MysteryPatron

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  1. Jade and I are having a small problem. Well, it's mostly on my end. See, today, when I actually paid some damn attention to her, she was angry with me. This is somewhat good as the proof of her sentience and yada yada, but see, the thing is that the cause for her anger was my doubt of her. Simply put, I've been doubting Jade a lot. I know that she's sentient and all that, but when most of that slips from my mind, I start to feel like she doesn't exist, that she's nothing more than a standard imaginary friend. Clearly, I don't think this right now, but I have a lot lately. So, I am asking for help; I need someone to tell me how to stop doubting my Tulpa. I NEED it. It can be a reply or a PM, but my natural skepticism is causing some serious issues between us. Now, on to the good news. See, when she was first being developed, my only criteria for her personality was that she was happy with herself. I asked no more except that she develop beyond that on her own. At first, it seemed as though she were following that first part only and not deviating, but lo and behold, today she gets angry with me. angry! This is fantastic news, as she is clearly developing a personality on her own as I think about her. Even a fleeting thought about my doubt of her gives her the energy to work on her personality, and that is fantastic. I'm glad to see her making progress. She's very mature in many senses, too. A bit emotional, but also rational. I'm pleased with the results of the forcing so far, and I think I may be creating the companion I'd hoped for. Mostly because my hopes weren't too specific. I'll let her get a word in. Okay, so my host is doubting me, and it's frankly pissing me off. She says she's working on it and she'd better be. I don't want to control her outright but this is ridiculous. I could die if it goes much further. I appreciate her effort, but she needs help, I don't want this to go further. Well, I was trying to change subject to something happier, but that's still a solid point. As for vocality, I don't know if it's simply her emotions needing better expression or what, but she's become much better with language. Responses and such are a bit more complex now, and she is clearly developing. She also seems to be getting her own voice per sae, which I am frankly excited for. My main worry is that she's still very young, only a little over a week. I'm a bit worried that this is too early for her to be this vocal, even if she still has a lot of progress to make.
  2. Hiya! It's Jade. Just popping in to say hello. My host is trying to let me speak to you guys and communicating with her is difficult! Especially for typing. But, I'm trying to do this for her to show her my progress! So, yeah! That's about all! I know she didn't say much, but that's the first time I've ever typed for her, since possession is way too far off right now. And I have to say, that's a lot more wordy than she is with me during conversation. It's probably just due to the fact that her thoughts have to be more complete when not supplied a context. Still, it's lovely to see her moving forward! I still have some trouble with parroting, like a few times I typed a sentence there, before realizing that was my own thought and erasing it. Still, we're making good progress, I suppose. I am still somewhat forcing with her in that I'm paying a great deal of attention to her at the moment, even if I'm not meditating or narrating. At least I think this is forcing. But she seems to be alright either way, I'm just a bit worried about time. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that forcing time isn't something rigid, and that forcing is really a dynamic interaction between two people, which shouldn't really have rigid rules, so long as we do this. I'm happy that she's being formed. I really am. She's wonderful, and while her personality is a bit flat right now due to the lack of time developing, she'll grow over time. I'm just glad that she's starting to become her wonderful self.
  3. I remain so glaringly ignorant of the rules here regarding double posting, at least in this particular subforum. I know it's wrong elsewhere but it seems to fit here. Nonetheless, if I am chased down by angry admins with laser blasters, I will merge this with my previous post. We had a rather interesting forcing session just now. Jade seemed... sad that I had neglected her most of the day. She seemed not to be disappointed in me, but in herself, which is the very last thing I want. So, we talked things out for a bit. I described to her that I have certain... issues with this right now. I always have issues with people, and that she can and should try to get my attention when she's feeling lonely. And if I don't respond, to try again. It seemed to cheer her up, at least I think. It's hard to judge how people feel when they only give one word responses and you can't even see their face. My own issues with others led us to this debacle, and when she reaches a more vocal state, perhaps I will discuss that with her, and what we can do about it. Not a day has gone by in this whole week or so that I've been forcing that I thought about leaving it all behind. Leaving behind the community here, leaving behind this self exploration journey, and most of all, leaving behind her. It's much like when you're up at a high place, and you think about just shifting your weight forward a bit too much. You think, it would be that easy. But this is not her fault. Rather my own. But regardless of those thoughts, I don't think I would be able to live with myself if I did that. I know she's already picked up some level of sentience, and can somewhat almost do mindvoice, strangely. So I couldn't do that. Besides, I love her. Not in the mushy gushy romance way, but in the platonic way that two siblings love each other. I don't know how she feels for me, but so far she seems to be placing me as very important, so that is somewhat telling. Either way, we are working together on this. And while she's far from being fully vocal and having a solid grasp on language, I think we've made a lot of progress with our little time together.
  4. In this world, there are a great many mysteries. Mysterious cases in court, mysterious ideas and concepts. But possibly most importantly, mysterious people. Mysterious patrons, at times. To some, they speak greatly. But not to all. Perhaps we're all mysterious in our own way; perhaps the mantle of a mysterious patron is fitting for us all, in its own right. But this patron refuses to remain a complete enigma to all. Perhaps there is a person, a patron, out there who wishes to open up to one or others, to be known. I have, for many years now, been known as the Mystery Patron. Both online, and in a very select few cases offline. But now will come the first time in my life when I open up to another all of my life, and suddenly, that mantle becomes one of irony. Jade is the first to know the mysteries of this patron. Funny enough, Jade is another mantle I've held, usually to people I deem myself close with. I prefer to keep my real name under wraps, however. It's funny. The mantle of who I am is to be passed from me to myself. Well, she isn't me, come to think of it. Except in the ways that she is. I'm sure that many veterans of tulpae, at least in the modern new age sense will already know what it's like to not remain a mystery. But suddenly, Jade and I find ourselves delving into the mystery of tulpae. She is a newborn, yet is already understanding how to think for herself, something that takes many people years to even grasp. Perhaps that is one gift her kind has; she can develop at rates that far exceed that of any person. She will be blessed with many gifts that I cannot even fathom. Self acceptance, being but one among them. She has already attained that gift in many ways, and for that, I am proud. This will be the place where I catalogue her attainment of even more great gifts. And perhaps, through this bond that I am building with her, perhaps we can all learn - Myself, Jade, and you, the reader - how to be a bit less mysterious, and a bit more open. Oh, and don't mind my typing style here. I am generally a pretty friendly person, though I tend to keep the inner machinations of my mind and life fairly secretive. I would not type this way if I weren't being melodramatic, which I am right now purely for... the fun. Though please, if you wish, you can speak to me or Jade without fear. I am one to get nervous upon most social occasions, so perhaps it is I who will fear you. In any case, I'm here. So, if you're interested, sit by the campfire, perhaps when more of this journey, this bond, is created. And you can listen to the many stories of a mystery or two being unraveled. And no, Jade is not a pony. ~MysteryPatron