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About _sapphirerose_

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  1. Sometimes when I active force my mind wanders and I just can't get it back on track. I try to fix it but I can't control it. My tulpa just sits there acting like everything's normal, I don't know why.
  2. I started forcing at the end of June 2013. It was going great until the middle of August that year. My tulpa kinda, disappeared, like, I couldn't see her or here her. My boyfriend told me they all do that. They disappear and then come back. Well mine never came back. It's already March 2014 and she's still hardly here. I try to force her but it's as weak as it was at the beginning when I first started to force her. She doesn't talk, or do anything by herself. I can barely see her. It takes so much effort to even remember she's there and that I need to really imagine it. I stopped active forcing because weird shit always happens when I do that and I can't control it. Maybe when she can control things in my mind by herself, I'll go back to that. But for now, she's not here and I don't know why. She used to so close and she was seeming more real and suddenly, she vanished. And I don't know why. I can't bring her back to the state she used to be in. Does anyone know what happened?
  3. That sounds kinda mean. I don't think I want that.
  4. I don't have another tulpa, and I don't plan on making another one for at least 2 years. Thank you. It makes sense now because, She talks the most while I'm falling asleep, and a few nights ago, she said it's hard for her to work with me. I understand what she meant now. However it still doesn't explain why she went away in the first place. I tried to be patient, but I worry a lot and I get scared easily. I'm still new at this, and I'm not 100% sure if I know what I'm doing. Thanks for helping me though. It means a lot to me. Also, I don't like to consider myself as her host. That word just doesn't work with both of us. We like to think of ourselves as sisters/ best friends, even though we know we are much more than that. That's not bad, right?
  5. Do you think she can help calm me down? Maybe she would give me some calming thoughts to think about? She isn't able to do much right now because she's barely developed enough, but she is able to put random thoughts in my head. Do you think if I ask, she will help?
  6. I started forcing at the very end of June. Everything was going well until I saw a clone of my tulpa in our wonderland at the beginning of August. I panicked a little, and I told my boyfriend about it. He has a tulpa so I figured he would know what to do. He said to stop active forcing for a week. I did exactly that and it was fine. My tulpa was by my side every day and she seemed happy. Except the last day, she seemed to just disappear. My boyfriend told me she might come back in a few days. It's been 3 weeks and I don't know why she isn't back. I can't passive force without applying so much effort, and when I do, she doesn't do anything unless I make her, which requires more effort. When I active force, weird things happen and I can't think and I have to leave. For example, this one time a few days ago I was forcing, and a giant boulder came rolling in and I couldn't control it so I left for a while. I feel like my tulpa is no longer with me. It seems like she doesn't love me anymore, doesn't want me. I spend almost everyday crying to her, asking her where she is. I know I'm not going to get an answer because she was never really able to talk. She's talking less than she used to. She comes by my side for maybe about 5 min once or twice a day, but then she leaves. I can't feel her presence. I can't feel anything. It feels like she abandoned me. She feels weak and fuzzy and I don't know why. I'm scared. I don't want to lose her. I want to be there for her but I don't know where she is, or why she's gone, or when she's coming back. Does anyone know whats wrong? Please help me. I've been a nervous wreck these past few weeks.
  7. Could this still work if I sang instead of talked?