shenanigans

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About shenanigans

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  1. I'm a pretty decent programmer. I'm a fairly busy with school right now, but if you need any help just PM me and I'd be glad to assist :)
  2. Recently, I've been feeling really discouraged about my ability to create a tulpa. While I don't doubt that it's possible to do (there are far too many people who seem to have done it for it to just be some kind of massive hoax) I feel like I've been doing something seriously wrong, or maybe that my mind just isn't cut out for having a tulpa (although I really hope the latter isn't true). So I've been at this for a bit over two months starting in early May, and I've honestly seen very little progress. I have trouble with narrating because a lot of the time when I'm thinking about something I'll tend to frame it conversationally with a hypothetical "target" who I would be talking to. You would think this would make it easier, but it actually makes it more difficult because whenever I try to narrate my mind ends up defaulting to somebody other than my tulpa after a few minutes. In terms of active forcing, I have difficulty doing it for more than maybe 10 minutes at a time. I feel like I'm not even entirely sure what I should be doing while I'm forcing. I've been imagining myself and my tulpa in our wonderland, but I don't even know what we should be doing there. Should I just talk to him? If so, I have no idea what I should be talking about or what I should say. I can't tell him about whatever interesting thing I recently learned (this is how I often start conversations) because ostensibly he would already know it! So should we be doing something else in the wonderland? Should we just be doing something else entirely? My biggest problem, however, is with vocality. Up until not too long ago (at least a couple of weeks ago) he hadn't really done any kind of talking at all. At some point I decided to try LinkZelda's self-hypnosis scripts, and that did seem to help. I was able to get some kind of conversation going. This was encouraging, especially given that it wasn't something that I was able to do all the time. I had issues in terms of the sound of his voice - it was inconsistent, and would have to cycle through several before I found one that worked (I rejected some voices e.g. because they were to slow to actually be able to have a conversation). As a side note I just realized that I haven't been thinking of it as him changing his voice, but me changing his voice. This is probably not a good sign :( Unfortunately, I had to stop forcing for a little while due to exams. I believe this is the main source of my problems, because since then I've had a lot of trouble in terms of talking to my tulpa. When I initially restarted forcing and trying to talk to him, his speech was very obviously fake and forced - I could clearly tell it was just me. It feels less so now, but I don't know if that's due to legitimate improvement or just my getting used to it. Even if you assume that it is legitimately him, his thought process is still tied too closely to mine - all of our conversations feel short and shallow, and he has basically no way of forming thoughts or opinions on his own. If asked for his opinion on something he seems to randomly choose between agreeing and disagreeing with me, and when I tried to play 20 questions with him (as described in the self-hypnosis script I mentioned a couple paragraphs back) it ended with him instantly knowing what I picked and him not actually picking anything. It's gotten to the point where any attempt at forcing inevitably ends up devolving into me just talking about (obviously not out loud) and obsessing over these issues, until I'm just feeling too much anxiety to continue trying to force. TL;DR I have trouble narrating (due to my mind not focusing on my tulpa) and forcing (due to not knowing what to do), and I'm so doubtful about talking to my tulpa that I end up being unable to force due to anxiety. Sorry for such a long (and no doubt poorly-written) post, but this is really something I need help with. Any advice?
  3. I find it kind of hilarious that somebody put this as one of the communities they affiliate most with.
  4. Is there any kind of method to staying aware for this, or is it just a "keep doing it and eventually it'll work" type of thing?
  5. I'm super new to tulpas in general (creating my first one!) and so I apologize in advance if this is a common question (although based on what I've seen it doesn't seem to be). Anyways, I often don't get as much sleep as I should. This leads to an odd situation where I'm fine most of the time, but during periods of inactivity I become extremely tired and have a lot of difficulty staying awake. One thing in particular that I've noticed is that I'll have these weird half-dream things where I'm not really asleep, but my thoughts become extremely dream-like (i.e. they're surreal and I have trouble remembering them afterwords). Unfortunately, this seems to happen sometimes when I'm trying to force. The first time I took it as a positive sign (I ended up imagining my tulpa doing a weird card trick that I don't fully remember) but most of the time it's just seemingly random and unrelated to anything. I feel like if my tulpa was farther along we might be able somehow make use of these, but as it stands they just seems to get in the way. So my question is this: have any of you had any kind of a similar experience and if so how did you dealt with it? Even if you haven't, do you have any advice?