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Silrain the Everlurking

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About Silrain the Everlurking

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    Where to start?. 21 year old, just getting through life. I guess I feel like no matter how old I get I'll just never be able to fully mature, or become an "adult." Whether it's good or bad I've come to accept that.

    I found my way here by a friend sending a link. I've heard of the term "Tulpa" and only glanced at the definition once, but it wasn't till I looked at the link that I took more and more interest. After reading more what a Tulpa is I realized how much it use to be like what I would often fantasize about when I was a little kid. I'm usually very open minded to ideas and my inner child couldn't be any happier about this particular one. I love drawing (whether I'm good at it or not) and had a few sketches of some characters. I picked one and decided to see if I could breathe some "Life" into it. The particular character has no background or name so I figured that'd be a good place to start. I decided to call her Mel. I've lurked a lot and read guides and people's progress reports.

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  1. Oh I see. Mainly I've just been hearing her mind voice. There was one occasion when I herd her like someone talking to me. It was as I was waking up. As I went on narrating being able to hear her mind voice came easier and more natural to me. For the most part I've usually always got this feeling that Mel is around me. Though at times when I don't feel it, it just feels like something is missing, doesn't feel right for me (maybe it's not wrong, but I just feel like something's missing, Likely her.) As for physically feeling I've been working on that. One thing I have found interest
  2. Alrighty then, will keep that in mind next time if there is a next time.
  3. I mainly intended to submit this into tips and tricks, I didn't post in the wrong place did I? I really think I should maybe reword this and include what Sands said about facing your doubts.
  4. I actually didn't parrot much back at that point I would keep hearing it was bad, which I guess it really isn't, so I would try to avoid parroting. I even used some symbolism to tell myself that I couldn't. Only time I really did anything close to parroting that I can recall was when working on finding Mel's voice, I would mimic a voice in my mind and ask for a sign of yes or no if that was a voice she liked. As for the traits I picked a few to guide or set some sort of base and let her develop the rest on her own. There's debate on how necessary it is to write down 30+ of traits. I believe
  5. Thanks for the feedback. You're all right, it does seem like more of a meditation trick or exercise. I'll keep that in mind about facing doubts, thanks.
  6. January 21st, 2014 I was up till the early hours of the morning... in pain... a brutal stomach cramp that wouldn't go away kept me up for hours. Mel was concerned and mentioned wishing she could switch with me to give me a break. I don't really know much about switching, possession yes, but switching, never much looked into it. I wasn't really for it since if I'd be in pain wouldn't that just be dumping it all on her? She still would be willing to. Time went on, pain still continuing, and I slowly started considering and accepting the idea. I then felt kindof weird. Like I was there, but n
  7. December 30th, 2013 Woke up today and decided to head to the bookstore to spend some money I got for Christmas. I figured It'd be a good opportunity to go out and spend some time together. Except I randomly started feeling really sick and had to walk to the closer supermarket to buy antacids on the spot. I guess egg nog was a bad choice for a drink in the morning (we don't buy alcoholic egg nog as far as I know). Came back home rather empty handed. Not much happened except I fell asleep at 5am the next morning. December 31st, 2013 New year's eve had fun start... I woke up at 5p
  8. Worries and doubts can be annoying and they do happen. I figured that maybe I would share just a little bit of symbolism that I've used to help ease my mind and get rid of worries. Again everyone's different so what works for me might not work for you and what works for you might not for me, but I hope this can help anyone some way or another, perhaps even motivate one to continue on. Mel and I are fans of the Wheel of time Books (by Robert Jordan). So this method kind of got some influence from the way the Aes Seda in the book (magicians) Channeled. The main character in particular. Any
  9. http://sta.sh/2y4m43mf7wt Another of her pony form http://fav.me/d6ooz1n
  10. December 21st-29th, 2013 Nothing goes on but horrid sleep patterns, plenty of passive forcing Reading Deadpool comics together, oh and recently some drawings. I took a canvas and started sketching out her human form a bit. Also for Christmas we exchanged presents. I know, I know, "What's the point? You can just visualize whatever you want at any other time." Well it's the thought that counts right? I got Mel a sweatshirt similar to one that Desomond Miles from Assassin's creed wears and She got me a hidden blade. She wears the sweatshirt often now when we're out.
  11. Got myself caught up on the progress report. I use to go and take walks with Mel over the summer when I actually had time to. Rather enjoyed it, walking is good for you. Helps clear your mind, get your blood flowing, and stay active. In my opinion it's also a great way to spend time with your tulpa. Either chatting with them in your head or imagine that they're walking right beside or around you (I believe this might be a method of passive forcing) Perhaps imagining their footsteps along with yours try to visualize them walking? I dunno. I actually gave Mel access to all my memories when
  12. I read through this progress report, I found it really great, until I got to the end (or at least where it was the end until you came back) That point I can not put into words how angry it made me reading that. I'm not really to judge because how I was raised and how you were raised are very different and perhaps if things in life were different for me I could have been in your position. I can respect that, but I still can't help but feel a deep anger and negativity just by reading this report or even just being on this page and it's unfortunate because you've got some experiences I could
  13. welp, I've been starting on the journal, With Word locking itself because of windows 8 (was not by choice) I've been keeping the journal on a sticky, I hope to get this sorted out soon. It's crazy how you'd take things like that for granted. So the posts might not be as frequent or as consistent, and may show up groups of days at a time. December 8-11th, 2013 Not much out of the orinary. Tried keeping a dream journal while my sleep schedual gets straightened out a bit. At least I can work on remebering my dreams and something might end up happening despite not having a steady slee
  14. Wow, still alive, just been busy/spacey, still somewhat keeping up with a journal a big long catch up entries incoming Had to start writing my journal on a sticky because windows 8 locked down my word for stupid reasons November 18th-21st, 2013 Hell if I can remember all that went on. Nothing really to note though, regular narration and attempts to force at night before going to sleep. Also of the times forcing we've been working on a human form for mel. She's started using the form more, but still occasionally flickers back to pony, says she still likes her tail especially now
  15. I was actually thinking about this recently, People brought up imposition is easier for some to do while really tired. I remembered that back in highschool 3 years ago I went roughly about 3 days without sleeping because of homework. I remember I ended up seeing shadows moving in ways I wasn't expecting. Weeeelllll shoot. How regularly is "regularly" would you say? Like how many hours of sleep on average would someone who is "regularly Sleep deprived" get? Back in highschool I was burning the candle at both ends falling asleep late and waking up at 5 am every morning.
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