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About Enny

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  1. I was thinking about grape horse earlier, and it's been a bit over a year since I doodled the first one, so here's a little hour-ish grape horse meme neigh Also this pose is explicitly ripped from a pretty popular one, I think? It's probably not exact, but yea, I don't reference when I draw because I'm an incompetent so I was kinda just like hey yeah I'll do her like this and realized towards the tail end that I was imagining it from somewhere. You can only draw quadrupeds in so many poses though and I'm retarded so ayy, w/e
  2. Enny

    Chat Thread

    I don't have the brain to process fuck all of what you wrote, but you bring up microdosing in the last paragraph so that's cool there. Yeah, days two and three didn't do anything for me, unfortunately. Like, at all, it was dumb. If I'm gonna do it I've probably gotta up the regular dose to .45 or something, idk. I wound up just taking the rest of what I had yesterday (knowing that it wouldn't hit me too hard since I'd microdosed the day before) and actually had a kind of bad trip lmao, so that's cool. Was something like 1.8g's and I just felt really self-loathing and sad for about four hours. Wasn't in the territory of like, full on hallucinating and oh god this is awful but I've got five more hours before the hell ends, but yeah, just left me in a sad mood. I'm gonna take a couple months off of them and try it again then, idk. I can get my hands on about anything right now, so I'll maybe fuck around with small doses of some other stuff. LSD has typically been a lot more manageable so I could dissolve 100ug in some vodka and microdose that, see how it does. Or fuck, I hear ketamine has super lasting effects on a lot of people's depression, so maybe I'll look into that. Just gotta play it safe and make sure I can source it safely, do the right doses, etc. Yeah, sorry for just not replying to 99% of what you said, way too much for me.
  3. Enny

    Chat Thread

    Anybody ever fuck with microdosing? I've been through the whole meds and therapy thing over the last year or so and am over it, so I'm kinda just onto the next thing in this neverending cycle of feeling fucking awful lmao I've been experimenting with psychedelics a bit over the last few months in general, lsd a couple times and mushrooms twice, at varying doses, and have had good experiences. I mean, they dont affect me whatsoever after the trip is over, but my first mushroom trip had me feeling the best I've ever felt in my entire life at times, bar none. Second trip was generally great too, but I tripped with friends which is ill advised apparently, because that kinda made it weird at times. I started a .3 g microdose as of yesterday and am interested to see the long-term effects. I felt very present and in control of my mind for a lot of the day, and even when I'd obviously come down I still felt a similar way, though not as strong. I'm wondering if as I continue to do them my mind will just become a certain way over reinforcement, or if I'll only ever feel that way after dosing. Today I felt a bit more energetic in the first half of the day, which could have been attributed to the drugs, but who knows. Second half and I'm exhausted, which, again, could be the drugs, could be my ever persistent lack of sleep. I'm able to get them really cheap either way, much cheaper than prescription drugs at my current dosage, so I figured I might as well try. If these don't do anything for my head long term then I've got a small savings account going and a solid plan to move across the country mid next year, so hopefully that does me good. But yeah, genuinely interested to hear if anyone has experience with this.
  4. Enny

    Chat Thread

    Idk if it's sleep apnea tbh. Or if it is, it's weird that it doesn't affect me at all if I go to sleep after a certain hour in the morning. I slept 14 hours today because I went to bed early in the morning lmao. Wearing one of those masks sounds fucking awful too, but yeah, besides the point. I've always wondered if moving somewhere else would help with it. Like, maybe my body is just super used to being a fuck where I currently am, but could be taught not to be if I were to start sleeping in a different bed, in a different environment. Might manage to move somewhere else with one of my buddies one of these days, but it won't happen on my dime alone so I'll see how it goes in the future.
  5. Enny

