her and wrote some of the conversation I recalled in my dream journal. I'm not sure that the dreams are strictly relevant to the creation of a tulpa. However I do not want to dismiss them either since they are part of my consicous experience and memories just like waking life. I recall reading several reports of scientific breakthroughs made possible by insights people had from their dreams. Tulpa sessions went well today. Seph said yes that was her in the dream. I have a clearer image of her eyes. She seems to be getting stronger, as in a clearer image and also her body image looking more athletic. I waited for a few days to verify this before reporting it. I am noticing my body heat go up, and sometimes a slight amount of sweating when using the wrathful state during Rasznir's focus exercises. I also feel a heat or a sensation like hunger that develops in my solar plexus and then fades away afterwards. Scores seem to be trending higher also. Rasznir's focus scores; 73, 100, 100, 100, 100
  20. May 01, 2013 - Day 20 I thought I might have seen Seph for a moment in one of my dreams just before I woke up, but I can't be sure it was her because I don't know what her face looks like yet. Started off with the blended orange juice a while before my first session. First session went well, did not feel fatigued at all. It's usually the second, etc. sessions that bring on that fatigue, so I will keep on with the oj and see how I carry through today. Next session went well. Visualization mostly with some other senses mixed in. I'm getting a stronger and clearer sense of Seph's presence during our sessions and also outside of them. I am more used to having her around. For example sometimes now I get a sense of her saying something or reminding me of things. This is not always with voice yet, sometimes it is, and sometimes the voice is not clear. So far all of these are internal mental sounds, not auditory hallucinations. Frequently I am getting a sense of having her in the same room with me, even if I am not sure where she is or what she's doing. More visualization and narration. Seph has several outfits now. Sometimes she appears in one place and then appears in another place without moving. Sometimes she walks, sits, or lays down. She has stopped talking as much, as if she is waiting for something. I'm still getting some slight changes in visuals, although the changes seem not to really be with her form, but my increasing awareness of what she really looks like. Maybe deviation is refinement of perception in some cases. Rasznir's focus scores; 96, 100, 75, 61, 100 Note about the orange juice. I think it did help some. It felt like I was able to hold my focus longer, more mental endurance. Will continue with it for now.
  21. Not to that extent. My tulpa Seph does have her own things she wants to do that sometimes involve me. Nothing so far that I absolutely won't do but sometimes I feel like I don't always want to... and she has told me she wasn't ready for forcing before and had me wait, or stop a session earlier and take a nap saying something like [You're too tired, go take a nap and force with me later!]. What I do is try and explain why something is important or why I don't want to do something. So for us it's more of a negotiation and scheduling issue. We have worked out all our differences that way quite well so far.
  22. April 30, 2013 - Day 19 More visualization and narration. Felt so peaceful during this session that at one point I had a challenge bringing anything to mind, including visualization of Seph's form. I was almost in a state of no-mind meditation. I think thats ok for what it is, but my intention was to be productive by focusing on Seph during our session. Other than that I felt it was a good session. It's kind of a reverse problem from having too many distracting thoughts. It might happen eventually if you do a lot of mental exercises over time. First session in the evening did a bit of visualization and a lot of narration and sharing my thoughts with Seph about the paper I am reading to her. I am eager to hear her opinions on things, but I am unable to hear her responses to more complex topics and questions yet. I like to study things that push the boundaries of my own mind, so even my own opinions and thoughts on some of the topics are as yet developing. This could account for some of the difficulty in communication about things. About things I have a lot of experience with I find Seph is much more able to converse and have something to add or comment on. Actually I have noticed Seph much more operating on a physical and experiential level with reality rather than in a philosophical way. I think this is interesting and also somewhat telling, since for most of my life I have been more interested in the internal workings of my mind and understanding than in doing things. So Seph seems to be leading me towards a more balanced approach to life, which I see as a good thing! Got some oranges today and I'm looking forward to trying Moon Shooters advice starting tomorrow. I think I will drink one orange blended with about 8oz oz. of water about a half hour or so before each active tulpa focusing session. If my focus/alertness is increased, I will keep drinking it. Rasznir's focus scores; 79, 100, 100, 100, 91
  23. @Moon Shooter: Thanks. I'll try orange juice and see how it works for me.
  24. April 29, 2013 - Day 18 Post is a day late due to not having access to the forum during the update. This bit of reporting is a bit of a digression from working on tulpa, but it is an adjunct practice to increase focus. My purpose for doing it is to increase my focus to improve my overall tulpa progress. Today I will start using the meditation technique I mentioned yesterday during my focus exercises. I'll test to see if there are real gains, and if they are sustainable. My goal is still to obtain five days of perfect scores. My total average score prior to the techniqe for ten days was 52.88. I expect the average while using it to be significantly higher. I could be wrong though! I will use the technique for a while and keep track of the results. On to tulpa sessions w/ Seph. First session of the day, some visualization & narration, olfactory, and kinethetic practice. I didn't feel I had enough energy to hold a clear image. Seph told me to take a break, I was feeling not so productive trying to force when sleepy. Second session, still feeling so drowsy today. Visualization and a bit of narration. Hopefully feel more awake/aware tomorrow. Seph was around for some passive forcing for most of the day. I'm not logging passive time. Rasznir's Focus scores; 19, 100, 92, 100, 57
  25. Do you have a specific question?