Solitude

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  1. Her body (height and shape) has settled down and is more or less the same now. It's her face that keeps changing. But it is early days yet, I just started very recently.. I guess I will just have to remain patient.
  2. Hm, I can SEE the faces. I can visualize them, in pretty good detail, sometimes stunningly vivid and clear. But then her face changes again, into a different one. And again, and again, and again. So I don't think it's my visualizing skills? But for some reason I just can't visualize the same face twice, no matter how hard I try. The one time I really tried forcibly visualizing the same face was from a photo I had, I liked the face in the photo, it is pretty (hey, sue me). This was early, maybe day 2. But that face wouldn't take, at all, even if I visualized, looked at the photo, visualized again. Like a mental block. And I figured that had to be her fighting the visualization. So I stopped.
  3. Hi all, Just a question about my tulpa's face. I've been active forcing every day now, and while I'm getting much better at clearly visualizing my tulpa's body and anatomy, her face just keeps on changing. Like.. it's really, really hard to picture her face along with the rest of her body, all at once, and even when I specifically focus on her face, it seems it just keeps changing and changing, constantly. Different every time I force, and even during the forcing sessions it will change. No constants, either.. not the same shape or anything. To be clear, I don't mean to say that her face changes ALL the time, every second, even when I'm focusing on it. That isn't the case. It's more like... I can clearly see a particular face for her in my mind's eye when forcing, and for maybe a minute or two, it doesn't change at all. Gets a bit clearer and more vivid, if anything. I assume this is her projecting a face. Then, it abruptly changes into a new one. Stays that way for a minute or two, mostly very vividly, then promptly changes again. Etc. I also get flashes of these different faces from different angles, making different expressions, looking in different directions, etc. Just, in general, can't pin her down on the face. I HAVE tried forcing her to have a particular face, but that failed miserably. I just couldn't visualize it with any degree of lasting success, and it felt like she was fighting it, so I stopped. Now, I tried asking her about it - I THINK she is vocal, I've treated her as sentient from day 1 and now when I ask her things, or narrate, I get these quiet thoughts that float up almost instantly in response. She says that since I insisted on a basic personality at the start (I told her I really wanted her to have 5 "core" traits, which I outlined and explained to her), she wants to choose her own body and face. And she's undecided on it, still - mostly on the face she wants (her body isn't changing much now, seems like.) Does this sound... plausible? Thoughts? What about your tulpa's face, who decided on it and how long did it take to picture it clearly and relatively unchanged?
  4. Thank you for this part. I realized I was setting some expectations, unrealistic ones, and forgetting that tulpas have to mature and develop, be their own person, in effect. I'm going to force as much as possible but not EXPECT to get results... just let them happen naturally as our connection is strengthened and she develops more.
  5. I've been getting these while actively forcing, most often closed-eye forcing (either visualizing or trying to "hear" my tulpa's voice/thoughts.) They are painful and for me are located in the back left side of my head, past my left ear and slightly above the top of my left ear. It's like a mini locallized headache, a moderately sharp pain there that persists for a few minutes after I stop forcing. Then after that I just feel mentally foggy and moderately exhausted. If you look up "occipital lobe" and see where it's located in the brain, that is exactly where I am getting these mini headaches - albeit on the left side of it, mostly. The occipital lobe is responsible for visual processing, so this would make a lot of sense when visualizing during active forcing. EDIT: well, shortly after reading the thread and posting my response, I got several pulses of pain in the area I described above.. seemingly out of nowhere. I asked my tulpa if she had done it, and she responded with a mischievous grin (in my minds eye) and a "yep!" I then told her to stop and they stopped... then like 30 sec later I told her to do it again and they started up again until I told her to stop a second time. Gave her encouragement, that was a first and I'm proud of her.. she's making progress!
  6. Dang... Just my two cents but I think it must go beyond "not having time" to force. I think your tulpa must feel very ignored and isolated, and it might have relied a lot on your visualization of it previously to keep its form up. So when you ignored it and stopped forcing it, it regressed.. seen in physical attributes and in behavior. 4 months is quite a while, so not really surprised. IMO you're going to have to handle this very carefully. Visit and apologize sincerely, reaffirm your relationship and its importance. Offer an olive branch. I think if it kicks you out again, just concentrate on it and talk to it anyway, even if it's not in front of you in the wonderland. It'll hear you still. Then just leave it alone for a bit.
  7. So just an update if anyone is interested.. Had a short active forcing session this morning and my visualization of her was a lot more stable and clear than it was before.. same basic body type, mostly the same clothes, face and hair still prone to deviations and being hard to visualize (but oddly same color hair!) I asked her about it and she seemed to say it was both her and me.. her because she still hasn't quite decided what she wants her face/hair to look like and it's me because my visualization skills "suck" (how she phrased it... heh can't disagree.) I'll just have to keep working on it.
  8. Not out loud, in my mind though -- yes, I think so. It is a mind voice. I may just be parroting, but I don't think about the answers I hear beforehand, so I'm really not sure...
  9. I have a similar question on sentience and visualization. I know it's early days yet, only 2 days in, but I can't seem to nail down my tulpa's form.. I have an idea of what I'd like her to look like and I'm doing active forcing sessions, closing my eyes and focusing on my breathing for a minute or two and then trying to visualize my wonderland and her. The problem seems to be that I can't get her to stick to the form I've had in mind, or any one form, really. I have a difficult time visualizing her correctly as a human female standing in front of me, and the face is the hardest, I can't seem to "see" it or create it at all on purpose when I'm trying. The closest I've come is to "see" several vivid flashes of different looking female faces from different angles, occasional flashes of a body as well from different angles. So is this just her "trying on" different forms or is it that I lack sufficient visualization/concentration skill? I know it takes time and everyone develops their tulpas in their own way, but the failure to visualize her form concretely and accurately during my active forcing sessions, and the.. very familiar mind conversations has me worried I'm not doing something correctly.. EDIT: After making the post, I went back to watching a TV series.. when I paused it to go to the bathroom, I heard her say "I hope you're happy" outta nowhere in the back of my mind and I asked "why", she followed it up with "because you're ignoring me..." (it was true, I wasn't visualizing her on purpose and just concentrating on the show) and that sparked off a conversation on the visualization problem I outlined above. Long story short I told her it'd be helpful if she could stick to one form temporarily, to help me visualize her consistently, told her to think it over tonight while I'm sleeping and that we'd pick up again tomorrow. I'm hopeful. I would still like opinions/suggestions though.