    Chat Thread

    Ehhh. I mean rationally, maybe. But like, it just takes too long to save up that kinda money. It’s like, put myself out of pretty much everything that gives me minor joy in life for half a year or more just to afford something that might not help me. I haven’t slept anywhere that wasn’t my own bed in pretty much my whole life. When I went down to Dallas a few years back for a convention, I caught about 7 hours sleeping on the floor over the entire weekend, and that was after being up for something like 36 hours before the end of the first night, shit sucked. I just don’t ever feel comfy. I sincerely don’t think I could manage falling asleep while being monitored. And if I did, I run the risk of sleeping just fucking fine, which does manage to vaguely happen once every couple months. But yeah, like, the last year’s savings have been going to Babscon this upcoming April, where I’m gonna spend the weekend with my two absolute best friends, one of whom is flying down from West Virginia and doesn’t even care about horsefuckery, the other who I’ve known for the last eight years and never actually met in person. We’re ending the weekend with a Carly Rae Jepsen concert, which is gonna be hype. Priorities sound fucked on this, but that’s way way way more important to me than seeing anybody about the sleep. I’m used to it, I manage to get more than a few hours every few nights, it’s whatever. Like, honestly speaking, I really, really don’t plan on living until I’m fuckin’ eighty or anything my guy, so what’s some more bad sleep until then? What’s it gonna do, kill me? It’s not even like, ugh I hate living I wanna die, it’s just that there’s nothing going on. Even if I got my sleep figured out, this is absolutely gonna be my life. I was dumb as actual fuck long before the major sleep problems arose a few years back, not even ADD meds help with my lack of focus and ability to grasp basic learning, so what, keep washing dishes until I’m sixty? Move onto some other minimum wage or labor job I find equally unfulfilling until I’m dead? Bunch of lame. Idk, shit’s wack. I don’t wanna do anything anymore. When I was a young teen, I felt like I had a clear vision of some of the things I wanted to do, and I just really don’t anymore, no passions or aspirations. Yeah, this is just me having a pity party now, ugh. What else did you even say in this post lmao, gimme a second Right, regular sleep specialist person. Uhh, yeah, maybe. I’ll look into it and see what’s what. I would think I would have already been referred to one given that the two physicians I’ve seen so far were made aware that sleep is my biggest issue, but maybe they just don’t know anybody. I’ll ask at my next appointment.
  6. Enny

    Chat Thread

    Yeah, I mean, I mentioned meds, and sleep meds were a part of that. I managed to get around to seeing a therapist halfway through last year, which I stopped seeing a couple weeks ago because the entire process is just more inconvenient and stressful than not bothering, and someone at the facility helped me get approved for whatever my state’s free insurance is, idk. It’s pretty mediocre but it pays for a couple things. I’ve been through a few meds since mid-november-ish, ranging from anxiety/depression to sleep meds, and yeah, no positive results from those. A few negative ones, which is my luck. Insurance straight up won’t approve most sleep meds, so the ones they’ve been having me try have pretty much just made me feel tired, which doesn’t help with the issue of waking up after an hour or two and being unable to fall back asleep. Huge bummer. Googling about sleep studies shows the average price is anywhere from $600 to 5k a night, usually averaging 1-2k. Exactly 0% chance my insurance covers that even on the low end, and I am not saving up multiple months of pay to pay something like that out of pocket when there’s every chance it won’t even help, or it’d take more than one night. Asking for money is also not something I’m comfortable with, and even if it were, I unironically don’t know a single person with money. Nobody in my family has money, everybody up through my remaining grandparents are broke and either don’t work, or work near minimum wage, and my friends are in the same way. No reason to bug them with it. I will reply to the rest of what you wrote uhhh tomorrow probably. I’m off then. I caught an hour and a half of z’s sometime after work last night and my landlord has been doing construction on the deck all morning, which is when I’m usually going to sleep lmao. If I pass out now work is gonna suck even harder, so w/e. I usually crash 12 or whatever hours on the off days, when I don’t have to wake up until 7 or 8 in the evening, so I’ll be gucci by then 😎
  7. Enny

    Chat Thread

    It's been a really long time since I've played anything tabletop, I'd definitely like to get into it again. Then again, our last big campaign kinda puttered out because we've all just got a lot going on, my friends and I, so there's not much for it. And I'm not willing to play with people I don't know, so it's whatever. I don't have a super coherent brain for these kinds of things anymore, anyway. What exactly goes into designing your own system, Breloomancer? Motivational issues have been a pretty consistent plague in my life for a long time as well, Lumi, yeah. With art-stuff these days, mostly. I'd gotten to the point where I was finally doing stuff on a weekly basis, but I've had a kinda rough patch with getting put on meds over the last few months and I'm back at the point where I'm only really drawing once a month if at all, it's a bummer. I've stopped taking them though, because it's unironically way easier to manage being super unwell than to manage weird drug side-effects, or the disappointment of them not doing anything. So hopefully I'll be able to build what little work-ethic I'd established back up over this next year, ugh. I have no idea what you're talking about in paragraph three, your breakthrough and stuff, brain is kinda just throwing out all of the information there, so I'm not really remembering the words after I read them, wack. I'd reply otherwise. Is the imposition thing you're working on like, actual visual imposition or what? I know I made a big fuss about not using tupper terminology with Coco horse, but I still can't even fathom that being possible, from a personal viewpoint. I mean, Coconut hasn't really improved in any regard since the beginning, so I guess it's not something I should be worried about anyway. Would be really cool, though.
  8. Enny

