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About LlamaMaster

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  1. Alright, I finally broke through my visualization funk (which I've been fighting on and off for weeks now). What was happening was that I was constantly getting a nagging feeling that told me to change my tulpa's hair color to black. Black hair was all that was popping up in my mind whenever I tried to tulpaforce, and I never felt good about it. The color didn't match my tulpa's personality, and it certainly didn't match the rest of her body. It felt like I was losing my tulpa to a different form, and it felt wrong to call this "new" tulpa by the name of my "old" one. With the name gone, I felt like the personality attached to it was gone to. With the name and personality gone, narration just started feeling wrong, and I stopped doing it altogether. I wanted to get a form settled for my tulpa before I started narration again, but nothing I did ever felt right. This continued on for quite a while, and my motivation to continue tulpaforcing tanked. Eventually (about 3 days ago) I just caved in and accepted the black-haired tulpa my subconscious was forcing on me. I forgot about trying to force my old tulpa's form on the new one, and indulged my subconscious by spending all my energy tulpaforcing this new black-haired form. And now that I have done that, I can safely say that both parts of my brain (conscious and subconscious) hate it. I always hated it, but now it finally feels like I can get rid of the idea for good. I no longer have the black-haired form clogging my subconscious, and I finally feel free to get back to my original plan. TL;DR: I wasted weeks fighting deviation; finally accepted it; grew to hate what I accepted; got back to my pre-deviated plan; feel much better now.
  2. I've been trying for a while now to settle on a form for my tulpa, but my conscious and unconscious mind are constantly fighting each other. By this I mean that I have consciously decided exactly how my tulpa will look, but my subconscious keeps trying to screw me over by changing traits around (like hair color) while I'm tulpaforcing. Obviously this is deviation, but it's a deviation that I consciously think is retarded. It feels like my subconscious is trying to make a shitty recolor. Should I just give in to the deviation and come out with something I might not like, or ignore deviation and go through with my initial conscious plan? Both options seem like they can turn out badly.
  3. Where? You expect us to search the forums for your post? You didn't even put it on your blog. It's not that hard to write a few sentences. You didn't even bother to link your old post.
  4. I still want to know how exactly she found out. Was she looking through your tabs? Did you outright tell her? How do you fuck and up and let somebody find out about something that doesn't even exist outside your mind? It's baffling.
  5. ....because? You can't just pop in and say that without providing any details.
  6. I know a good amount of you are from /mlp/, so hopefully you can help me out here. So anyway, in my quest to get the pony proportions absolutely correct (and to get a feel of scale) I calculated a number of dimensions and taped up a bunch of markers against a flat wall to visualize them. This is when it occurred to me: the head is freaking huge. I mean, I already knew it was large, but it didn't occur to me just how big it was. For the people that already have pony tulpas, how did you deal with this issue? Did you scale down your entire tulpa to the point where it wasn't as noticeable, or did you just get used to it? Did you make any modifications to the proportions so they feel more "right"? Thanks in advance. Edit: For the record, this proportion/marker overlay is incredibly useful for visualization. Aside from that, I think I'm starting to see how important of a role the hair plays here. The overall size of the head is huge, but the effective face area that isn't covered by hair isn't unbearably large. Hmmmmmm, just some observations. Keeping thread open for now.
  7. Alright, I've decided to go through my original plan and just create the character I wanted. I'm going to avoid any backstory, and speak to it as if it was an original creation. If things go south, then I will be "that guy" who failed horribly, and you can use me as an example of what not to do in the future. So anyway, I'm trying to form my tulpa's personality now, but right now it just feels like I'm talking to myself. I believe I'm supposed to close my eyes and visualize a "tulpa seed" (in my case I'm using a bucket that I'm filling with personality traits) as I tell the tulpa exactly what its personality is and how it relates to the world around it, but I'm having a really hard time visualizing the "seed" as I talk. If I can't keep the visual going, then are my words wasted on myself?
  8. That is terrifying, but does anybody have a link to the actual post? I want to know if it's a troll. If it turns out to be true, then I want to find out exactly where he went wrong so I don't end up duplicating his problems. Any examples with other characters would also be great. Thanks for all the responses so far guys. This forum moves faster than I expected.
  9. I've been going though all the guides and a number of different threads, and I keep seeing people say that it's a bad idea to create a tulpa based on a character with a well established personality. However, I'm not seeing any first hand experiences as to why it's a bad idea. People repeatedly state that they "might feel bad because they can't live up to the character on the show", or something to that effect, but how many people have actually had bad experiences with this? If this is true, then whose to say it's not just your subconscious fucking over the personality of the tulpa because you read somewhere that it was a bad idea? Obviously there is no way to prove this, but to me it seems like all the "don't do X or Y will happen" advice may be the root cause of some of these problems, and that without the power of suggestion these issues would never occur. Now, assuming I believe everything I've read on these forums is correct, then how should I go about dealing with the personality issue? If I force the appearance and personality of my tulpa, but explicitly plant the idea that I don't expect her to be exactly like the character she is based on, then is that enough mental preparation to prevent any negative self-respect traits in my tulpa? If not, then would changing a few traits of her personality be sufficient?