    Chat Thread

    What are you fellows up to these days? Reply with stuff and things so I can easier justify using this thread as a platform to complain about existence between the dialogue. I'm really consistently into VR these days I guess, not a whole lot else. Not social VR, I'd rather eat lead paint than really get into that, but in general it's nice. I'm not usually playing many video games in general, but every couple weeks I'll throw the headset on and play Beat Saber or Skyrim VR for a while, it's cool. Really excited that it's growing like it is lately. I did actually get into Kenshi really hard recently, which has been a problem. Straight-up, I haven't binged a video game in like three or four years, but I've been pulling twelve-hour sessions with Kenshi over the last week. I'm up to uhhhhh, 87 or so hours right now if I were to wager, since I started playing last Tuesday. I don't sleep anyway, and I've been going to work on two-four hours of sleep for the last three years as it is, so at least I'm doing something with the nights recently lmao. Also buying horse books, fuck me, woof. I've got 12 physical fic prints with two more on the way, and another nine on the buy-asap list. I really love cozying up in the recliner and reading books but I'm just, way too fucking autistic to read anything but horsefic these days lmao. Accepting that I don't have literary standards is the absolute best thing that's ever happened to me, because now instead of reading a couple dozen standout fics a year and having nothing else, I can just consume garbage and average stuff until I'm dead without ever getting remotely close to running out. Other than that, yeah, shit's lame, just waiting to die at this point, not much else going on lmao. Anyone else? Please reply, god I need attention.
  9. Enny

    Let's share some music!

    ya'll letting the music thread fall off, smh my head, smh I've been making a huge point to see a lot of smaller artists live lately, can't fucking fathom how people refuse to see artists in person when they have the opportunity. So often I'm blown away by music I otherwise wouldn't have cared about in literally any capacity because the live composition is so good. I saw these guys tonight, and boy let me fucking tell you, I'm stanning these guys until I'm dead. Every one of these dudes was super nice and down to talk and supportive of the other artists, such a cool experience. So incredibly solid, too. I've seen multi-million fan artists who were worse than this live, god. Love this shit. Please, sincerely, check these guys out on Spotify or whatever you use. They have a lot of fantastic tracks. Please support small artists, I'm gonna cry.
  10. Here’s the more-or-less finished horse from yesterday. I don’t have the energy to really do more than this basic af stuff to anything, but is what it is. Moved some stuff around, tried to get things looking a bit less uncanny, as I felt the first iteration did in the face tbh. Sized down legs, moved hairband a bit, etc. Fun stuff.
  11. Yeah I do a hard majority of my computing from my iPad these days, as the only things I do are talk to people and draw, and I don’t always have a Bluetooth keyboard around when I’m wanting to share pics and shit so that’s inconvenient, the new way yeah, I’ve seen stuff about rotating or just iterating on pics. Sounds like a Sycra video. Iterating by drawing the same thing over and over again is probably legit, but I straight up don’t have the attention span for it. Rotating sounds like it requires some 3D visualizing skills, which I 100% never developed, but I could be wrong. Yeah, I don’t like, enjoy drawing I think. I enjoy the thought of being good eventually, and that’s kept me going for the last couple years. Learning is a major fuckin’ hindrance too, I straight up don’t comprehend guides or lessons for the most part, I can’t read or instructive material to save my life. Makes me zone out without fail, haven’t been able to figure that one out. And yeah, persistence is surely key, as well as consistency. Up until around November last year I hadn’t done more than tried to flounder about with anatomy and some studies, I’d never done a full pic, but as soon as I decided to, and gradually started drawing weekly, then every few days, up to every day, as opposed to the times when I’d go a month in between pitiful studies at a time, I was definitely able to notice some amount of improvement, pitiful as I feel it’s been. Yeah idk, shit’s wack. I could be a lot further along if I had the brain for learning, but as it stands, I’m pretty resigned to very gradual improvements, over the course of months. In three or four years, I’ll probably be adjacent to where I’m wanting to be now, but I guess by then I’ll be dissatisfied with that, and wanting to be even further on, huh. Lame
  12. Not grape horse unfortunately, I’m saving some of my ideas for her for when I’m a much better artist. I might do like a bi-annual grape horse as a metric for progress but ye thanks either way
  13. drawing sure does make me wanna die i drew this one really solid pic in like 20 mins a couple weeks back and have been trying to match it with literally anything since lmao not quite there but w/e, here’s something to throw in the ol’ thread while I’m in Fucking, can’t figure out how to embed pic with new shit, Here it is
  14. Yeah, looks good to me. Right on, staff, right on.
  15. The board got taken down, I was talking to Kiah on Discord about it and he passed it on through the proper channels, I made a unique thread just in-case. It was weird, I could see a lot of posts, but a lot of them were also flagged as forbidden when I clicked into them. Including my own deleted PR and other threads, haha.